Friday, August 28, 2009

I'ts a bird, it's a plane, it's.....uh, wait, it actually IS a bird!

We moved into our home over 7 years ago. Little did we know that we would have another family joining us soon after. A lovely little family of sparrows....

Above our front door, outside, is a little nook-type area. The sparrows discovered it early on and decided it would be a wonderful place to build a nest. We loved watching them that first year. We especially enjoyed watching the baby birds take flight for the first time. Then winter came and the sparrows disappeared.

The following spring, the sparrows came back. And they brought friends with them, who set up their nest above our neighbor's front door. I had no idea that birds could crap SO much. We tolerated them, knowing they'd disappear again once the weather got cold. We even had our exterminator take down their nest, as soon as we knew for sure they were gone.

But they came back.....again, the next spring after that. And they've been back every single spring since then. Each year, we tolerate them....we clean up the crap they leave all over our front porch....we enjoy watching the baby birds take first flight....and then we knock down their nest as soon as they leave, hoping they'll find a new home the following year.

Amazingly, none of the sparrows have ever flown into our house....until the other day. Garrett and Landon's IE teacher was leaving and the kids were waving goodbye to her, when Landon suddenly bolted out the door and ran down the street, with me chasing him. I left the front door open, without giving it a second thought. As soon as I got him back in the house, Tim starts screaming, "There's a bird in the house".

As the bird flew around the house, trying to find his way out, Tim was up on the stairs swinging a broom at it.


I'm not sure how he thought that would help, other than scaring the crap out of the bird. And I mean that in the most literal sense. That bird flew around my house, crapping everywhere.....all over my beautiful newly painted walls and our new gorgeous wood floors. So there Tim was swinging a broom at the bird, thinking that would help him find his way out of our home....and there I was, yelling at the kids, "Go out to the front yard...he's gonna poop all over you guys" (which was the worst thing I could've said to them because then they were intrigued by the possibility of that actually happening, as they ran around trying to be the first one to get pooped on, screaming, "I'm gonna be the first one"...."No, I'm gonna be the first one...get outta my way") and I was running around with an antibacterial wipe, trying to clean up the crap as quickly as it landed.

I have to say that as beautiful as sparrows are, they are stupid stupid animals. We had the front door open and we had the back door open.....but he continued to fly frantically around the house, finally bashing himself into a window above our kitchen sink. I was thinking, "Wait, he thinks the window is his way out, yet we have 2 doors wide open and he can't figure that out??" Even the kids were saying, "Man, WE'RE not even that dumb".


Then the poor thing finally got so tired that he flew up to the loft and perched himself up on the shelf and tried to catch his breath.


And as he took a breather, apparently the word had gotten out on the street that a sparrow had been taken hostage and the other sparrows in the neighborhood were not gonna let one of their own go down without a fight. Some were perched above our garage, some were flying in the front yard and others were just sitting above our front door.....staring at us. They were dive bombing us every time we walked out the front door. I could've sworn I heard them chanting, "Donna Martin graduates....Donna Martin graduates".

We all finally managed to get outside safely and I happened to see our neighbor outside who said he had had the same problem with sparrows who were above his front door. After he gave us a couple tips on how to capture the bird, we went back in the house and there was no bird. Gone....just like that. We were relieved that he had finally found his way out.

So then we took the kids for a short walk down to the park and back. Then I went out grocery shopping, while Tim stayed home with the kids. By the time I got back, Tim had fallen asleep in Garrett and Landon's room but Cole and Bella were still awake. They eagerly greeted me at the door and told me that the bird had taken refuge in our bedroom.....are you kidding me??!! No, apparently they weren't joking....there was bird crap all over our room.

I woke Tim up and he said that the kids had gone into our room for some reason and noticed things had been knocked down from the dresser. Then they saw the bird sitting on a ledge above our bedroom window. Tim was quick enough to throw a sheet over it and took it outside to be released....but not before he let Cole and Bella pet the bird.

"You WHAT??!! You let them touch the bird?!", I yelled. He said, "Yeah..what's the big deal?" and the kids were all smiles as they said, "Yeah, Mommy....it was really cool". Yeah, real cool....as I sat there later googling "bird flu" and "what diseases do birds carry".

