Monday, March 19, 2007

Look who's home from the NICU!!!


When I went in on Saturday to the NICU, the neonatologist and the nurse were speaking about the boys. The dr said "Oh I'm glad you're here....Landon's doing really well maintaining his temperature in an open isolette and his bottle feedings are going smoothly so I think he's eligible..." and like a dumb-a$$ I said, "eligible for what??" thinking they were gonna move him to the newborn nursery or something. He looked at me, as if he was actually thinking "what a dumb-a$$" and said "eligible to go home, probably as early as tomorrow". I must have looked shocked...we were not expecting either of them to come home this early and shamefully we still haven't fully prepared our home for it either. So then he started talking about circumcision, etc, etc and I think my head was still spinning, thinking of the million and one things we still needed to do. See, I am not a proscrastinator by any means....when something has to get done, I want to get it me Type A, call me anal, call me whatever you's how I've always been. But Tim on the other hand is a procrastinator, the worst kind of the type that there is. So all the time I spent on bedrest, unable to prepare the house for these babies, very little got done....Tim was so busy with trying to keep up with work and take care of Cole and Bella that left him little time to get cribs set up, get bottles ready, etc...and let's face it, getting bottles and clothes and all that stuff is really Mommy-kinda stuff anyway. Men just don't have a clue about that stuff....I sent him out one day to Target with a very detailed list of the exact things I wanted for the babies and he still called me 3 times from the store wanting more information on what it was exactly that I wanted. Well, at least he called and just didn't end up buying the wrong thing...gotta see the positives here!!

The dr called Saturday night and spoke with Tim and said they were gonna circumcise Landon that night and we should call at around 10:00 am Sunday morning to make sure the plan was still to release him, provided everything went smoothly. I called Sunday morning and he was all set to in-laws had offered to watch Cole and Bella for the day so that was one less worry we had. While Tim went to meet them halfway to do the drop-off, I prepared the I know why they say you need a good 4-6 weeks to recover from a c-section. I'm barely 8 days out of major surgery and I was hauling furniture around the family room, running up and down the stairs moving the time Tim came home I was in tears from the pain in my lower abdomen and my back. But it had to get done....I was tired of Tim's "it can wait" attitude. By the time we went to visit Garrett and pick up Landon, my whole lower body was numb.

I felt so bad leaving Garrett behind...he didn't seem to notice or care much. He slept through his feeding and when we said goodbye, he didn't bat an eyelash. We got Landon home and things just fell smoothly into place....the kids were still at the in-laws and Tim and I sat down to eat a quiet dinner while Landon slept. We looked at each other and laughed, knowing we were thinking the same thing....having just one baby is SO easy!!! Of course, I know in time it would seem difficult...when they're newborns, they pretty much sleep, eat and poop...not much to it. But it was a nice change not having to juggle 2 feedings, 2 diaper changes, and all the fun stuff that goes with multiples. Landon eats every 4 hours and he sleeps in between feedings for the most part....although last night, I think he was cold and his temperature dipped a little bit. He got a little fussy at that point so I brought him into bed with me so the warmth of my body would help keep him warm. He did sleep much better after that.

And then all hell broke loose....Cole and Bella woke up and came into the bedroom and saw Landon laying there!! They wanted to touch him, kiss him, play with him...they couldn't keep their hands off of him, especially Bella. She was more interested in helping me feed Landon than eating her own breakfast...she wanted to hold his bottle, she wanted to burp him, she wanted to change his diaper...she wants so much to be a little helper that she's actually making things worse...I feel bad saying that but all morning she was under my feet trying to help me. And then at one point, I was in the kitchen washing bottles and out of the corner of my eye I saw her standing on the sofa and leaning over the pack-n-play where Landon was sleeping quietly and then I saw her drop something into the bassinet....she had dropped a little rubber ball on him, which of course made him cry. She told me "Landon wanted to play with my ball"....I have to find a way to be positive with her so she knows I appreciate her help but I feel like all I'm doing is saying "no Bella, don't do this"..."no, Bella, don't do that"'ll work itself out in time, I'm sure.

In the meantime, I have the blues....and we're not talking the Kraft Mac-n-Cheese kinda blues. Definitely the baby blues but it's different this time....I'm not sad by any means. I just cry at the drop of a hat over everything these and anyone who knows me knows I am not a cryer. I was telling Tim yesterday how one of the night nurses was telling me that she was assigned our boys and another baby and she was trying to figure out how she was going to feed Landon and the other baby since their feedings overlapped but then realized the other baby was a gavage-fed baby and so she said she'd just tape his tube to the side of his bassinet so she could feed Landon. As I was telling Tim this, I started crying just thinking of that poor baby having no human contact while he was being fed. And then it made me cry even harder to think that maybe they don't hold Garrett during feedings....Tim just looked at me like I was nuts and said "well, he'll be home soon and you can hold him all you want then". My suspicious were confirmed yesterday when we went in and the nurse was preparing to feed Garrett and she was about to tape the tube to the side of his bassinet and I said "I'll hold him while he eats" and she said that was fine....oh, thanks for giving me permission to hold my own child. I wanted to rip her hair out....

And then this morning, while Landon lay sleeping peacefully next to me...I started crying again. Again, not because I was sad but more just how lucky and blessed I feel. When I think back to when Tim and I first started trying to have a child, we felt so hopeless at times and the despair was unbearable. There were so many times I honestly thought I'd never become a mother...I remember getting on my hands and knees many times and praying to God that He would take away the desire to be a mother but that never happened. The desire only became stronger. And that gave me hope to keep trying anything we had to try to have children...and that's what we did to have Cole and Bella and to try for more children. Those other pregnancies obviously were never meant to be but now we have these little guys, by pure miracle alone. And the fact that I got through another high-risk twin pregnancy and all our children are healthy is something I also feel extremely blessed about.

Alright, enough of the mushy stuff, I could do on for hours and hours....but I need to head off to the NICU to visit Garrett and find time to come home and make dinner for my family.....there is simply not enough time in the day....


Anonymous said...

Wow, Landon has changed so much already in a week. I love the picture of him and Bella and Cole. What a sweet first meeting. :)


Anonymous said...

Helene, I'm so glad to read that Landon is home! And eagerly awaiting the time soon when Garrett will be with you and you'll be able to get into your groove as a whole (BIG!) family. Congratulations and I hope you heal fast. I felt your pain when I read about you getting things ready at home.....


Sandra said...

Congratulations on Landon's homecoming! He looks so adorable in the outfit I sent! It looked so small and I wondered if I should have gotten the boys 0-3m instead of newborn but figured they would come a bit earlier. Now for Garrett to make his way home! I can just imagine Cole & Bella all over Landon. You can see how excited they are in the picture!

Jen said...

I am so happy for you. Soon Garrett will be home and then the fun will begin. Let me know when you are ready for visitors, I can't wait to meet the new boys!

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr

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