Tuesday, September 15, 2009

What's so wrong about googling my ex-boyfriend?

I got nothing.....so that's why today I'm going to re-post an old post. I'm lacking creativity today. Well, and I'm also super tired. Yeah....and it's only Tuesday. So, sorry for the repeat....I'll be back next time with something good (I hope).


WHAT'S SO WRONG ABOUT GOOGLING MY EX-BOYFRIEND?

1) What's so wrong about laughing hysterically that the ex-boyfriend is now bald, overweight and STILL trying to find the woman of his dreams, at the age of 44?

2) What's so wrong about sending him a long, detailed e-mail about how wonderful my life turned out and that he did me a huge favor when he cheated on me....oh and adding at the end of the letter "Hey, maybe you should apply to be the next 'Bachelor'"

3) What's so wrong about telling my kids that in order to get a gift under their pillow from the "Sleep Fairy", they need to sleep in their own beds and not climb into Mommy and Daddy's bed in the middle of the night?

4) What's so wrong about forgetting to leave the gift under their pillow and then telling the kids in the morning, "Uh, the Sleep Fairy e-mailed me and said her wings broke so she had to take them to be replaced at the Wing Shop. She sends her apologies and will be stopping by tonight to leave you a gift, if you stay in your own bed.....again"?

5) What's so wrong about singing the "Bean Fart Song" to my kids to get them to eat beans? "Bean, beans...they're good for your heart. The more you eat, the more you fart. The more you fart, the better you feel. So eat your beans at every meal". I can't possbily be the only Mom who has ever broken out into song in desperation to get their kids to eat something healthy, even if it does reduce me to the maturity level of a 4 year old

6) What's so wrong about telling their preschool teacher the next day that I have no idea where they learned the "Bean Fart Song" and apologizing profusely that my children started singing it to the class during circle time?

7) What's so wrong about telling my kids they cannot eat Oreos before dinner, while I grab a handful and stuff them in my mouth as soon as they leave the room?

8) What's so wrong about going to the gym, dropping the kids off at the gym's daycare and then hanging out in the sauna and reading a good book the whole time?

9) What's so wrong about calling my husband on the way home from the gym after my "grueling and vigorous work-out" and asking, "Hey, would you mind ordering a pizza for dinner? That step class at the gym really kicked my butt and I'm just too tired to cook".

10) What's so wrong about telling my husband that we can't possibly go to Tahoe with his family during Valentine's Day weekend because I have a huge surprise planned for him? (and then scrambling like a mad woman to find a babysitter on such short notice and attempting to get a reservation at one of the top-notch restaurants in town)

11) What's so wrong about giving my husband a countdown every single day until my 40th birthday this year and saying, "It's really no big deal...I mean, it's not like I want a huge surprise party or diamond earrings or anything"?

12) What's so wrong about "accidentally" leaving my address book with all my friends' phone numbers on the desk in his office upstairs and bribing my daughter to say, "Daddy, don't you think Mommy would look pretty with those diamond earrings?" as we walk past a jewelry store in the mall?

13) What's so wrong about sobbing for a good 10 minutes when I realize that I'm starting to say the same things to my kids that my mom said to me....that I swore I would never say to my own kids because it was just too ridiculous? Such as....

-- Stop hitting your sister. Yes, I can see you. No, I don't have to turn around to see you because I have eyes in the back of my head.

-- You can cry from now til doomsday but that doesn't change the fact that I said you cannot draw a mustache with permanent marker on your sister while she's sleeping.

-- Because I'm the Mom, that's why. And don't bother asking your father because he knows I'm in charge and he'll only say "go ask your mother".

-- Because I said so, that's why. Don't question me...and don't think I didn't see you make a face at me. Oh and by the way, if you look at me like that again, I can freeze your face so it stays that way forever. Why? Because I'm the Mom, that's why.



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39 comments:

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

Nothing wrong with any of them in my book!!!!

Kelly said...

Hilarious!! I have sung the bean fart song to my kids too. It works so well that it's worth the embarassment and apologies later.

Buckeroomama said...

LMAO on the last one!! I shudder to think how much I sound like my parents now when I swore that I would be the modern mom...

Theta Mom said...

LOL!!! Because I said so, I would love to know how many times I say that one! There's NOTHING wrong with this list!

