Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Finding my groove again....

I'm finally starting to venture out again and start socializing. I used to be so active with other playgroups and friends with their kids but at some point I became somewhat of a loner. Probably because I figured if I felt overwhelmed with 4 kids (and they were MY kids), no one else was going to want to hang out with me and feel overwhelmed right along with me. The few times I had invited a couple other moms over for a playdate, I got a sinking feeling that it would be the first and last playdate, all in one. I seemed to click well with both moms but my kids just didn't seem to do well and it was chaotic and disorganized. I felt very flustered most of the time and it wasn't very enjoyable for me to try to have a conversation with another adult while trying to break up fights between Cole and Bella or try to pry Garrett off of me so I could make lunch for our guests.

So I sorta gave up....I just figured my social life, at this point in time, would pretty much just involve some fleeting conversations with various moms at the park or the library that I would probably never see again and, if I was lucky, be able to maybe chat on the phone with an old friend for 2 minutes just to let her know I was alive and thinking of her. It was lonely as hell. And it did feel like hell, actually....I love my children more than life itself and they are my #1 priority obviously but I really missed those friendships. I missed being able to talk to other moms, who I had become close friends with, who could laugh along with me about the things that happen day in and day out or someone I could just call up and say "hey, do you wanna join me and the kids for a walk this morning?" . I was starting to think that my life as I had known it before would never be the same again. I had lost myself somewhere along the journey and I didn't recognize myself, someone who used to be so outgoing and friendly.

But last week, I just hit a point where I was tired of feeling sorry for myself. And stop saying to myself, "well, this is just temporary....you'll be able to do things with friends again soon". I had to put myself out there and make the effort. So I told the kids that I needed 10 minutes to make some phone calls and that they were not to disturb me unless one of them was dying (to which Bella took me literally and asked "how do I know if I'm dying?"). I managed to call 3 friends to let them know I was thinking of them and to try to catch up on the goings-on in their lives but I got answering machines. Even though I didn't connect with any of them, it felt good to finally be reaching out and attempting to be social again. By the time, 2 of the called me back, I was unavailable....busy making dinner and trying to get the kids to stop fighting with one another. I'll continue to play phone tag with them for the next month, I'm sure, but it sure felt good to reach out and try to connect.

Today, I joined a small group of moms and their kids at the park today. It's a very new playgroup that another mom started, with the hopes that we can all meet consistently on the same day each week to do various activities together. And hopefully also have Mommy's Night Outs, where we can all go out together without husbands and kids.

So I'm starting to find my groove again....the old "me" is shining through and it feels good. It made a huge difference in my mood and my patience level with the kids and it certainly made the day go by faster. And the kids had a really great time playing with the other kids, which made me even happier.

It feels good to have a social life again....

5 comments:

motheringmymiraclemultiples said...

A Mom's Night Out sounds heavenly....heck, a night without the hubby and kids without other Moms is okay too...

Jen said...

Way to go! It is so important to get out and be around other moms who can provide friendship and support. I only have 2 girls- ages 4 and 6. I am married to a twin, though, who has an identical brother. His mom was pregnant five years later with a set of girl twins as well. Wow! When God blesses some of us, he really blesses us. I'm glad that I stumbled upon your blog. Lots of luck with all of the little ones and don't forget to lean on God for support!

Jen
http://raisingcreativeandcuriouskids.blogspot.com

http:godsshiningstars.blogspot.com

Rugger Mom said...

You are my new hero. I know exactly what you mean. I feel like every day is just a race to bedtime, then wash, rinse, repeat. When does it get easier? You're right. It doesn't. I just have to carve out the time if I really want it. Thanks for reminding me.

Joy said...

That's great that you are connecting with other moms. It sounds like something I should be doing. Where do you find play groups? That is probably a dumb questions but I've never heard of any play groups around here.

Cynthia said...

Man, do I know what you are talking about here! Good luck getting back out there. You deserve a standing Mom's Night Out!!!

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
Blog Design by Likely Lola