Thursday, April 30, 2009

What he says vs What I hear....

It's funny to me how differently men and women think. My husband and I sometimes misinterpret one another and, unfortunately, that can lead to arguments. He can say something so seemingly innocent and I just take it and run with it. Here are some examples of misinterpretations we've had....

1) He says: So how did you spend your day?
I hear: Clearly you did NOTHING all day, judging by the looks of this house.

2) He says: Your friend, Sherri, seemed really nice. How come you don't hang out with her more often?
I hear: Your friend, Sherri, is freakin hot. I wish you would wear low-cut sweaters like she does....she's got one hell of a rack on her.

3) He says: Do you know the name of that spice my mom uses on her pot roast?
I hear: Your cooking sucks....you should probably call my mom and ask for her help next time you attempt to make pot roast for dinner.

4) He says: Are those new jeans you're wearing?
I hear: You must have had to buy a new pair of jeans because your butt has gotten so big. Why don't you use my hard-earned money to get yourself a personal trainer at the gym instead?

5) He says: John called and wants to know if we're free in the next couple of weeks to get together with him and his wife. We don't have anything special coming up, do we?
I hear: I have a feeling there's a special birthday or anniversary in the next couple of weeks and I have no clue what it is but there's no way in hell I'm gonna come right out and ask you that so this is the best I can come up with.

6) He says: You seem exhausted....why don't you lay down for a little while?
I hear: I know you're exhausted but the day's not over yet and I'm horny.

7) He says: How come you never wear that perfume that I bought you?
I hear: I'm tired of you smelling like chicken nuggets, playdough and kid's puke.

8) He says: I can't seem to find my sunglasses. Do you know where they are?
I hear: Maybe if you cleaned this house every now and then, I'd be able to find my sunglasses....and those earphones I've been looking for since 2003.

9) He says: I wonder what ever happened to that girl, Susan, I used to work with at Home Depot....do you remember her?
I hear: I wonder what my life would have been like if I had married her and not you.

10) He says: You look really nice today.
I hear: I know something looks different but I'm not quite sure what it is so I'll just give you a very general compliment and hope you fall for it. Oh and, by the way, it'd be nice if you made the extra effort to look this nice EVERY SINGLE DAY.....and you'd score extra points if you threw on that sexy nightie you used to wear.....in 1998 (even though I can't remember what you asked me to get at the grocery store earlier today, I can remember that hot black lacy thing you wore over 10 years ago....before we had kids....when your body was smokin' hot, like your friend, Sherri's).

153 comments:

Becky said...

You hit it right on the mark Helene, I think this is just about true for every husband/wife or man/woman out there.

Sometimes my husband will come home and AFTER he has told me every little detail about what he did, how hard his job his, how hard he worked, who he talked to etc., he will ask "So what did you do today?"

If I do decided to go down the list, I am usually interrupted by kids who had to wait 30 minutes while he was talking, or he cuts me off.

Ah the life of a mom and married woman, great post!!!

HarryJack's Mom said...

HEHElarious! And a great reminder - have a good day playing (that one always burns me up for some reason) Thanx for the laughs :-)

Tami said...

ROFL. I always hear the same things!
You're hilarious for putting it into words for all housewives to see it. I know we all feel that way! LOL.

It's then the arguments starts right? jerks! LOL

I love your blog!

Michele said...

You are right...this is what I hear as well! So, are we right or paranoid? I tend to think we are right, of course. :-) I think it is also demonstrative of how we are our own worst critics...we take a comment and hear the bad. But, then, when men (or, at least, my husband) asks me where something is fifteen times (that's for fifteen different things), what am I supposed to think? That he is brain damaged and can't find it himself, that he is lazy and doesn't want to find it himself, or he thinks the place is a stinkin' pigsty and I should have everything in place as though we don't have kids and pets and.... What a great post!

Michelle said...

That is good! But REALLY, men say what they mean and don't have a hidden agenda. WE DO though don't we.

I love that sweater you wore last week...REALLY means, go change in to that sweater you wore last week because you look like a dork.

