Thursday, August 13, 2009

And the moral of the story is.....

Bella: Can you drop us off at school today, Mommy, instead of Daddy?

Me: I can't today but I'll drop you off tomorrow.

Bella: Is today tomorrow?

Me: No, today is today and tomorrow is tomorrow. Today is Tuesday, tomorrow is Wednesday.

Bella: So when was yesterday?

Me: Yesterday was Monday. Yesterday was the day before, today is the present day, and tomorrow is the next day.

Bella: So....if today isn't tomorrow then how will I know when Halloween is?

Me: WHAT?! Halloween? How did we end up on Halloween? Talk about random....

Bella: No, I'm not talking about random. I'm talking about Halloween...which is tomorrow or is it the next day, which was yesterday, right? Just tell me when the unicorns are gonna be here.

Me: ARE YOU EVEN FROM THIS PLANET??!! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!

Moral of the story: Conversations like this one will only make your head throb....violently. No good will come out of it and you'll just end up even more confused than your child was before she asked the initial question.

====================

Me: Hey Tim, don't forget I have a dr's appt on Wednesday morning, okay?

Bella: Mommy, why do you need to go to the dr?

Cole: Well, she either needs to go get her freckles checked OR she needs to get more happy pills so she can be happy all day long.

Bella: OR she needs to have the dr look at her girl parts to make sure they're working right, even though Daddy sometimes thinks HE'S the doctor.

Moral of the story: Don't discuss personal dr's appointments with your children.....because that WILL be the only thing that penetrated their brains all day long. They won't remember that you spent 2 hours making sugar cookies with them and they certainly won't remember that you sat outside in 100 degree weather (melting) so they could run around at the park. But they WILL remember that there are only 3 reasons Mommy sees the dr.....because as a youngster you worshipped the sun to the point where now you think every brown spot on your body is a death sentence just waiting to happen, you heavily rely on happy pills to get you through every single minute of the day and you have no shame in admitting it to your kids, and you've had to learn your lesson the hard way that you should ALWAYS lock the bedroom door before engaging in, uh.....sexual activities.

================

Bella: Mommy, when you type, why do you also talk out loud?

Me: I do? What do you mean?

Bella: You're typing but you're also moving your mouth like you're talking. You're kinda whispering.

Me: Oh, I didn't even realize that I do that.

Bella: Well, you do....why do you do it?

Me: To annoy you. That's my goal in life....to annoy you.

Bella: Well, it's working. Are you happy now?

Moral of the story: If you're a smart-ass to your child, chances are you'll learn very quickly that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

64 comments:

Tami said...

ROFLMBO! I LOVE YOU ! YOU'RE HILARIOUS!

Heather said...

LOL...you should seriously write a book about their conversations. They are so cute!

Morgan said...

You really could write a book from their conversations!

Locks on doors are defiantly good! Hopefully your kids can't open those.

♥georgie♥ said...

LMAO!!! OMGosh...those are classic convo's!!!

Karen said...

Too funny!

Where the heck did the unicorns come from??

Liz @ Sugarplum Creations said...

Okay, that's it, I now need to come here for my daily dose of comedy BEFORE attempting anything else. This is too funny!

Jenny said...

LOL!

Meg said...

waaaaahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Oh dear lord, just think, if they are this bad now, what will happen later!


Waaahahahahahaha.


blueviolet said...

So, it's true...you reap what you sow! LOL, you and your kids crack me up!!!!!

Nancy said...

LOL!! This post is so hilarious!! I have similar conversations with my kids but you're just so much more talented in the retelling!

And yes.... locking the doors is a must... LOL

Brooke said...

lol - especially at "doctor daddy"

Theta Mom said...

LOL! You now have new material for your next book! :)

newlyweds said...

Oh my how hilarious!!! Smart Smart little ones! Ha ha!

The Mother said...

It's way easier to just not talk to them. Otherwise, their loose grip on reality will make your head spin.

Heather Kephart said...

