Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Ever have one of those days?

Today was all about damage control, where I was basically running from child to child putting out fires (not literally of course, even though it felt like it).
It began when Cole went into the bathroom and I could hear him say "Oh no!" so I yelled to him "what?? Is something wrong?" and he yelled back, "I might have pooped in my pants". Hmmmm, okay. I yelled back, "well, did you or didn't you poop in your pants...there really is no black or white here...you either did or you didn't". He comes out of the bathroom with his pants pulled up and says "it's not black or white. It's just a little bit of poop in my underwear but it's brown". Why oh why do I forget that children at this age are so literal?? Trying not to laugh (because really....this isn't a funny situation, except some of the things that come out of his mouth make me laugh so hard I get the hiccups), "so you did poop in your pants then?". He says "I might have". Apparently, this doesn't count as an actual accident to him because it was just a tiny bit, not like a whole piece of poop. OMG, to live inside a child's mind for just one day...wouldn't it be absolutely amusing?!
He very rarely has accidents...oh but wait, this doesn't count as an accident, according to Cole. So I ask Bella to keep an eye on the little twins while I clean Cole up. Cole and I are in the bathroom with me changing his underwear and cleaning him up when I hear a loud crash and then Landon crying. I tell Cole "hang out here for a minute...don't move" and I go into the kitchen to see Landon laying underneath one of the kitchen chairs. Bella has no clue what happened but explains that she only has 2 eyes....huh? Was that supposed to make sense? So I get Landon up and give him hugs and kisses and he's not squirting blood out of any orifices and there are no bumps or bruises so I figure he's good to go.
I get back into the bathroom and Cole says "I might have to poop some more". What is up with the "I might have's"? Okay, fine....I get him all set up on the potty and I say "let me know when you're done so I can help you get cleaned up....AGAIN". He couldn't have mentioned that "he might have" to poop before I cleaned him just a few minutes ago from his accident....oops, I keep forgetting that technically it wasn't an accident.
In the meantime, Garrett and Landon have gone into the laundry room and have started the washer. They have watched me push the buttons too many times apparently and they are not fools. And the clean laundry that I had just taken out of the dryer an hour before all this went down was now all over the laundry room floor and a few pieces were in the cat litter box. Lovely....
As I'm getting this all cleaned up, Cole yells for me "Mommy, I'm done". I'm breaking a sweat here by now. I go into the bathroom and get him all cleaned up. I come out of the bathroom and Bella says "I tried to stop them". Oh geez, this can't be good. "Stopped who from doing what?" and that's when I see that the Destructo Twins...oooops, I mean Garrett and Landon, have taken all the fig newtons that I had given them as a snack and smashed them into the carpet. Note to self: when serving smashable things like fig newtons and bananas, the boys need to be in their highchairs, no matter how much they scream because they don't want to be in their highchairs.
By now, I'm seriously considering placing an ad on E-Bay...."Buy 1, Get 3 Free". I consider calling Tim at work and pleading with him to come home but that would give him way too much satisfaction, with me practically admitting that I need his help. While I'm on my little mental vacation, Cole and Bella start fighting over a toy and Cole rips a hand full of Bella's hair out.
I put him on time-out and I tend to Bella, who's in tears. Who can blame her? Although she did start the fight by trying to take Cole's toy away. She insists she needs a band-aid for her scalp. Whatever....if it'll make her stop crying and calm her down, I'd put a band-aid on her eyeballs.
I was in the laundry room for maybe 1 minute and I come out to the kitchen and see this....

Doesn't Landon have that "oh crap" look on his face?! I had to grab my camera and capture that look. Then I said to them both, "Are you both crazy? Get down from there before one of you falls and breaks your neck!" Then Bella started crying because Cole took her play camera and refused to give it back and she was running after him with the broomstick yelling "give me back my camera or I'm gonna hurt you really bad".
Seriously....where is Calgon when I need it? I could hear Susan Powter screaming "Stop the insanity". I was pleading with God to tell me where the emergency stop button was because I want off this freakin ride!!!!
Okay, so every day isn't this challenging. Honestly. But even though it was a rough day, I guess I should consider it a success since I didn't run away, lock myself in the bathroom with a huge bottle of Jack Daniels (even though I really really wanted to), stick my head in the oven, stick the kids in the oven, or call 911 and ask them to come take me away on a voluntary 5150. That has to count for something, right?
Tomorrow will be a better day.....I might just convince myself of that if I repeat it enough.


Joy said...

At least their cute :) I just came out yesterday and saw two of mine jumping on the table...what can these little people be thinking doing things like this?? They're crazy.

screamish said...

mmmmm ...Jack Daniels....its been sooo long.....

mind you I am still traumatized by my friends who ALLOW their kid on top of tables....wierd. People are wierd eh?

Supermom said...

Really I am laughing WITH you! I have had days like that as well!! So when can you be here for a drink?

angie said...

I think the fact that you almost laughed about the not black or white poop says something. I don't like me a poop underware. Even if it isn't technically "all" there. I love coming here because I can always relate, always get a laugh, and never feel like your complaining.

P.s. My oldest babysits like Bella, too. She said just last night that she doesn't have eyes in the back of her head. Meaning, she can't be bothered stopping the twins who are next to her getting into trouble because the TV is in her line of vision. :) People always see her and say, "she must be such a big help". If only they knew. :)

Lisa said...

Oh Helene, I feel for you, I really do. I can relate to your day so much.

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr

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