Missy said...

Too funny! And so very true! Men & women are so totally different!

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

Love it! Your hubby & mine must share a brain.

newlyweds said...

How funny, and so true. Its like there is always an implication to ever sentence... ugh!!!

Karen said...

My boyfriend tells me that if I were a superhero, my ability would be turning every innocent statement into the worst meaning possible.

I had to laugh at this post. Even though I know you aren't really kidding! :-)

Personally, I hope you have a great day, and I KNOW you aren't spending all day playing!

with.much.love said...

Visiting from SITs today. You were the commenter above me this morning.

This is too funny. I had a similar post recently about how I just don't understand my husband.

Think I'll poke around a bit more. You're a funny lady!

Nichay said...

Oh my gosh this is so true. HAHAHA! I almost spit coffee across the room when I read the last one.

Mocha Dad said...

My wife and I have these same converations. Can I hire you as my wife to husband translator?

Fearless Mom said...

So funny.

The Mother said...

I will warn you that it goes the other way, too.

You say: Did you have a nice day?
and he hears: Did you bring home a paycheck?

Kristina P. said...

Loved this post! You are too funny!

Mrs. Fish: aka Two Fish said...

OMG I am laughing so hard I am going to pee!! I think I have had those EXACT same comments and replies to my DH!! Especially #10, that is my favorite, along with the spice comment!! Oh how awesome, what a great post!!!

Shelli (wishes she was) Mrs. Burchett;) said...

Let me guess, when you say ANYTHING to your hubby, he hears,

"Sex? You want to have sex? I think I can oblige!"

LMAO

Aim said...

you could write a great he said/she heard book! Too funny.

Tracy said...

Amen, sister!

Jen said...

ah miscommunications.... too funny.

ParentingPink said...

Oh, this is priceless and SOOOOO true! I especially like #2! LOL

Jennifer said...

Bahahahaaa! I do the exact same thing!

Simply AnonyMom said...

Thank you! It is comforting to know that I am not the only one that does this/feels like that.

Hubby reas this post and even chuckled along with me.

Kim said...

Ha! Can't wait to hear your next installment of what HE hears when SHE says something. "Can you look at the toilet—it's not working right" becomes "Go sit down in your recliner and play Halo all night while I clean the kitchen, put the kids to bed, and overflow the toilet because I'm a woman who not only can't drive but who doesn't know how to hold the handle down long enough so the toilet flushes properly."

Lisa from PinkInAHouseofBlue said...

i love this post! it's so funny and very true!! i have given you an award...come to my page and receive it!!

wife.mom.nurse said...

Okay, I am laughing so hard that I am going to wet my pants!

These are great!!!

twinmama said...

Hee Hee! Those are so spot on! Why do we think like this? More importantly, why do men always say the wrong thing?

So, uh, does Sherri read your blog? Will this be news to her?

:)

Sharlene said...

I think we have the same filter. Damn that female gene.

Veronica Lee said...

LOL, you never fail to crack me up!

Hajar Zamzam Ismail said...

Gosh, if all of your interpretations are accurate then you can really read minds. You should work for world peace or something.

Angela said...

Thank you for summing it ALL up for me! I'd post this on my blog if I could! You read my mind!

tracy said...

all i can say is.... ahahahahahaahah! thanks for making my morning :)

Anonymous said...

Your sooo funny, love your blog. I think you could be a bestseller writer.

Creative Junkie said...

OMG. This cracked me up!

Anytime I have anything that passes as a conversation with my husband, I always have to keep a "Nate Speak" dictionary with me.

motheringmymiraclemultiples said...

LMAO! Have to read this one to the hubby when he gets home.....

Tess said...

That is too funny. You should write a newpaper column based solely on this type of humor!

Please be sure to vote daily this week-it's the last week for the contest-AAARGH!!!

Desiree said...

You are so funny! I loved this post so much that I put a reference to it on my blog. I have a couple friends who could really benefit from reading this:)

Kelly said...

I think my hearing an yours must be the same. Men think very literally and women just dont. Men have selective hearing and women have additive hearing. That's the cause of most arguments around here!

