Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Heaven....I'm in Heaven...well, sorta.....

No, not literally, although some people may be thinking that since I haven't updated this blog in awhile. I'm in heaven because the babies are sleeping longer stretches at night and I feel like a new woman!! Sometimes they've surprised us by eating at 8:00 pm, going to bed and not waking for a feeding until 6:00 am...and then last night, Landon actually went a full 12 hours....NO JOKE!!! At only 3 months...who'da thought??? I always heard from other moms how they're children slept 10-12 hours at night at the early age of 3 months and I used to feel an outrage of jealousy...but now I've experienced it and it is pure nirvana, I tell ya!! And I don't think we've really done anything different...the power feedings didn't work for us, the dream feedings didn't work for us, increasing their formula intake during the day didn't work for us. What seems to be making the difference is their increase in body weight perhaps and/or cutting the 3rd nap of the day short, making them incredibly tired by the time bedtime comes around that maybe they just don't wanna wake up in the middle of the night to eat anymore. Landon is able to go longer stretches than Garrett...we had been waking Landon at 5:00 am to eat when Garrett was waking up but the last couple of times, he seemed really tired and only ate 2 ounces of formula (puking most of it back up). I told Tim "I'm not waking him up to eat anymore...what a total waste of my time". So this morning we let him sleep, instead of waking him when Garrett woke up at 6:00 am and to our shock and amazement, the little guy continued to sleep right up until 7:45 am....the last time he ate was the night before at 7:45 pm....talk about 12 hours to the minute!!!

So the "sorta" part of being in heaven, is now that the babies are doing great with their sleeping at night, guess who isn't???? Yes, Bella....Queen of the Barbie Princesses. She wakes up every night and comes into to our room and wants to sleep in our bed. And yeah, I'm a horrible mother, I've been letting her stay instead of walking her back to her room. I just don't wanna deal with the crying and such. Last night, she took 3 hours to get back to sleep....I finally raised my voice to her and threatened her with going back to her room if she didn't go to sleep. Fine with her...she grabbed her blankets, gave me the evil eye and left the room. 5 minutes later, I hear her saying "Cole, wake up"....wonderful, now I have TWO children awake at 5:45 am and it's not the ones who I thought would be awake!!! I just decided to ignore them and figured they'd go back to sleep at one point, which they did. But this morning, Cole complained that his "body" hurt and I just thought maybe he had to poop....but after going to school for just a couple hours we got a call that he wasn't feeling good and had a 103 fever. As soon as he came home, he made a miraculous recovery....isn't that amazing??? Tim left Bella at school, which I know we'll hear an earful from her when he picks her up. She'll never let us live this one down..."you picked Cole up and forgot about me", as tears well up in her eyes and her little bottom lip quivers...and I'll either pretend to play the violin for her (only further adding to her frustration that she is not being heard, causing her to whine only louder) or I could go as far as to hand her a home-made award for "Best Drama Queen Rendition...Barbie Would Be So Proud". Not that I don't take Bella's feelings seriously because I do....it's just that she has become such a huge drama queen lately, feigning illness often and telling me "you have to call the doctor" as she lays her little hand over her forehead as if she's about to pass out. Yes, she actually likes going to the doctor and the only reason I can think of is because it's the one place she gets all the attention focused on her. I'm raising a little hypochondriac apparently.

So life continues to be very busy for us but it keeps the days going by fast...the boys just turned 3 months on the 10th. I can hardly believe they're 3 months old...Tim and I totally see differently on this issue. Yesterday I said "can you believe the boys are ALREADY 3 months old...it went by so fast" and he looked at me very seriously and said "are you kidding me? It feels like it's taken forever just to get to this point". MEN....they certainly are not equipped to deal with babies they we women are. Tim can easily let the babies cry and not let it bother him...he can sit at the table and continue to eat his dinner while they cry. I, on the other hand, cannot. It's not so much that the crying starts to work my last nerve (because it really does...like nails on a chalkboard after just 10 seconds of it) but I don't like the thought they are crying for something and they're being ignored. Yes, it goes back to the same way I felt when Cole and Bella were babies...that they'll feel abandoned and neglected and they'll never come visit me at Christmas time when I'm an old fart. They'll tell their wives, who are wonderful mothers, "my mother was horrible...she'd just let us cry for hours and hours".

Anyway, getting back to today and Cole being home from school, the ironic thing about it is that it's been very easy today. He came home while I was feeding the babies and he sat at the kitchen table by himself and ate his lunch. Then he came into the family room and played with his trains and cars, by himself, until I was done with the babies. Then when I laid them on the floor on their Gymini playmat, he came over and played with us. At 1:00 pm, it was naptime for the babies so I told Cole it was also naptime for him. He grabbed his blankets and headed off to bed....huh???? Why is it so much harder when I have all 4 kids home with me??? Oh yeah, Bella.....whoever said it was harder to raise boys??? I'm finding it's much more difficult raising a girl...well, challenging is probably a better word to describe it. At the tender age of 2....yes, 2 years old....she knows EVERYTHING and she has no problem letting us know that. She is very sweet at times, bless her little heart but there are times when I just look at her and think "I don't even wanna know you when you're 13 years old". She wants to pick her own clothes out, right down to the socks she wears....we've had some pretty big battles in the morning with her over this. Most of the time, I just cave and let her wear what she wants, even if nothing matches because it's not worth the fight in my opinion. She also insists on wearing her Barbie dress-up shoes everywhere....she must have a million Barbie and Disney princess dress-up shoes (the plastic ones that have high heels on them and all kinds of sparkles and such). And the darn thing is that everywhere we go people will look at her and say "oh what a pretty princess you are" and she looks at me with gleam in her eye or maybe it's "ha ha ha, I won" that I see in her eyes...either way, it's not a battle I'm willing to fight every day. I'm just happy if I can convince Cole and Bella to brush their teeth twice a day by telling them they're teeth will fall out and God forbid they won't be able to eat those crappy gummy bites they love so much. Well, their teeth will probably fall out anyway just from eating those things....so much for always saying "I'll never feed my kids that kind of crap"....if I had a dime for everytime I said that before I had kids, I'd be rich right now....although we are finally getting a "Whole Foods" here in town so we may be on the right track to cutting out some really bad eating habits...yeah!!

Things with Tim and I are going well, for the most part. I was watching Oprah the other day and there was a couple on there who reportedly suffered really bad marital strife due to the wife's lack of interest in sex. She was just too tired after taking care of their 2 kids all day....hmmmmm, yeah that sounds familiar. So she decided to have sex with her husband every single day for a week and now she says they have an incredible sex life and they're so much happier. I told Tim about this and he said "I could handle that". I dunno....I have 2 babies who hang on me all day long, I have the smell of spit-up and poop permanently encrusted in my nose, and I have 2 toddlers who leave me hoarse by the end of the day on most occasions....do I really think I can muster up the energy to have sex with my husband every day for 7 days???? I could give it a try...hey, maybe it WILL actually work and make us both happier people but it just seems like a lot of work. Wouldn't taking an anti-depressant do the same thing without me even having to take off my clothes???

Okay, on that note....I have about 5 baskets of laundry to fold and put away...and the sad thing is I'll have 5 more loads to do again tomorrow which is odd to me because both Cole and Bella insist on wearing the same things almost every day. How is that I have so much freakin laundry????

Monday, May 14, 2007

Have I dropped off the face of the earth yet?

May...geez, I don't know and I can't even begin to guess at what today's date is....I know it's Monday....I think....

I wanted to post these beautiful pics that Bonnie took a few weeks ago....the boys were only 5 weeks old....I had forgotten how small they were!!! The pics came out gorgeous and I'm so proud of them...I'm gonna use a few of them for our birth announcents. Yeah, I suck...have YET to get out birth announcements for my 9 WEEK OLD sons but I've been busy (can I use that excuse or is it null and void after you've used it too often??) And last time I checked there isn't an "overdue" date for when you can send a birth announcement out, although at the rate I'm going I'll probably get their high school graduation announcements out before their birth announcements. Won't the world be shocked?! Anyway, I hope the pics show up here b/c I'm posting them directly from Bonnie's photobucket account...if they don't post, I'll have to re-post them tomorrow.

Garrett....






Landon....















It's amazing how much the little dudes have changed in just these last few weeks since those pics were taken. Landon is so much chunkier now....I sit there and pinch his cheeks constantly and now when I squeeze his thighs, I can actually see cellulite (the one time in your life when cellulite is acceptable and actually adorable is when you are a baby!)....OMG, he's just too cute for words. I think I caught a glimpse of a smile today when I was changing his diaper, although it could've just been pure relief from having a horribly disgusting poopy diaper removed. But when I was changing him I saw him look directly at my face so I smiled at him and I swore he smiled back...sorta....well, it was more like an Elvis Presley kinda smile where half his lip was turned up so I'll consider it a smile in my book, just to make myself feel better. Garrett is still in his own little world, although he is starting to focus more on looking at me when I talk to him. Even Garrett is starting to get a little pudge on him....he's my little fragile guy, even though he has lungs on him that when he cries he could wake people up in another country. My sister thinks he's an "angel baby" because he never cries around her so the other day when he went into one of his crying fits, I called her up and as soon as she said "hello" I put the receiver to his mouth so she could hear "angel baby" scream at the top of his lungs...he literally says "waaa-waaa" when he cries like when you imitate a baby crying. She was shocked and said "what's wrong with him" and I said "oh, nothing...absolutely nothing....he's just crying for the sake of crying and I wanted you to hear it firsthand...your precious little angel baby is crying....". I still think she thinks I must have pricked him with a pin or something to get him to cry like that...she just doesn't believe that "angel baby" would ever cry like that.