I love it! Can't wait to have silly convos like these with my brood. Halloween. I can't wait either. :)

Carly said...

Love This So naturally funny your kids are

Carly

Kim said...

This morning I'm like one of those annoying audience members in a comedy club, because I'm slapping my leg as I laugh out loud and shout, "SO TRUE! She's so funny!! IT'S TRUE!"

Madison said...

WOW. Love all of these!!!! Thank you, you made my morning.

Stoppin' by from SITS. Have a GREAT, frustrating-conversation-free day =)

Shannon said...

Leave it to you to provide me with the much needed pick-me-up for the day. After reading this, I don't think I'll be able to frown the rest of the day.

Jen said...

this is Fantastic! The second conversation made me laugh out loud.

Alicia said...

Oh my gosh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would love to be a fly on your wall!!!!!!!!!!!

melissa78 said...

LOVE your conversations with your children!!! keepem coming

Becca said...

Thanks for the comment and the vote! My husband also wants a boy. Very cute blog by the way! Ok, I'm off to check out more of it....

Christina said...

First time Ive smiled in like, 3 hours. Thank you. :)

Kristen said...

Oh these conversations are hilarious! You should write a book of just conversations between you and your children :)

The Crazy Suburban Mom said...

Those are hysterical!! Im still laughing at the first one :)

Lauren From Texas said...

TWO SETS OF TWINS??!! how do you have time to SHOWER, let alone blog or tweet?! My hat goes off to you! LOVE the blog!!! :)

Missy (Two Little Monkeys) said...

Whew! Those are some great conversations! That little stinker, Bella!!!

Kelli said...

You're a RIOT! I love these conversations. :)

Thank you again for the mail!!! I appreciate your thoughtfulness so much!

Tracy said...

Oh my gosh, your kids crack me right up. I may be sick, but I can only hope to hear such conversations in the future. :)

Holly at Tropic of Mom said...

LMAO! Another gem from you.

Vicki said...

OMG, ROFL, I really needed that today. I can't imagine. I only have one of those conversations a day, and if my hubby talked about my happy pills, I would probably throw the bottle at him. you are a wonderfully patient woman!

Jennifer said...

Honestly, how is your life still not a TV show?!?! ROTFLMBO!!!

confused homemaker said...

It all sounds perfectly logical to me. :D

Ali said...

OMG too funny thanks for stopping by and saying hi. God does have a sense of humor so we adopted the last child. Every time I got pregnant we had 2.
Ali

Laura said...

Hilarious!!

Jesslikesstuff said...

Oh. My. Goodness!

Thank you so much for visiting my blog becasue it allowed me to discover YOU!

This was HILARIOUS! When I clicked on your bio and saw that you have 2 sets of twins (!!!!) I actually laughed out loud when I scrolled down and saw the title of your blog :D!!!

Your kids sound like a hilarious blast. I'll be following as long as you keep writing such funny stuff :).

Amy said...

Thanks this made my day...

Shelby at DoubleUpBooks.com "The Twins Bookstore" said...

Halloween! That is SO funny. They are always thinking about Halloween. I was in the store the other day and they already had Halloween candy out. Can it get any earlier than August?!?

Nikki B. said...

that halloween conversation is classic!! claaaaaaaasic kids!!

they'll make your head spin in circles...

your husbands a perv (aren't they all) and your daughter is quick...be careful with those innuendos, she's onto ya!!!

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

Fun post. Great kids

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

Fun post. Great kids

Amanda @ Serenity Now said...

Funny!!! Your daughter cracks me up!

Thanks for the visit! I have a Dollar Tree just a few minutes from my house, but I always forget to go there first. :)

DysFUNctional Mom said...

My head is spinning, and I have had that same conversation with my kids. Especially my stepson, he had the HARDEST time with today/tomorrow/yesterday and still gets days mixed up. Ay yi yi!
Um, I hope the girly bits checked out ok, with either the doctor or hubby....
And I have no idea why my kids are such smartasses, they clearly did NOT get it from me. I'm a dumbass!

