Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Horrible Mommy Episode #325..oh who am I kidding, it's really #674

On Tuesday, I met up with our playgroup of moms and kids at the neighborhood park. Cole and Bella were in preschool so I just had Garrett and Landon with me....piece of cake, right? You'd think handling 2 kids instead of 4 kids would be a breeze for me...a walk in the park (no pun intended..haha)...easy peasy. Yeah, that's what I thought too....until.....

I had Landon sitting at one of the tables eating his snack. It's just a simple metal table with picnic-style benches attached (no seat back). I was standing behind him so I felt he was relatively safe. Off in the distance, just a few feet away, I noticed Garrett was standing in the grass with something white in his hand. It looked like he was nibbling on it and at first I thought nothing of it. I mean, my kids eat dirt, cat food, cat litter (thank God the cat hadn't gone potty yet), and they'll eat 3-day old food stuck to the floor. I've been known not to panic anymore over every little thing they stick in their mouth (oh, but I still freak out about feeding them raisins because they might I a mess or what?)

But then as I take a closer look, it looks like this mysterious white thing is actually a mushroom (dang mushrooms grow everywhere around here) and then Garrett starts coughing and gagging and then full-on choking. So obviously I take off like a bat out of hell to run over to him....totally forgetting that I've left Landon sitting on the bench by himself (I should probably add that there is no padding around the bench....just a slab of nice, hard, thick concrete).

Just as I reach Garrett, I'm starting to panic because his face is turning red and it definitely looks like something is stuck in his throat. He's dry heaving but nothing is coming out. I'm not even sure if the other mom's noticed any of this but maybe they did. I was in my own little world right about now.

Then I hear a huge "thud" and look over at Landon, who had just fallen backwards off the bench onto the cement. Now I've got one kid screaming because he just got the wind knocked out of him and one kid practically choking on what I thought was a mushroom. And, really, as I'm recalling this now it seemed like everything was happening in slow motion. I figured Garrett was in the most danger if he really was actually choking but then suddenly as I was about to toss him upside down and bang on his back, he puked....everywhere....all over me, all over him, all over the grass. Then he started crying hysterically and all I can remember at that point was scooping him up and running over to Landon to scoop him up off the ground.

Garrett is still puking everywhere and now it's not just a little bit of puke, but huge projective vomiting like I've never seen in my life. Finally, one of the other moms comes up and she's trying to clean up Garrett. How she can clean up someone else's kid's puke is beyond me!! In my book, she's a total saint. Leaving me to check Landon for any bumps or lumps on his head that may require a dr's visit. One of the moms said she thinks he landed more on his shoulder than on his head so I start checking to make sure nothing is dislocated, no bones sticking out anywhere, no blood, no bruises. He's fine but just a little shaken up.
At this point, I think I started laughing....I mean, it was total insanity. I have no idea how I kept my cool during all this. Both of these incidents could have been so much worse...Garrett could've really been choking on something and Landon could've really injured himself falling backwards off that bench. All I can figure is that God was watching over them that day. But I'm sure He was up there shaking his head at me, thinking "Girlfriend, you really are a piece of work, aren't you? I'm gonna have to watch you more closely, for the sake of your kids' survival, at the very least".

So it wasn't a mushroom that Garrett had put in his mouth but some wierd plastic thingie that must have come off one of other kid's sand toys. I kept thinking after I got done getting both boys settled down that I'd have to call poison control and run the whole mushroom scenario by them but turns out it wasn't the case, thank goodness. Not that a plastic object in the mouth was any better but at least it didn't have the potential to be poisonous.

My lesson that day was to never let either of them get too far away from me, especially at the same time. If Garrett had been right by me when I sat Landon down for a snack, none of this would have happened. UGH...hindsight is always 20/20.

Since this post has been kind of a downer (but with a good outcome!), let's liven things up with a little humor with some pictures of my silly girl and her fake boobies (who knew water balloons could also double as implants?). The kids and I were having a water balloon fight when Bella noticed that the balloons looked like "little boobies". She's obsessed with boobs....she's 3 going on 16. I don't remember ever being this thoughtful and curious about boobs when I was her age....maybe I was and I just blocked it out.

