Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Dear Wierd Creepy Guy at Borders,

I'm not sure who you are, though you seem to think you know who I am. The first time our eyes met, you smiled and I smiled back. It was an act of kindness and politeness on my part, that's all it was. As I continued to browse through a couple books I was considering buying, I felt like I was being stared at. I looked up and there you were again, staring at me with that creepy smile on your face. I wondered if maybe you had X-ray vision and you could see that I was wearing my hot pink underwear with the little red hearts all over them...

I moved to another part of the store at that point because, honestly, you were really freaking me out. That's when I noticed you following me. I tried to convince myself that maybe you just had the same interests as me and that's why you followed me to the parenting section. Are you also a screamer and you were trying to find a book on scream-free parenting? Or perhaps you're more into the Love and Logic thing? Magic 1-2-3? Trying to get your kids to go green? Trying to get the in-laws to mind their own business?

Nope, I guess not. Apparently, you thought I was your high-school crush, Rosie Nelson. Sure, it had been about 20 years since you had last seen Rosie but you were pretty darn confident that I was Rosie. Let me tell you that I am not Rosie Nelson, nor have I ever heard of Rosie Nelson. No, I'm not lying to you. I'm sorry that I look "exactly like Rosie Nelson" and I'm sorry that somehow seeing me, even though I'm not Rosie Nelson, has brought back some painful memories for you. I'm sorry that Rosie Nelson didn't go to prom with you. I'm sorry she broke your heart. Honestly, I am not Rosie Nelson trying to pretend to be someone else...I would show you my ID to prove it to you but I'm afraid you'll memorize my address and hunt me down and then next thing I know I'll be stuck in a deep hole in the ground with you screaming down to me "It places the lotion in the basket". I don't think I'd be so lucky as to have Clarice Starling come to my rescue.

I'm a total stranger....do you really need to be telling me all this? Dude, you need help. I honestly think you think I'm Rosie Nelson....in the psychology world, this is what we call "transference". You might want to discuss this with your psychiatrist next time you go in for a medication evaluation. You might even want to mention that you need an increase in your anti-psychotic meds.

Ever heard of Classmates? My Space? Facebook? Twitter? Those would all be really good ways of finding the real Rosie Nelson, instead of stalking some innocent, unsuspecting woman who's just trying to buy a couple books at Borders on how to be a better parent. Although I suspect that if Rosie Nelson were smart, she'd probably have moved very far away from here after high school (and more than likely has all her profiles listed as "private" because even 20 years later, I'm sure she must still harbor anger over you calling her HO-sie Rosie for the remainder of high school...and the fact that you still find that funny is just disturbing....seriously).

For future reference, a better way to have handled this in order to avoid completely freaking me out, would have been to just walk over casually (without the whole creepy smile thing going on) and ask "Hey, you look like a friend of mine from high school...any chance you're Rosie Nelson?". I would've smiled politely and said, "No, I'm sorry, I'm not...but have a nice day". You would've walked away...end of story. It didn't need to turn into a therapy session for you where you try to cleanse your soul and attempt one more try at letting go of the grief that Rosie Nelson caused for you.

On that note, wishing you lots of luck in the future (and lots of psych evaluations)....Oh and by the way, you've made a huge mistake in underestimating me. I've read "The Gift of Fear" and I can take your ass down!

32 comments:

Hajar said...

Eeeewwwww, this story makes my skin crawl!

Nancy said...

That's creepy for certain! It's funny, before you put the quote from Silence of the Lambs in there, I was thinking "it puts the lotion on the skin"... ewwwwww

Debbie said...

Even for someone who likes to talk to people, that whole scenario is a little too freaky for me! Thank goodness you were in a place with quite a few people.

newlyweds said...

That is weird. I always think it is so strange when people are obsessed over the past like 20 years seriously. Anyways looks like you got an unwanted ear full. Sounds like he was a little lonely, yikes!

Jessie said...

I totally get how creepy this is... but it's also freaking hilarious. Who would seriously tell a random stranger (who happens to look like Rosie) all that information?

Xazmin said...

Too funny! Sorry for your frightening experience!!

Fearless Mom said...

scary. good thing the kids were not there.

ImakehairROCK4u2 said...

O.M.G. I think you should find this Rosie Nelson and tell her to ba afraid, be very afraid...

High Desert Hooker said...

Ack! How horrific! See? This is why I never leave the house. EVER!

Becky said...

okay thats a little bit too weird Rosie, you know you are really her and you just didn't want to let him know.

who would have thought that going to a bookstore would turn into such a weird experience?

Kim said...

Eww.

And, again I say, Eww.

Jennifer said...

I'm scared. Now I'm going to get "The Gift of Fear" and read it, too!!! *nervous laughter*

Tess said...

That is creepy!

Tracy said...

Bwaaaahahahahaha! WEIRDO!

Now I must go to Borders to find "The Gift of Fear."

Christina said...

EWWWY! gross! guys hit on me all the time and its gross!

Christina said...

thanx for the tips! they had fun doing that!

I would so come baby sit for you! lol lol...your kids seem so chill and relaxed!

MamáChanga said...

Ummm...this is a totally creepy story, but I love the way you made it seem so funny. Can I tell you that as I was reading it I was thinking, this would totally happen to you Helene!! LOL!!

May the Borders Rosie Nelson stalker never cross your path again!

Hugs & Blessings!

mich said...

Wow, that IS creepy. Sheesh.

Jodi said...

Creeps me out!

Thanks for entering my contest! Stop on over and vote on your fave PURPLISCIOUS find!!!! There's some crazzzy purple out there! Hurry though - ends tomorrow!!!!!

Yaya said...

Ewww...stalker.

Tami said...

Eeek .. that's scary

Morgan said...

You'll have to take your 4 kiddos with you next time- that will have him running the oppositte direction even if he does still think you're Rosie!

So were you really looking for Love & Logic? I just started reading a book on that...

bonnieearly said...

Nice!

Connie said...

OK I'm scared just reading your post. You're doing better than I am.

Veronica Lee said...

This totally creeps me out.

Creative Junkie said...

AAACCCKK ... I am creeped out.

Ewwwwwww.

Poor Rosie. Wonder how many awful memories she's got of HIM?

(on a side note ... your quoting Silence of the Lambs cracked me the hell up.)

Janice said...

Hi! I'm a new Follow Me member- glad to have found your blog!

mrsbear said...

Dude, that's disturbing, so glad you avoided that hole scenario, I think Clarice is retired. Ew. Exactly why I carry the mace with me on my trips to the bookstore. You never know...

Reeni♥ said...

I had a similar thing happen to me. Except the man thought I was from some small town in Florida. What are the chances of that really happening in NY? Anywho I came over to say hi and thanks for visiting my "saucy" blog!

Dagmar said...

What a funny, creepy entry :) My Landon says hi. Thanks for checking out my blog, DagmarBleasdale.com

Lisa M said...

Lol, Sorry you had to meet creepy borders guy! It made for a great post though lol.

Welcome to SITS!

Lana said...

Creepy. I feel for you.... and this Rosie person!

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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