Sadia said...

I think I love you.

We had the today/tomorrow conversation just this morning. My head still hurts. Just to mix things up, Jessica introduced a variation of the always popular "Are we there yet" torture: "Is it Friday now? Is it Friday NOW? Is it Friday NOOOOOW?"

Shelli (wishes she was) Mrs. Burchett;) said...

Mine don't say yesterday/tomorrow, they say "the next day" and "the day before/after the other day"

And my 5yo daughter, whenever she hears the word 'sex' just loves to remind me that her oldest sister and her boyfriend DID that, and they taked their shirts off. I keep reminding her that she doesn't need to share that tidbit with her friends, teachers, or grandparents.

Adult children and kindergarteners in the same family just don't mix!

Kathy B! said...

I can promise you that the apple doesn't fall from the tree. They WILL become you.

Creative Junkie said...

omg, this made me laugh! LOVE the doctor one!

I need some happy pills.

Savvy Little Women - Kate said...

Hahaha, the halloween one is hilarious - sounds like some of our conversations!

Schmutzie said...

You are being featured on Five Star Friday!
http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2009/08/five-star-fridays-edition-66.html

Schmutzie said...

You are being featured on Five Star Friday!
http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2009/08/five-star-fridays-edition-66.html

Becca said...

This is really funny. I love these little stories of yours!

Amy W said...

That Bella is a real hoot! Thanks for a good laugh!!! :)

Drama queens mum (Kimberly) said...

Thanks for following me. I'm following you now too. Wow, 2 sets of twins. I have 1 daughter who is 2 & I'm pulling my hair out with her.

Mrsbear said...

Boy, it is never dull at your house. Ha. That yesterday/today/tomorrow conversation with Bella was surreal. I love it. And I always ALWAYS lock the bedroom door, with four around who may or may not unexpectedly walk in to announce that they have to pee at odd hours in the morning, it's a must. Otherwise we'd be footing all kinds of therapy bills, for them and me. ;)

Zeemaid said...

*LOL* I just love visiting your blog.. it always cracks me up. Nothing like a little dose of Helene's life to cheer one up ;)

Okay... okay... but still. *g*. We are lucky we haven't had our kids walk in on us like that yet. On the otherhand.. maybe we're just boring cause this is the second blog I've read today that's talked about that.

D said...

You know it's not the random thing was that funny but it just reminds me so much of my godson. He's so much like Bella it's absurd! He will prattle on and on and I'll be like,"Whoa! Wait a second. You just jumped from one topic to the other and people are going to think you're nuts!" Thanks so much for this entry. It's been a very bad two weeks for me and just this alone made me smile.

The High Family said...

OMG! This post made me laugh SO hard!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE your conversations with the kiddies! They amaze me with their questions...Ryan is just getting into the question stage and I need to remind myself to "enjoy" it even when I feel like the questions (as crazy silly as they are) will NEVER end! LOL

Oh and we totally got BUSTED by Ryan the other week while umm...well you know. Talk about MOMMY GUILT! Thank god he had just woke up and was half asleep when he walked right in. He hasn't questioned what he saw...so hopefully I don't get questions about that yet! ;)

Thanks for laughs Helene!

theselfloveproject said...

lol...that was funny...

theselfloveproject said...

lol...that was funny...

Mamatoosi said...

Your little girl is brilliant, unicorns and ALL!

Mellisa said...

Kimberly from Pretty Pink Momma told me about your blog. I am do glad that she did. I have never laughed so much! and cried a little for you also-- IE the lost tooth! Thanks so much!

Mama Plays Mozart said...

Ha ha -so funny! your kids are hilarious

Tina... said...

If you lock the door you child will just stand there for what seems like an eternity knocking and calling out, "Mom, why's the door locked? Let me in. Mom, Mommie, Mom, Mom...." until you give and open the damn thing to ask what was so important that I couldn't get my 15 minutes of love.

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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