Thursday, May 1, 2008

Family pictures, funny conversations and such...

I've been debating having a family picture taken. The reason I was debating it was for several reasons....1) do we really have the money for pictures right now? (No, not really) and 2) is it gonna be stressful to try to get a semi-decent pic of all 4 kids? (Yes, probably) and 3) how are Tim and I gonna smile in a family pic and pretend like everything is peachy keen between us? (we'll just fake it, we're used to that).

A friend of Tim's recommended a photographer who supposedly works well with kids and he's relatively inexpensive. I don't have any professional pics of Garrett and Landon, with the exception of the beautiful pics my friend Bonnie took but that was over 9 months ago. I have professional pics of Cole and Bella at birth, 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, 12 months, and 2 yrs old....the guilt was eating me alive that I've rarely had pictures done of the boys during their 1st year.

So we sucked it up and did the pics...it was a complete nightmare. The photographer was good with the kids in terms of trying to get them to smile but he made absolutely no suggestions on poses or anything. Tim and I basically spent the whole time chasing the kids around the studio and pleading with them to sit still and just smile. Finally, out of desperation, I asked the photographer to just put a few props on the floor and just snap pics of the kids randomly as they played. I didn't even care if they smiled at the camera...I just wanted some nice pics of all 4 kids. And we did a few family pics...Tim and I definitely look like two parents who are extremely overwhelmed and trying to keep it together (oh and two people who cannot stand one another most of the time).

After the session, the photographer said he'd have the proofs ready in 30 minutes but it was too early to take the kids anywhere for dinner. I asked Tim if he would mind if I came back to the studio to look at the proofs. My first mistake was ASKING him. Does he ask me for permission to leave when he needs to go get a haircut? Does he ask me for permission when he goes to play soccer every Monday night? I don't think so. And to make matters worse, we had a therapy appt scheduled for yesterday and I had a babysitter lined up to take care of the babies so I could meet Tim at the appt. I asked her to come over a couple hours earlier than our appt so I could run some errands by myself. Within 20 minutes of being out the door, she called me desperately saying her boyfriend hurt his back at work and needed to be taken to the dr so she had to leave. I had to come home....I called my stepdad to see if he could watch the babies during the appt but he couldn't. I called my sister....she couldn't either. So I missed the appt. Tim went to the appt and later told me "there wasn't much to talk about". Really??? If I had gone, our therapist would've heard a mouth full. How could there be nothing to talk about when we basically hate each other all the time? Then he mumbled something about how they talked about the best way for Tim to communicate with me, as he sat there chewing on his nails and avoiding eye contact. Whatever.

So I sat there in the car on the drive home from the photo session stewing over this....how dare he make me feel guilty about going to view the proofs!!! He admitted that he didn't want me to go and that he thought I was going to avoid the dinner rush with the kids. I yelled at him "I had intended on leaving AFTER the kids ate for your f****g information". And then I threw in "I don't even know why I'm ASKING you if I can go...I don't need your permission. I'm telling you I'm going...I'm so sick of having to line up a babysitter anytime I need to go to an appt...you just come and go as you please around here but I don't...if I want to do something, I have to get someone to watch the kids and if I can't find someone, then I don't go to my appts". I was pissed b/c this is the 2nd therapy in a row I've missed b/c I couldn't find someone to watch the kids...I desperately need to make an appt with my psychiatrist to do a meds review but I need to find a sitter. But if he needs to go to an appt, he simply makes a call to schedule it and then he goes.

Tim made a point to tell me that the kids are my full-time job...and he has a full-time job. Yeah, but he's forgetting that his job affords him the luxury to take time off whenever he wants without having to line up a replacement. My "job" doesn't afford me that luxury...it's a 14-hr day with little or no breaks and no ability to get out for appts unless I wanna drag the kids with me or find someone who can watch them while I get out. I don't think Tim understands how difficult it is to line up a babysitter. Why? Because he's never had to do it, that's why. Now I'm not complaining about being a stay-at-home mom at all, I love being able to spend this time with my kids while they're little and actually WANT to be with me. It's just that who can work 14-hr days every single day with no break or time for themselves. Tim fails to understand that I do this every single day, even on weekends. Every day is the same to me...he works his job Mon-Fri and then has the weekend with us. So it's different for him in a sense. I understand it must be really tough to sit at Panera Bread every day in front of his computer and work...it must be really hard to be able to socialize with other patrons who are also there doing their work...it must be really hard for him to drive that 75 minutes in peace and quiet to his dad's house to work and eat a huge sandwich from Togo's while he takes a lunch break. Lunch break??? What's that??? So my complaint isn't about the kids...it's about HIM and his refusal to understand where I'm coming from.

Anyway, so we got the kids home and got them set up for dinner and then Tim said "Why don't you go out and look at the pics and get yourself something to eat while you're out?". Maybe he was feeling guilty? Maybe that was his way of saying "yeah, I'm an asshole"? I dunno...I just said "I don't need your permission...I was gonna go regardless of what you said". And with that, I kissed the kids goodbye and left.

The pics actually came out better than I had anticipated and they were much cheaper than I had expected. Not a great time for us to be spending money on pics but I do have to admit I felt better now that they're done. I finally have a family pic of all 6 of us and I have pics of the kids together and I have pics of just Garrett and Landon. I figure we don't have to do professional pics again until next year so it was $$$ well spent. Now no more spending on things we asbolutely don't need at this point...the cost of gas is killing me!!!!! Almost $4.00 a gallon right now....okay, that's a whole 'nother subject....

On the way home from the photo session, Cole and Bella were in the backseat chattering away about this and that and then Cole hit Bella for God only knows why...maybe b/c she was breathing or looking in his direction...then she said:

Bella: Don't hit me. That's not okay. If you do that again, you're gonna have to get in my belly and wait for the dr to get you out. And you won't be able to eat your dinner.

Cole: I'm not getting in your belly.

Bella: Oh yeah you are, if you hit me again. You're gonna go right here (I'm assuming she pointed to her belly when she said this)

Cole: I can't fit in there.

Bella: Yeah you can. You were in mommy's belly so you can get in my belly too. And I'm not letting you out this time. You're not being nice.

I had to actually try to be quiet as I laughed while they talked. If I look at them while they're talking or try to butt in (unless I'm already involved in the conversation), they immediately stop chattering. They're obsessed with wanting to know details of when I was pregnant with them, like how did they both fit in my belly, why did the dr cut them out, why do I have a scar (which they always ask to see "can we see where the dr cut you to get us out?"), did it hurt....curious little boogers. Bella likes to hear how they were in my belly together but how some babies are all by themselves in their mommy's bellies. I say "God put you both in my belly at the same time so you could be best friends and always get along well with each other...imagine how fun it was to have each other to play with inside my belly when some babies are all by themselves and don't have another baby there to play with". She thinks that's really cool and she always asks "is that why Garrett and Landon are twins too...so they would have each other to play with?". She's a smart little cookie but so full of questions....I'm gonna run out of things to say to her one of these days.

1 comment:

Joy said...

I can totally relate about the pictures. Sanura had her pictures done every three months like clockwork and pretty much after a very stressful photo shoot (in which we got NO pictures out of) I stopped doing it. I got my digital camera and snapped and displayed what I could. I do feel a little guilty about it though and when the new baby is born I will probably bite the bullet and do it. I won't be looking forward to it though!

I'm sorry Tim is so insensitive and you had to miss your appointment :(

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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