Saturday, September 12, 2009

It must be a male thing....

I'll give you two hints in the form of pictures:



Have you figured it out yet?

It's pretty obvious that Garrett is looking at the ads from the Sunday paper from last weekend. But what may not be as obvious is that he's.....uh.....well.....there's no proper way to put it, I suppose....he's pooping in his diaper.

Yes, my friends, he is a typical male. He must have something to read while he poops. I didn't realize this "I must have something to read while I poop" thing started so early. I mean, he's only 2.5 years old.

Maybe it's even a generational thing....my grandfather did it, my father did it and Tim does it. Which leads me to my next issue....why do men get the privilege of "relaxing" in the bathroom long enough to read the paper or a magazine? I can't even remember the last time I had even 10 seconds to myself in the bathroom. Yet, men get to lock themselves away in the bathroom for what seems like an eternity, while they catch up on the latest going on in the world....and oh, yes, let's not forget they also get to take care of bodily functions at the same time. Killing two birds at once, I suppose. I guess it's a productive use of time, when you look at it that way. Still, it doesn't make me any less resentful.

The other day Tim came out of the bathroom and asked me, "Did you hear that Bernie Madoff has pancreatic cancer?" I looked up at him from what I was doing (the dishes, of course) and said, "Who? What?" and he repeated himself again.

I laughed and said, "I'm sorry, you must have me confused with someone who actually gets to read the paper and watch the news OR someone who is afforded the LUXURY of being in the bathroom taking care of bodily functions WHILE reading the paper....but I can tell you that the new show on PBS, The Dinosaur Train, starts tomorrow and that there's a new flavor of V-8 Fusion on the market...that's the lastest news in MY world".

He just stared at me for a few seconds and then he said, "Oh, I didn't realize we live in two different worlds".

I said, "Oh, we do.....trust me, we do. In fact, we probably live in two completely different universes".

And, he walked away. I'll give him one thing....he's definitely smart enough to know now that a conversation like this could never possibly end on a good note.



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44 comments:

Day Dreamer said...

That is offically the funnest thing I've read all day, mostly because it is 100% true :)
Have a great day

Christina said...

LMAO!!!! Can't wait to show hubby! ;)

MommyAmy said...

LOL!!! So true...

Men...

Yesterday the girls made a HUGE poop mess in the living room. While I'm giving them a bath upstairs to clean them off Hubs is downstairs "cleaning up". He cleaned up ONE area of poop, and then swears that he didn't see any other poop. I walk in, there's still bits of poop all over the carpet and the coffee table cover has poop on it... Seriously??? Must be nice to have eyes that mysteriously don't see 1/2 the mess.

Jennifer said...

My is husband is a veritable Walter Kronkite after his 'Quiet Time' in the closet. "Babe, did you know that...?" or "Babe, guess what?"

Snore. I wish I 'babe' him interesting stuff, instead of, "Babe, did you know Monkey Boy hit his head on the floor and got a goose egg the size of Kansas?" Like I said. Snore.

yonca said...

Oh, so true..
Men usually don't get all the dirty dishes to the sink after the breakfast, so they have long enough time to read in the bathroom..hehehe...

Cute picture!
Have a great Saturday Helen!

(following you on twitter too :))

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

That is hysterical!! Love your response to him!! Classic.

blueviolet said...

The walking away..that was very, very smart on his part.

Jenny said...

LOL!

Kristina P. said...

This is so funny! I feel like my husband makes afternoons of pooping and reading.

Stesha said...

When I'm in the bathroom, there are usually little people around me:) So, nope no reading here either!

Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha

Liz @ Sugarplum Creations said...

Yep, so true! The sad thing is, I don't think they even realize that we live in two separate unvierses. Must be nice to be that oblivious, huh? :)

Karen said...

I never really understood the whole interrupting-mom-in-the-bathroom thing until one day when I was watching my nephew. Before that I used to just think, "Hey, moms, just LOCK THE DOOR."

One day with that three-year-old bundle of energy made me finally understand how much easier that is said than done.

Tami said...

LOL,I LOVE THE PHOTOS!!!! I missed you girlie. I can picture hubbys face too.. priceless!

Hit 40 said...

I was going to guess that he was already shopping for Christmas on you!! I usually hide the toys r us big book from my boys. It just gives them new ideas for plastic chinese lead painted poisoned pieces of plastic trash.

Nikki B. said...

since all my kids have started school, i've discovered a sliver of this other universe that the people with penises live in.

let me tell you, helene, it's GLORIOUS!! fan-flippin-tastic!!

you can hear yourself think. you can watch a whole show, without interruption. YOU CAN EVACUATE YOUR COLON IN YOUR OWN SWEET TIME. take a whole stack a books in there with me...i don't know how long i'll stay.

your day will come, my friend, your day will come!

Morgan said...

Can you imagine if moms were in the bathroom for that long reading? There would be a protest from many husbands, no doubt.

Too funny that he's reading the paper while going #2. Mine used to hide somewhere.

Kristen said...

okay this is hilarious!