Brooke said...

he actually wanted to spend valentine's weekend with his family??? you're totally off the hook for that one!

Booklover1212 said...

Oh yeah.....agree to all of the above! LOL!! I gave up on dropping hints for my upcoming big 4-0. I just decided to plan my party myself! LOL!

~ Jennifer

Heather said...

LOL...nothing wrong at all! Noly won't eat beans...maybe the song would help!

MamaHen Em said...

I don't think there is anything wrong with ANY of it! :) Especially when it makes me laugh!

Nicole S. said...

Can I award you a Nobel Prize for #8? I am getting a gym membership immediately!

Twincerely,Olga said...

You are hilarious! I needed that this morning!!! Thanks!

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

I love this!! You just summed up my life in a blog post!

Kristina P. said...

I love that you used the Bean Fart song to make beans more awesome.

Stephanie Faris said...

Love it. You're hilarious. I'm going to follow you.

Oh, and as for googling the ex-boyfriend, I think we've all done it. You're just brave enough to admit it. We usually all end up having that "unanswered prayers" moment when we see what became of them...

Kathy B! said...

Nothing wrong with a little re-post! Especially when it is one I haven't read :)

Jennifer said...

I don't see anything wrong with any of the things you have listed here... I especially agree with the whole "don't bother asking your father because he knows I'm in charge and he'll only say "go ask your mother". That's just obvious! Right? ;-) LMBO!!!

Amy said...

It is good to read up right?

The Mother said...

When I was pregnant with my first, I swore I would never say "because I said so." I would patiently explain everything.

Until my oldest was about 4. I patiently explained everything, and his answer was, "Yeah, but WHY?"

End of perfect mommy. I even remember the EXACT moment it happened.

♥georgie♥ said...

LOL...too funny Helene I loved your 'because i said so'

The Lane Family said...

Who cares if it is a re-post it is so funny and so much truth!!

yonca said...

There is nothing wrong with any of it!
'go ask your mom' hehehe..
loved this part :)

Mama Kat said...

I love this post!

And I'm pretty sure we can do anything we want now because "we say so"...so I agree...there's nothing wrong with any of this. Is my name in your address book?? I'm expecting an invite to your "surprise" party. ;)

Mrsbear said...

Tee-hee. Nothing wrong with re-posting either. ;) Because it's your blog, that's why.

Nikki B. said...

i sure as hell HOPE there is nothing wrong with any of those things, cuz i am guilty as charged, sir...

Flory said...

These are great! Not only do I sing to my kids, sometimes I put on a performance. They get a good laugh out of it.

AudreyO said...

That is really cute. I love the Oreos one. Those are my favorite cookies.

Lauren From Texas said...

This list should be in a book somewhere.

Jenny said...

Too funny! I like #10 the best.

BoufMom9 said...

Totally sing the bean fart song with the kids (and probably even sung a few worse than that as well. LOL)
LOVE this list! Repeats are sometimes even better the second time around and this, my friend, fits that mold :)

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I don't see a problem with any of these things! And I thought I was the only one who taught my kids the Bean Fart Song right at the dinner table. We're classy!

Robyn Jones said...

LOL! Great post..and it wasn't a repeat for me..We sing the fart song at every meal! It's our motto! oh...and there is definately NOTHING wrong with #1!

Aim said...

great stuff. Thanks!

WhisperingWriter said...

Haha, I love all of this. So true.

Kimberly@PrettyPinkMomma said...

The bean fart song is a classic, it should be part of the preschool curriculum!

I will have try the sleep fairy method...

blueviolet said...

I'll tell you what's wrong with the first one. It made me google mine!

wife.mom.nurse said...

oh, you are going to have me wakin' up the old man yet! You are so funny. I know I said that less than five minutes ago, but you are!

prashant said...

Who cares if it is a re-post it is so funny and so much truth!!
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Are You There Mom? said...

Trueness spoken!!! Love it

Brenda Jean said...

I've actually said things like "come on now, if your friends wanted to jump off a bridge would you do that too?" Then I had to slap myself afterwards. Or "If you can't stop fighting then just don't talk to each other. That's right-- no talking-- nope, stop talking.

kyslp said...

Not a darn thing wrong with any of those! Valentines Day with the in-laws? That totally sounds like something I would be forced to do.

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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