Tuesday, September 2, 2008

"Mommy, if I hug you, will that make you happy?"

So the time was finally upon me.....time to start finding new homes for all the baby things we've collected over the years. Tim had organized all the things we needed to get rid of on a table in the garage, as I had been promising to list everything on Craigslist so we could have some extra spending money for our upcoming Disneyland trip.

I'll admit now that I was stalling mainly out of selfishness and denial. Selfishness because I didn't want to share the kids' baby things with anyone else and denial because my kids are growing up right before my very eyes and no longer in need of things like, an exersaucer, jumperoo, highchairs, baby toys, etc, etc, etc.

I sat down on Saturday and finally got a few things listed on Craigslist and to my surprise started getting calls right away. One lady never even called back to let me know what time she was coming (what a flake...why are people like this? I'll never understand) so we decided we weren't gonna spend our whole day waiting for her and we left. Another lady called and told me she wanted 3 of the things (a stroller, a Laugh-n-Learn table and a Baby Einstein Discovery Center)...she was pretty insistent that she wanted these things and said she'd come over the next day to get them. Then she called back and realized she had missed a couple other items I had listed and she wanted those also.

This afternoon I was going over each of the things again with antibacterial wipes, just to make sure they were squeaky clean. As I was cleaning the exersaucer, I got all teary-eyed. Silly hormones....and I'm not even ovulating at the moment!

Bella came up and asked what I was doing and if she could help. She noticed my tears and we had a conversation:

Bella: Mommy, are you sad?

Me: Yes, just a little but I'm okay

Bella: Why are you sad?

Me: Because we're finding new homes for all your baby stuff and it just makes me sad because it means you're all growing up

Bella: Mommy, if I hug you, will that make you happy?

Me: Yes, of course, it will

Bella: *gives me a huge hug and then continues to hang her arm around my back rubbing my shoulders gently* Awwwww, Mommy, you're gonna be okay...do you want a Band-Aid...will that make you feel better?

Me: No, just another hug from you...that's all I need to feel better.

Bella: But I have Dora Band-aids...are you sure you don't want one?

Me: When did you get to be so funny?

Bella: I'm not funny, I'm just me.

Then I realized I was practically in full-on cry mode as we're having this conversation, which really just confused her because I had said I wouldn't be sad anymore and she just doesn't understand at her age that a person can also cry tears of happiness. By the end of the conversation, she had me laughing and crying at the same time.

As we cleaned each of the things, she asked me questions like "did I really like sitting in the exersaucer when I was a baby?", "did I jump really high in the jumperoo?", "did this toy make me laugh when I was a baby?". I told her about the very first time I put her in the exersaucer, how she was too little to sit up yet by herself but I was so anxious to see her in it, that I propped her up with a pillow behind her back and a little towel rolled up in front of her, and that her feet barely touched the bottom of the saucer.

I do know one thing....that with the close of every chapter, comes a new chapter....a new journey and another fun adventure. As I'm leaving the baby years behind, the school years will come and then graduations will as well. Lots of good times to be had in the future.

Goodbye exersaucer, strollers, Baby Bjorn, baby toys, crib mobiles and pack-n-plays.....Hello backpacks, school supplies and homework....and then hello dating, proms and broken hearts. I'm not sure my heart can take all this!!


Tammy Warren said...

Oh how sweet and sad is this. I know what you mean. I have a big container for each of my children. As I place special items in there...I write a note that expresses what each piece/toy/tooth/grass/gum/you name it...means to me. I cannot stand to depart with items that I love. I open the box every now and then. Just to take in the "smell" of the moment.

Thank you for sharing this moment.

I also wanted to thank you for visiting my blog and commenting. After a weekend of company, I finally got around to reading and making comments.

You have a wonderful day and don't get rid of everything.

Kari said...

I'm almost in tears...
I cried when the monsters got their first tooth. My babies are growing up...I cannot imagine what you are going through...

But the dora band-aid was beautiful moment.

Tabbatha Rose said...

I feel the same although the only things I thought about getting rid of were the clothes since my daughter is having twins but she is having girls.
It is a bittersweet feeling and I havent brought myself to go through everything yet.
Your little one sounds so sweet, so nice to hear about the special moment you spent together.

Kim said...

Thanks, Helene. I get home from vacation, come here to catch up, & end up having a nice cry : )

I know exactly what you're going through, because I'm right at the same point. Fortunately, I have a friend who's a first-time mom and another who just took in an infant and toddler as foster children so they are very grateful for any baby items I am able to pass on to them . . . and not only do I have 2 of everything, but I know through experience what works and what doesn't, so I don't give them junk or useless stuff.

BUT the baby clothes are a different story. For some reason, I've gotten all selfish and sentimental about my baby girls' clothes and don't want to pass them on. They are all cleaned, sorted by size, and stored neatly in labeled containers . . . ready to donate to someone who needs them . . . but I can't bring myself to let them go : (

Life of a Juggernaut said...

I am at the same stage you are. I just can't seem to give away the crib and baby clothes. You should go and celebrate the next phase of motherhood and have fun with your kids at Disney. Live in the moment girl. Yesterday has passed, tomorrow isn't here yet, today is a present or means present.... Or something like that....? :)

Michele said...

Sometimes I can't wait until my kids grow up, and in times like you described I want to freeze them in time forever!

Cathy said...

Oh, she made me cry too. She is so sweet! So thoughtful!

I'm not on that stage but I'm pretty I'll be the same as you are, crying.

mrsbear said...

It goes so fast and it's amazing how quickly they grow out of these items we thought we couldn't live without. For me it's not so much giving up the baby items that makes me sad as much as it is the pictures. Photographs of my kids five years ago makes me want to curl up and cry. It's all so temporary. I'm sure your daughter's hugs were a comfort, a little reminder to enjoy the now.

twinmama said...

You got me all teary-eyed! I am hoarding stuff because I don't know if we are going to have anymore kids, but I couldn't imagine letting go of any of their stuff. Stabs me in the heart!

Cant Hardly Wait said...

It's bittersweet, huh? I love when little kids try to take care of their parents emotional needs. Too cute!

Christine aka Mommie2my3girls said...

Aww yi=ou had me in tears too!! I am living both sides! Alexander is a growing baby and I have a teenager who just entered highschool and keeps reminding me in 3 years she will be gone. Every new year is a new adventure and a new heartache! You are doing a wonderful job raising your kids to be sensitive to other peoples needs. I love how "gentle" Bella is with you!!

christine said...

sorry for the typos we were NAK I hope you have a wonderful day!

Shannon@Vogue Mum said...

The compassion of children amaze me! Keep her sweet cuz we sure do need more of her in this world!!

Rock Star Maternity
The Domestic Engineer's Union

Joy said...

I just did this with all my baby girl clothes. It was so sad! I'm right there with you.

michelle said...

i am giving all my boys things away right now. it makes me so sad to say, yup that's it no more. but wait...just maybe?

stickymama said...

Awww. Kids are so wonderful. So if they hadn't grown up so much they wouldn't be able to be so funny and sweet and compassionate, right? Each stage gets replaced by another amazing, crazy, hilarious one.

Heather & Chaos said...

Hey! I'm glad you found my blog! It appears you do much better at this than I do. I hardly find time with three kids to update but you seem to be able to update quite often with two sets of twins! Can you give me pointers? =D Your daughter is adorable! Love the pictures. And I totally understand what you are going through with getting rid of the baby stuff. We are in the process of doing that now. :sigh: Good luck to us both!

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr

Blog Design by Likely Lola