Thursday, January 29, 2009

The top 10 white lies I have told my children....

1) One of the 10 Commandments is "Thou shall not poop or pee in the bathtub"

2) The Pacifier Fairy has a strict age cut-off of 3 years old. No exceptions.

3) The Great Pumpkin commands that all children who go trick-or-treating on Halloween must share at least half of the candy collected with their parents.

4) It is a written law that all children under the age of 8 must be in bed promptly at 7:30 pm every single night. No, God will not change the law; He doesn't roll like that.

5) Watching too much tv will give you painful and explosive gas

6) All children must eat 5 servings of fruits and veggies per day or Willie Wonka will shut down his chocolate factory

7) If you don't brush your teeth twice a day, the sugar bugs will poop all over your teeth

8) Every time you sweep the kitchen floor, you grow 1/16 of an inch taller. Just think, if you sweep the floor on a daily basis, you'll be tall enough to go on the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad ride at Disneyland next time we go

9) You need to drink 3 glasses of milk a day or your bones will turn into spaghetti

10) Everytime you pick your nose, an angel cries

33 comments:

Cheryl Lage said...

Oh Helene, these are all AWESOME!
(Everytime you pick your nose an angel cries! HYSTERICAL!)

Think I will use the one about sugar pooping on teeth as well...

Wonderful daybrightener!

Ashlee said...

Gosh, I wish I were this creative... I think I'll just contact you when I need to explain something to Blair!

newlyweds said...

Your too good, I will have to borrow some of these!!!

Jody said...

Oh my goodness, you make me laugh! :) You thought of some great stuff!

Jody said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Yaya said...

These are hilarious!!!!
Especially the bugs pooping on teeth one!

Lady Christie said...

I wish I would have known about the picking your nose one before I caught my son picking his nose in his classroom.

blueviolet said...

I'm particularly partial to the angel crying and the sugar pooping on the teeth!

Missy said...

Too Funny!

Erin said...

#5 totally made me laugh out loud. And I am definitely going to use the sugar pooping one too.

Sharlene said...

Thank you for making me smile.

Stacey said...

hahaha. OMG! Those are great! I'm going to have to save them for when my babies come along.

Fearless Mom said...

very funny!

Veronica Lee said...

I like your 5th commandment! I may need to borrow that.

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

I can't even count how many I've told my crew. It's really for their own good is how I valdiate lying!

In fact, I may steal some of your lies!

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

I can't even count how many I've told my crew. It's really for their own good is how I valdiate lying!

In fact, I may steal some of your lies!

eight helping hands said...

OH MY GOODNESS! I wanted someone to visit, while I was sad this week and you were one of the two I had to visit. You did not disappoint me at all! First, I am sooo glad that we both tell similar "Lies".
Second, I needed a laugh and you, my friend did not fail me.
Thank you!
Michelle

Debbie said...

Those are great lies! You should hear the whoppers I have told my kids!
And can you teach my cat the one about not pooping in the bathtub? She has this problem...

LaurieJ said...

But the parents get to pick their portion of the candy! None of those dum dum suckers for me :-)

Morgan said...

You mean the sugar bug thing isn't true?!?

Creative Junkie said...

OMG - you are hysterical!!!

LOVE LOVE LOVE the sugar bug poop one!

The Mother said...

I am a firm believer in lying to the children. Also, I stay up nights trying to find ways to make their little lives miserable. Just ask them.

Stacie said...

roflmao, those are great, and I think I have told those same little mistruths myself ;)

Lana said...

You're hilarious!!

Apparently my son has made a LOT of angels cry. A LOT.

Hajar said...

LLLOOOUUUULLLL!!!! What motherly muse are you in contact with?!! I hope I can be as creative when my kids get big enough to want to argue with me.

3 Bay B Chicks said...

Helene, never fear. It is a parent's duty and right to lie to their children. How else are we to protect them and keep life in perfect balance?

You are just doing your job. And, might I add, you are doing your job in the most creative way possible! I love it.

-Francesca

Hula's Secret Blog said...

These are priceless!

Retro Heather said...

ROFL! I wonder if some of those will work on my husband, too.

Nancy said...

OMG, those are Hilarious! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Gotta make you my blog of the day again! hahahahahahahahahaha

KATE said...

Oh my word, I'm stealing, like, half of those! Where do you come up with this stuff?

Tymma said...

I love these little white lies you are very creative

Tami said...

I love this! hahaha great post!

Joy said...

wow, just read this from your 2009 recap. I love this list! Gonna have to save these ideas for sure, especially the nose picking one and sugar bugs. haha!

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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