Sunday, March 8, 2009

"Mommy, that isn't poop on the floor....see, watch"

Oh yeah, I went there. I definitely did. Plainly put, my kids are gross. Nothing seems to disgust them. This incident, unfortunately, was not the first time they had proven that they are completely disgusting. And I know it won't be the last.

We had finished dinner last night and I got up to do the dishes. I look down and see this on the kitchen floor....(of course, I grabbed my camera because I just knew this wasn't gonna end on a good note)

Do you see what I see? It looks like a piece of poop, am I right? Yeah, it's a little on the shiny side but, with my kids, anything's possible. I remember once when Cole was a toddler he ate a purple crayon without my knowledge and when I changed his diaper, I freaked out that he had purple poop. I was on the phone so fast with the pediatrician's office, screaming into the phone at the nurse, "OH MY GOD, my son's poop is purple with flecks of stuff in it...OH MY GOD, I don't even know if I remember how to do CPR....should I take him to the emergency room?" The nurse just laughed...hysterically, I might add.

Getting back to the present time, I called out to Tim, "Do you know what this brown thing is on the kitchen floor?" and he said, "I can't hear you....I'm changing Landon's diaper...he pooped". Oh Good God....I moved closer to the laundry room where we have a make-shift changing table on the counter and asked, "Does it look like any of his poop is missing?". Tim said, "What? Are you kidding me? How would I know if any poop is missing?". I shrugged and said, "just thought I'd ask".

Cole came over and looked at it and said, "I don't think that's a piece of poop". Then of course Bella had to come over and examine it. And I'm talking, on her hands and knees...

She says, "Mommy, that isn't poop on the floor....see, watch".... and as she moved in closer to examine it with her fingers, I screamed, "NO....DO NOT TOUCH THAT". She leaned down closer to it and actually sniffed it....she SNIFFED it, only convincing me further that my kids have been put on this earth to test my tolerance for all things disgusting.

I told them I was going to grab a paper towel and to please resist the urge to touch whatever that thing was. When I came back around the counter, paper towel in hand, this is what I see...

I said (while snapping a pic of course), "Did you just eat that??". Cole smiled sheepishly and said, "yeah, but I don't think it's poop". As my stomach turned a couple times, I just stared at him in complete disbelief. "What do you mean you don't THINK it's poop??" I asked, "Did you swallow it?". Yeah, he had swallowed it and opened his mouth for me to see the last bits of brownish gunk in his teeth.

I couldn't believe I was about to ask this but I said, "what did it taste like?". He cocked his head to the side and said, "ummmmm, it was chewy but it didn't taste like poop". I held my tongue in fear that I might have asked him, "well, how would you know what to compare it to...I suppose you've sampled poop recently?"

Tim came out from the laundry room and asked what was going on and I explained the events that had just taken place....brown thing resembling poop on the floor, kids examining it, Cole eating it. He laughed, kinda like the way he laughed when I told him we were having another set of twins, and he told me that Landon had wanted one of my Viactiv calcium chews so he gave him one.

I asked Landon if he had spit it out on the floor and he nodded his head. Guess he didn't like it. And why throw it in the garbage can when you can just spit it out anywhere you like, making your poor mother think that someone crapped on the kitchen floor?

Good times....

45 comments:

Amy B said...

Oh I KNEW there was a reason I wanted to follow your blog...I have a Cole that is 4 and he would do the same thing. I LOVED this post this morning...Love it. Your kids are too cute.

motheringmymiraclemultiples said...

I have to tell you that I read your posts out loud to the hubby. We are both usually in tears laughing so hard.

Poop...it's not just for breakfast anymore!

Tamerina said...

You should name him the taste tester! LOL. He took one for the team! thats too funny. I look forward to your next adventure of A day in the life of double set of twins. You should certainly have a reality TV show LOL. I'd be watching everyday!

Simply AnonyMom said...

I would have freaked out too. I can totally see the resemblance to poop! What an awesome way to start the day, hahaha

Mary Moore said...

Yeah, I can see how that would scare the bejeebers outta you!

Amy said...

We have had one of our boys swallow a fishing worm...yep it came out the other end too! You can just imagine...

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Oh that's too funny...I would have freaked out, too! :)

Side note: Landon is a cool name - that's my hubby's name! :)

Karen said...

I think my favorite part was when he said, "I don't think it's poop."

Priceless!

Betty said...

lol! Oh my goodness! This was so funny. Your little ones are too cute. I'm still laughing. :)

Christina said...

hahaha! claassic!

btw who gives a 3 year old an adults vitamins?

The Mother said...

My teenagers (who, by the way, are perfectly capable of picking up and cleaning up) will step around dog poop and dog spit up. They just ignore it.

'Cause why would they clean something up if they know that Mom will do it for them (eventually).

MommyAmy said...

Ok, you totally crack me up!