Here she is, happy with her perky little 34 C's. When I asked her how big she wanted me to make them, she said "um...big but not so big that they'll pop".

Here she is touching them to make sure they won't pop and saying, "Mommy, they feel all squishy...heehee"

And of course we can't forget the side view....look at her modeling as if she's Miss Universe. The girl is too much, isn't she?


mrsbear said...

Oh no, your whole post had me in stitches, not that I'm laughing at you, really I'm not, it just seems the whole situation was a huge comedy of error, there's no way you could have predicted it. The puke and the screaming and the bystander intervention, you poor thing. It sounds like something that could have happened to me, complete with the inappropriate crazy laughter.

The pictures of your daughter with the balloon boobs though, that was just icing on the cake. Thanks for the great read.

Joy said...

I'm so glad everyone is ok! I bet you really wanted a nap after all that, I would!
Bella looks hysterical, OMGosh! She looks so proud.

Amy @ Thoughts from the Mrs. said...

Oh, My! LOL That was quite a range of emotion there!
I find that in panicked situations, I do what I have to in the moment. After the moment is over and handled, I lose it. I cry like a baby.
Oh well, at least I take care of it first. :)

Tabbatha Rose said...

And this is why I never leave the house alone lol. Im glad both boys are ok.
Bella and her boobies are hilarious!!

Supermom said...

OMG!! I am so glad everything is okay with the boys! Kids keep us on our toes for sure!! Ha Ha love the boobies!!

Elizabeth said...

Oh, what a difficult situation! You poor thing! I can't even imagine. My 16 month old puts everything in her mouth too, so I really have to watch her. But even when you do your best, kids will be kids and things slip by!

To make you feel better, I had to call poison control for the first time a few months ago when I thought my baby got into some cleaner. Thankfully, she only licked the top of the bottle, but still - it was scary!

Btw, love the 34C's - I need to get some like that!

Anonymous said...

Wow, how scary and one of my worst fears with twins, can't be at two places at once, or at least most of the time. I love reading your blog! You have 2 sets of twins!!! Amazing. So is it harder with the second set than the first?

mommy of 9 month twins

Cathy said...

I'm glad too! I would have panicked and crying at the same time. But you did great!

And your little is so funny! Look at her, so proud, lol.

Rugger Mom said...

I think I stopped breathing while reading your post. I can so see this happening with the twins in the not-so-distant future. *sigh*

Tammy Warren said...

OH my gosh. I just now had the time to check my comments and I was rushing over to say thank you. These pictures made me smile. After a long week witht he children, ect. these pictures scream out to me why I love being a mom.

Hey...tell her not to grow them toooo fast. When you get my want the flat chest back.

twinmama said...

I am so glad the boys are okay! It is so scary when they get hurt! Peanut on Monday choked on a piece of bread and as I was ripping off her high chair tray, she puked all over! Never was so glad to see puke! Weird..

Bella's boobies are hilarious! She looks quite proud of them, too!

screamish said...

not so big that they'll pop.

Let's hope and pray my boobies follow her advice!!

As for the mushroom incident how awful, Im glad in was only plastic, I was reading this having visions of hallucinogenes and baby LSD trips....

Will I ever have the guts to even leave the house with mine??? You deserve a medal!

Tena said...

OMG!!! This post just made my night....classic!!!

Dana (the Homesteading Housewife) said...

LOl been there sister! too funny! glad everyone is ok.

Casey's trio said...

I'm glad your boys are okay. You did everything you could in that situation so don't think for one second you are horible mommy. It's crazy how fast things happen though huh?

Elizabeth Channel said...

Oh me! There's nothing like how time stands still when they are choking or throwing up. I love the title of your post--it's so true!

Those pictures are absolutely grand!

Elle said...

That had to be scary when you thought he'd eaten a mushroom, then the projectile vomiting. Oh, you poor thing! Glad everyone was fine.

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr

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