Cole said, "Mommy, aren't you glad we found the bird....what if we didn't see it and you went to bed and it was in there with you while you slept". Bella added, "Yeah, you should be thanking us....it could've crapped all over you in bed". (Note to self - it's time to cross the word "crap" off the list of suitable words to use when we think the kids aren't listening. Crap, obviously, is not a good replacement word for "shit"). We had to cross "shit" off our list due to another incident that had happened a few days before the bird incident....when the kids were running around the sideyard playing in the blow-up pool and Bella yelled, "Eeeeew.....there's dog shit on our grass".

I tell you, never a dull moment in our house....never, ever a dull moment.



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43 comments:

wife.mom.nurse said...

Oh my! NEVER a dull moment. But what a cool interface with nature. You should invite all of the sparrows in :)

Kristen said...

that is amazing that they come back every year and really amazing that they knew the birdy was in the house. I mean, why else would they be perched around your house?

BoufMom9 said...

OMGosh! I have had both bats and squirrels in my house and I thought I had never seen so much "crap" in my entire life when our dog chased a squirrel through the house. HOLY mama! It was ridiculous. It was EVERYWHERE!

Glad the darn thing finally got out. I was half expecting you to find it dead somewhere after smashing into a window or something...

Buckeroomama said...

You'll have many, many wonderful memories to look back on. Your kids will be sitting around your dinner table 10, 20 years from now and they'll be full of "Remember that time...?" stories to share and laugh over. :)

Theta Mom said...

Do you ever get a break?! LOL And he let the kids pet the bird? OMG! I think like you...what if they get those bird germs on them? :)

Kelly said...

That's sooooo funny! I had a bird get into our old house and I too tried to chase it out of our house with a broom. I almost had a heart attack. It didn't poo all over our house but it did try to attack me.

Christina said...

LOL, your family is awesome. :)

Tracy said...

Only you, Helene. Only you. ;)

I have to tell you, and one day I may change my mind, but I think there's really nothing cuter than a little person saying "shit." I suppose I'll change my mind when it's actually one of MY little people saying it.

Morgan@DiaperingandBeyond said...

When you were talking about the bird flying into the glass, I was sure you were going to say he was a goner!

You get your birds in the house, we used to get ours in the BBQ! Yes, they literally would make a nest in the BBQ Grill every year! My husband would keep dumping the nest out over and over, yet they would keep coming back every day and every year. Finally he started plugging up the holes to the grill and that ended our bird problem.

Lauren From Texas said...

OMG! I have seen them flying around stores (i.e. Walmart) before, but never in a house! Crazy. :)

The Mother said...

Just what you needed. Three ring circus turns into a five ring circus.

Liz @ Sugarplum Creations said...

I realize this doesn't compare, but we just had a bird fly into our shop the other day, and try as we might we could.not.get.that.thing.out! He just wouldn't fly low enough to escape throught the FOUR wide open doors! Instead he flew around frantically. I'm starting to think birds aren't all that intelligent.

WhisperingWriter said...

Oh my! Did you film it? That could be an America's Funniest Home Video..

Happy SITs Saturday Sharefest!

Megan said...

hahaha wtf with the broom. that wouldn't have helped!

we had to cross shit off too. not happy about that.

glad you got the bird out. just be careful now. they will start swarming you just like the movie "the birds" ha

Jennifer said...

I mean this in the best possible way: I love what goes on in your house! There is never a dull moment! BTW, having a bird in my house - a 'wild' one at that - is one of my nightmares! AAAGGGGHHHH! I am beyond relieved that you guys go it out. I'm creeped out a bit... Or should I say I'm 'crapped' out? LOL!

Karen said...

Wow. Seriously. Wow.

I have this thing about birds. They totally creep me out. I don't think I could have stayed in the house until the bird was gone!

jungletwins said...

Whoa- what an adventure! Birds in house = trouble. When I lived in London in a teeny weeny closet sized apartment, an enormous disgusting pigeon managed to fly in my window and and terrorize me. Tried everything to get that stupid bird out the window. Eventually had to catch it with a trash bag and chuck it out, while gagging.

Amy said...

