Thursday, April 2, 2009

Someone googles "world's worst mother" and they land on my blog?? WTF....

I always find it interesting the things people type into a Google search, which prompts Google to send them to my blog.

1) "worlds worst mother" - Someone googles "worlds worst mother" and they land on my blog?! WTF? Thanks, Google....you now officially suck, in my book.

2) "god has no time for anyone's sob story" - Yeah, I know....because He's too busy trying to keep me from throwing myself into oncoming traffic on most days. Sorry I'm monopolizing all His time....

3) "how to make cats get along" - Surely, whoever googled this was sorely disappointed when they landed on my blog. I can't even figure out how to get my KIDS to get along. Cats are the least of my worries...

4) "why kids poop on floor" - Yeah, when you find the answer to that question, please let me know. Obviously you won't be able to find that answer on my blog.

5) "my tubes are tied but i want to get pregnant again can i ask god if he can blessed me with one?" - Yeah, it never hurts to ask....He may even go for broke and send you 2 sets of twins in a period of 2 years....good times.

6) "Why husband picks nose" - How on earth did someone google this and land on my blog? I don't think I've ever said my husband picks his nose. Scratching his privates in public...yes; picking his nose....no.

7) "top 10 questions I'd like to ask God" - I asked him a few questions awhile ago and I'm still waiting to hear back....so, uh, good luck to you.

8) "how awesome am I" - Why, thank you...oh wait, you're not the same person who googled "world's worst mother", are you?

9) "i don't know what I'm living for" - Wow, this is pretty sad, although now that person is probably not feeling so sorry for himself after reading my blog. At the present time, I'm sure he's googling "I now know what I'm living for....serious birth control".

10) "spanking bare children mother" - Okay, so WHO's spanking WHO? Is the mother spanking the children or are the children spanking the mother? And who's bare....the mother or the children....or are they all naked (and why?)Google must have been so confused by this search that it just said, "ah, to hell with it...let's just send her to the "I'm Living Proof...." blog since that poor mother always seems to be in a perpetual state of chaos and confusion...maybe these two could start their own club".

11) "barefoot right now" - Barefoot...cool! Barefoot and pregnant...not so cool...well, for me, anyway!

12) "reason why my driveway gets so many earthworms after rain" - All I can think is that the person who googled this is as bad as I am when it comes to answering some of the strangest questions that my kids ask. You just know her kid came in from the rain and asked her why there are so many earthworms in the driveway. Then, like me, she said, "honey, hold on a minute...let me get back to you on that" and then she immediately got on the computer and desperately googled this so she didn't sound like a complete idiot with a half-assed answer. She landed on this post, The Mysterious Case of the Disappearing Earthworm, so she probably didn't find the answer she was looking for but hopefully she was entertained (or at the very least, completely grossed out).

13) "is it fun having 2 sets of twins" - I honestly wonder if the person who asked this found what she was looking for after googling it and landing on my blog. I would imagine that after reading my blog, she's still searching for that answer....only now she's absolutely desperate and panic-stricken.

14) "LES PHOTO DE PAGLIOCA" - Uh, okay....I'll have one, too...but do I have to sell my soul to the devil first?

15) "arguing for the sake of arguing" - I once dedicated a whole post on this very topic with that same title (here). I wonder if this person was at her wits end with her kids too like I was the day I wrote this post. I'm oddly comforted that someone else has this same problem with their kids (well, maybe she doesn't but it makes me feel better about myself if she does, so don't crush a girl's dreams, k?).

34 comments:

Tami said...

Tell those people to stop googling! If they leave a comment gimme the name and I'll help you! LOL.

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

You are so funny! That worst mom thing was your fault. You called yourself that! I think you are the best mom ever!

And you every well may have saved #9's life, now they know somebody that's got things really rough! :)

MAMA CEO said...

Hilarious! Now I want to do some googling to see if my blog comes up!

MamaHen Em said...

Your lists always make me laugh out loud. And snort coffee. And neglect getting my chickies off too school on time!

kel said...

I'm new here. Love your blog!! Today I checked my google searches and it said "How to date a girl with dentures.."

weird.

♥georgie♥ said...

LOL...I love the GA results I checked mine the other day and some keeps googling oprahs thong and landing on my blog I just dont get it...

Karen said...

Very fun post!

And hey, Google may have called you the world's worst mother, but at least they didn't call you the biggest loser!