MrsM said...

Just one more difference between Mommy and Daddy. Though I do keep up with politics, I don't have one single clue about anyone else or anything else going on unless it's advertised between Ni Hao Ki-Lan and Wonder Pets.

Buckeroomama said...

LOL! He knew well enough to walk away. :)

Twisted Serenity said...

*lol* the beginning of the blog cracked me up, b/c it is soo true. Mine reads everything in the bathroom, too. My kids are older and I still dont have time to bunker down in there and catch up on world events, lol! Very smart man knowing when to walk away in certain conversations, lol!

S Club Mama said...

I agree with the time. They say women take forever to get ready but my husband takes FOREVER in the bathroom...and it's always right when we need to go somewhere.

Carly said...

Ill be at home doing things and my Dh says I have to go to the bathroom Watch The Baby. I want to tell him to do it like I do get in ,get out and get on with your day. How does he think I go when he's at work? This post is soooo true.

Theta Mom said...

LOL!!! Love the photos! Never a dull moment at your house Helene and so true!

jungletwins said...

Oh my freakin gosh- hilarious! And I swear, I had the same conversation with my husband last week. What is it with males, they read volumes in the john!

wife.mom.nurse said...

ROTFL!!!

Such a man thing. I have never quite understood it. LOL!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

He totally needs to give my hubby this advice. He keeps trying to talk to me, even though I am obviously in a bad mood. Duh.

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

For R, the bathroom is like the library. For me, it's like a pit shop at the Daytona 500. Who's Bernie Madoff?

Mama Plays Mozart said...

Ha ha -hilarious -thanks for sharing!

Sadia said...

HYSTERICAL. It's also an introvert thing, I think. My need to share snippets of what I'm reading with my husband while I'm reading it is the flip side of the coin, I think.

WhisperingWriter said...

LOL

Yes, I wish I could have a PIP (a poop in peace) but it's just not in the cards for me.

Missy (Two Little Monkeys) said...

Amen! My husband can me in their for hours - I get 2 seconds and then I hear whining, or see little fingers under the door - AGH!
I love the pictures too!

Xenia said...

I don't think there is a mom out there who can't agree with this post completely. I really can't remember the last time I got to go to the bathroom all by myself either, that's sad.

As for the news, in my pre-kids life I used to watch the Today Show every morning before work and I was always really up-to-date on the world. Now, (weeks ago) my husband came home at the end of the day and said "Know who died today?" and when I didn't and he told me Michael Jackson, I didn't believe him. I'm totally there in the Dinosaur Train bubble with you.

Mrsbear said...

Sigh. Story of my life. It's so different for them, isn't it? I remember when I was getting ready to have my second baby, saying to my husband, "oh this next baby is all yours, I'm coasting with the diaper changes and the wake ups and the interrupted dinners and the lack of shower time. It's your turn." I could kick that younger me right in the shins. Different universe indeed.

Rebecca M. said...

Absolutely hilarious! Men are from Mars! They don't have a multi-tasking bone in their body ACCEPT they can poop and read at the same time.

Ask him to cook dinner while watching the kids - for get it!

When I was pregnant, I would clear out all of the standard reading material in the bathroom and book mark pages in my pregnancy books for my husband to read. He was trapped, he HAD to read it. I know, I'm cruel. But it worked!

Kathy B! said...

There really must be some sort of genetic hard-wirinf involved here!

Life with Kaishon said...

Oh my gosh. So funny. I could not stop laughing : ) Very typical male behavior : )

Alicia said...

LOL!!!

Why is it so relaxing to do that in the bathroom??

Nezzy said...

Venus and Mars baby..Venus and Mars. The picture of Garrett is just too cute...gotta be embedded in the testosterone. Ya'll have a most blessed day!

Deb said...

Ummmm, that's up there with "What did you do all day?" I'd be more informed if I spent more time on the toilet, too. These days I'm in and out as fast as I can and on to the next thing.

Thanks! Really enjoyed your post!

Are You There Mom? said...

Sometimes my hubby grabs a magazine and runs off to the bathroom and I actually envy him! How sad am I? haha I would love that 20 min alone with a magazine.....PS on a similar note I actually asked the gas station attendant yesterday where was his 'potty'...ugg!

Creative Junkie said...

I have never understood this phenomena. I would NEVER want to read in the bathroom. I mean, I'm there to do my business and then get it over with as quickly as possible and move on with life.

This guy thing skipped over my husband, thank God ... I could not stand having books/mags/whatever in the bathroom that have been touched while doing the deed. Makes my skin crawl. Yes, I know I'm weird.

(Did you ever see that Seinfeld episode where George tries to return a new book he used it the bathroom? Cracks me up)

Paula @ Organizing Tips For Moms said...

It's funny because it's true. If you're in there long enough to read, then you probably aren't ready to go yet.

lauren said...

hahaha! Thats rich. Our toilet is stacked with reading material for my boyfriend...sometimes he sits in there till he finishes.

Jen said...

totally a male thing, Hayden and Quinn do this too.

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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