Paula Constable said...

Thank for the laugh!!!

One time when my husband and I were dating, he put his hand on my shoulder and told him, "I really don't want you touching me right now." That was 12 or 13 years ago. He remembers that, but doesn't pay attention to the 1,389 times I told him directly that I would love it if you show that you care about me by paying attention to me, holding my hand, etc. He response? "I tried before but you didn't like that." Selective memory.

Paula Constable said...

Thank for the laugh!!!

One time when my husband and I were dating, he put his hand on my shoulder and told him, "I really don't want you touching me right now." That was 12 or 13 years ago. He remembers that, but doesn't pay attention to the 1,389 times I told him directly that I would love it if you show that you care about me by paying attention to me, holding my hand, etc. He response? "I tried before but you didn't like that." Selective memory.

Debbie said...

Oh, you are so funny! I loved this.

Mrsbear said...

You write the best lists. So what's wrong with a little eau d'nugget-barf? I love number 9. Hilarious.

Tess said...

Thanks so much for the help with my card! I already had someone come over and say they voted! :)

Xazmin said...

Oh my heck! Could you be any funnier? I love this...it is so true!

Mrs. M said...

Ha ha ha ha ha~that's so true! One of the best things I ever learned is that men (or at least Hubby) aren't like women. 99% of the time when they say something they intend it to be interpreted absolutely literally with no hidden meanings. It's when their words cross into the female brain (or at least mine) that they get over analyzed and turned against them!

Zeemaid said...

*LOL* right on especially #6. I mean come on.. do I have "naive" written on my forehead? *L*

Elizabeth Channel said...

Oh my! You are on a roll with this topic!

gaelikaa said...

That's an eternal truth. What he says is NOT what we hear. Congrats on being the featured SITS blogger.

cat said...

Oh gosh yes! All so true. Happy SITS day.

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

You made my morning! thanks

Yaya said...

You crack me up! I love the way your mind works!

Yaya said...

You crack me up! I love the way your mind works!

Elizabeth said...

I love this post! I have half a mind to send it to my husband, who thinks that my misinterpretations of what he says are all in my head - they're not! We're just programmed this way!! Happy SITS day to you!

Mimi and Tilly said...

Yep... So true. Your writing is great.

Tammy Howard said...

Yepperdee - that's the way I think as well. Generally leading the hubs to say, "I don't know why I ever open my mouth."

Tammy Howard said...

Yepperdee - that's the way I think as well. Generally leading the hubs to say, "I don't know why I ever open my mouth."

EngaBeenga said...

My favorite - How did you spend your day...

Love it. Hilarious

Kari said...

This is so funny! And, I can so relate.

Happy SITS day!

Jennifer said...

That is hilarious and not too far from the truth of what I hear too. I admit it.

Sherri @ Luv a Bargain said...

Oh my gosh..now I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. Thanks, I needed that.

Crystalin Dunn said...

I am SOOOO glad that thinking like this is not just my own special brand of insanity!

Joy said...

Yep, you're right on the mark with the differences between the genders!

Happy SITS feature day!

Christine said...

This post is pretty funny. I interpret things NOT at face-value...and my hubby says I think too much. Well, yeah...that's what my brain is for...right??

Loved reading your 3 posts from SITSland. Congrats being the FB of the day, and I think I'll stick around and catch a few more. You are a great writer:)

A Fist Full of Dandelions said...

This is so true! And the longer I'm married, the more it's true...how weird!

Kirsten said...

I love your posts because you print what everyone is thinking. You're super girl!

RebeccaMom said...

I think we speak the same language, as do our husbands! too funny :)

knit1kids4 said...

ROTFLOL!!!! That is hilarious!

Helen McGinn said...

ROTFL! Hahahahaha! Yup. Count me in with those as well.
Happy SITS DAY! xxx

Charlene said...

This is great. I always joke with my husband about the the he says/she hears. Though in my husband's case almost everything means #6! LOL!

That One Mom said...