How was my Mother's Day? Well, I don't even wanna go there....it was ugly....but it ended on a good note with Tim and I having a lovely conversation that very much needed to happen. We had gotten into a huge fight and we both said some things that were cruel and uncalled for and I ended up telling him that I was packing my bags and leaving...and I would have had I not decided to call Bonnie and ruin her Mother's Day with my crying about how evil my husband is. Then Tim ended up coming upstairs (I had locked myself in the bedroom) and he wanted to talk things out and I told him I needed some more time...I was too angry. Within a couple hours, we had made up and talked and we went to my mom's house to celebrate Mother's day. The babies got held by everyone there. And Cole and Bella were also the center of attention so Tim and I were able to relax and enjoy the day, for the most part. Until evening time came and we realized that none of the kids had gotten a good nap and 7:00 pm rolled around and all hell broke loose....ever wonder what it sounds like when 4 kids cry at the same exact time for absolutely no reason, other than they are so stinkin tired they can't see straight???? All my mom could do was look at me and shake her head....I think that's the first time my mom ever felt sorry for me. And then my stepdad offered to take all 4 kids for us overnight next weekend....my mom's eyes practically popped out of her head. It won't happen....but it was nice of him to offer.

So now another long, busy week is ahead of me....the boys have a doctor's appt tomorrow and they need their shots, I have to have b/w done for my thyroid and I have 2 scrips to fill....all the while, being stopped by strangers asking questions like "twins??", "are they 2 boys or 2 girls?", "how much did they weigh when they were born?", "what are their names?"......and I won't mention the fact that they are our 2nd set of twins b/c the questions get even wierder at that point...."were you trying for twins again?" (huh???? how do you try for twins??), "that's rare, isn't it?" (yeah, thanks for making me feel like a total freak of nature), "did you need help?" (now I'm assuming they must mean did I need medical help but I would love to answer this question saying "um, yeah...my husband might have helped a little here and there for about 5 minutes")....and the one question that EVERYONE asks "how do you do it?".....honestly, I have no idea how I do it.....I live, eat and breathe 2 sets of twins and I don't know how I do it....but I can tell you this, I wouldn't want my life to be any other way....

(Jen, I could not stop laughing at your comment in my last entry about Tim brushing my hair for 2 hours....no one can replace you, my darling!!! If I even look at Tim with a hairbrush in my hand, he takes off running....)

Friday, May 4, 2007

Well, that was easy....

Tonight, as I was getting the kids ready for bed, Cole came up to me and said "Mommy, I have to go pee in the potty". So I got him into the bathroom and I was about to put the potty training seat on the toilet and he said "no, I have to sit on the potty"...okay.....so I go to put him on the toilet frontwards and he says "no, backwards". I had to laugh at this point...here's this 2 yr old who isn't potty trained telling ME how he wanted to go pee. Much to my amazement, as soon as I sat him backwards on the potty, he held his little pee-pee down to aim into the toilet and he peed!!!!! All by himself!!!!! Bella was standing there with me and she was screaming with excitement and so was I....I think I might have even gotten a little teary-eyed. I couldn't believe it...the only thing I can think is that he must be watching some of the other kids at school who are potty trained. So we continued to make a huge deal out of this and we celebrated with candy....Cole promised to pee in the potty again tomorrow!!! I'm just so excited and I pray this is the beginning of the end of diapers for him....Tim and I added up how much we're spending on diapers per month between the 4 kids....it would make you sick!!! Is it sad that the first thing I thought of was how much money we'll save when Cole and Bella are out of diapers, rather than how exciting it is that my two oldest children are growing up and able to use the potty????

So I started the babies on that probiotic powder that Michele recommended and so far, so good...I called our pedi to get his opinion on it and he said he supports the use of probiotics and that he's seen it make a difference in some of his patients. Now the soy formula has done wonders for both little guys, although Landon still spits-up and Garrett still suffers from some gas but not as bad as it was before when not eating soy....so I added in the mix of the probiotic, based on what Michele said, to help with the rest of the digestion issues. The first day they were on it, no gas at all!!! I couldn't believe how well they both slept...so peacefully and they seemed much happier. They even went a whole 5 hours between feedings last night....yeah!!! I increased their formula intake by 1/2 an ounce so I think that combined with the probiotic definitely made a difference in getting them to stay asleep longer. What really sucked though was that at 3:00 am, when the babies normally would be waking up for their feeding, Cole woke up screaming because at some point Bella left their room and came into bed with me and she must have shut their bedroom door. He woke up, it was completely dark in their room and he freaked out. It took him a few minutes to settle down and then I went back to bed....an hour later, Garrett was up crying for a bottle.

I have a few minutes to post pictures so here goes.....ugh...for some reason, it's not letting me post pictures so I'll have to figure it out tomorrow when I have more time. Right now, I have to make enough bottles to get us through until the morning and then I have to get to bed.....

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

The latest....

Amidst all the illness, we are prevailing!! I think the colds that all 4 kids had is on its way out along with the nasty pinkeye. The boys still have thrush but we're treating that daily and it's starting to look better and I can tell they feel better as well. Although we had a relapse for a couple days....we were about to run out of the medicine and so I called the 24-hour pharmacy refill number, thinking the medicine would be ready in...um, 24 hours as it says and as it says on the prescription bottle....so come Sunday afternoon, the medicine still isn't ready and so the boys went Sunday evening without medication. Come Monday morning, their little tongues were coated with that white crap again...ugh!! Monday morning I call the pharmacy and it's STILL not ready. So I decide to go in to the pharmacy in person and bitch someone out and the pharmacy tech says to me "oh, we don't process orders on the weekend"....so I practically screamed in her face "well, you might wanna mention that on your 24-HOUR RECORDER"!!!! Not her fault, I realize that but someone had to get the brunt of my anger....try treating your twin newborns for thrush and have it practically gone and then it comes back in less than 24 hours because they don't process freakin orders on the weekend!!!! She did sympathize with me, although a better way for her to show her sympathy would have been to offer to babysit all 4 kids for me for a few hours so I could get a nap but no such luck. She filled the order for me in 20 minutes while I chased Cole and Bella around the pharmacy, trying to get them to act civilized, while other people stared at me and some even daring to ask "oh, are they twins?"....as if I want to have a conversation with people about them being twins while they're running around the pharmacy out of control. And one woman even referred to Cole and Bella as "the most gorgeous children she had ever seen", particularly because of their white-blonde hair and blue eyes. I almost asked her if she wanted to take them home with her.....I was just not feeling the "Supermom" vibe that day I think....

In the midst of all this, somehow Tim and I managed to catch laryngitis....you'd think it was from yelling at the kids but I actually have been able to maintain some kind of patience with all the kids. Tim's voice is back but mine still doesn't exist....Tim's loving life. Cole asked me where my voice went and I told him that Bella took it and he said to Bella "give Mommy back her voice"....I forget that 2 yr olds have NO sense of humor.

I have tons of pictures to post but not sure I have the time right now, as I'm about 15 minutes away from feeding the boys, but I will definitely post some either tonight or tomorrow. They have grown so much, it's incredible. They don't look like the tiny 3 lb and 5 lb babies that they were almost 8 weeks ago. And somehow, miraculously without even trying, we've developed a nice little routine during the day....so they eat every 4 hours and then stay awake for a little while after that while I dance around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to entertain them (how does one entertain 2 newborns????) and then when they start showing signs of being tired (or maybe they're completely bored or just plain sick of my entertainment), I swaddle them up and put them in their swings and they're usually asleep within 10 minutes. They take 3 naps a day..the morning nap is usually about 2 hours, the midafternoon nap is usually 3 hours and then the late afternoon nap is about 2 hours. It's perfect and they hardly fuss anymore during the day....they are GREAT sleepers. My friend Tori told me that her kids are GREAT sleepers and I just could never get what she meant by that....now I can!!!! Cole and Bella were horrible nappers when they were this age.

As for the evening routine, well, we're trying to get a handle on that. My friend, Michele, who could make millions of dollars writing a book sharing all her wonderful tips, has given me advice on how to develop a routine as well as my friend Sandra, who had her baby sleeping through the night (12 hours!!!) at the tender age of 9 weeks, thanks to Michele!!! I realize Garrett and Landon won't quite make it 12 hours at 9 weeks because they were preemies and still have a way to go until they can do that but I'm aiming for a good 5-6 hour stretch at night. And I've noticed in the last week or two that the boys are more fussy in the evening. We've been keeping them downstairs with us after their 7:00 pm feeding, with the lights on, the tv on and the dishwasher running. And when Tim and I are liking each other, we'll talk....but on most nights, we're rather annoyed with one another (and that's putting it lightly) so we just watch tv without talking. So I was starting to think all this noise was overstimulating them and not allowing them to have that wind-down time they need to fall asleep. So I shot off an e-mail to Michele....sort of like a Multiples Mom SOS (Michele has triplets and a singleton!!!!) and she shared more tips with me and told me what NOT to do anymore at this point. Last night, Tim hadn't had a chance to put up the video monitors yet so I didn't want to put the boys in their room yet so I kept them downstairs after their feeding but I turned off all the lights, with the exception of a nightlight in the kitchen, turned off the tv and didn't run the dishwasher. I put them to sleep in their swings, with some very soft lullaby music playing, and OMG...they were asleep in 15 minutes with very little fussing. And when they did fuss, instead of picking them up and trying to rock them, I just went over to them and said "ssshhhh" a few times and rubbed their little foreheads and it was just enough to get them on their way to visit Mr Sandman. At 8:30, the house was completely quiet!!!!!! But then Bella decided she didn't want to sleep....oh well, can't win them all in one evening I suppose. Tonight, the boys will go down in their room since Tim was able to get the cameras up late last night. The other problem we have is that we bring them upstairs in the middle of the night for the rest of the night and then Cole and Bella wake up early and come into our room and that wakes the boys up. So they really need to be in their own room so we'll see how that goes tonight....

