Monday, September 28, 2009

"My cat thinks I'm God"...and other wierd google searches

I absolutely LOVE doing posts like this. The things people google which ultimately sends them to my blog provides hours of entertainment for me. I'll share some of the latest ones with you....

1) my cat thinks i'm god - Yeah, of course he does, because otherwise, who would feed him? Get over yourself.

2) child proofed my house but they still get in - I know, I know....it's like Children of the Corn all over again.

3) vomiting solid brown blobs - Well, see now.....this is what happens when you binge on Hershey's kisses without chewing them first. You gotta slow down and savor them. Stuffing 100 of these babies in your mouth in a period of 5 minutes will always, always, always result in a pukefest. What did you expect?

4) how to conceive twins - have sex twice in one night....works every time

5) why do kids play with their poop - the answer is really pretty simple...because they can.

6) having 2 sets of multiples what doesn't kill you makes you stronger - I'll certainly toast to that....and by the way, call me sometime. Sounds like we should be drinking buddies

7) what to do while you wait for God to answer your prayers - uh...how about coming over to my house and either mowing the lawn or doing the laundry? I think that's what God would want you to do while you wait for Him to get back to you...to help others in need....don't you think?

8) can you eat large zucchini - Sure, you can. But I've found other uses for it, such as time-outs (oh, trust me...doing a time-out while holding up a 3-lb zucchini is punishment enough)


Or you could use it as a weapon, as demonstrated by this 6-lb zucchini...you know, to protect you just in case that deranged psycho killer leaps out of your nightmares and into your bedroom in the middle of the night and tries to go all Freddie Krueger on you....you don't want to be the featured story on Dateline, do you? Can't you just hear that creepy yet captivating reporter Keith Morrison now...."So what REALLY happened in that dark bedroom in the house on Village Court that night? And WHY were there pieces of zucchini splattered all over the walls? Was this a crime of passion or just two people who simply disagreed on what to plant in their garden? Stay tuned as we discover what really happened in The Case of the Abnormally Large Zucchini...."


Large zucchinis also make great door stops.....who knew?


9) a sense of humor counts - Very true....especially if your husband insists that you watch "Jackass 2 - The Movie" with him

10) boy has a tantrum because mother does not buy him a game - Oh no, someone call Dr Phil....a boy had a tantrum because his mom wouldn't buy him something...oh, the horror...what's this world coming to?

11) treaments for "not wanting to grow up" - since I'm assuming a woman googled this, if you've already tried "marriage" and "fatherhood" and you've had no luck, I'd say run for the hills while you still can. Does the name "Jon Gosselin" mean anything to you?



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56 comments:

Buckeroomama said...

That picture of your kid with the zucchini doing his time-out? Absolutely priceless! It cracks me up each time I see it. I'm not sure if I would have successfully implemented that time-out if it had been me. I would have broken down and gave in to guffaws at the sight! :)

kyslp said...

Bwahahaha! In my house almost anything can be used as a weapon. I don't think they've tried a zucchini yet. Cucumber - yes.

Kelly said...

Thanks Helene!! A big laugh was just what I needed this morning! I can't believe some of the things people google.

Hearts said...

This post is too funny. I think I'll be laughing all day from it. Must tell my husband about the new door stopper.

Mighty M said...

Funny! I love that gigantic zucchini!

Brooke said...

you're too funny...that giant zucchini is just too much! :D

Christina said...

I love it when you do this! This seriously cracks me up!!!

HeartNiki said...

The zucchini time out - Awesome!
#11 - Hilarious!

newlyweds said...

Oh yes these are hilarious!!! Love the super large zucchini, and to think you thought they would never grow!!!
Oh and I had to LOL about the Jon Gosselin comment.

Kathy B! said...

Thanks for this one Helene! I'd forgotten about your ginormous zuchini :) Let's see if that helps...

fun with a ginormous zuchini

that should get some fun search hits :)

feefifoto said...

Is that really a time out? What happens when zucchini is no longer in season?

Sadia said...

Wow. Just wow. "What to do while you wait for God to answer your prayers"! Clearly, the answer is to spend your time online.

I knew a woman who refused hand-me-downs for her twins, even though she couldn't afford clothes for them, because "God will provide". Finally, one of my friends told her, "This IS God providing, now clothe your kids already!"

Bev @ The 3 Clutters said...

Very funny! Love the zucchini door stop...Now I can add that to the list of things to do with zucchini...LOL

heidi said...

I love this post! I've been wanting to do a Google Search post becuase people land at my place with the oddest things, I swear.

That zucchini punishment is fabulous.

Bethany said...

LOL I love it! That's a huge zucchini!

Amy said...

This was so funny. I love what you can do with a zucchini.

Karen said...