Hahahaha! It's been so long since there has been a man in my house, I forget the two languages!

Hoity Toity Baby said...

Are you sure you haven't been listening to me and my husband?

Queenie Jeannie said...

Oh man, that was priceless!!! I'm so relieved I'm not the only woman who does this!

FRANNIE said...

Just stopping by from SITS. :)

I think I'm going to print out this post and give it too the Boyfriend. I almost spit out my coffee on #6.

Awesome post!

Frannie

Kimmy C said...

OMG! Your posts are fricken hilarious!

Happy SITS day lady!

Morgan said...

LMAO! Great post! It's all so true!
Congrats on being FB over at SITS! Enjoy your day in the spotlight!!!

Pam said...

I would have interpreted those comments EXACTLY the same way! Very funny!

Erin said...

Hahaha, I am so guilty of this too! So happy SITS featured you today!

Elizabeth said...

Hilarious! Happy SITS Day!

Melanie said...

Great post. Number 6 definately happens at our house all the time. ha ha.

Julie @ Little One-of-a-Kind Design said...

You should write for a sit-com! (That's a compliment!)

Kerri said...

Happy SITS Day! Hilarious post! My hubby and I are always talking about how we don't communicate well. You hit the nail on the head with this one!
Kerri
www.sickofmg.blogspot.com

Stesha said...

This is funny, yet still so true!

Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha

Andrea said...

Oh my gosh those are hilarious and SO true :-)

Holly Ann said...

THAT IS SO FUNNY AND SO TRUE...

The other evening we were having dinner and the dog (Jazz) was begging at the table... Michael said "Jazz you don't need anymore, you are already getting broad in the behind"... the fact that i have gained 20 pounds since i lost my job led to me taking that comment made TO THE DOG and turning it on myself and me commenting back to Michael "If you think i am fat then why don't you just say it... TO ME!" and i left the table... Michael says i slay him on a daily basis... i feel sorry for him...

Stopping in from SITS! Happy Tuesday!

Life of a Stepmama said...

Oh this post tells it all!! My BF and I often have the same problems. Women and men are so different it amazes me sometimes. I wish I could tune things out like men do, I am so envious about that!!
Happy SITS day!

lauren said...

if only we could take what they say literally....because sometimes they mean it! :) Happy SITS day!

La Belle Mere UK said...

OK I officially Love You!! This post hit the nail right on the head!

I'm so glad it's not just me!!

You have a new follower :)

Happy SITS day.

LBM xxx

Christina said...

I teach speech and interpersonal communication to college freshmen, and the last few weeks we've been discussing miscommunication in all its forms. What great examples!

Even when we know we're filtering comments, it doesn't mean that we stop (or that we want to ;-) ).

Thanks for the fun post!

Mary said...

So true. But in all fairness, I've learned that over the years, what THEY hear when WE speak is a whole 'nother topic and much, much different than what we are actually saying or even imagine. It's really a wonder that the opposite sex manage to get together at all LOL!

Happy SITS Day!

Tonya said...

Too funny! You have a new follower! :)

Lamonica Epps said...

Funny post. Congratulations on being a featured blogger.

Stopping by from SITS

http://fabulousgccandles.blogspot.com/

Miss Behavin said...

How funny! I do the same thing!

jeanne @ Inspiring Ideas said...

Hilarious! Happy SITS day!

Date Girl said...

Lol, I'm definitely guilty of doing this to my boyfriend when I'm feeling overly sensitive!

Just Jennifer said...

Totally!! Just goes to show how men can be pigs. My husband does the same thing and I KNOW what he means. Makes me wanna kick him the nads. I think I'd feel so much better if I could.

Lynn said...

I actually had to smell myself after reading the perfume, chicken nuggets and puke comment. I am in dire need of some liz claiborne...
Love the post!

My best, Lynn

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

oh men - if they only had a brain sometimes! or esp! HAPPY SITS DAY!

Brandi said...

Awesome post! This would be awesome as a short play or skit (you'd have the audience in tears). And I love #6. I can't stop laughing...

InTransitClaire said...