Goodness, in the time it took me to type all that, I could've posted pics but now it's feeding time and the boys are starting to stir...funny how their little tummies know it's time to eat. The soy formula has done wonders for them...hardly any more gas!!!! But when they do pass gas or poop, it smells like death....Tim says it smells like a weapon of mass destruction has just gone off in the house. I don't even want to begin to describe what our diaper champs smell like when Tim empties them, between all 4 kids' poopy diapers. It's almost as if we need to leave the house and let it air out for 24 hours. We have GOT to get Cole and Bella potty trained ASAP.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Drowning in a sea of green snot....

Well, it finally happened...I knew it would. Cole and Bella both caught colds and passed it on to Garrett and Landon. I'm so sad that my babies are just barely 6 weeks and already have their first cold. I prided myself on the fact that Cole and Bella didn't have their first cold until around 13 months. So I've been sucking noses with the nasal aspirator left and right and if I never see another booger or stream of green snot I'll die a happy woman. And what really sucks about the babies being sick is that they can't have any medicine to relieve their symptoms...we can't even use those wonderful vapor plug-ins that we use with Cole and Bella. Our only options are saline spray and the humidifier....hopefully everyone will be back to health soon (just soon enough for Tim and I to get sick....)

Our pedi appt the other day went well. Landon is 8lbs,6oz and 20.5 inches long. Garrett is 7 lbs and 19 3/4 inches long. Both growing like weeds! Landon is finally on the charts, in the 5th percentile for weight, while Garrett is barely on the chart but the pedi said no concerns since he's gaining weight appropriately. Dr C measured Garrett's hemangiomas and noted that they have grown considerably since he saw him last. He measured them again and noted it in the file and said he wants us to continue to measure it every 2 weeks and he may have to make a referral to dermatology at some point. I still think it's so strange how 2 of my kids have hemangiomas....I mean, it's supposed to only happen to 1 in every 50 children. How did it happen to 2 of mine? It's really not such a bad thing in typical cases but the only experience I have with hemangiomas is what we went through with Bella, which was traumatizing for both her and us.

The boys seem to be doing well on the soy formula, although it stinks horribly and I'm sure it doesn't taste great but they eat it. What do they have to compare it to, other than breast milk? Landon eats between 3-4 ounces every 4 hours and Garrett eats 3 - 3.5 ounces per feeding. At night, they are sometimes able to go more than 4 hours between feedings. Hopefully it won't be long until they're going 5-6 hours and then even longer....I keep reminding Tim that this period is only temporary. Soon they'll be going to bed at 6:30 pm for 12 hours straight and we'll be able to relax in the evenings and sleep through the night again. I'm trying really hard to focus on the positives of the newborn stage and enjoy it as much as I can because I know all too well how quickly it passes.

Landon has now graduated to the Size 1 diapers, while Garrett is still in the newborn size. Bella barely fits in the Size 6 diapers so some of the time I just put a pull-up on her b/c they fit better. I have to laugh....I have 4 kids in 4 different size diapers. The whole potty training thing is still slow going....most of the time I'm just too tired to deal with it. Cole and Bella have been asking to sit on the potty but then they just unravel the toilet paper and flush it down the toilet....I won't even mention how many times I've had to unclog the toilet in the last couple of days. Their favorite activity is to poop in their diapers and tell me about it immediately (so the poop doesn't get smushed) and then they like to empty the poop out of their diapers into the toilet...there's a whole ceremony involved. First, they poop and come running to me to let me know, then they insist on taking their diapers off. They each have to examine their poop to note the color and how big it is (they also like to comment on how stinky the other's poop is compared to their own)...then they march into the bathroom and proceed to dump their poop into the toilet, wave goodbye to it and flush the toilet, along with a whole roll of toilet paper. Oh, to be 2 years old again and find such joy in this kind of activity....makes my life seem so complicated.....

So today I was feeling a little burnt out after feeding the babies and having to suck snot out of their noses every 5 minutes so they could try to eat...Landon puked 3 times (and we're not talking a little spit-up...we're talking huge projectile puking where it comes out the nose as well as the mouth). After a couple hours, I said to Tim "I'm going to the store"....and I left. I had to go to Payless Shoes and get Bella a new pair of shoes anyway and I figured I'd hit Target and the grocery store as well. The whole drive over there, I felt so guilty, knowing I didn't plan on coming back to help Tim with the 3:00 pm feeding. Then I walked into Target and instantly had that "the world is my oyster" kinda feeling as I stood at the entrance, realizing I had NO children with me, NO diaper bag on my shoulder, NO double stroller to push....I was on my own....I walked slowly up and down every aisle, taking the time to actually look at prices before I placed stuff in my cart. Usually I'm in such a hurry to get all the stuff we need and get the hell out of the store that when I get to the register and the checker says "your total is $245.00", I'm stunned that I've bought THAT much stuff. And most of the stuff isn't even stuff I put in the cart...Cole and Bella apparently have developed a knack for grabbing anything their little hands can hold and throwing it into the cart. And I'm too busy keeping them away from all the candy, gum and toys that sit at the checkout counter to notice what's being scanned.

So anyway, I strolled aimlessly around the store and what's most funny about this is that I ended up buying tons of stuff for the kids....some new clothes, diapers, wipes, bottles, formula....I can't remember the last time I bought something for me and only me, except for a blowdryer because the one I had for the last 2 years finally died on me (I found this out when Bella wanted me to dry her hair after a bath one night). The biggest joke about that was I don't even have time to dry my hair these days BUT on the occasion that I actually DO have time, I want to be prepared with a blowdryer that works. Yes, I dry my children's hair but I don't make time to dry my own....who cares if I look like crap as long as my children look clean and well groomed....

I don't know even know where I was going with this post, honestly.....it's 9:30 at night and I really should be in bed, getting some much needed sleep before the babies' next feeding....yeah, that sounds good.....

Thursday, April 19, 2007

I've discovered the best diet secret in the world....

.....and it is, have four children, 2 and under....seriously, I'm dropping pounds left and right without any effort at all. I'm eating horribly...a cookie here, a tablespoon of peanut butter there...anything that is quick and easy and can take away the hunger pains for a little while until I can get someone fed, someone diapered, someone dressed or whatever needs to be done at that time. I was finally able to start wearing my pre-pregnancy clothes just this week...yeah!!! And the best thing about it was I haven't made any effort to lose weight...the weather has been yucky so I can't take the babies on walks and eating healthy...well, that just takes too much effort to think about right now so I'm settling for whatever I can reach and grab, eat and swallow within 5-6 bites.

How are things going? Do you REALLY wanna know? Well, I will say that things are a little easier with Garrett and Landon in the sense that we know what we're doing this time around....we're careful not to make the same mistakes we did with Cole and Bella. Sometimes it works, sometimes not but we're not stressing about it. And I think that Garrett and Landon are a lot more relaxed as babies than Cole and Bella were because we're not stressing over every little thing. I actually laugh out loud to myself when I realize that the babies are almost 6 weeks old and we haven't gotten off track with our schedule ONCE...not one time!!!! They still eat every 4 hours and at night, we've been so desperate for sleep that I've stopped setting my alarm to wake them up every 4 hours. At 3:00 am, if they're still asleep, I lay back down and try to catch some more zzzzz's. They usually wake up here and there throughout that time but we're able to get them back to sleep and it doesn't seem to be hunger that wakes them up. We were killing ourselves making sure they were eating every 4 hours at night but we kinda started realizing that the babies were too tired to eat and it was so frustrating....so one night we waited for them to wake up on their own (Landon woke up first and we woke up Garrett) and the feeding went perfectly! They were both hungry and excited to eat....such a far cry for how things had been. During the day I do wake them up every 4 hours no matter what and they eat at the same time....it's working out well so far.

We have a dr's appt tomorrow so I'm anxious to see how much the boys weigh...I can tell Landon is gaining weight, as he feels very heavy to me. He has such pudgy cheeks now. Garrett still feels light as a feather so hopefully he's gaining weight. His hemangiomas are growing and getting puffier, which makes me very nervous, but so far they aren't bleeding and they don't seem to be bothering him so we'll just continue to keep an eye on them for now.

As for Cole and Bella, well, things with them aren't going so smoothly. Their behavior is getting more and more negative....I've been trying my best to let the little things go and spend more quality time with them. Fortunately, though, they are very kind to the babies but they forget they need to be gentle. Bella will give the babies a hug and squeeze their little heads and I have to remind her to be very careful. She loves to help and I had her help me change their diapers the other day....she took one look at their tiny boy parts and said "ooooh, they have pirates too" (she calls "privates" by the word "pirates").

