Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Attention Mr Truck Driver with the Winnie the Pooh tied to the back of his truck...

I just want to inform you of how much you traumatized my children when we happened to be driving behind your truck the other day. My 4-yr old son noticed you had Winnie the Pooh tied to the back of your truck. Don't deny it...I have proof.

I even have your license plate noted so please just stop saying "hey lady, you're whacked...I would never do something so cruel and heinous". We both know the facts. And now you can stop cursing the day that cell phones with cameras were ever invented and pay attention to what I have to say.
Let's get back to the issue at hand, shall we? My children and I were happily cruising along after a fun time at the grocery store. A fun day at the grocery store, you might ask? Yes, for me to have a FUN experience at any store with my children is a miracle. So can you imagine the smile that must have been on my face as we left the grocery store after 20 minutes of shopping without any of them fighting, pushing, shoving, pinching, biting and slapping one another?! This was a once in a lifetime experience for me I am sure. I think I might have even been happily humming along with my children as they sang "You Are My Sunshine" to one another. But you had to go ruin it with your damn sick sense of humor.


What person in their right mind ties an innocent, adorable bear to the back of his truck?! Obviously, you don't have children. Did your mother deny you the privilege of watching Winnie the Pooh on tv when you were a child? Did your father refuse to read you any Winnie the Pooh books? Did you cry yourself to sleep at night because you were the only child in your preschool class who didn't have Winnie the Pooh bed sheets? Those are the only things I can think of that must have disturbed you enough to do something so cruel to an innocent, loving bear.

My children have forever been scarred by this event. And, thanks to you, I finally had to sit down with them and have the "there are scary, mean people in the world" speech. I was hoping to avoid that speech for another year or two but clearly it wasn't meant to happen that way.
I would finally like to leave you with a picture I took of my 4-yr old son after he saw poor Winnie tied to the back of your truck. As you can see, he is heartbroken. He is convinced, as all my children are, that Winnie the Pooh has been kidnapped against his will and they fear they may never see him again.

So, please, do me a favor. Do all the other poor children who might have seen Winnie the Pooh tied to your truck a favor. And do all us mothers who have to console our children after seeing something like this a favor.

UNTIE WINNIE THE POOH FROM THE BACK OF YOUR TRUCK NOW! We demand that you let him free. He has loved ones back in the forest who miss him. Christopher Robin is heartbroken and has developed a nasty drinking habit, poor Eeyore has resorted to downing anti-depressants because he is so down in the dumps, happy Tigger has lost his bounce and now has to attend therapy to find his way back to his joyful self, Kanga and Roo....well, let's just say that Kanga has taken her precious Roo far far away to somewhere safe where this could never happen to her baby. Ever heard of the witness protection program? She reported you to the Bear Police and now fears for her life and the life of her baby. You can see how far a mother will go to protect her child!!!!

And I also suggest YOU get some therapy. You obviously have unresolved issues from your childhood. You don't need to traumatize other innocent children because of your anger.

Thank you for reading this and I hope you can understand where I'm coming from.

Sincerely,

Doubly Blessed Twice, who will hunt you down and make your life miserable if you do not release Winnie the Pooh at once (don't forget I have your license plate number)

25 comments:

Lana said...

Awe. Poor Cole! My kids happened to be at the computer as I was reading, and My son laughed hysterically. Uh, Oh.

Mackenzie asked, "Can he get down?" I said "Well, not by himself." She then claimed, "That guy needs HELP!" So you have at least one from here that's on your "Rescue Pooh" team!!

Minxy Mimi said...

HAHAHAHAHA
Your poor boy! He looked heartbroken! But that bad truck driver should be ASHAMED of himself!!!

Kate said...

Bad truck driver. bad bad man.

eight helping hands said...

Bad, bad, bad truck driver.
We here in VA had guys that would tie barnery to the back of their trucks. How unfortunate that kids have to see these sick things.

newlyweds said...

How weird, whats the point of that??????? Sorry poor little Cole had to witness that. Bless his heart.

Retro Heather said...

I'm so sorry, but I can't stop laughing!

Mama Jenn said...

I am so sorry that this mean man ruined your otherwise wonderful day, but I can't stop laughing!!! I am certain that if it had happened to me, I wouldn't find it so humorous. FORGIVE ME, but you have made my morning!!!

Journey on! by Kelleye said...

I am laughing so hard!!!!!! Did you ever stop to think that once again Pooh was lost or missing and he was hitching(get it) a ride back to the hundred acres woods! Still way too funny- perfect ending to a beautiful day at the supermarket with 4 kids!
Or just maybe the driver is derranged and wants pooh to see the world! Or is it just possible something has happened to Darby and she is leaving us all a message?

blueviolet said...

That poor little heartbroken fella... and that evil big rig pig!

Hajar said...

LLOOLL! Poor kids! That guy in the truck probably never gave it a thought that some poor little kids would take offense to his prank.

On the other hand, maybe he hates kids and enjoys upsetting them,

or maybe he has a low sperm count and can never have kids,

so he hates all the people who can have kids,

therefore, he wishes to cause a kid-tempest for the lucky moms and dads?

Who knows, but if I see him, I'll free Whinnie the Pooh when he goes into a gas station to buy his cigerettes.

Stacey said...

Poor Cole!! I've seen trucks with stuffed animals tied to them for years and always thought it was kind of weird. I never thought that it could be traumatic for a small child. Hopefully his memory is short and he's not sad for too long.

3 Bay B Chicks said...

The brilliant part of this post, Helene, is that I believe you were driving while photographing both the pictorial evidence of Winne the Pooh and your devasted children. How ever did you manage?

A dedicated blogger is never far from her camera. Today, you proved my theory to be very true. :)

-Francesca

Jennifer said...

Okay, seeing Winnie-the-Pooh tried to the back of the truck traumatized me!

Chris said...

Poor little guy!
But well written and funny post.

pam said...

That was a funny, funny post. But also, very tragic. My children too would have great concern for Pooh if he was tied to the back of a truck.

That was one sad looking little face in the backseat. Hopefully you and this truck never cross paths again

Abby said...

Oh! Your son's face is so sweet. Stupid truck driver!

heather@it'stwinsanity said...

I am sorry, but I had to laugh! Poor Pooh!

Yaya said...

OMG! Too funny!

MAMA CEO said...

Oh my goodness...that is too funny! Way to go! Way to step up for the rest of us! NICELY DONE!

Creative Junkie said...

ROTF! You crack me up!

What kind of miscreant is this guy? Who defiles Pooh Bear?

Teapot said...

Thanks for the laugh!

Jaimie said...

awww!! that's SO sad :( I just wanted to drop you a comment and thank you for stopping by my blog :)

Jenni Jiggety said...

What an odd thing to tie to the back of your truck! Why can't he just have those boob-lady mud flaps like a regular trucker???

Tess said...

Oh my! I wonder if he knows its back there??

Nancy said...

Awwww, your son looks so sad!

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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