I don't have a husband, but those of us with boyfriends hear very similar things... ;)

-Claire
intransitblog.blogspot.com

Heather said...

Sad, but true. I'm sure it all seems innocent to him when he says the words. LOL

Happy SITS day!

Bentley Boutique said...

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. And those Martians are so hard to communicate with:)

Mama Mel said...

This is SO funny! And totally true! Thanks for the laughs! :) It's good to know I'm not the only one who does this.

Happy SITS Day! :)

Astrid said...

Thanks for this hilarious post! I ought to show it to my husband and see what he says. Hee hee.

LOL!
Happy SITS day!

Karen, author of "My Funny Dad, Harry" said...

The poor guy can't win! So funny!

Happy SITS day!

Keri said...

LOL. how funny... You're good. Keri

Robin said...

Ha ha this was funny! Well, maybe some of this is some sort of guilt you are feeling for whatever: being a stay-at-home mom, not being able to do it all, or whatever. I say, let go of the guilt! If this is mostly in your head, you gotta embrace your position and go with it! If this is kind sorta maybe passive aggressively coming from your hubs, you gotta tell him to get over and and go with it! Ha ha :)

-Robin
www.robingillis.blogspot.com

Lisa Anne said...

Freakin hilarious. RAH RAH RAH. Totally what my BF is ssaying and what I am thinking!! lmao

Two Normal Moms said...

You know we ALL relate to that, right? I am ultra guilty of hearing something entirely different than what was said...
Great post!
***Ally

Cristina said...

OMG!

You had to see me, or not, getting into a nightie I wore 4 years ago - when I was all about WW. The struggle to get it over my hips and thighs was pathetic. My boobs were totally smashed down flat like tenderized chicken cutlets. And the thong? Yes, I even attempted that. Let me tell you, Lycra is the hardest working fabric in America. Seriously.

This was awesome.

Cristina

Atlanta said...

So THATS why my husband looks at me like Im crazy when I get all mad over the things he says?! Evidently he thinks Im hearing voices! Woops!
Happy SITS day!! Congrats!

Amanda @ Serenity Now said...

So I'm not the only one who hears things differently? ;)

Happy SITS Day!

Sevibabyyy said...

LOVE IT! so true!

Jules said...

Ha ha! I love that last little tie in about Sherri. Girl, you should so look into doing some freelancing!

Jessica said...

Girl, you nailed it!! hahahahaha Anything to do with a changed appearance is a landmine of opportunity to screw up hahaha. Man, too funny.

Simply Mommy said...

Too funny!! It is so true. I swear the whole saying men are from mars, women are from venus it so true!!! Happy SITS day!!!

HotHarmony said...

Holy cow, I'm ROFL this is too true man oh man especially the jean one.

Days of Whine & Noses said...

Sounds like the thoughts that I have run through my brain!

Stopping by from SITS

shortmama said...

So true!

Laura said...

Funny how our brains work. Happy SITS!!

The Pretty Provy said...

stopping by from SITS and boy, am i glad i did!!! needed that laugh today! your blog is hilarious :)

barefacedapproach said...

This post ROCKS!!! My husband and I read together and were cracking up and how right you were!!! Hilarious!

a H.I.T. said...

I loved this post. I was sitting there nodding with each thought.

nicole said...

LOL the husband translator!

If only mine was able to translate I say into what I mean which is always take out the trash or pick your socks up!

K a b l o o e y said...

I hear you. Sometimes we women really make extra work for ourselves, huh? What with lugging around all the baggage our brains keep creating, not to mention the guilt. Congrats on your supremely well-deserved SITS blogger of the day award. So nice to meet you.

Mel said...

Oh my gosh, that is hilarious....I can't tell you how many times my husband and I have had misunderstanding like these.....he absolutely means nothing, but I take it to mean something totally different. Funny! I love your honesty.:) Stopping by from SITS!

Mia said...

Freak'n hilarious! I love it. Sounds like the conversations my hubs and I have. At least I know I'm not the only one!

tori said...

