Monday, April 6, 2009

Family rules to live by....in our house, anyway...

1) Me: In this house, we use nice hands. We don't hit one another.
Child: But he hit me first.
Me: Oh, okay....well, in that case...

2) Me: Please stop spitting on one another. If spit gets in your eyes, you could go blind.
Child: *speechless of course* (sometimes you just gotta scare them a little to get them to follow the rules)

3) Me: Please wash your hands after you use the bathroom, before you come to the dinner table.
Child: I already did...wanna smell them?
Me: Um...no thank you....I'll just take your word for it. In the meantime, please do not touch MY food.

4) Me: Please use your quiet voice.
Child: But then you won't be able to hear me
Me: And your point is....?

5) Me: Please stop jumping on the bed before one of you falls and breaks your neck.
Child: Why?
Me: Well, I guess I should say because I don't want you to get hurt, but the truth is I'm just too tired to drive you to the emergency room. SO STOP JUMPING ON THE BED!

6) Me: We can't buy every single thing that you want. We have to save up for special things. Money doesn't grow on trees.
Child: Then how does it get in your wallet?
Me: I take it from Daddy's wallet because Mommy's smart like that.

7) Child: *whine* But I don't want milk...I want grape juice.
Me: *whine* But I don't want you to have grape juice...I really, really, really want you to have milk *whine, whine, whine*
Child: *stares at me for 10 seconds* Mommy, you sound like a baby when you do that...it's annoying.
Me: Yeah....it kinda gets on your nerves, doesn't it?? Like nails on a chalkboard? Like being woken up from a deep sleep in the middle of the night? Like someone crunching ice in their mouth? Like craving some Honeycombs only to find that someone ate it all? Like....
Child: Okay, okay...I won't whine anymore (......for the next 15 minutes, anyway)

8) Me: Excuse me...but trash belongs in the garbage can, not on the floor.
Child: Oh...
Me: Why do you act surprised? Let me guess....you missed the memo on this rule too?


9) Me: Please close the sliding door when you go outside....we're not air conditioning the whole neighborhood. (Child has no chance to say anything because Mommy is too busy freaking out..."Oh.My.God. Did I really just say that? I've turned into my father")


10) Me: Please don't throw your clothes on the floor. Can you just put them in the laundry room where they belong?
Husband: *laughing* But, sweetie, I know how much you LOVE cleaning up after me.
Me: I'm sorry....did you confuse me with YOUR mother? She may have lived to serve your every need and desire but that's not how I roll, kapeesh?

Onna from Toddler Craft interviewed me for her blog post today!!! The interview topic was about my experience with infertility. Read it by clicking HERE and be sure to participate in her Click and Comment Monday meme!!

Stay tuned for tomorrow's post...."The Dreaded Man Date...."

44 comments:

♥georgie♥ said...

LOL! Priceless!

Donna@www.frugaldonna.blogspot.com said...

Love it! I can hear myself saying and thinking so many of those same things! Must be a mom thing!

Janna Bee said...

This is super cute!

Tami said...

hahahah I love your rantings! It sounds like my house, your nice about it though. I just follow them around and complain. When Caleb whines I whine too. LOL
Noooo, mommmy, (I even call her) Mommmmmy, no one wants to give me candy. I want candy mommy. Mommy Dan'yule wont gimme a toy..

Mommy, Dan'yule, is bugging me. Mommmmmy can I have the car.
She digs it. heh heh.
YOu rock!

Kelly said...

Sounds exactly like my house!don't feel bad. my kids think the living room is a trash can, and that a magic fairy finds their laundry and washes it. Also, my little girl just figured out how to do donuts with a grocery cart. I let her push her brother in it to keep her busy. She kept busy alright, she almost took out a couple of other shoppers and a wine display. ha ha.

kristi said...

Tee hee..I have said some of these things myself!

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

We have a rule similar to #5, except ours is: Don't get hurt, I'm not dressed to take you to the doctor.

And I must try #7. Except my kids probably wouldn't get it.

Mrs Cooper said...

#3 is classic. I'm still laughing. My son does that all the time and he's 9.

Love your stories.

Karen said...

Since he's not my kid, I usually let my nephew get away with stuff I would never let my own future kids get away with. But I did have to correct him on something the other night and when I did, I swear it was my mother's voice that came out of my mouth. Freaked me out!

Celia said...

Maybe if I tattoo #'s 8 and 10 on my husband he will finally comply.

2SetsOfTwins4Me said...

I know this is off topic but i had to say it.