However, I am clearly drowning here....still trying to figure out how to juggle all 4 kids. I don't know how other moms do it. On Monday, I was with the kids at my mom and stepdad's house but I was still feeling very overwhelmed with all 4 kids and that was WITH help!! Tim had a soccer game that night so our babysitter came over for a few hours to help and I was still overwhelmed....as she left she said she was exhausted!!! And just as I shut the door behind her and started to breathe a sigh of relief to finally have some peace and quiet, Cole and Bella started crying "Mommy, Mommy" and it lasted for 2 hours....I kept running up and down the stairs between them and the babies....and finally I told Cole and Bella they HAD to go to sleep and I was not coming back up the stairs unless one of them was dying...they continued to cry and scream bloody murder. I had forgotten the window was open in the loft and someone knocked on our door, yes...at 9:15 at night...and I was sure it was one of my neighbors coming by to make sure I hadn't passed out and left my kids unattended or to make sure I hadn't locked myself in the van in the garage with the engine running after hearing all this crying/screaming coming from our house for 2 whole hours. I didn't answer the door, more out of embarrassment than anything else....

The only thing that got me through that evening was knowing Cole and Bella had preschool the next day....but when Bella woke up, her right eye was all red and puffy and crusty....PINK EYE!!! Is this God's idea of a cruel joke??? Clearly, she couldn't go to school. We had eye drops left over from the last time she had pinkeye and Tim said "let's just send her to school and tell them that she's been treated for 24 hours already" and I said "While I would love to do that, we'd be upset if another parent did that with their child and then our child caught pinkeye so she probably better stay home". And of course Cole didn't want to go to school if Bella wasn't going....when we told him Bella had to stay home because she had pinkeye, he said "well, my eyes are blue".....I think that was the only time I laughed that day. Oh and then he told me that my eyes were black and when I said "no, they're brown", he said "the color of poop"....lovely. He couldn't think of anythign else that was brown in color other than poop....

By 9:00 am, I was ready to kill someone or throw myself into oncoming traffic...Cole and Bella were fighting with each other, the babies were crying....then my sister called "just to say hi" and I told her after the night I had had the night before with the kids and the day that lay ahead at that point, I was ready to go sit in my van in the garage with the engine running....she said "oh, no...don't do that" so I assured her that I was only kidding...I wouldn't really do that...although it did sound like an excellent way to avoid all the chaos....maybe I could just slice my finger "accidentally" with a knife and get to spend the day in the ER....that might sound hellish to some people but it sounded like a VACATION to me! Obviously she sensed the desperation in my voice and said "I can come over and help for a little while".....I practically climbed through the phone to hug her. She left right as they were eating lunch and for some reason the rest of the day went pretty smoothly....it probably had more to do with my attitude than anything else. Things probably weren't that bad to begin with but I had no patience left in me.

Well, as much as I could go on and on writing more, another 4 hours has passed and it's time for the babies to eat....

Friday, April 13, 2007

Identical or fraternal?? That is the question.....

Well, we finally know...and the funny thing is that Tim and I haven't been that concerned about it but other people are always asking us if the boys are identical or fraternal and when we say "we don't know", they look at us as if we're stupid or something. I mean, I think people actually expect us to know something like that, as if I have a way to see inside my body to know if it was one egg that split or two separate eggs. Fortunately, my OB who delivered the boys sent the placenta up to the lab for tests and I finally remembered to call the neonatologist at the hospital to ask him if they had the results yet. He called me back yesterday and said the tests showed that the boys are fraternal (90% chance when compared to them being identical). I was starting to suspect that they were fraternal because even though they look very much alike, they're coloring is different...Garrett has Tim's coloring, he's got reddish-blonde hair and pale skin while Landon has my coloring, olive skin with dark hair. Although I still get them confused from time to time...last night, I went to bed early to catch up on some zzzz's, only to be interrupted by Tim at 10:00 pm desperate to be rescued from two screaming, unhappy babies. I grabbed one baby and sat in the rocking chair and for a good 10 minutes, I thought I was holding Garrett but then I noticed his outfit and wondered when I had dressed him in that sleeper and that's when I realized it was Landon. I just assumed I had Garrett because he's our fussy twin...Landon is usually very laid-back and happy as a lark. This is horrible but we've started calling Garrett "Dr Evil" and Landon "Austin Powers"....that is the best way to describe them.

Okay, so here's how the formula merry-go-round ride is going....after another horrible night of fussing and gas (the babies, not me and Tim), Tim and I decided to just go for the switch and move them onto soy formula. So far, so good....it smells putrid and the boys are not wild about the taste but they do seem much calmer after having 3 soy formula feedings so far. Still have some gas but it's not as bad as it was the last few weeks. Dare I hope that we have solved the problem....I suppose it's too early to tell. My next move is switching bottles...so far, we've gone from the volume feeders in the NICU to Avent bottles to Playtex nurser bottles. My next move will be the Dr Brown's bottles. I remember feeling such relief when we finally found the perfect formula/bottle combination for Cole and Bella...it took weeks but I was so thrilled when it all finally clicked! So I have to keep reminding myself that is only temporary and there is light at the end of the tunnel....we will find something that works. In the meantime, I'm continuing to pump but I'm slowly cutting out pumping sessions to dry up my milk....I just can't keep up with it anymore and I feel bad about spending so much time doing it when I could be spending that time with the boys or with Cole and Bella. The odd thing is I'm actually getting more milk now...go figure....but then again my body has always gone against the norm. They say the more empty your boobs are, the more milk you'll make....but not me....no...the more full my boobs are, the milk I make. In the last 24 hours I managed to only pump 4 times and I got 12 ounces of milk. So I'm just freezing it for now until we get the formula issue worked out and then I'll introduce the breast milk back in to their diet and see how that goes....

Onto Cole and Bella....as I type, they're supposed to be in bed but Tim and I can hear and see them on the video monitor having a conversation.

Bella: Cole....hey Cole....are you awake?
Cole: Yeah, are you awake?
Bella: Yeah
Cole: Wanna play with the babies?
Bella: Landon and Garrett?
Cole: No, the baby dolls
Bella: Yeah
Cole: (gets out of bed and goes over to the toy box)
Bella: You better get back in bed....
Cole: No...
Bella: Cole, get back in bed....

This is the point where Tim walked into the room and told them both to get back in bed....then Tim leaves the room...the conversation continues....

Cole: Hey Nutty (this is a nickname we have for Bella, as embarrassed as I am to admit it...it's short for her other nickname "Peanut")
Bella: Yeah....
Cole: Do you got your baby?
Bella: Yeah...hey Cole, I pooped....
Cole: You pooped?
Bella: Yeah....

Tim hears this on the monitor and goes back up to the room to change her....he can't seem to find Cole though, even though we can hear his voice. He's hiding under Bella's bed...

Cole: Hey Daddy, I peed....
Tim: Okay, I'll change you and then you're both going to sleep...
Cole: Okay
Tim: It's bedtime and both of you need to go to sleep...I'll stay here for 5 minutes and then you both need to be asleep...


They both proceed to stall..."where's my blanket?", "where's my baby doll?", "I need water", "it's too dark in here", "where's the flashlight?", "what's wrong with Cole's eyes?"......and the whole time I can hear Tim saying "shhhh, shhhh".....now, Cole is telling Tim that he can't see and Bella keeps asking what's wrong with Cole's eyes....oh yes, it's gonna be yet another fun night in the Gaither household....

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Let's take a ride on the formula merry-go-round...and other fun things to do....

So once again we find ourselves on the formula merry-go-round, trying to find something that will help Garrett and Landon with their gas. By Monday morning, Tim and I had finally concluded that we couldn't keep the boys on Neosure anymore. Garrett has terribly painful gas and pretty foul-smelling runny poop...Landon has gas but he doesn't seem to be as bothered by it as Garrett is. I know the Neosure is good for them b/c they are preemies but I'm not willing to watch my kids suffer. Our pedi had suggested switching to soy formula but b/c the Lactose-free formula worked so well for Cole and Bella, we decided to try that first before going right to soy. We have to make the mixture equal to 22 calories so that was kind of a pain in the butt to figure out....and let me just say for the record, trying to count scoops of formula while extremely tired is never a good idea. Right in the middle of counting scoops, I forgot which number I was on....so then I sat there trying to decide if I should dump the batch I was working on or suck it up and assume I was on scoop #4. Because of the horrible "mommy guilt" I constantly suffer from, I decided to dump the batch and start counting scoops in a separate bowl instead of dumping it directly into the container of water so if I lose count again (and I will...) I can just dump the formula back into the cannister and start over without losing a whole batch of ready-made formula.

After the first feeding, things seemed to be going well....the boys were great with accepting the new formula, even though it smelled pretty foul. They didn't seem to notice the difference. But sure enough, 2 hours later Garrett was red in the face and all balled up into the fetal position and squirming and grunting in pain. Tim declared "oh just great...the formula isn't working...". I think he expected it to be the "miracle formula" and see great results from it immediately. Nope, doesn't work like that, buddy...so sorry. I told him it would probably take 3-4 days before we noticed a change. So now the boys have been on it for almost 2 days and the gas doesn't seem to be as bad....it's still there but Garrett doesn't seem to be in as much pain as before. And his poop looks better (OMG, did I really just write that???)....his poop on the Neosure was runny and green but now his poop is more like a yellow color with more consistency to it (again...OMG, am I really writing about the color and texture of my kid's poop??) I called the pedi's office today to see how long we should give the new formula before deciding if it's really working or not....Dr C is on vacation so I spoke with one of his partners. He said give it until Friday and if it doesn't seem to be helping, switch to soy....so there we have it...we have a plan. Oh, the formula merry-go-round is such a fun ride....

