Saturday, July 5, 2008

Taking care of ME...imagine that?!

I ask "imagine that?" because twice last week when I told two different people that I had a dr's appt scheduled for Wednesday, they each said "oh, are the kids sick again?", assuming that the appt was for the kids. I'm usually at our pedi's office with the kids about 3-4 times a month, especially during the winter months.

I made this appt for myself, just out of the blue really. My prescription for thyroid meds was about to run out and I usually just e-mail my dr and ask her for another refill and she happily obliges but for some reason I wanted to go in and see her (part of that might have been to have a break from the bad is that...going to the dr to get a break from the kids??) And it probably was a good thing I went in because she looked over my medical record and told me it had been at least 2 years since I had had a full complete physical, with the exception of being proked and prodded throughout my last twin pregnancy. She sent me to the lab for some blood work and, just as I thought, I'm in bad cholesterol levels are way too high (although my good cholesterol was fine, my bad cholesterol was outrageous) and my fasting glucose levels indicate being pre-diabetic. Guess it's time to snap out of fantasy land and back into reality and start taking better care of myself. Funny thing is that recently I have been panicking about Tim and I not keeping on top of our retirement accounts. If I don't start taking better care of myself, the retirement accounts won't matter. I'm so anal when it comes to saving money and "having a plan"....when our therapist suggested, in the midst of my PPD, that we hire a babysitter to watch the kids a few hours a week so I could blow off some steam and "find myself", I instantly panicked over the money it would take to pay a babysitter. He said "paying a babysitter is much cheaper than the deductible you're gonna have to pay for a bed in the psych ward if you don't start focusing on yourself".

So it's high time I get my butt in gear and start focusing on a healthier diet (no more nibbling on the leftovers from the kids lunches and considering that MY lunch) and getting more active (I guess chasing 4 kids around the house all day, including up and down a flight of stairs several times a day, doesn't exactly count as consistent exercise). Cole and Bella will be switching preschools next month and because the school is part of our district, there is no cost for them to attend so we'll be saving about $600/month just in preschool costs alone! My original plan with that money was to use some of it to pay down our HELOC and put the rest away in retirement savings for me and Tim and in education savings for the kids (just the thought of the cost of 4 kids in college AT THE SAME TIME is enough to fry my nerves).

But then after getting the disturbing results of my blood work, I told a friend that I was thinking of using some of that money to join a gym but that I was feeling guilty. She said "what is this thing between you and Guilt? You need to break up with Guilt and tell him you're seeing Selfish now". Ain't that the truth? And then she pointed out how great a gym would be because while I'm getting a work out (and rejuvenating myself both emotionally and physically), the kids can go play at the daycare program, which I've heard great things about. I know a mom in our playgroup who sometimes drops her kids off at the gym's daycare and then she goes and reads a book in the sauna and then takes an hour after that to shower and blow dry her hair and put on make-up!!! TWO WHOLE HOURS to do nothing but take care of herself!!! I wonder if I'm capable of doing it without feeling any sense of guilt....probably not, but it's something I can strive to work on.

As I'm typing this, Cole and Bella are fighting over a blanket, Garrett is running all over the house shrieking just for the hell of it and Landon is pulling the cat's tail and Tim's upstairs in the shower (how come it takes him 30 minutes to take a shower but it only takes me 10 minutes...and I shave my legs too in that time!).....maybe I'll go visit the gym today and talk to someone about membership!!


joy said...

I told my husband that next to rent, our gym memberships are my top priority. It has to be. Take care of yourself, you should feel more guilty if you don't use that money for taking care of you.

Helene said...

Thanks Joy! I know you're right!! I've been trying to comment on your blog but it won't allow me to, for some reason!!

Cynthia said...

good luck! Making sure Mama is feeling good - physically and emotionally - makes the whole family feel good. It took me a while to "get" that but now that I have ... What a difference for us all!

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr

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