I didn't know you were on SITS, and i was just reading comments from todays rollcall and just picked a random comment to check out someones blog and i didn't read but the first line and seen you were a mommy with 2 sets of twins. I thought "how cool, someone like me" then i clicked on your blog and seen it was you, LOL,
oh its not a bad thing, i was just giggling cause out of all the 200 and something comments, i picked a random one and it ended up being someone who is on my blog list. hee hee

Hope you have a good monday

I love reading your blog, always gives me a good laugh, you are so funny

Kathy B! said...

#3 and #7... Laughing out loud. I type it rather than using the (LOL) when I reall did laugh. out. loud :)

MamaHen Em said...

How funny, we have the same rules in our house. I like to say things like, "If you fall out of that tree I will not take you to the emergency room" or "If you break your arm you're on your own" Really, really kind, loving and helpful things! As if I wouldn't. . .

Wrider II said...

Great blog! Although my kids are all grown I can still remember saying and thinking these same things!

Dropping in from SITS!

Supermom said...

Could you email the list to my kids and SUPERDAD?!?!?

Creative Junkie said...

ROTF!

And you're not alone ... I have freaked myself out on more than one occasion by channeling my mother.

Alex the Girl said...

2) Me: Please stop spitting on one another. If spit gets in your eyes, you could go blind.
Child: *speechless of course* (sometimes you just gotta scare them a little to get them to follow the rules)


I"m stealing this one.

Alex the Girl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jen said...

We have some of the same house rules over here too. But the secret is how do you get ppl to follow them?

The Mother said...

I think every mother around the world uses essentially the same litany.

In my house, though, the kids have better answers (older, you see).

Money does grow on trees. They make money from paper, which starts out as wood...

And socks do belong on the floor. It's their natural resting place.

I've gotta get new sayings.

jungletwins said...

Boy do I wish my girls possessed a "quiet voice."Of course, even if they did, I'm sure they'd never use it! We also have a clothes on the floor epidemic ;)

Sharlene said...

With regards to #7: Screw the fake whining. I go straight for the fake crying. I makes them feel bad the they listen. Its mom brilliance I tell ya!

blueviolet said...

If spit gets in your eye, you could go blind.....LMAO. That's hysterical!

mrsbear said...

rofl. Universal rules, you're a wise momma. I've had to add recently "stop scratching your nipple" and "don't touch your brother's nipples". Apparently we're going through a nipple scratching phase. Sigh.

Yaya said...

Love it! The kids I nanny for insist that I smell their fresh breath after they brush their teeth!

Yaya said...

PS I'm mesmerized by the dancing snuggle bear in your right column.......

kel said...

We've got the same rules here.. and no one follows them, but me!

Gina said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog! OMG....TWO sets of twins?!?! Girl, you eat all the Peeps you want. You earn them every day!!

Can I tell you that dying eggs hadn't even crossed my mind? Maybe next year. Or, maybe not.

Musings of the Mrs. said...

So funny. I love "I'm too tired to drive you to the emergency room." I totally get that.

Elizabeth Channel said...

I am so glad to see someone else using the "Emergency Room" threat. I know you can relate with comments like "This time, I'll just use a regular stapler to staple your cut head. And there will be no balloon or pain medicine!"

Deb said...

I love your rules--that sounds like a perfect collection for any new mom. It made me laugh and remember how my 6 year old was telling everyone at school that we could only afford Lucky Charms on special occasions. That came from me telling her that we couldn't afford this and that at the grocery store to get her to stop pestering me :)

Elle said...

I'd have to say numbers 4 & 5 are my favorites. I'm too tired to get dressed, never mind traipse off to the emergency room.

LaVonne said...

too funny! You are scaring me though. Is this my life now? Will all these rules go on and on and on? I hope my princess is an angel when she gets older. She already does not listen now.

Jennifer said...

I'm going to have to keep #7 in my back pocket. That tactic seems to be fantastic!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I can so relate to #8 and #9! I tell the kids, 'our HOME is not a giant trash can!' And yep, I've caught myself saying those same things my dad said. I cringe every time.

Veronica Lee said...

This has to be the cutest post I read today.

Amy W said...

I know my kids understand the rules, because somehow when they want something, they can figure out how to behave!!

Shanda said...

#2 TOTALLY cracked me up!

AudreyO said...

Oh goodness, I am laughing so hard. I have two girls so our conversations have always been a tad different but still conversations that absolutely require a sense of humor.

The High Family said...

you always make me laugh...thanks!

oh and number 10...freakin hilarious...probably made me laugh the hardest because I feel the same damn way!

M said...

LOL, a day in the life...

Tis why I am NOT a stay at home mom :)

MoodyMommy said...

I love them all and wish mine would follow!!! I love your "that's how I roll" We roll the same way!!

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I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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