Wednesday, April 15, 2009

14 signs that motherhood has swallowed you whole...

Once we become mothers, we dedicate and sacrifice everything we have for our children. We live and breathe for them....they are the reason we get up in the morning to face a long, exhausting day and they are the reason we go to bed with smiles on our faces at night (well....sometimes, anyway). There's absolutely nothing wrong with that at all, except we start to lose our own identity of who we were BEFORE we were mothers.

Have you ever caught sight of yourself in a mirror and done a double-take because you don't recognize the woman who's standing right in front of you anymore? When you introduce yourself to people, do you say, "Hi, I'm Mooooommmmmyyyyyyy"

Here are some signs that may help you clue in to the fact that motherhood has swallowed you whole....

1) My Little Pony gummy snacks replaces Godiva chocolates as your new guilty pleasure

2) You're watching an Elmo DVD, laughing hysterically and saying "that silly Elmo".....but you're kids have already left the room.....and you never even noticed.

3) You're at the park with your kids and you hear some of the other kids complaining to their parents about "that lady who's hogging the slide".....and you're not the slightest bit embarrassed that they're talking about YOU.

4) While in a public restroom, you start helping the woman next to you wash her hands....while saying in your annoying sing-songy Mommy voice "remember the 20-second rule when washing your hands".

5) You used to be a hardcore Brad Pitt fan....but now you're having sexy dreams about the Imagination Movers (you know, the recurring dream where you replace Nina as the "friendly" girl next door)

6) When the bag boy at the local grocery store helps you out to your car with your groceries, you grab one of his hands and say, "remember to look both ways before crossing the parking lot".......and he reminds you that he's 25 years old.....with kids of his own.

7) Your neighbor has her sprinklers on and you can't help but squeal with delight while running through them....with your clothes on.....as your kids stare at you with horror in their eyes.

8) As you and your friend get into your car to head to the mall, you lean over to buckle her seat belt for her.....also tugging on it several times to make sure it's securely locked. She tolerates that until you lick your thumb and try to wipe smudged mascara off her face.....that's where she draws the line.

9) At dinnertime, you start cutting up your husband's steak into tiny little pieces, after you've put a bib on him and offered him a sippy cup of juice.

10) For Mom's Night Out with your friends, you spend 20 minutes trying to convince them that Chuck E Cheese is a whole lot more fun than TGIFridays.....who needs deep fried mozzarella sticks and strawberry margaritas when you could be eating greasy pizza and guzzling diet coke by the pitcher?!

11) You call your husband "Daddy"..... even when the kids aren't around.

12) You used to love to sing "Last Dance" by Donna Summer while you showered......now you sing the theme songs from Handy Manny, Dora the Explorer and The Wiggles while scrubbing yourself clean (but only on the days you're lucky enough to grab a shower).

13) You finally have a babysitter over to watch the kids so you and hubby can enjoy a date night out but you end up seeing separate movies because he refuses to see the new Hannah Montana movie with you.

14) Just for fun, you enjoy dressing up like DJ Lance from Yo Gabba Gabba and saying lame things like, "Let's do it....a-break it down".

If you recognize yourself in at least 3 of the above-mentioned signs, step away from the computer (after leaving me a comment, of course....) and tell your hubby that you will be checking into a nearby hotel overnight for some much-needed "ME" time. And, please.....no Elmo or Imagination Movers allowed.

If you want some more fun examples of how you know motherhood has consumed your life, visit Stephanie at Because of Love...her post today Yep, I'm a Mom is hilarious!!

30 comments:

Suzanne said...

So, so funny...I want to send this link to my friends. I'm right there with you. Somehow my favorite candy is now NERDS and I love Spongebob Squarepants. LOL

3 Bay B Chicks said...

Always a good hearty belly laugh waiting for me when I visit your site, Helene. My favorite item on your list today? Watching kid's TV when my kids are no where to be seen. My husband and I are both guilty of this when it comes to Sprout TV.

Why, oh why, do we even have the thing turned on?

-Francesca

Mrs Cooper said...

I've definately called my hubs Daddy when the kids aren't around. It's usually in a public place too. Imagine the stares as folks try to figure that one out.

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

Can I take Anthony Wiggle to the hotel with me???