Other than that, I'm a little saddened that Landon no longer fits into his preemie clothes anymore. He's now in the newborn-sized clothes. And when I go to pick him up, I can actually feel his weight now....it makes me sad that he is growing so fast. And even Garrett is starting to pack on the weight...he actually has a double chin now. They're both starting to recognize my face and voice now...the other day when my stepdad was here, he was holding Landon and when I started talking, he turned towards me and my stepdad said "oh, he hears your voice". And when I'm holding them, I hold my face real close to theirs and they just stare at it. I'm noticing that their eyes are lightening up a bit...no longer a dark shade of grayish/blue but now a medium-dark blue. I was thinking their eyes would be brown but looks like they'll be blue-eyed kids, like Cole and Bella.

Speaking of Cole and Bella, those two continue to push my buttons every day. Last night, I was feeding Garrett and Bella wanted....no, wait...she needed my attention. That's what she said "Mommy, I want you...." and I said "Bella, can you wait a minute?" and she said "No, I NEED you" (emphasis on the word 'need').... Again I told her I had to finish feeding the baby and she didn't like that and proceeded to do things that she knew would set me off, like play with the babies' swings, sit in their bouncey seats, turn up the volume on the tv and run away with the remote....oh and the other night I found her holding Garrett all by herself!! I had gone upstairs to pump and Tim was downstairs with Cole and Bella and the babies. He must have moved Garrett into the Papasan chair and then he went into the laundry room to change Cole, leaving Bella alone with the babies. I came downstairs to find her cradling him in her arms and I immediately yelled "Bella...stop...freeze right where you are". I was so afraid she was gonna drop him or lose her balance holding him. I ran over to her and helped her hold him and she said "Baby wants to sit with me"....apparently, her plan was to have him sit on the couch with her. I'm not sure how she planned to get up on the couch, while holding him in her arms, but the thought really frighened me. And poor Garrett was totally unaware the whole time of how close he came to being dropped on his head...he just sat there looking at both of us like "anyone got a boob they can pop in my mouth?".

I had my mom's housecleaner come over today to clean our disgusting mess we call a home. The ironic thing about it was I was running around this morning like a chicken with my head cut off trying to clean the house for HER!!! There was clutter everywhere...laundry baskets all over the place with clean laundry awaiting to be folded and put away, used bottles sitting by the sink, the kids' breakfast dishes were still on the table, toys everywhere, baby blankets, bibs and spit-up rags all over the floor....I was so sure she'd walk in and take one look at the place and either leave immediately saying we don't pay her nearly enough to conquer this mess or tell me we'd need to double her pay for today. But she didn't, she just smiled her polite smile and said hello to the kids and went about cleaning. And she cleaned like a mad woman, never even stopping to eat lunch....I saw her running around from room to room, all out of breath trying to get every room clean before her time was up. Now our house is clean....I told Tim he better enjoy it for the next few hours b/c as soon as Cole and Bella come home from preschool, the house will be dirty again. It never lasts for long....all good things must come to an end, as my dad used to say.

So with that, I better sign off.....and figure out what to make for dinner....why can't I be rich like Oprah and have my own personal chef?????

Sunday, April 8, 2007

Why severe sleep deprivation and reasoning with a 2-yr old toddler is a deadly combination....

I don't even know where to start....should I start with how I had a huge emotional breakdown during Landon's appt on Friday with our pediatrician? Or should I start with how I gave Cole and Bella baby formula mixed with sugar-free Quik this morning before breakfast and didn't think anything about it until they both took a sip and spit it out and declared war on Mommy?? Or maybe I should start with how I scared the living daylights out of the babies at 2:30 am when in the middle of burping Landon, a huge, hairy spider landed on my shoulder out of nowhere, making me scream like a crazy woman (in the light of the morning at 6:30 am, I could see this ugly spider had spun a web and was dangling from it, living completely rent-free in our home)?? It all sounds like a bad movie, doesn't it??? Awwww, but it's not a bad movie...it's just the reality of my life....

The breakdown in the pediatrician's office.....everything was going fine until I started talking to Dr C about the babies having bad gas after every meal. Was it the breast milk or the formula? We need to figure this out and quickly because I'm not sure Tim and I can handle one more sleepless night with the babies fussing over gas...mostly, just because we feel so bad for them and so helpless to do anything to relieve their discomfort. Dr C suggests I hold off giving them anymore breastmilk and just feed them formula exclusively so we can see if it's the BM or the formula that's causing the problem. It could be the dairy or the veggies I'm eating, or the herbs I'm taking to increase my BM supply (catch 22's totally suck!!) that is causing them gas or it could be the milk proteins in the formula.....if after 5 days on just formula alone we still have gas issues, then we know it's the formula. If we don't have the gas issues, then we know it's something I'm eating. But when Dr C finds out I'm only making about 5-6 ounces of BM a day, he says it may not be worth altering my diet so drastically for just that small amount. His wife is a lactation consultant so he knows more than the average male when it comes to breastfeeding. He says "if you're exclusively breastfeeding, I might say that altering your diet so drastically would make sense but for such a small amount of breast milk, in my opinion, it's just not worth it....you're spending so much time pumping milk for them and you're not able to enjoy the babies as much as you'd like to because of it". Now I'm on the verge of tears because FINALLY someone understands where I'm coming from...when I want to be holding my babies, I'm having to spend time pumping BM...when I want to sneak in a nap, I'm having to spend time pumping BM....when I should be washing dishes, bottles, laundry, I'm having to spend time pumping. Tim has been wanting me to stop pumping but only because it inconveniences him....I tell him "you just don't understand how I feel....and the guilt associated with not providing BM for the babies...even just a small amount is better than nothing". He clearly doesn't understand. But Dr C seems to understand...and finally he says "you know, if you're looking for permission to stop pumping, I'm giving you permission....don't feel guilty about it...you've done a wonderful job of providing milk for them during the most critical time while they were in the NICU but now they're home and they're both gaining weight appropriately so you've done your job and you've done it well....really, if you feel like you NEED to give up the pumping or you WANT to give up the pumping and you're looking for permission or someone to say it's okay and you've done your job well, I'm telling you that...." and with that, I had my first emotional breakdown right there in the pediatrician's office. And we're not talking just getting a little teary-eyed or just a little quivering of the chin, we're talking full-on crying episode with snot running out of my nose and everything....oh yeah, it was a beautiful sight...thankfully Dr C is one of those pediatrician's who is also very human and he could completely understand my emotions. His wife is one lucky woman. Anyway, so I blabbed and cried to him about how guilty I was feeling but, yes, the endless pumping was slowly driving me to the brink of insanity for only a lousy 5-6 ounces a day...not even enough for 2 full feedings anymore. I was starting to have to supplement even my breastmilk bottles with formula at this point now that both babies are eating more. But at the same time, I was feeling guilty and torn because even though the pumping takes a lot of me emotionally and physically, I want to continue to do it because I think it's good for the babies. So he suggested continuing to pump but freeze the milk so it can be used once we determine what the gas is coming from. I had talked with the LC earlier in the week about stopping the pumping and she told me not to go cold turkey but to slowly discontinue one pumping session at a time until my milk is completely gone....I had been doing that but then the horrible guilt came over me and I added more pumping sessions back in. In the meantime, we've switched from the Avent bottles to the Playtex nursers and I'm gonna try gripe water again (we did this with Bella and it seemed to really help her...who knows if it was more of a placebo effect or if the gripe water really worked but it's worth a try again!). The mylicon drops don't seem to make a difference, from what we can tell. Oh and Landon now weighs 6 pounds, 11 ounces....woe, the little dude is putting on some serious weight these days....also got a clean bill of health on everything else...yeah!

Giving Cole and Bella formula instead of milk....this morning, after getting maybe 3-4 hours of sleep, all broken up of course into chunks of time during the night, Tim got up and took a shower and I took the kids downstairs to give them their morning cup of milk. Without even thinking, I grabbed the formula out of the fridge, poured into their sippy cups and heated it in the microwave. Then I mixed in a tablespoon of sugar-free Quik into the formula and handed them each a cup. They both took one sip and looked at me as if I was trying to poison them. Here's the conversation that took place:

Bella: Eeeeeeww, this milk is yucky....
Cole: Yeah, it's yucky....
Me: Just drink it...please....
Bella: But I don't like it....
Cole: It's yucky...
Me: Mommy's too tired to argue with both of you....please drink your milk...
Bella: I don't like it, I'm not drinking it....it stinks....
Cole: It stinks...

So I smelled it, thinking maybe the milk had gone bad or something....sure enough, the minute the smell hit my nose I knew it was formula. I apologized profusely to them and they both looked like cats who had swallowed the canary...imagine Mommy apologizing to the kids for a change?? More wasted formula...it's only formula, money grows on trees, right? I say this because Tim is just as sleep deprived as I am and so far, I have discovered him leaving out the bottle of formula from the fridge for hours so it has gone warm and I've had to toss it....both times, a $40.00 of ready-to-feed formula, down the drain....part of me wanted to wring his neck, part of me felt bad for him because I know I'm functioning just as well as he is (or should I say, not functioning...)

