Friday, July 24, 2009

Well, this is one advantage of my children not knowing how to read yet....

This morning I took all the kids over to Sports Clip for haircuts. All 3 boys desperately needed their hair cut. Bella came along too....well, because she honestly had no choice. Tim was working (or at least, that was the excuse he gave me).

Cole went first. He was brave and the lady cut his hair without freaking out, like he usually does. He looked so positively handsome afterwards. I know I'm biased but the boy is stunning....bright blonde hair, big blue eyes and a smile that melts my heart.

Then it was Garrett's turn....I actually apologized to the lady who was gonna cut his hair ahead of time. I said, "Look, the next 10 minutes is going to be pure hell for you but I promise I'll give you an awesome tip!". She definitely earned her awesome tip. Landon was surprisingly docile when it came his turn. I had to hold him on my lap but I kept reassuring him that there would be "no owies". Every 3 seconds he'd ask "all done?" and I'd say "almost". "Almost" lasted for 10 minutes.

As I headed back to the counter to pay for the haircuts, I noticed there were 5 people waiting to get their hair cut. They were all staring at me. Not sure if they felt bad for me or if they were appalled by my kids....what do I care? Let them walk a mile in my shoes and then let them judge me...

We passed by a Panda Express in the parking lot and Garrett immediately started yelling "Pu Pan....Pu Pan". He's obsessed with Kung Fu Panda, obviously. So I promised the kids we'd eat at Panda Express if they could behave while we made a quick stop at Target. Much to my surprise, I didn't have to yell at them once...

So off to Panda Express for lunch....after all, I had stupidly promised them we'd eat there. They all sat at the table and ate their lunch, they didn't fight...we all shared a meal and a drink and no one fought over anything. I had to pinch myself a couple times to make sure I was actually awake.

Then, of course, we had to take a picture with "Pu Pan" in the background to send to Daddy, because "Daddy would be sad that he missed out". That made me laugh so hard I almost peed in my pants. Yeah, poor Daddy....at work writing software programs, while eating a sandwich from Togo's in total peace and quiet. Why is it they never stop to consider how hard I work....no, they're always so concerned for Daddy. God forbid, he overwork himself....


As we sat in the mini-van in the parking lot, the kids wanted me to open their fortune cookies and read their fortunes to them. I seized the moment....I totally owned it.

Cole yelled to me, "Mommy, read mine....read mine first". I said, "Okay, Cole, yours says 'He who cleans his room as a child grows up to be a wise man who will someday be a famous race car driver'".

Bella's fortune read: "A child who eats all her vegetables at every meal will grow long beautiful hair, like Hannah Montana, and marry Troy Bolton from High School Musical".

Garrett's fortune read: "The child who sleeps through the night in his own bed is said to become a dragon warrior like Kung Fu Panda when he grows up".

Landon's fortune read: "He who no longer gets put on time-outs or talks back to his mother will become a train engineer someday, travling to wonderful far-away places".

They all stared at me in awe...."Wow, Mommy....do our fortunes really say all that?". I said, "Yes...aren't they awesome?". Cole said, "Yeah, it's like they were written just for us". I smiled and said, "Yes, son...they were....amazing, huh?"

What the hell am I gonna do when they learn how to read??!!

Random Question of the Day:
(as we're driving)

Bella: Mommy, how do you know if we're really moving when you put your foot on the gas?

Me: Because I can feel the car moving forward....can't you? Can't you see things passing us by?

Bella: Yeah but how do you know that we're not standing still and everyone else around us is moving?


Me: What?! Do you have a point with all this?

Bella: Nope, not really...just curious.


42 comments:

Sadia said...

Bella's well on her way to being the next Einstein. She already has relativity down.

I really don't know how full-time parenting parents get anything done!

Kristina P. said...

I really hope you didn't add the "...in bed." after these. :)

Jennifer said...

LOL! Live it up, sister! No need to worry about when they start reading! Milk it for what it's worth now!

kristi said...

LOL!! We do the "in bed" thing. Cracks me up everytime.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Nice! I too am obsessed with Kung Fu Panda. Is that weird? I can't help it. The big fat panda is funny!
BTW, haircuts are the worst!

Lani said...

I swear, I should pay you for the education I get from your blog. When I win my ten million in the lottery, you are so getting a cut:)

BoufMom9 said...

OMGosh! LOVE their fortunes!(almost makes me wish some of my kids can't read. LOL)

2SetsOfTwins4Me said...

Thanks for the good laugh (as usual)
I wish my bribery would work. LOL

I was at Ethan and Ians eye doc appointment the other day and they had to get new glasses and the lady was trying different frames on them and of course they were acting like wild animals and this lady was standing there with her little daughter and said "I thought i wanted a boy but now i am not so sure"

bahahahaha, i hope she gets twin boys just for saying that

Tami said...

hahahahah =X tat face is my lips glued shut! hahahaaha.. YOU'RE GOOD!
YOU'RE BRILLIANT!

Just don't teach them their phonics just yet! YOU HAVE THE ADVANTAGE!

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

I'm laughin so hard I wanna pee my pants

Jenny said...

LOL! You are so quick!

The Redhead Riter said...

Very cute and quick thinking! I can tell they keep you on your toes. And now you have recorded and saved this moment by writing it on your blog...fun fun fun.

Missy (Two Little Monkeys) said...