Heather Happymaker said...

What is it with poop? It's universally appealing!

jungletwins said...

Good God, I'm THRILLED that was not poop- I was on the edge of my seat! The things I have pulled out of my twins mouths... It wouldn't be a stretch!

Maricris Zen Mama said...

We learn only from the best! LOL! Our kids does teaches us beyond our wildest dreams. So funny! Kids you just gotta love 'em....

Chris said...

Priceless! Your stories always make me laugh.

Shelli wishes it was Mrs. Burchett;) said...

As I was reading this, my 6yo old said "Mommy look! It's poop!" and pointed to the Viactiv chew. He had me cracking up even moor than I already was!

The Eadle Family said...

LOL! I would have totally freaked! Thank GOD it wasn't poop!

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

That is too funny! I knew it was chocolate something!

MamaHenClucks said...

Okay, now I'M the one laughing out loud! I love, LOVE that you paused in being grossed out long enough to take pictures for us! That is sooo funny!

beccad said...

That's hilarious, my kiddos are so gross too I think they all come that way. I have a friend that licked the "chocolate" off of her daughter's finger the other day and she was totally grossed out by what she tasted.

beccad said...

Oh I also meant to say that I'm Becca from MBC follow me and I can't wait to hear some more stories about your kiddos.

twinmama said...

HA!! You asked your husband if there was any poop missing...that is classic! (And I would have totally freaked out by the purple poop, too, by the way.)

I think that all little kids are gross. We call Peanut our gross baby because she does some very nasty things - I am actually going to be writing about this week, ironically because we have been having a certain "problem" with her. Jelly Bean tries to eat bugs.

Oh the youngins' keep us on our toes!

The High Family said...

OMGosh Helene...pee my pants funny!

I just read it to my husband and he was like ugh! that's disgusting when I showed him the picture of Cole eating it! LOL

Love your family!

Hajar Zamzam Ismail said...

LLLOOOLLL, belly shaking like jelly... That is probably the most hilarious thing I've read all week. Most kids have no concept of things being gross or disgusting, they are just wide open windows of curiosity. I guess it's our job to teach them that their are some things one just does not do, like placing something that resembles a turd into one's mouth!

Xazmin said...

Oh, I so LOVED this post! Don't feel bad, my kids are disgusting too!

Creative Junkie said...

OMG. I chew a Viactiv every single morning and now I will never experience it in the same way ever again.

But actually (I'm looking in the mirror as I type this ...) it really DOES look like poop.

UGH.

(pssssssssst: I have a giveaway going on my blog, if you want to take a peek)

Ginny Marie said...

Every time I visit your blog, I end up laughing! (That's a good thing!)

Alicia said...

That is too funny! Oh, I cant stop laughing! thank God it wasnt poop!

Deb said...

All's well that ends well? There's nothing like being pulled back from the brink of disgusting-happens in my world more often than I'd like to admit. Cute story.

Stopping by from the MBC from the Follow Me Club and looking forward to reading your blog.

Stephanie said...

Hilarious! Found you through the Follow Me. Makes my life with 1 kid look tame.

Kathy B! said...

That was just hilarious! And I totally thought the same thing, "wht do you mean you don't think it tastes like poop?!" It's sorta implied that there is a frame of reference here.

I love this post -- reminds me of Caddyshack!

Jen said...

Oh my, the things that kids will put in their mouths. So glad it wasn't poop!

Tess said...

Who needs the dog to test things out when you have kids that are willing!

mrsbear said...

Hahahaha. Kids. They won't sample a piece of broccoli but that brown lump on the floor that looks like feces...they're all over it. I had a similar experience with something that looked like a cocoa puff, one sniff proved it was NOT a cocoa puff. No taste test required.

Sharlene said...

Why is it that kids feel the need to eat things off the floor. I swear. The worst was when Ben ate popcorn off a casino floor in Vegas. I ran as fast as I could to get to it but the dang things dissolved in is mouth. I was convinced he would be dead within the hour but somehow he survived.

Debbie said...

Unbelievable! I think I would have lost it right there.

Amy W said...

I thought it looked a little bit like a tootsie roll, myself. LOL!

blueviolet said...

Only at your house, right?

I can't believe he tasted it and then still didn't know for sure if it was poop or not. LOL

Paula Constable said...

That is so funny! And a little gross.

Elizabeth Channel said...

I had to ditch the Viactiv chews because they were simply too tempting. What a great joke!

Tabbatha Rose said...

I swear Helene you always have us rolling on the floor with laughter and tears in our eyes!!!
I just LOVE you!!

ahappyhippy mom said...

I'm not kidding you...It's 7:28 am here in NY and I haven't slept yet. I'm sitting in tears from laughter after reading your post and my hubby thinks I am NUTS! Thanks for the laugh!

Lisa said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAA! Oops....I think I pooped a little. :-)

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