That is too funny. The pictures are great. Thanks for sharing.

Jenny said...

That is too funny, but so gross to have bird poop all over your house! My sister once had a hummingbird stuck in her garage. Poor little guy, he finally did make it out. We didn't know what his problem was, the garage door was all the way open, but yet he kept hitting the ceiling!

Shelli (wishes she was) Mrs. Burchett;) said...

Dull Moments = One Boring Blog!

blueviolet said...

I have to say that I'm just glad you have those new wooden floors. Can you imagine having to clean that crap out of your carpeting?

Stacey said...

"Donna Martin graduates" OMG Helene, you are too much!! LOL

I learned "shit" at age 1. LOL. My dad has a trucker's vocabulary. hehehe

Carly said...

Love this story. Does Tim really fall asleep as much as you post? Almost every story I read your DH is asleep. Lucky man to get so much shut eye. LOL

Vicki said...

that story made me laugh. amazing how "smart" the crew of stupid birds were, though, isn't it?

Clueless_Mama said...

I got a totally good visual while reading that post and it was funny!! I am glad you finally got it out though and safely. Too funny. My 2 1/2 yr old has picked up the word crap now too. OOPS

histreasure said...

never a dull moment for real..sooo funny..i laffed so hard picturing this..but it'll be a delightful memory to share together years frm now..
but all d other birds congregating? creepy..

Tami said...

ROFL I CAN'T HELP IT!
Oooh this is priceless!

I'm glad all is well, only thing I'd be having a fit over is the poop. YUCK!

JennyMac said...

Eeeeew.....there's dog shit on our grass.

CLASSIC!!!!

S3XinthePantry said...

what an adventure! You managed to get some great pictures in all that excitment!

Yaya said...

Hahahaha! Sparrows poop so much. I used to nanny for a family with sparrows living on their front porch and there was always so much poop.

Alicia said...

Oh my gosh, totally made me think of that old Alfred Hitchcock movie, "The Birds." Remember that?????

And ewwwwwwwwwwwwww on the bird doo doo!!

Missy (Two Little Monkeys) said...

I do not like birds! I would have been screaming frantically! Oh my! I am so glad it is gone! You crack me up with the "Donna Martin graduates"

MamaOtwins+1 said...

I think the collection of birds outside waiting to dive bomb you was hilarious. What a specatacle. At least you got it out of the house.

Cascia said...

Oh my goodness! What an adventure. I'm glad we don't have birds flying around in our house. I hope you were able to get the bird mess all cleaned up.

Mommy24cs said...

LOL, I can't stop laughing, especially at the Donna Martin comment haha.

There have many words crossed off our list yet Carson still finds a way to come up with them in the most embarrassing ways possible.

Creative Junkie said...

Helene - honestly ... are you secretly hoping to snag a sitcom gig? Cuz this stuff is just too good.

Kim said...

Ha!! We've had birds nest inside the fan/vent system that leads into a bathroom, but they've never made it inside the actual house.

Real nice that the bird ended up in YOUR bedroom. Because you're not allowed to have a poop-free space of your own, I guess.

yonca said...

Oh gosh! Bird poop all over your house?? So gross!!!
At least you got it out of the house ;-)

Jenni Jiggety said...

Oh no! LOL! I am glad you got that birdie out!

The Lane Family said...

Helene I love your posts they always make me giggle, probably because I can relate:) Anyway my favorite part was Bella's comment about "Shit" on your grass. The things kids say :)

I worked as an infectious disease epidemiologist before becoming a stay home mom and do not worry the kids were okay touching the bird :)

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

Ya'll need a BB gun.

Zeemaid said...

never a dull moment in your house indeed. That is freaking hilarious. I loved the part about your kids running under the birds trying to see which one got pooped on first. *LOL*. That is an America's Funniest Home Videos moment. Your kids are hysterical.

I'm so glad I'm playing catch up. I would have been sorry to miss this post!

Jennifer said...

haha thats sooo funny! Those pics are cute too. At least more birds didnt fly inside while the door was open! Ive had this problem before only with a hummingbird. You think a sparrow is hard have u ever seen a hummer fly. and those things scare you if they dart at you with their sharp beaks! lol!

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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