Friday, February 29, 2008

I'm sorry, but a business trip IS a luxury!

So my stepdad called, out of the blue, the other day and asked if Tim and I would like him and my mom to come over Saturday evening and babysit all the kids so we could have a "date night". I was excited....shocked, but excited. They don't normally just call out of the blue and offer to babysit (which actually leaves me a little curious as to what this is really all about but I'm not gonna hesitate to take them up on their offer no matter how much curiosity is killing me). The first thing I did after hanging up with my stepdad was call Tim, who was on his way home from a business trip that he took to Vegas. Upon learning our good fortune, he says "oh good, I could use a break"....which left me thinking wtf?? YOU need a break??? I'm sorry but I think a business trip is a freakin break!! Initially when I learned he was having to go on this trip, I told him how envious I was and he said "yeah but I'll be stuck in the car for 9 hours driving to Vegas..." and I was like "9 hours in a quiet car where you can listen to your IPOD or talk radio or just snooze away while your dad drives, stopping every few hours for a bathroom break and to get something to snack on.....I'm sorry that does sound like pure torture...poor you".

As if that wasn't bad enough, he had to remind me that the trip was for business and that he would be working. I was quick to point out that his work would include a nice, relaxing dinner with his dad and a potential client, 2 long nights of uninterrupted sleep, the chance to pee and shower in complete privacy for as long as he wanted, the ability to eat all meals in peace and quiet without having 8 grabby, dirty little hands trying to pry the food of his plate, and an exhibition where he and his dad could leisurely stroll around looking for potential clients. Again, that sounds like pure torture....forgive me for not realizing that sooner. Oh yes, Tim is quite in need of a break....

It's funny how we see business trips so differently. Our therapist was treated to listening to me rant about this for a good 20 minutes at the beginning of our therapy session on Wednesday. Tim was lucky enough to miss out on that because he was on his luxury trip. And I said to our therapist "and how am I supposed to NOT feel resentful when he acts like going on a business trip is a huge sacrifice and such an inconvenience for HIM". I guess I would've been more, that's a poor choice of words....I would've been more understanding if he had said "yeah, it's been tough for me to be away from you and the kids...I don't like having to travel and leave you home taking care of the kids by really deserve a break so I'm glad we'll have the opportunity to spend some time together on Saturday night". Ya know, I'm starting to think I should just write a script for him...that way he'd always say the right things and I'd never have to mad at him.

Okay, so about date night...what on earth will we talk about? I'll tell you what we'll talk about...the kids. Before kids, we used to have fantastic conversations about various things in life that would hold our interest for hours. Now we talk about things like poop....we'll spend awhile discussing poop too. For instance, this morning we had a pretty good discussion on it because we both seemed to disagree as to what qualifies as diarrhea. The babies are now transitioning slowly to regular whole milk so I find myself examining every single diaper to make sure their poop hasn't changed enough to indicate a reaction to the milk. So we get the babies up this morning and Tim says "Garrett is poopy" and I give him one of those looks like "yeah, so change him", as if it needs to be announced that the child has pooped (or maybe he was just hoping I'd jump up quickly and excitedly tell him that I'd be happy to change Garrett's diaper).

The first thing Tim says "eeeew, he has diarrhea". I was in the kitchen by now and groaned at the thought of the babies' not transitioning well to the milk. So I asked "is it really bad? Like really runny and gross?" and he yells back "yeah, it's really runny and it smells pretty bad". I just roll my eyes because it's just so typical for transitions to not go well at all. Then after awhile Landon has a poopy diaper and Tim goes to change him and says "ugh, he has diarrhea too". I don't know why but I wanted to see the poop to see how bad it was (motherhood has obviously consumed me 110%) and I said "you consider THAT diarrhea?" was nowhere near what I would consider diarrhea. It was a much softer consistency than usual but it has been like that since they started milk, which I fully expected with starting milk.

I said "that is not diarrhea....diarrhea would be all nothing BUT liquid...this has some consistency to it. It's just smashed because he sat it in for a few minutes...and if he had diarrhea consistently, he'd have a butt rash which he clearly doesn't have". Tim just looked at me as if to say "And who declared you the expert on diarrhea??" He must have known I read his mind when I said "I've seen enough poopy diapers to know the difference between a soft, mushy poop and diarrhea and let's just leave it at that".

So I'm assuming this is the kinda stuff we'll chat about at dinner tomorrow night....this is what we've been reduced to. I just pray the hostess sits us in a little table in the back where no one can hear our discussion...."can you believe those people are sitting there discussing their childrens' shit?"

On a final note, Garrett is walking with much more confidence now, even though he stumbles every now and then. He is so adorable to watch and I have to laugh when he walks all the way across the room, stopping every few seconds to catch his balance before he topples over, because he just looks too small to be walking. Oh and Landon said "hi, mama" today....I took the babies out for a walk this afternoon and he looked up from the stroller and said "hi mama". Yes, I realize he probably REALLY didn't say that but it sounded close enough for it to be considered "hi mama" so I'll live in my own little world with that one. And, lastly, another that definitely makes motherhood worth all this was when your child thanks you for making them feel better. Last night, Cole's butt was a little red (thanks to the teachers at his school who thought he could wipe his own butt and didn't bother to check if he did a good enough job) I put some diaper rash creme on his bottom and afterwards he said "Thanks Mommy, you made me feel better". My heart melted....

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I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr

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