Okay, so now onto the spider....so I'm sitting there at 2:30 am, in the nursery, on the floor with my back against one of the cribs, both babies each laying in a boppy pillow facing me and drinking their bottles. The room is just dimly lit by a nightlight. Landon needs to burp so I put him over my shoulder and start patting him on the back and all of a sudden I feel something tickling my other shoulder...but my hands are busy so I try to brush whatever it is away with my chin, thinking it's just some hair that's gotten loose from my ponytail. But it keeps tickling me and then I feel whatever it is on my arm....no, it's not a piece of hair...what the hell is on my arm???? I put Landon down and hold my arm up to the nightlight....OMG, it's a freakin, huge hairy black spider!!! I have no idea how long this spider has been on me or where it came from but it's enough to make me scream, waking both babies up completely startled and frightened. I finally get them calm and happy again and as I continue feeding them, I wonder where the spider went....in a panic, I brushed it off me but couldn't figure out where it went. All I know is I wanna get the babies fed, burped and swaddled in blankets again and get the hell out of that room....God only knows how many friends that spider has....is it obvious yet that I have spider-phobia??? I know there's a name for "fear of spiders" but I'm too darn tired to think of what it is...oh yeah, it's arachnophobia...I think....my college roommates, Jen and Shannon, can vouch for the fact that I have an unusually irrational fear of spiders. Every night before beddtime I'd check under the bed for spiders....and for a wierd psycho man who might have broken into our apartment at some point without us noticing and hid under my bed, waiting for us to turn in to bed and kill us in our sleep.....yeah I said it was irrational but I digress....

In the morning, when I got up to do the 6:30 am feeding, now that the room was light from the morning sun, I could see the spider had spun a web in the corner of the room and he must have gotten across the ceiling somehow and then came down on part of the web and landed on me.....and there he was, in the light of day, sitting up there all proudly on his web, looking down at me....he's the Jason Voorhies of spiders, coming back to life again and again....I could've sworn when I brushed him off my shoulder that he had fallen to the floor, dead. But somehow he got right back up there on his web, as if to say "you haven't seen the last of me, little lady...just you wait until the next 2:30 am feeding...."

So now here's the point I was trying to make about reasoning with a 2-yr old while being severely sleep deprived....last night, we were putting Cole and Bella to bed and going through our normal routine...hugs, kisses, "love you's" and lights out, goodnight, sleep tight, oh and don't come into Mommy and Daddy's room until the morning (this is the part they often DO NOT hear)....so I go to give Cole a hug and a kiss and I say "Mommy loves you"...he says "I love Daddy"....okay.....I say again "Mommy loves you", he says "I love Daddy". I ask "do you love Mommy?", he says "no, I love Daddy". Now normally, I know not to make a big deal out of this...he's just a child, he has no idea how a comment like that could affect me. Had I not been sleep deprived, I probably would've just let it go and said "okay, that's fine"....he's certainly entitled to his feelings, even though I know deep in my heart, he does love me. But no....I get all hurt and bent out of shape and I say "so you don't love Mommy? Well, next time you want Mommy to get you some Dora gummies or a cup of juice, why don't you go ask Daddy since you love him and not Mommy?"...he just looks at me like "what's your problem??". I walk out of the room and go to our room, where I sit on the bed and cry. Why doesn't my son love me anymore? Then I hear Tim call out "Sweetie, Cole wants to hug you" so I go back and hug him and he says "I love you, Mommy".....great, I just guilted my son into telling me he loves me. Now I have yet another thing to feel bad about.....

Are things really that bad? No, they're not...but sometimes things seem a million times worse than they really are when you haven't had much sleep. It's not the end of the world if I can't make 30 ounces of breastmilk for the babies, it's not the end of the world if I decide to stop pumping, it's not the end of the world if Cole tells me he loves Daddy instead of me, and it's certainly not the end of the world because a spider lands on me at 2:30 in the morning when I'm so tired I can't see straight....it's actually kinda humorous when I think back to everything that's happened in the last few days. So I just gotta remember to lighten up....this is only temporary....before I know it, Cole and Bella will be 5 and off to kindergarten and Landon and Garrett will be going through the same things that Cole and Bella are going through now...and I'll think back to when they were tiny babies, like they are now, and wish I could turn back the hands of time. I won't remember the sleepless nights or the millions of stupid mistakes I made (well, knowing me, I will remember the mistakes....) but I'll remember how sweet the babies were and how much I loved holding them in my arms. I'll remember how much I loved rocking them to sleep, feeling their warm breath on my neck and wishing they'd stay this little forever.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

This post brought to you courtesy of Miss Bella, the family princess

Hi everyone...my mom is too tired to update so I jumped at the chance to do it. I really like my new baby brothers but I keep wondering when they are going to their new home...I mean, this is temporary, right? They lived at the hospital for a little while and that was super nice because we got to go visit them a lot but we didn't have to listen to them cry all the time or share our Mom and Dad too much. But now that Garrett and Landon are home, Mom and Dad have to spend a lot of time feeding them and stuff. Why can't they hold their own bottles? And what's up with having to be "gentle" with the babies all the time...Mom says I have to be careful of their heads. I don't see what the big deal is...when my Barbie doll's head pops off, I just stick it back on her. No harm, no foul. And my Barbie is still smiling so obviously she hasn't been seriously injured. I'm really good at burping the babies...I just slap them on the back a few times and they burp. It's really cool. Sometimes I just tell them to burp and they do...they already know who's the boss and I'm liking it....

Cole and I are doing well...Easter is coming up and my nanny and grandpa got us Easter Baskets. Mom and Dad hid them from us but we know they put the baskets in the living room closet. So every once in awhile, I go into the closet to make sure the baskets are still there and still intact....no one is going near my Easter candy!! Mom and Dad bought a bag of M&M's at the store the other day and they can't seem to find the bag....hahahahaha....that's because me and Cole took the bag and hid it from them. How do you like it now, Mom and Dad??? You don't like people taking your things and hiding them from you, do you?? I always get the last laugh...you'd think they'd know that by now.

See, the thing about adults is that they underestimate us little people. I'm 2 years old but I have eyes, I can see that you're hiding something from me. I have ears, I can hear you whispering about me. I have feelings, so when you tell me no to something I can't help it if I cry. Sure, crying over something as simple as not having the exact sippy cup I want to drink my OJ out of may not seem like a big deal to you but to me, it's the end of the world. It really is. I've had days that have started out horribly because I did not get the juice I wanted in the exact sippy cup that I wanted....it all comes down to mutual respect, ya know?? You respect my choices, I respect your choices....why can't parents understand that??

But I get away with a lot because I'm so darn cute...I'm sure you've seen my pictures and you'll agree that I'm cute as a button. But Mom says I'm also beautiful on the inside, whatever that means. I think she read in one of her millions of parenting books that she should tell me that so I don't get stuck on judging people on their looks and not look at what's on the inside, or something like that. They talked about it on Dr Phil one day...not that I watch Dr Phil on a daily basis but he seems like a smart guy. Personally, I prefer to watch Dora the Explorer...now I really learn stuff from her, she's one smart cookie. Not quite the looker but I'm sure she's beautiful on the inside.

Here are some recent pictures....don't I have a great smile??







So back to the babies....they're both really growing a lot. We took Garrett to the dr's office the other day and he already weighs 5 pounds. That little dude can eat. But he poops like 5 times a day so it makes me wonder how he even gains weight when everything that goes in, goes right back out again. He cries about everything...sometimes I just wanna yell at him "Dude, what's your problem? This is life....deal with it". Sometimes you just have to accept the cards your dealt, know what I mean? He acts like he's gonna die if he's not held the minute he starts crying or something...kinda like me when I don't get the sippy cup I want but somehow my needs seem more important than is. I am 2 years old, after all, and he's just a baby.

We're not sure how much Landon weighs right now but he has an appt on Friday so we'll find out then. He's a lot bigger than Garrett but they look so much alike that when I see them separately I have a hard time telling who's who. Mom says they look like little boiled chickens so we've nicknamed them "Chicken One" and "Chicken Two" or sometimes we call Garrett "Chicken Little" because he's so little. I'm not sure if they like the names or not. One of the nurses in the NICU started calling Garrett "peanut" and I said I wasn't gonna tolerate that...that's MY nickname and I'm not sharing it. I'm the original "peanut"...I already have to share my home with those stinky babies, isn't that enough?? I shouldn't have to share my nickname too...

So that's today's update....hopefully Mom won't be too tired to do the next update or Cole may have to do it. It's a lot of work but I really appreciate having the opportunity to express my opinions in this forum. I'm kinda like the Rush Limbaugh of toddlers....not that I think he's all that great but I like the fact that he has his own talk show, where he gets to express his opinions all the time. That's gotta be nice and he gets paid for it too....talk about perks!!

Okay, gotta run....I think I smell poop and it's not ME for once....

Miss Bella the Family Princess

Sunday, April 1, 2007

The adrenaline has worn off....sleep deprivation has set in....

The first 2 nights that Garrett was home was a huge blur! He had difficulty the first night settling in....probably the change in temperature, sharing a bassinet with his twin brother and just being in a whole new setting I'm sure threw him off a little. Plus, he has been having gas problems since birth on the special formula the NICU doctors put him on (we'll be discussing this with our pediatrician on Monday). So that first night, I got up about every 15 minutes with him and finally at 5:30 am, I put him on Tim's chest on his left side and said "I need to try to get at least 30 minutes of sleep before Cole and Bella get up".....I was not a very fun person to be around on Friday. Either was Tim....we were both very sleep deprived. But Friday night was a little bit easier but he was still having some trouble....but then last night, I gave him some mylicon drops after his last bottle before bedtime and laid him down to sleep on his left side (with lots of padding around him!!) and he did wonderfully!!!! I actually got 5 hours of sleep....not consecutively but 5 hours of sleep broken up into chunks is better than no sleep!!!