I just had to show this to my husband because he thinks I'm the only wife out there that "twists" everything the husband says. Of course he has never really said that in so many words....I can just tell he is "thinking" it....

Krissy @ B.Inspired, Mama! said...

Now I know that I am not alone! LOL!

Mighty M said...

I never twist my husbands words. Never ever. I only hear the real "truth" of what he is trying to say. Ha ha! :-)

tara said...

lol, i'd have a sherri complex too.

Marnie said...

I'm burning dinner reading your posts!

Mama Mair said...

Very accurate.
It seems I've become far more sensitive to these types of comments since the kids were born.
It might just be that I'm always in my pajamas without my hair combed and I have a really exhausted look on my face that makes me touchy about certain topics.
Happy SITS Day!

Anonymous said...

disclaimer: no woman on the planet doesn't take things the wrong way once in a while.

but someone emailed this post to me and i just think... yikes. i don't read these and laugh. i read these and think "therapy."

Midday Escapades said...

ha, ha, ha! I can so relate to number 4. I'm loving your post! Glad I found SITS which lead me to you. I'm a new follower, too.

Rook No. 17 said...

Hilarious. You hit the nail on the head! You really have a way with words. I can particularly relate to #1 ~ feeling that sting daily lately.

Missy said...

My husband and I have certainly had misunderstandings because of a communication issue. Funny list!

Happy SITS day!

Angelica Bays, TygrLilies.com said...

Awww, you poor thing. My husband and I never miscommunicate like that.




cha', right.

Little Miss Baker said...

True Life, this happens to me everyday.

Sandra said...

This one is priceless! I could relate to so many of them. Men....gotta love 'em.

Sandra

Rebecca said...

I feel so much better knowing it's not just me who 'hears' these things!

The Dapper Darling said...

haha...geez, thats just perfect!

Halle@HouseCapated said...

Oh my gosh!!!! So funny!

Cheryl said...

Still LMBO, but also crying because that is what I hear my DH saying!!!! :) Hang in there, you look great and have a great day!
Cheryl

Pricilla said...

Heh heh, how true.
Happy SITS day

Michelle said...

So true!

Hubby's co-workers wife and I were chatting on FB how men and woman don't speak the same language. We were talking about what we say and what men hear.

For example: Me to hubby "the lawn really needs mowed." Hubby hears "you are such an idiot, you can't do anything right."

Just as an example.

Glad I am not the only one!

Mrs. Montoya said...

So sad and SO true and so, so funny. Love this post. A lot! I can't wait to follow your fun!!

Katrina said...

Coming over from SITS, a day late... great post, had me laughing!

KrysTros said...

OMG that was just so funny. I too feel like my husband is accusing me of not doing too much when he says "So what did you do today?". I have added you to my blog list.

Stephanie @ Figments of a Mom said...

Stopped in from SITS. Very funny list!

Kristin said...

Wow, have I been there. Especially with number one!

DakerMom said...

Haha! i'm emailing my husband a copy of this. Good stuff!

蚵仔麵線Jeff said...

,徵信社,尋人,偵探,偵探社,徵才,私家偵探,徵信,徵信社,徵信公司,抓猴,出軌,背叛,婚姻,劈腿,感情,第三者,婚外情,一夜情,小老婆,外遇,商標,市場調查,公平交易法,抓姦,債務,債務協商,應收帳款,詐欺,離婚,監護權,法律諮詢,法律常識,離婚諮詢,錄音,找人,追蹤器,徵信,徵信公司,尋人,抓姦,外遇,徵信,徵信社,徵信公司,尋人,抓姦,外遇,徵信,徵信社徵信公司,尋人,抓姦,外遇,徵信,徵信社,徵信公司,尋人,抓姦,外遇,徵信社

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

At least Tim speaks. Tyler comes home and says that he has used up all of his words for the day :-)

Ok so I started using a moisturizer and I told Tyler last night that I think I am looking less wrinkly already and he says,
"sure."

SO I call him on "sure" and he said that he thought it would be a safe answer.

What a dork.

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
Blog Design by Likely Lola