Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Oh, those poor unsuspecting people.....

In true Blue Monkey Butt* fashion , it's time once again to list some of the google searches people do that bring them to my blog, those of whom are trying to find the answers to some of life's most important inquiries.....oh, those poor unsuspecting people.

* You MUST read this blog....I promise you won't be disappointed. But make sure you're close to a bathroom because you'll probably end up peeing in your pants from laughing....okay, well maybe that's just me....

1) lord i'm alone find me a husband and give me a set of twins: Well, see...that's your problem. You have no manners! You don't demand stuff from God...everyone knows that. However, if you turn that demand into a request and add "pretty please" to it, He may even throw in a house with a white picket fence and a basset hound.

2) sometimes your living: And sometime's you're not. It's really pretty simple. End of discussion. (BTW, it's YOU'RE, not YOUR)

3) i wish someone would hold me: So let me get this straight....you thought putting this statement out into the world wide web would find you a hot date? Whatever happened to "my roommate's boyfriend's cousin's best friend has an uncle who'd be perfect for you".....blind dates are so old school, I suppose.

4) pictures of women in bikini after "two sets of twins": Did you find one here? I certainly hope not. Playboy promised they would never publicize those pictures of me.

5) I feel like I'm never going to get through this year with the twins: Well, I apologize that Google sent you here to my blog when you were just looking for some encouragement and support. I guess they thought misery loves company.

6) as a parent i understand i need to be nice to my kids: Well, there is an alternative....does the name Joan Crawford ring a bell?

7) How to raise children so they won't need therapy: Excuse me for a minute so I can wipe off the grape juice that I just spit all over my computer screen while laughing my ass off.........okay, that's better. Now let me apologize that somehow you ended up on my blog thinking you'd find the answer to that question. OMG, here I go again....I can't stop laughing about this. Okay....okay....okay.....I'm calm now. Please promise me you'll come back here, though, and enlighten me when you find the answer to that intriguing question.

8) my man annoys me but excites me too - This was one of my biggest complaints about my 1st husband.....and we all know how that ended. My advice to you.....run away.....fast.....very very fast.

9) how to poop on the floor: I'll send my kids right over to show you....they're experts.

10) wellbutrin blah: Uh, no....wellbutrin, yum. Mr Cruise, are you being glib again?

11) it sucks to have no money: I'll agree with you on that. However, you might have better luck if you actually did a google search for "is McDonald's hiring?"

12) humorous reasons to have kids: I'm so flattered....Octo-mom has found my blog.

13) The Worst Mother in the World: Well, it's nice to meet you....I'm The Most Horrible Mother in the World. Maybe we should write a book together.

14) ask bossy infertile: Wow, this certainly is an unexpected honor....perhaps I should start a regular blog series with that title.

15) brother's nipples: I'm not sure how you stumbled upon my blog with that google search but I think you need therapy.

16) stories from women who took clomid and had multiples: Well, here's one for ya.....from the beginning....




















....THE END.

43 comments:

TwinsBookstore said...

Helene - Those are hysterical! Your comments were so funny.

Shelby

Mamatoosi said...

That's too funny! How do you discover how people are finding your blog anyway?

Kristina P. said...

Your searches are so much better than mine! I really need to start writing mine down.

Heather said...

You are hilarious!

GypsyFox said...

ROTFLMAO!! that was funny, I'm with mamatoosi how'd you find out?

Elle said...

Thanks for the shoutout!

People search for the craziest, weirdest stuff!

Isn't Tom Cruise over the anti-depressant brouhaha yet?

Is there ever a humorous reason to have kids?

Those Jon & Kate pictures are sort of sad now aren't they?

Thanks again for mentioning us! You rock!

Jen said...

these google searches are awesome. I should look at mine once again.

Kaleena said...

You crack me up! I wonder what crazy things are googled to make people end up on my blog!

Karen said...

Oh my gosh, those were so funny! Some of the searches were crazy, but I love your responses. "Welbutrin, yum!" is my personal favorite!

My searches are so boring. Need to figure out a way to spice it up a bit.

The Mother said...

Okey. Dokey.

The lady who thinks she's got to be nice to her kids should probably team up with the guy who wants to raise his kids so they won't need therapy.

Nuff said.

Creative Junkie said...

Helene, you crack me UP!

Savvy Little Women - Kate said...

So funny! I need to check mine more often...

Amy said...

This was a funny why to see different things. I am sadden by Jon and Kate. I do not think Jon really cares. He has kind of lost weight and wears two earring now. Crazy.

Shannon said...