One of the things I had remembered about when Cole and Bella came home was that in the NICU, the nurses always had them sleeping on their bellies. They can get away with that in the NICU because the babies are on monitors. So when Cole and Bella came home, they had a lot of difficulty getting used to sleeping on their backs. Tim and I ended up having to sleep with them on our chests on their bellies on most nights so we could all get a good night's sleep because I was too nervous having them sleep on their bellies in their bassinet or in their cribs. Thank goodness I had remembered this and I had asked the nurses this time from the get-go to have the boys always laying on their backs or on their sides so they would be used to it when they came home....so the nights are actually going much better now than they did when Cole and Bella were newborns.

We took all 4 kids on some errands yesterday and I won't even write the "interesting" words Tim used to describe the experience. It was very stressful at times but I figure we gotta get used to it because this is our life now. I dressed Cole and Bella each in bright yellow shirts so we could keep an eye on them, as they do not like to ride in the carts anymore. And of course, we couldn't get down an aisle without someone stopping us and asking us about the babies and then looking shocked as they learned we have 2 sets of twins. One lady went to reach her hand in to Garrett's carseat and before she could get her hand in there I said "please don't touch him...he bites" and she said "really??" and I said "no, not really but he's only 3 weeks old and I have him covered because I don't want him being touched". I'm surprised at how many people want to touch a newborn baby, even when the baby is a total stranger to them. We had their carseats covered and people still wanted to look at them....I told Tim just the thought of people breathing on them mortified me but we have to live our lives. Thankfully, the end of RSV season is right around the corner and both boys had their Synagis shots or I would've just lived like a hermit for the next 4-6 weeks in the house, not taking them anywhere.

I have to say though even as sleep deprived as I am (I am a person who needs at least 8 hours of sleep to function properly), I feel like things are going well....sure, I can't remember my kids' names most of the time (my sister loves to point out that I keep calling Landon by Garrett's name and vice versa) and as I'm about to go do something, I forget in an instant what it was I was about to do, things are going much better than I could have anticipated. Tim and I are actually getting along really well, surprisingly. By the time we had Cole and Bella home for 3 weeks, we were ready to kill each other.

So that's the update for today....the adrenaline has definitely worn off and all the blurriness of having a newborn (or in our case, newborns) in the house has settled in but I know it's temporary. And the boys are so darn cute, it's hard to be upset over lost sleep or the fact that I can't remember when I ate last. I can't get over what little miracles they are....I can't stop looking at them and just being completely boggled over the fact that my body actually created both of them without any effort. The sun, moon and stars and every planet in this atmosphere must have been perfectly aligned when they were conceived, honestly. I can't stop thanking God in every blessing I say....I'm not sure what Tim and I have ever done to deserve being blessed like this with 4 beautiful children but we must have done something right at some point!!!!

Okay, it's feeding time here at the zoo.....gotta run....

Thursday, March 29, 2007

The ants come marching two by two...hurrah, hurrah...

Or in our case...the twins come marching two by two, hurrah hurrah!! Garrett is coming home today!! I went into the NICU yesterday and one of the dr's came up to me and said "so are you ready??" and I asked "ready for what?"....apparently, the other dr was supposed to call us Tuesday night to discuss releasing Garrett yesterday but he never called. So they were all under the assumption that I was taking him home with me. But in order to be released Garrett still had a series of shots and screenings he needed as well as being circumcised so there was no way he'd be able to go home yesterday, which really bummed me out. The dr joked around about the circumcision and said "you could just skip it this time" and I said "are you kidding?? Then we'd have a case of 'one of these is not like the other' at home during bathtime every single night and I'm not up for that...let's just make all the boys in the family look the same!" And I still had to watch a CPR/1st Aide video that they require all parents (or at least one parent who will be the primary caregiver) to watch before releasing the child. When I came back to watch it, the nurse told me that Garrett had passed his hearing screening with flying colors and she said "so when he pretends he's deaf and he can't hear you tell him to clean up his room, you can shove this piece of paper under his nose which states he can hear perfectly".

So as of tonight, we'll have a full house....a house full of children. I'm not sure which set of twins will be more challenging...the 2 year olds or the newborns. At least with newborns, they can't talk back and they stay put wherever you place them. The 2 yr olds are a whole 'nother story. Things already got off to a rough start this morning when Cole got up at 6:30 am and I took him into the bedroom to let him lay with Tim and Bella, while I fed Landon....within 5 minutes, I heard Cole crying and Tim yelling "knock it off, both of you".....it's NEVER a good sign of how the day will go when we start off the days with tears and yelling.

Well, I gotta run and get ready for the day. I have to call the NICU in a few minutes to find out what time the little guy will be released. If it's not this morning, my sister and I are going to take Cole and Bella to storytime at the library while Landon stays home with Tim. Landon is such an easy baby that Tim is still able to work from home and not be interrupted since Landon just pretty much sleeps all the time and when he is awake he's content to just lay in our arms while we do what we need to do...I can't wait until he's big enough to fit in the snuggli carrier and then I'll have both hands free to get even more done!! And then Cole and Bella have an appointment with Melody from VMRC this afternoon....they absolutely adore her and they always look forward to seeing her. They missed their appointment last month b/c of yet another false labor episode so I'm really hoping we can keep our appointment today and work around the timing of Garrett's NICU release.

Oh and thank you to all of you who are leaving comments...I really appreciate all the well wishes, positive thoughts and advice!!!! And thank you to those of you who have sent gifts, flowers and have left messages on our machine offering help....I'm so sorry I have yet to send out formal thank you notes or call many of you back....hopefully I'll be able to do all that next week, as we get settled into a routine!!!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Are we having fun yet?

All during my pregnancy, I thought it would be Landon and Garrett who would have me all stressed out but it's actually Cole and Bella that have me overwhelmed. They're at an age where they want to do everything themselves and they think they know what's best for them....Cole's not so bad most of the time. For the most part, we can usually reason with him and he'll mostly say "okay" and do what we need him to do. Bella, on the other hand, is a huge drama queen and turns on the tears over every little thing. She will look me dead in the eye and do exactly the opposite of what I ask her to do. She told me yesterday "I'm the princess" when I asked to clean up her toys and I said "well, I'm the Queen and I'm telling you now, not asking anymore, for you to clean up your toys". With that, she huffed and puffed and stuck her bottom lip out and began to cry..."but Mommy, I want you...." that's what she says now when she wants us to feel sorry for her. And then she wants to be held and hugged but I'm onto her...I'm figuring out that this is her way of manipulating us because by the time I've hugged her and gotten her to calm down, I've completely forgotten what it is I was upset about in the first place. The guy who marries her someday will never know what hit him.....

The babies are doing well...Garrett is now eating every 4 hours, 2 ounces of formula/breast milk. The nurse yesterday told me if he can keep this up for a couple of days, he may come home on Thursday or Friday!!! I'm so ready for him to be home with us and to start getting into a routine....going back and forth to the NICU to care for one baby while having another baby at home is becoming very tiresome. There is simply not enough hours in the day for me to do everything I want to do....that includes grocery shopping, which I have to do today at some point....ugh!! While I was holding Garrett yesterday, I noticed he has another hemangioma on his right side, in addition to the one he has on his back. But this one on his side is larger and darker....it feels flat though, thankfully.

Landon is doing well...staying awake for longer periods of time, which is nice because he actually sleeps better after he's been awake for awhile. I put him in the swing that my friend Tori lent to us and on the slowest setting, it was still kinda fast for him...he kept looking around, with his eyes crossed, trying to figure out why the room was spinning. He looked so incredibly tiny in that swing...I've been so used to seeing my friend Bonnie's son, Chase, in it so when I put Landon in it, he looked like a tiny baby doll! The only outfits that fit him are the preemie sizes...he swims in the newborn outfits we have!! His umbilical cord finally fell off yesterday...I was starting to think he was gonna have that thing attached to him as he left for college!! So he got his first real bath yesterday and he did pretty good for the most part. He doesn't like being held when he's naked...I'm not sure if my hands were too cool or what but he freaked out when I lifted him from his towel to put him in the bathtub. But then once he was in the water, he was fine. Just looking around trying to figure what the heck was going on. I love the smell of a clean baby....I kept smelling him for hours after his bath. Even Cole and Bella smelled him and they both said "he smells good". And the bath must have completely worn him out because he slept so peacefully after that and had to be woken up for his 10:30 pm feeding!! Tim said "let's give him a bath every night".

Here's a picture of Landon in the swing...



Daddy, Cole and Landon...



Landon laying on the boppy pillow under the Gymini mat: "um, yeah...so what do I do now...can someone entertain me PlEASE??"



Our morning ritual....Cole and Bella snuggle with Baby Brother....or is that more "squeeze the life out of Baby Brother"??



Bella preferred Landon laying on his belly against her until I told her to make sure to tell me if he spit up, to which she answered "eeeewww, no puke on me, Landon"



We can't forget a picture of Garrett, of course...being awoken from a long nap to eat...he got a little pissy until I put the pacifier in his mouth...

Monday, March 26, 2007

The reality has set in.....

