Saturday, June 20, 2009

10 signs that you've lost control of your kids....

1) You're at the park and one of your kids asks a total stranger to help her on the monkey bars. When the stranger looks over at you and then says to your sweet child, "shouldn't you ask HER to help you?"..... your child says, "Oh, HER? That's just my mom".

2) While grocery shopping, your kids walk by the grapes and pop a couple in their mouth. When they notice the produce guy is watching them, one child shrugs and says, "My mom told me to do it".

3) One of their favorite forms of entertainment is throwing various objects up into the ceiling fan....and they actually high-5 each other when one of them manages to make a dent in the wall.

4) You hear, "Look at all that poop....GROSS"....and they're nowhere near the bathroom.

5) You threaten them with, "If you all don't stop throwing food on the floor, I'm gonna send you to your rooms"....and they stop long enough to look at one another and break out into hysterical laughter.....and then they go back to throwing food on the floor.

6) You respectfully get down to your child's level to speak with him and he plugs his nose and says, "Whew....you need to brush your teeth! It smells like someone farted in your mouth!"

7) Out of frustration, you tell your unruly kids, "Okay, that's it....I'm calling Supernanny".....and they scream "AWESOME!" and hand you the phone.

8) While out with friends, you brag to them about how well you've been doing on your diet....and then not 5 minutes later one of your kids says, "Mommy, are you gonna have ice cream for dinner again tonight?"

9) You hear giggling coming from your bathroom while one little voice is saying, "here, put these in there".....and you walk into the bathroom just in time to see them flushing an entire box worth of tampons down the toilet....

10) When the cashier at the grocery store asks you "so did you find everything okay today?" as she's ringing up your order, your daughter happily answers for you with, "Yep, we did. My mom knows exactly where you keep the wine and the beer. The wine is for her and the beer is for my dad. They drink it after we're in bed every night"....and all you can do is smile politely at the cashier and say, "Well, it COULD be worse....we COULD be drinking in the middle of the day while they're awake, right?" You then make a mental note to yourself to remember to drive all the way across town to the other grocery store next time you need to replenish your wine and beer supply.....which just happens to be the next day.

30 comments:

Dan River Mama said...

Cute post. Thanks for the A.M. laugh!

Morgan said...

Helene, you're too funny. After seeing your videos, I could see all this happening to you! ; )

Tami said...

LOL, I love this post! your kids are hilarious! The wine and beer gave me tears in my eyes ROFL

Amy said...

oh this had me rolling. great post.

Mommy24cs said...

LOL those are hysterical!! Carson has just discovered the ceiling fan and all it's magical powers. The other day he was throwing his rubber snake up into it and laughing with delight as it's head chopped off. Boys are soooo weird!!!

Fearless Mom said...

you're hilarious. your kids are pretty funny too. i would love to meet kids like yours at the grocery store or the park.

meandtheblueskies said...

Very funny. How about this for #11? You are trying to nicely control your child in the department store when she suddenly throws herself down to the ground and screams, "Don't beat me, Daddy!" True story. Gotta love kids' ingenuity.
Stopping by from SITS. If you get a chance, stop by my blog and enter my one year anniversary contest!

Kristina P. said...

Well, Supernanny is awesome.

Michelle said...

oh how I've soooo been there! LOL

2SetsOfTwins4Me said...

oh wow, hahaha!
those are great

The Mother said...

May I add: when your kids have CPS on the speed dial of their cell phones.

jungletwins said...

Hehehehehe- Love it!
Especially 4,5, and 10. Lulu handed me a clump of poop the other day- I don't even want to know the circumstances that led to it.

Also- wine in the evening doesn't count. It's needed for medicinal purposes ;)

Tracy said...

And, that's why I've started buying wine by the case. :)

Too funny! I love the first one, especially.

twinmama said...

Heh, Heh, Heh! Too funny! Okay, if you ever figure out how to get the kids to stop throwing food on the floor will you let me know? This is a common thing around here and it drives me crazy!! I am constantly saying, "The floor is not a trash can!"

I need a glass of wine...

Missy (Two Little Monkeys) said...

That is hilarious!
I think I have actually witnessed 5 out of the 10!!!!

Hajar Zamzam Ismail said...

LOL!!!! What beautiful chaos. Ay-ay-ay!

Nikki B. said...

you let your kids eat the grapes at the store as ---- BWAHAHAHAHAHA...i was gonna try to say that with a straight face and try to sound all judgemental.

it's the only way the kids will willingly go to the store with me, if they can swipe a few grapes.

i just look the other way...what i don't see never hurt me!!

Alicia said...

Helene, Helene, Helene!!!!!

Your kids are a hoot, and so are you!

Jennifer said...

ROTFL! Your life should be a tv show!!!

Muthering Heights and Other Senseless Sensibility said...

LOLOL, yep, I'd say so!

BlogBaby said...

Call me sick and twisted but....I love that this is your life...we all need someone else to laugh at, don't we? ;)

Seriously H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S!

BlogBaby's BabyMama

wife.mom.nurse said...

oh my gosh...I don't think this could have been any funnier.

You should write a book!!! Hilarious!!!

Tess said...

Oh my! I was just thinking that you need Super Nanny and then I read the one about Super Nanny-funny!

Mamatoosi said...

These were hilarious, until I really thought about it. Did all of these things really happen to you?!? Egad!

Jen said...

yup, you gotta rotate wine stores or ppl will know. ;)

Karen said...

So cute!

I was a nanny the summer after I graduated from college. I was 17 and responsible for two sisters, ages 5 years and 18 months. I frequently took them to the pool. A woman who must have been a neighbor in the condo complex happened to be there and commented that "my" kids were so cute. I told her thanks but that they weren't mine. I spent a lot more time with the girls than their mom did, so I wasn't completely surprised when immediately after I said that, the younger one turned to me and said, "Mommy..."

It was a few days later that their mom made a casual comment about how distressed she was that the younger daughter had started calling her by her first name.

Kim said...

Oh, I dread hearing #4!! So gross!! Which is why I just had the nursery carpet professionally cleaned, the little savages.

Kathy B! said...

#4 gave me the heebie-jeebies!!

Blech. I just hope there was no carpet or upholstery involved!

Elizabeth Channel said...

I love the part about the wine and beer : ) That's too funny!

HarryJack's Mom said...

You crack me up! Of course, I think a little distance from these will make it easier to laugh, since my heart probably won't stop and I won't be worried about them reading over my shoulder and getting ideas ;-) GL!

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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