HOW do you find these things out? I would love to know how people come about finding my blogs. I shudder at the possibilities. lol

Jenny said...

LOL! I'll have to find out what people search for my blog. Nothing funny probably.

Mommy24cs said...

HAHAH, those are hilarious!

MamaHen Em said...

Oh that is too funny! Your comments back are the best, though. I always love a little sarcastic humor :)

Booklover1212 said...

Absolutely HYSTERICAL!!! Love, love, love them! I should do a search and see what comes up for mine too! Thanks for the inspiration!

~ Jennifer
http://thetoyboxyears.blogspot.com/

Angela said...

I sooooo need to read your blog daily!!! You're my therapy!!!
Love your mind, girlfriend!

Missy (Two Little Monkeys) said...

You really crack me up! And that is why I LOVE your blog!
Too funny! How did you find out these things?
PS - I got my Chicken Soup for the Soul - Twins & Multiples and I love it! Thank you for hosting your giveaway! You ROCK!!!!!

Danielle Atkinson said...

Hilarious! How do you track those?

Hey, I remember you saying something about Kate Gosselin depriving her child of water for a day a few posts back and the photos reminded me of that. Where did you get that info? I'd like to read more about that.

Buckeroomama said...

You totally cracked me up!!

It's amazing how Google works, eh? Sometimes I just have this picture of a person with a great sense of humor (or none!) actually sifting through all the searches and then thinking that it would make life a bit more exciting to throw in some wacky results. :)

2SetsOfTwins4Me said...

bahahahahahaha, i am laughing so hard.
the 1st one i LOL about was the one where the person is looking for someone wearing a bikini after having 2 sets of twins.
you wont even find me in a 1 piece after having 2 sets. LOL

i have had some weird google searches that landed on my blog too.

Tami said...

I'm literally holding my sides from laughing. I never thought to google myself. uh.. I mean my blog LOL. I know my son will be all over google. I already found his photo. Him passed out with several guys surrounding him..black permanent marker all over his face and arms..
NO.. I'd rather not check ME. LOL
My kids probably posted a photo of me sleeping with drool and face cream all over my face!

I love your relationship with yoru kids, hey I've even borrowed the.. When you pick your nose an angel cries! (Call me a thief) it's TOO good not to use! BRILLIANT!

Helene I can always count on you to make my day! I look forward to each of your posts!

HuGZ

Morgan said...

haha, I've never had twins, but you sure won't EVER be finding bikini shots of me on my site either, (or in real life for that matter)!

You sure get a lot of questions for the google searches. Mine are usually short phrases. I checked to see if I had anything interesting today, but alas, they were all pretty boring c-section, toddler fun, and cake related googling.

Jennifer said...

ROTFLMBO!!! I wish the searches on my blog were as fun as yours. I always get the same thing: granny love. I'm sure they're not thinking 'panties'...

D said...

Helene that is so funny. I must admit the "Brother's Nipples" weirded me out though.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I love these! I haven't done this in forever.

cat said...

Oh gosh, you had me laughing! Greawt post.

PinkNote said...

got you a couple of awards in my blog.=) hope you can grab it soon.^^

Shelly said...

LOL Funny! I feel sorry for Jon & Kate. I loved their show and now it's just so sad for their 8 kids...

Alicia said...

I can always count on you for a good laugh!!!!!!

Okay, I sound like everyone else...how did you do tht? LOL!

Heather Kephart said...

Hilarious! By the way, I'm the one who found you by the "brother's nipples" search. It's a long story.

Krystal said...

Those are hilarious!

newlyweds said...

How funny!! I love your commentary, just the other day I had a google search for. "why do newlyweds have babies so fast" And they stumbled upon my blog, ok I see where is going. Ha ha!

jungletwins said...

Who ARE these people!? Well, I'm glad they were sent to your blog- they need use a healthy dose of humor and reality! Heehee, google is so entertaining.

Nancy said...

OMG, those are so funny by themselves but your commentary made me laugh so hard that I cried.... LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Veronica Lee said...

You are too funny!!
Happy 4th July!!

wife.mom.nurse said...

ok if i can stop my spasmotic laughing long enough to type, i will wish you a happy 4th of july!

Hope you have a great day!


~Julie

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

Too, too funny! I loved it!

Zeemaid said...

that is so funny...

until I got to the Kate & Jon photos. That's just so sad. They really bum me out those two.

Aim said...

how do you do that thing were you find out what people searched to get to your blog?? that's totally funny. I want to do it. :-)

Mommy Words said...

Dear Lord this is HILARIOUS! I don;t even know how to find these searches but man do people type funny things into google. I am dying at your comments too!

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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