You get the best google searches. Lately mine have mostly been "shirtless Ryan Reynolds" and "shirtless Jonathan Hillstrand" and "why is Karen so awesome?"

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

Those are hilarious! I never really thought of going to see what searches are being used to find my blog, but now I think I might have to copy you...if I have anything good that is!!

Jenny said...

LOL! That Children Of The Corn movie was scary!

MamaHen Em said...

I could just hear Keith Morris doing Dateline regarding your large green veggie being splattered all over! Those are too funny!

McVal said...

LOL! I love the punishment of holding up a zucchini! LOL!

Mama Jenn said...

The zucchini...too funny!!!!

Morgan said...

Your Keywords are a whole lot funnier than mine! I've gotten a few about kindergartners in diapers and other odd things like that, but in general, mine are pretty normal.

Fantastic ideas for using a zucchini!!! ; )

yonca said...

My son uses almost anything he find in the house as a weapon hehe.. Love that giant zucchini :)

Tsquared417 said...

So funny! That is one big zucchini!! How did you find out how people found you? That's hilarious!

Jen said...

#4 made me seriously laugh out loud. You rock!

Mrs Montoya said...

I am thinking we can ease into tee ball with a big ol' zucchini. Cheaper than a bat until we're sure she likes it :)

FUNNY STUFF!

love lives in the kitchen said...

your posts are so fuunnny! thank you for sharing that lovely stories!
hugs,
justyna

Musings of the Mrs. said...

Your zucchinis are truly amazing.

Mamatoosi said...

LOL. I nearly choked when I read "have sex twice in one night."

Mamatoosi said...

P.S. I don't have as many as you, but here are a few funny ones from my blog:

"bought some broccoli, took it home" (2 people)

"she brought home some...broccoli....she brought the broccoli home....." (1 person)

"grown men farting" (1 person)

Apparently I brought the broccoli home... which explains the grown men farting.

The Lane Family said...

My favorite is the search about how to get twins...as usual I LOVED your response :)

Are You There Mom? said...

Hahaha! LOL! seriously funny girl! I love the Jon Gosslin comment. adorable!

Amy W said...

Isn't it just amazing what people will type in a search box? Like all the answers to life are found on the internet.

Thanks for the tip on chewing my Hershey's kisses. I tend to snarf those down a little too fast. LOL!

Halle@HouseCapated said...

I MUST know how I can see which google searches have led people to my page....how do I check this out? So awesome.

Heather Kephart said...

Sex TWICE? And in one night? Are you mad?!?!? ;-)

shortmama said...

That is hilarious!

Jenni Jiggety said...

Holy zucchini!

Cheryl Lage said...

Cracking me up, Helene! Zucchini based punishments? LOVE it! (And I thought not allowing Veggie Tales viewing would be effective!)

Great post!

kyslp said...

There's something for you on my blog.

KK said...

So funny!

Flory said...

Helene, using the zucchini as punishment? Genius!!

BTW: I have an award for you. :)

Tami said...

ROFL, This is why I love you! I'm laughing so hard I have tears running down my cheeks!

Deb said...

O-k, that timeout picture is priceless! Your little one doesn't look like he's suffering too much, he must be strong.

Seriously, I worked at a preschool where one of the teachers made kids stand in the time out corner with their hands over their heads. I say, when the mom does it, it's fine, but when a teacher does it, call CPS!

Becca said...

You ALWAYS make me laugh!

Paula @ Organizing Tips For Moms said...

You make me laugh. Thank you.

Kristen said...

haha I LOVE when I see what people write to end up on people's blogs. It is crazy because some aren't even remotely related to the blog :)

Candice: MOT said...

Too funny. I was just laughing about the hits I got from google searches with my husband the other day. Mine aren't very appropriate and kinda gross because I use the word "Nipple" in my breast feeding post. People are crazy!!!

Thanks for following me on twitter! I'll be in contact, because I would love you to do a guest post and swap links! You are hilarious!

Candice (MOT)
www.motbits.com (Tidbits for mothers of twins)

blueviolet said...

Can you imagine if you really used a zucchini in those ways? You do, don't you?

Jessica said...

Hahaha Those are great. I once had one about "F*ing an ant." hahaha

Vicki said...

Alright, I think I just peed a little. That was too funny. deep breath. Off to read about making sushi now.

Melissa B. said...

Thanks for sharing these Superior Snaps. My cat thinks I'm God, too, I think...

love lives in the kitchen said...

you always make me laught! so funny :DD
have a great day, justyna

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

Too funny! And why is the zucchini on the bedside table?;) Now you're going to get all of Jon's ho's, I mean friend's, google searches.

Crafty Girls Workshop said...

You're so funny. You crack me up. Thanks for sharing this!!

Anna

heather@it'stwinsanity said...

"having 2 sets of multiples what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

My new mantra.

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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