Jessie said...

Your blog is my daily adult laugh. (My kids make me laugh all day, but you're often the only adult who does!)

How do you find out what people search to end up on your blog?

Nikki B. said...

whew...i thought i was the world's worst mother. it's such a relief to hear that it's you!!

guess what little string of words leads people to my blog...

A PENIS IN A GIRLS FACE

led to my post, "Face it, boys have a penis and girls have a vagina"

i'm sure some prepubescent little scratchy voiced pervert had 10 minutes alone with daddy's computer and searched those words...and the poor kid ended up on a mom-blog!!

Jen said...

Google searches crack me up. I can't believe some of the stuff that people search for.

AP said...

oh my goodness that is hilarious!! so intersting to see what people google!! how did we survive before google!!

Sharlene said...

People google some random stuff don't they?

Jennifer said...

Yeesh. Those are weird. ;-)

The Eadle Family said...

google can come up with some strange, strange things. lol. Kinda funny when you think about it.

The Eadle Family said...

PS - totally just googled myself ... I am apparently one half of the hottest lesbian couples in the world. haha

Yaya said...

Those are funny! I like the husband picking nose one...I'd like to know the answer to that too!

Musings of the Mrs. said...

OK, I see these posts and I wonder, why doesn't google ever send anyone my way? I look at my google searches, and they say things like "cast" or "musing" not cool stuff. I'm missin out on blog fodder!

Wifey said...

Too funny! Thanks for stopping by my blog. Looking forward to reading more of yours.

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Paula Constable said...

That is a funny list! You make me laugh.

The Mother said...

I'm jealous. I thought I was the world's worst mother!

Kate@FromaDesperateHousewife said...

People do google the most random things. I've had searches come up on everything from kids pooping in the yard to naked housewives.
Oh, and we got married just a few days after you. Yet you have four kids and I only have one - you're kicking my butt.

Savvy Little Women - Kate said...

I laughed out loud when I read this title. Now I have to go find out what is leading people my way!

jungletwins said...

Flippin' hilarious! My favorites are the earthworms and the 'whose spanking who." The google searches that end up on my blog are all the same: "baby neck cheese" "smelly infant neck" "infant neck cheese" "why does my baby's neck smell?" Notice a pattern? Hmmm...maybe I talk about baby neck cheese a bit too much?

Creative Junkie said...

You just totally crack me up! I'm almost scared to learn the search terms people use when they land on my blog.

Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Nancy said...

Those are hilarious! I haven't checked mine lately, but my top one used to be "end of twilight series" all because I posted a letter to Stephenie Meyer. :D

The High Family said...

First, I have to say that it's official. I am the worst blogging friend ever! I think I totally forgot to wish you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY on April 1st? Didn't I?

I blame the momnesia...because I had every intention of sending a witty comment but by the end of the day I well...forgot.

Can you ever forgive me????????? ;)

I hope you had a great day and that the kiddies were angels (I know that's asking a lot huh?)!

So now that I got that outta my system, tell me how do I find out "my google searches"?

motheringmymiraclemultiples said...

How did you do that? I would love to do the same for my blog! I can only imagine!!!

Maytina said...

Oh funny! I'm also amazed by what people Google to get to me, crazy! I love your blog! [found you through SITS]

blueviolet said...

Don't you think these people would be humiliated if they knew people could actually see what they're googling?

That being said, I'm using yahoo from now on.

ConnieFoggles said...

One of these days I'm going to add Google Analytics on my blog so I can fun doing this like you. Your explanations were funnier than the searches though.

The Daily Dean Chronicals said...

Being called the worst Mom ever, is a reward! If my kids call me that....my day is complete! I love the challenge in ruining their day! Just kidding! Thanks for the funny blog post...I wonder what I will find with mine??? Happy Friday!

3kidsandadog said...

Hi I finally figured out how to add my follow me button on my blog so I hope you will add yourself to it-- I am following you!!
Looking forward to it

Onna said...

You crack me up helene!!! How did you figure out how to see how people get to your blog? and what they google? I'd love to know!! Very fun post!! Love your lists!!

Elle said...

Wow! World's worst mother brought them to your page.. That's pretty harsh. I definitely wouldn't put you in that category. It's pretty funny/scary/creepy what people Google to get to our blog too!

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
Blog Design by Likely Lola