Thursday, March 22, 2007

If only I could produce breastmilk the way I produce tears these days!

Okay, so the breastfeeding is getting better...well, Landon and I still have to come together as a team to get the hang of it. His mouth is still a little too small and his suck isn't quite strong enough yet to have a successful breastfeeding session but we're working on it. So I just continue to pump milk for both him and Garrett and I've managed to have enough milk for them for at least 1-2 feedings...this I will consider a success!! I'm taking fenugreek and drinking Mother's Milk tea as if it's going out of style....I smell like maple syrup from the fenugreek. Bella even noticed it this morning when she came up to me and asked me for a bite of my waffles...I said "what waffles?" and then I realized she must have smelled that yucky, sweet maple syrup smell on me and thought I was eating waffles. Gosh, it makes me wonder if everyone around me can smell it...I suppose it's better than smelling like baby poop though.

I'm a crying, hormonal mess these days. I cry over everything and anything. I wasn't even like this during my pregnancy. Here's how bad it is....on Monday, while I was visiting Garrett in the NICU, they rushed a baby in who had just been born via c-section and was having trouble breathing. The new dad was standing by watching the nurses work on the baby and he was happily taking pictures, clearly enjoying his new role as daddy. And I sat there watching him and I was moved to tears. The nurse who was taking care of Garrett that day noticed I was crying and she asked if I was okay and the minute I opened my mouth, I started crying even harder and I'm not sure she could make out anything I was saying....kinda like this "I'm just so....happy....for that new's just so....emotional...having a baby....will the baby be okay...."....blah, blah, if only my breastmilk was as substantial as my tears I'd be in business!!

Landon continues to do well...sometimes Tim and I forget we have a baby in the house. All he does is eat, sleep and poop...well, the poop actually had been non-existent for a couple days and our pediatrician said to use a glycerin suppository to make him go and I swear as Tim was about to shove a tiny piece of it up Landon's butt, the boy pooped all over the place. And he spent the rest of the day making up for lost time. We actually have to wake him to eat...although sometimes about 15-20 minutes before a feeding, he'll start stirring and sucking on his hands. But he never cries for a bottle...actually, he very rarely cries. He's been staying awake a little bit longer after feedings and he just sits there looking around at everything. He's so sweet and I can't stop kissing him!!

Garrett is doing well too...he's been bottle feeding more but it completely wears him out. He only drinks a little over an ounce of milk at each feeding and he eats like a champ but as he gets down to the end of his bottle, he's so sleepy and can barely hold his eyes open. He's a feisty little guy, compared to Landon. He does not like his diaper being changed and he doesn't like going from being held to a laying down position...his startle reflex is stronger than Landon's. He freaks out, thinking he's about to be dropped, even as gentle as I'm laying him down, he flails his arms out and starts crying. But he's just so darn cute and lovable....the boys look so much alike...Garrett looks like a little mini-version of Landon. I can't wait for him to be home so we can start taking pictures of them together! No word on when he'll be coming home, although the nurse told Tim today that he needs to be able to bottle feed every feeding for at least 24 hours before they'll remove his feeding tube and then they need to give him some more time to get used to the bottles without getting worn out. He needs to be able to keep his weight on and continue to gain weight...if he starts losing weight, it means he's exerting too much energy on bottle feeding. 2 days ago, he weighed 3 lbs, 12 oz so he's over his birth weight now and he needs to be at least 4 pounds to be released.

I took all 3 kids up to my mom and stepdad's house today. They got the kids Peg Perego, it made me wish I was a kid again. Cole hopped on his and pressed on the gas pedal and took off like he knew exactly what he was doing. Bella rode hers for 5 seconds and decided it was "too scary" for her. We definitely know who will be the thrill seeker in the family and it's not her. The tractors have 2 speeds on them so my stepdad wanted to see how fast the 2nd speed was and the minute he took the lock off the gear shift (yes, this thing actually has a gear shift with reverse and 2 different speeds!!), Cole was in motion, speeding down the driveway and laughing so hard I thought he was gonna puke his lunch up. And then he wanted to drive his tractor over to the shop my stepdad is building on their property and he nearly took my mom's lovely white picket fence down in the process. The kid has no fear at all.

Bella is still very involved with the breastfeeding/pumping process. Today while I was pumping breastmilk at my mom's house, she wanted to be in the room with me. She proudly announced to me that she wanted to make milk too and she wanted to use the pump after I was done. I asked her if she had babies and she said "yes, I have 2 babies...right here" and she pointed to her belly. She clearly thinks that babies come in pairs....I think Tim and I will have a good laugh if she does end up with a set of twins!!!

Tim and I are getting along really well, compared to how we got along when Cole and Bella were born. There were times I actually wanted to smother him with a pillow while he slept....but this time, we both just seem so much more relaxed and confident with our parenting skills. And we've actually been trading off doing the middle-of-the-night feeding at 2:30 we're both getting a decent amount of sleep on our "off" night and that really helps. With Cole and Bella, we both hardly got any sleep and it really took its toll on us. When Garrett comes home, we've agreed to both do the 2:30 am feeding so we can get it done quicker, rather than have one of us up feeding both babies. During the day, I can handle feeding both babies at the same time by myself but when it's 2:30 in the morning, I just want to do a quick feeding and get back to bed. So the fact that he offered to help means the world to me....I do realize how lucky I am to have a husband who is so helpful when it comes to feedings and diaper changes. (Note to readers: Please remind me that I wrote this if and when the time comes that he starts working my last nerve and I start considering, yet again, smothering him with a pillow.....)

I got some really cute pictures of the kids with Landon but I'll have to post them tomorrow.....I need to get going and continue my love affair with my breast pump....


Jen said...

Your body is still getting used to the breastfeeding, give it time and try to relax when you are doing it. I know that is easier said than done, trust me I know all about breast pumps, but you just have to do it. Try separating yourself from the process. Day dream if you can, deep breathing, whatever might work for you. Imagine you have a kid doing the work instead of a breastpump. I tried this when I was pumping at work for Spencer, and I don't know that it really worked, but I had to think of something so I tried that. You are using a double pump, right?

Call me if you ever need someone to cry to. You know my numbers.


Melanie said...

Hey Helene, your body is experiencing a massive hormonal drop from delivering twins. You should be crying all the time, it's normal! Heck I did that with only one baby (and not another set of twins at home). Let yourself be weepy, it's okay. As for breastfeeding, Jen's advice is really good. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for you now, but try your best to relax and drift away during the process. I know it's so hard! Hang in there as best you can. I'm so amazed that you can do all this and keep such a detailed blog - your strength is impressive! We're all here cheering for you, praying for you, and thinking of you!

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr

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