I've had a thing for him for 7 years & mine don't even like The Wiggles anymore.

Simply AnonyMom said...

hehe thats not funny! ok it is. I recognized myself in too many of those.

Oh and Monday night while staying in a luxury 4 star hotel with my friend she turned to PBS as a joke while I was in the bathroom. I walked out to Elmo and felt "at home". SHe was laughing and I had to fake it too but oh how it was a comforting sight@

Tess said...

Oh, Ive mentioned several times on my blog that I love Hannah Montana. lol. I also find myself checking out cartoons and being disappointed when its a rerun!

Yaya said...

Lol! But life is so FUN through the eyes of a child!

The Schumachers said...

Sooo funny!!

The High Family said...

LOL!

I do number 11 EVERYDAY and even in public!

Kim said...

Wild laughter . . . turning into sobbing tears as I realize that I've been swallowed whole ; )

The last time we had overnight company, I actually caught myself starting to cut up an adult's pancakes as I was plating breakfast.

I know soooo many people who in every day conversations refer to their spouses as Mom, Dad, Mama, Papa, etc. Lord, please don't let me go down that road.

Kimberly said...

This is the funniest thing I have read in a while! As I was reading it I totally have the Imagination Movers on in the background, while my boys are at school. I love them too! They are way hotter than the Wiggles. Actually the only doable Wiggle is probably not even a Wiggle cause its Captain Feathersword. He's so manly.

Come on, who doesn't like dressing up like DJ Lance? Break it Down!

Stephanie said...

Francesca from 3 Bay B Chicks sent me over because I did a similar post today. Sounds like we are on the same page! Very funny. Loved the one about watching kid's tv shows!

AmberW said...

Haha THOSE are great...

The Daily Dean Chronicals said...

Help! I wanna be spit out! You are right motherhood has swallowed me whole! Thanks for the funny reflection!

Stephanie said...

Thank you so much for coming over, and for the shout out! So sweet of you!

Lana said...

You just kill me girl!!

I WAS going to say I relate to 2, 7, 8, and 12, but I won't. just in case there are people waiting outside my door to take me away to the funny farm.

So I'll just say I don't have a CLUE what you're talking about here... Yeah. That's it!

Jessie said...

2, 5 and 12 are all me. Those Imagination Movers... hotties! And Anthony Wiggle... those blue eyes are piercing.

Ok, I think I realized a little too much here. :)

Jen said...

I am not going to tell you how many of these I saw myself in.

MommyAmy said...

LOL... omg...

This totally confirmed my need for a vacation for some ME time.

LYIS said...

Uh-huh, check, check, check...I'm not me anymore! And what is "me" time exactly? Been a few years since I've experienced that!

It's pathetic that I actually do check out the imagination movers. What's the long haired one's name? Mover Rich? Yeah, defintiely hotter than the Wiggles, lol!

Marie Reed said...

This is pure awesomeness! I'm over from the FMC!

The Mother said...

I wouldn't go to Chuck E Cheese with the kids, let alone on a girls' night out.

But you forgot one: correcting EVERYONE's grammar. Even your husband's business contacts.

Kathy B! said...

So if I recognize myself in more than three -- let's say 10 -- what does *that* say about me?!

Musings of the Mrs. said...

I am sending this to my SIL, just like I sent your last post. Maybe, to save myself time, I will just tell them to read your blog every day.

Kaleena said...

I'm almost ashamed to admit that I identify with your entire list! HELP ME!!! I don't know how to make it stop! I find myself singing Wiggles music aloud in public places. And I've lost count of the number of times I've fantasized about those Imagination Movers hunks! Yummy....

LaurieJ said...

I once had a pretty sexy dream about Chris Kratt from Zaboomafoo..

And I listen to my kids music in the car on a regular basis without them there!

Elle said...

The other night, the kids were in bed and I realized we were still watching The Penguins of Madagascar. My fondest dream is to spend a weekend alone at a hotel, with room service and no phone. Heaven!

eight helping hands said...

I would have to say that yes, I am guilty of more than 3 of those, probably all of them.
How about this one? When you're on the playground and start taking charge of a kiddie game, with kids other than just your own?

newlyweds said...

Your so funny, sad is alot of these things are true for me also, eek!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I love #8! And Elmo really IS a funny guy.

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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