Great stuff! You are so creative - love the fortune sayings.
(A child reading is a double-edged sword - I will have to stop spelling things like cuss words, or things to my husband I only want him to know!)

Meg said...

hahahahahahahahahaha, too smart mom! May have to steal that one!

Hit 40 said...

Oh my heavens!!! I can not stop giggling!!! I would so do the fortune cookie thing too. I was forever and still messing with my kids like that. I think we may be separated at birth. OH MY!!

My oldest used to freak out too!! If they judged you, then they do not have kids. I am tired of folks having kids being "uncool" Unless they gave you a smile....

they were definitely judging. Bad Karma to them!!!

Christina said...

My lady, that was awesome!!! You crack me up!!

Hit 40 said...

I am scrolling through the mommy blogger list!!! Too funny. I think you already follow me. LOL. This is very addictive!!

Cascia said...

I love your kids fortunes! I'll have to try that with mine.

I just wanted to let you know that I have an award for you over at Healthy Moms.

AngieB said...

OMG you are BRILLIANT! I'm so sad I missed the opportunity when my kids were younger to read fake fortunes to them - SIGH!

Nikki B. said...

EFF!! why haven't i thought of that!!!??? i only have one left who can't read, and he's already trying and pretty darn close...

bloody brilliant!!!!

Karen said...

It'll be a sad day when they stop believing every single thing you tell them!

Very good fortunes!

Mother of Multiples said...

Helene--will you please consider putting your blog into a book. I swear that you kill me with your posts. This was a brilliant one. You should seriously try publishing as this is like a girlfriends guide to raising kids. I would love to see a book about "married life" Your comment...we dont want to overwork daddy...Gosh you hit on so many topics..Yesterday I wanted to pick up the phone and just call you...You are an amazing writer....

Hajar Zamzam Ismail said...

Wooooow, Your kids are gooooood! Mine are still at the stage where I can't really bribe them. But I can actually get things done when I put their Barney movie on continuous play. They are completely fixated on Barney's House for at least three complete cycles. Heehee.

feefifoto said...

I used to let my daughter swipe the credit card and press the buttons at the grocery store. I'd instruct her as to her next steps: "It says press the green button... Now it says swipe the card... Now it says 'Kiss Your Mom'..." It worked fabulously well, until she learned to read.

The High Family said...

Hats off to you Helene. You are absolutely brillant! I would have never in my life thought of something so clever and I am glad I have your blog to read to use these ideas for the future. Thank you, Thank you, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.

And I think Bella has inherited your intelligence...look out!

♥georgie♥ said...

Helene-I just love your blog! You are such a great mom-I never would had been quick witted enough to come up with those fortunes!

The Mother said...

Bella is a born physicist. Relativity tells us there is NO proof that you're moving and everyone else is standing still.

Maybe she'll invent the transporter.

Tiffany said...

Too funny! Your blog always makes me smile.

Kristen said...

haha that is hilarious! good for you for taking advantage of that situation!

Shelly said...

Great post! Too funny. Loved the fortune cookie thing.

Theta Mom said...

This is why I read your blog DAILY, because you never cease to amaze me. That whole fortune cookie thing is beyond brilliant. I am so doing that before my child can read!!! You ALWAYS give me a great read and a good laugh. You're the best!!! :)

Jen said...

And this right here is why you are a fabulous mother and person. I so want to be just like you when I grow up. ;)


I was just wondering, when are you doing to write another installment of your story about how your kids came to be. I am dying to know the rest. Please, Please, Please.....

Kathy B! said...

Those fortunes are brilliant. I am totally stealing that trick and then accidentally" dropping the fortune so my kids (who can read) don't notice!

Creative Junkie said...

*sigh* - where were you when my kids were young and my brain was atrophied and I couldn't think fast on my feet to do something clever like that?

WHERE WERE YOU?

Elle said...

Gee, poor Daddy missing out on all that fun. LOL! I bow to your genius with fortunes. Too bad I can't steal that idea for my kids.

3 Bay B Chicks said...

We really need to do a playdate sometime, Helene. Seriously. I would totally drive to see you.

The two of us were channeling one another on Friday...both out getting our kids' haircut. Tell me, when was the last time you did something like this for yourself? If you are anything like me, you don't remember.

HA!

-Francesca

wife.mom.nurse said...

oh my goodness, I would go out and invest in a box of fortune cookies! Love that!

Brooke said...

that must be an expensive restaurant to customize them for you ;)

sounds like you're quick on your feet!

Mamatoosi said...

Nice move, mom! Did the fortunes work?

The Lane Family said...

LOL!! I am still giggling I love the fortune cookies. so funny.

As for the kids worried about Daddy/?? Aidan does that to and I agree with you, yes let's all worry about Daddy who is working on his computer with adults and no screaming kids...I think I should worry as well...not.

Alicia said...

You're too funny! You can even make a trip to Panda Express be interesting!!!!

HarryJack's Mom said...

Priceless! Chinese is a big hit here, too...And our boys have those Woody hats :wub: Um, just a bit of advice, as soon as they start reading consider censoring your own books - Jack was reading all sorts of salacious things before I realized what he was doing the other day....pretty unsettling (including making me wonder why I'm reading that :blush:)

"Cottage By The Sea" said...

That is classic! Thanks for my belly laugh of the day. I remember when my kids couldn't read yet. I got away with so much. Another treat is before they can tell time. Mama is it bedtime yet? Why yes, it's past bedtime but, I let you stay up a little late because I love you so much.

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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