Monday, March 16, 2009

The children who wouldn't go to bed....

Cole and Bella are the world's biggest stallers when it comes to bedtime. Just when I think they've used every excuse in the book, they'll come up with something so out of this world, it actually boggles my mind. I told them the other night, "You know, you guys could write a book full of all these bedtime stalling techniques, sell it to other kids and probably make a fortune". Cole said, "Would a fortune be enough to buy some trains at the store?". Before I knew it, I realized I was having quite a lengthy conversation about this....yet another stalling technique of theirs....ask Mommy a question that will require lots of thought and discussion.

Here are just a few excuses they've used recently:

I can't find my blankie (that's odd....I'm pretty sure I just saw you put it under your pillow but I have to give you credit...that might've worked if I hadn't still been in the room when you hid it. You're getting there, though your techniques are still a bit rusty....Mommy - 1 pt, Kids - 0 pts)

I think I might need to poop (well, if you think you MIGHT need to poop, then you probably don't need to....tell your butt to take the night off)

I hear voices (are they dead people? No? Well then go to sleep)

I need to floss my teeth (You can floss in the morning...and since when do you care so much about flossing your teeth? Oh, that's only worry about such important things when it's 10 minutes past your bedtime. I suppose tomorrow night you'll be telling me you need to solve world hunger)

My eyebrows are bothering me (Well, then maybe we should shave them off so you can get to sleep)

Why do we have to sleep? (Because that's when your body does all its growing)

So if we don't ever sleep, we won't grow? ( fact, I heard a rumor that if kids don't get at least 9 hours of sleep a night, they start shrinking back to the size they were when they were born. We'd have to wheel you into kindergarten next year in a baby embarrassing would that be?!)

I need you to rub my back again (I've already rubbed your back for more than a few minutes....who's gonna rub my back when it's sore from bending over to rub your back?) Daddy will rub you (yeah, I bet he will, but unfortunately that would probably only make my back hurt worse)

I'm afraid of the monsters *for the 10th time* (That's wierd....I got an e-mail today from Elmo saying that he and Grover are scared of YOU)

Why is the moon so bright? (Because God needs a nightlight too)

I'm worried (What are you worried about?) Ummm, hmmmm, ummmm, I'm worried about.... (nice try....NOW GO TO SLEEP)


The High Family said...

Ryan has started the excuses now...soooo annoying! It took him an hour and half to get to sleep tonight. My favorite is the "poop" one because we are in the middle of training him and he knows we will let him up to try again just so we don't have to change a poopy diaper in the middle of the night! argh!

We also get the "I scared" excuse a lot too. Every night his puppy is going to get him...*rolling my eyes!*

Tami said...

hahahahah Your kids are the cutest everrrr! You my friend need to write that book, and give some tips for other moms in the same situation. I DID USE THE CAVITY BUGS POOP ON YOUR TEETH, Caleb had a look of pure horror on his face when I said it. HAAAAAAAAAAAA! Got him good!

When the kids are my children ages, you'll reflect back and beg for those times again. I look at my 6'2 son and remember him in my arms, and how I wish I could have them all back at that age.


HarryJack's Mom said...

Yep, here too! I'm sure anyone who doesn't know better would fall right into the trap of my youngest's sorrows and fears...I thought I'd tricked them into racing to dress this morning and they turned the tables - I hate when they gang up. And I almost spit my drink out over the backrub comment!

Xazmin said...

My kids make me want to scream at bedtime! I think I'm never more mad then when it's time for them to be in bed, and I'd like some quite wind down (okay, blogging) time, and they just keep getting up!

p.s. Come by and see the Better Boy Band poll results!

Hajar Zamzam Ismail said...

Kids are a daily riot. I can see it now: Cole and Bella being wheeled into Kindergarten in their twin stroller because they declined to get nine hours of sleep every night. Heehee, you rock, Mama! I hope I can be as creative as you when my little buggers start with me.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

The eyebrow one is the best! lol Sounds just like my youngest son.

Veronica Lee said...

I've a special award for you. Please grab it from the top of my blog next to the running mouse.

Debbie said...

I think they realize they need to poop at bedtime because it is the only time during the whole day that they are still long enough to realize it!

eight helping hands said...

That cracked me up! I needed a good laugh today!
I love the excuses give have at bedtime.
My five year old once used, 'I can't go to sleep, because if I do, who's going to put the moon and God to sleep!"
Happy St. Patty's Day!
I know I have been gone from my blog for awhile, but I'm back now!

eight helping hands said...

That cracked me up! I needed a good laugh today!
I love the excuses give have at bedtime.
My five year old once used, 'I can't go to sleep, because if I do, who's going to put the moon and God to sleep!"
Happy St. Patty's Day!
I know I have been gone from my blog for awhile, but I'm back now!

The Eadle Family said...

oh boy I know the excuses are coming! The girls find their way of getting out of bed now. Sad, because a year ago they used to take our hand and lead us to their room to go to bed. :(

The Mother said...

Oh, God, too true to be funny.

We used this one on our kids when they started the "mystery ailments" thing to get out of bedtime, school, etc. It comes from the Review of Systems that docs do to try to figure out what's wrong with a patient.

Lingerers have "positive" reviews of systems. i.e., everything hurts. So the question you ask is, "Does it hurt behind your eyes when you pee?"

The first time my hubby asked my son that, he said yes, and I burst into hysterics.

Of course, it took us another thirty minutes to explain why it was so funny. So I guess the kid won, after all. Now it's a catchphrase in our house.

Kathy B! said...

I love this!! My favorites are:

"Give your butt the night off" -- I'm laughing as I type it!

Followed by the part about shaving off their eyebrows.

You do realize that someones going to have a nasty accident in the bad as a result of the night off.

MamaHenClucks said...

I think bedtime brings out the most creative side in kids.

Maytina said...

My second is 3 now and she is full of this - till we cross the threshold of her room. So she stands there in the hallway stalling! [Popping in from SITS]

Anonymous said...

Lol'd at the flossing teeth one!

Stephanie Manner Wagner said...

I had 3 singletons before my now 8 month old twin boys. I can relate to your chaos a bit.

3 Bay B Chicks said...

Seriously funny, Helene. Although all of the things your kids said are priceless, what you say in return is even funnier.

I think I might just use the "have your butt take the night off" one. Brilliant!


Anonymous said...

My eyebrows are bothering me? That's one I haven't heard. :)

Lisa C. said...

hehehe... Just reading your post makes me exhausted.. lol.. and I thought with just my two I was tired.. :)

** went to follow and noticed it says the more the merrier, had to smile.. @ the thought it was coming from a momma of two sets of twins...

mrsbear said...

I loathe bedtime. My kids do the same, my teen has gotten especially adept at stalling. She locks herself in the bathroom and performs obscure but lengthy hygiene rituals for a good half hour. I'm pretty sure all she's doing is sitting on the toilet with a book, while letting the faucet in the sink run...I just haven't been able to catch her at it.

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

Baby Girl's favorite stall is to poop in her diaper! I put her to bed, 30 minutes later "I got a poopy diaper". Drives me crazy!

Christine said...

Wow I better start taking notes now. lol My 11 year old just said "they have every excuse in the book, good thing we don't do that" to which I replied "you do". However as tween/teens they just have music on, need a drink, ect.. they have become more creative through the years. lol

Creative Junkie said...

I love the "tell me a story" after it's already been 20 minutes of stalling for bed. Then I feel like the world's worst mom for NOT telling her a story because it's already 20 minutes past her bedtime.

Anonymous said...


I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr

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