I can't believe I'm saying this but I actually miss being pregnant and I've been feeling a little depressed about it. The reality has set in that I'll never be pregnant again and now I really wish I had spent more time towards the end of this last pregnancy enjoying it more. But it's so hard to enjoy it when you feel bigger than a house, have to pee every 10 minutes and you can't sleep more than 30 minutes in a row. Towards the end, I was so tired of the trips to L&D that I just wanted to deliver already....but now it's over and I wish so much that it hadn't ended so quickly. I think what has brought on these feelings is everytime I visit the NICU to see Garrett, I end up running into a pregnant woman going to L&D to deliver....every single time!! I actually feel envious....yes, that's very weird. And I think part of the issue is the finality of it all....I had my tubes tied so there's no chance of it ever happening again. I'm sure all the feelings I'm having are very natural....

I have some good news....Garrett's feeding tube was removed yesterday!!! Yeah!! He's doing so well with his bottle feedings that they increased the amount he's taking and he no longer needs the tube for feedings. And he now weighs 4 lbs, 4 oz!! The next step is for him to move up to feedings every 4 hours instead of every 3 hours. The nurse today said the dr may do an order for that tomorrow but they'll have to see how he tolerates the increase in volume first. And if he does well, they'll space his feedings out. I gave her Landon's feeding schedule so hopefully once he moves to 4-hr feedings, they'll be on the same exact schedule, making our lives easier when he does come home. I have a feeling he'll be home by the weekend!!

When I was holding him the other day, I was rubbing his back and his little shirt came up and I saw a tiny red spot on his back. So I asked the nurse if someone had accidentally marked him with red marker and she said no. I asked the dr about it and he said "oh, it's a flat hemangioma".....all I could think about was everything Bella had been through with her hemangioma. But he said the fact that it's still very small (no bigger than a pencil eraser) and it's very flat (not raised like Bella's was) is encouraging...we just have to keep an eye on it. What are the chances that 2 of my kids would have hemangiomas???? I just pray that Garrett's will stay small and flat and not turn out to be what Bella dealt with with hers.

Landon's doing well...he was starting to wake up before his feedings and get a little fussy so we increased the amount he's eating from 55 cc's to about 58 cc's and that seems to be making a difference. He's able to stay awake longer between feedings and it's so much fun watching him look around at everything. I wonder what he must be thinking...probably "this is my home? It's a total pigstye".

Cole and Bella, on the other hand, have turned into holy terrors. I keep telling Tim I think it's b/c Landon's home and they're having to share our attention but he doesn't agree. Bella cries about everything (just like me!!) and she's been telling us "no" to everything and tries to hit us. Cole just walks around pretending he's deaf and he can't a word we're saying to him. Yesterday, they wanted to go to the park and they didn't really deserve to go but the thought of staying indoors for hours with them until dinner didn't seem too appealing so we went ahead and took them. They burnt off some energy and we got some fresh air and Landon slept through the whole trip....it was a good way to spend the afternoon. I'm not quite sure how things will go on Thursday when Cole and Bella don't have school and Tim has to work and I'll be on my own with all the kids. I keep telling myself that it won't be too difficult...we'll just stick to our regular routine and see how things go. If the kids seem antsy, I may take them to story time at the library and just have Landon hang out in his carseat...if I'm brave enough.....

Well, it's almost time for Landon's next feeding and then I have to pump some more milk....I have to say I'll be a little relieved once Garrett is out of the NICU and I won't have so much pressure to pump and breastfeed. Every day I'm at the NICU, at least one of the nurses comes up to me and asks me how it's going and today one of them asked how much milk I'm getting now and I said "usually anywhere from 3-4 ounces in a 24-hour period" and she looked surprised and said "you should have more than that...are you sure you're doing everything possible to increase your supply?"....I wanted to smack her. I know they are just trying to be encouraging but it's pressure I don't need right now. Yes, I'm doing everything I can do....I pump every 2-3 hours during the day (usually I get enough sessions in during the day to skip the night pumping), I drink tons of water, I'm taking fenugreek and Mother's milk tea, I'm resting, I'm massaging my boobs so often that I think I've felt myself up more often in the last few weeks than Tim has this last year.....if 3-4 ounces is all I'm gonna get, I'm happy with that. At least it's something....better than no breast milk at all.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

If only I could produce breastmilk the way I produce tears these days!

Okay, so the breastfeeding is getting better...well, Landon and I still have to come together as a team to get the hang of it. His mouth is still a little too small and his suck isn't quite strong enough yet to have a successful breastfeeding session but we're working on it. So I just continue to pump milk for both him and Garrett and I've managed to have enough milk for them for at least 1-2 feedings...this I will consider a success!! I'm taking fenugreek and drinking Mother's Milk tea as if it's going out of style....I smell like maple syrup from the fenugreek. Bella even noticed it this morning when she came up to me and asked me for a bite of my waffles...I said "what waffles?" and then I realized she must have smelled that yucky, sweet maple syrup smell on me and thought I was eating waffles. Gosh, it makes me wonder if everyone around me can smell it...I suppose it's better than smelling like baby poop though.

I'm a crying, hormonal mess these days. I cry over everything and anything. I wasn't even like this during my pregnancy. Here's how bad it is....on Monday, while I was visiting Garrett in the NICU, they rushed a baby in who had just been born via c-section and was having trouble breathing. The new dad was standing by watching the nurses work on the baby and he was happily taking pictures, clearly enjoying his new role as daddy. And I sat there watching him and I was moved to tears. The nurse who was taking care of Garrett that day noticed I was crying and she asked if I was okay and the minute I opened my mouth, I started crying even harder and I'm not sure she could make out anything I was saying....kinda like this "I'm just so....happy....for that new dad....it's just so....emotional...having a baby....will the baby be okay...."....blah, blah, blah....now if only my breastmilk was as substantial as my tears I'd be in business!!

Landon continues to do well...sometimes Tim and I forget we have a baby in the house. All he does is eat, sleep and poop...well, the poop actually had been non-existent for a couple days and our pediatrician said to use a glycerin suppository to make him go and I swear as Tim was about to shove a tiny piece of it up Landon's butt, the boy pooped all over the place. And he spent the rest of the day making up for lost time. We actually have to wake him to eat...although sometimes about 15-20 minutes before a feeding, he'll start stirring and sucking on his hands. But he never cries for a bottle...actually, he very rarely cries. He's been staying awake a little bit longer after feedings and he just sits there looking around at everything. He's so sweet and I can't stop kissing him!!

Garrett is doing well too...he's been bottle feeding more but it completely wears him out. He only drinks a little over an ounce of milk at each feeding and he eats like a champ but as he gets down to the end of his bottle, he's so sleepy and can barely hold his eyes open. He's a feisty little guy, compared to Landon. He does not like his diaper being changed and he doesn't like going from being held to a laying down position...his startle reflex is stronger than Landon's. He freaks out, thinking he's about to be dropped, even as gentle as I'm laying him down, he flails his arms out and starts crying. But he's just so darn cute and lovable....the boys look so much alike...Garrett looks like a little mini-version of Landon. I can't wait for him to be home so we can start taking pictures of them together! No word on when he'll be coming home, although the nurse told Tim today that he needs to be able to bottle feed every feeding for at least 24 hours before they'll remove his feeding tube and then they need to give him some more time to get used to the bottles without getting worn out. He needs to be able to keep his weight on and continue to gain weight...if he starts losing weight, it means he's exerting too much energy on bottle feeding. 2 days ago, he weighed 3 lbs, 12 oz so he's over his birth weight now and he needs to be at least 4 pounds to be released.

I took all 3 kids up to my mom and stepdad's house today. They got the kids Peg Perego tractors....man, it made me wish I was a kid again. Cole hopped on his and pressed on the gas pedal and took off like he knew exactly what he was doing. Bella rode hers for 5 seconds and decided it was "too scary" for her. We definitely know who will be the thrill seeker in the family and it's not her. The tractors have 2 speeds on them so my stepdad wanted to see how fast the 2nd speed was and the minute he took the lock off the gear shift (yes, this thing actually has a gear shift with reverse and 2 different speeds!!), Cole was in motion, speeding down the driveway and laughing so hard I thought he was gonna puke his lunch up. And then he wanted to drive his tractor over to the shop my stepdad is building on their property and he nearly took my mom's lovely white picket fence down in the process. The kid has no fear at all.

Bella is still very involved with the breastfeeding/pumping process. Today while I was pumping breastmilk at my mom's house, she wanted to be in the room with me. She proudly announced to me that she wanted to make milk too and she wanted to use the pump after I was done. I asked her if she had babies and she said "yes, I have 2 babies...right here" and she pointed to her belly. She clearly thinks that babies come in pairs....I think Tim and I will have a good laugh if she does end up with a set of twins!!!

Tim and I are getting along really well, compared to how we got along when Cole and Bella were born. There were times I actually wanted to smother him with a pillow while he slept....but this time, we both just seem so much more relaxed and confident with our parenting skills. And we've actually been trading off doing the middle-of-the-night feeding at 2:30 am....so we're both getting a decent amount of sleep on our "off" night and that really helps. With Cole and Bella, we both hardly got any sleep and it really took its toll on us. When Garrett comes home, we've agreed to both do the 2:30 am feeding so we can get it done quicker, rather than have one of us up feeding both babies. During the day, I can handle feeding both babies at the same time by myself but when it's 2:30 in the morning, I just want to do a quick feeding and get back to bed. So the fact that he offered to help means the world to me....I do realize how lucky I am to have a husband who is so helpful when it comes to feedings and diaper changes. (Note to readers: Please remind me that I wrote this if and when the time comes that he starts working my last nerve and I start considering, yet again, smothering him with a pillow.....)

I got some really cute pictures of the kids with Landon but I'll have to post them tomorrow.....I need to get going and continue my love affair with my breast pump....

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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