Friday, October 30, 2009

What every wife should know about her husband...

It's a well-known fact that Tim has made it clear he has no interest in reading my blog. When asked why not, he responded, "I don't have time...and plus I don't really want to read about all the embarrassing things you write about me".

I said, "I do NOT write embarrassing things about you....okay, well maybe one or two things". He rolled his eyes.

To make things fair, I offered to let him do a guest post. He had no idea what to write about. I said, "Well, what would you want every woman to know about her husband...if you think most women complain about their husbands in their blog, why not do some complaining of your own?"

His eyes lit up...there was a sparkle there that I haven't seen in years....probably since our wedding day. He said, "Okay, let's do this..."

So this, my friends, is what Tim thinks every wife should know about her husband:

1) Since when is it required for me to have a response to everything you say? You're simply making a statement. If you say, "I'm so tired today", that really doesn't need a response, does it? But then you stare at me with eyes wide open as if I just committed the crime of the century, with your hands on your hips and saying, "Well? Are you gonna ignore what I just said?"

2) When I'm in the bathroom for those 20 glorious moments of peace and quiet, I'm not actually going to the bathroom. Surprise! I'm pretty much just sitting there finishing a crossword puzzle in your People Magazine, while I listen to you yell from downstairs, "Geez, how long does it take you to crap and has anyone seen my People magazine?"

3) Despite what you think, I cannot read your mind. When I offer to go to the store to pick up a few things and I ask you, "Is there anything else you would like me to pick up?" and you say, "No, not really", don't get pissed off at me when I arrive home with the exact things I set out to buy, while you scream, "I can't believe you didn't get me my favorite ice cream!" Did I NOT ask you if you wanted anything from the store? Case closed.

4) I'm a man and it comes naturally for me to want to solve problems. It is downright painful for me to stand there for 10 minutes listening to you rant and rave about how horrible something is, without giving you advice or telling you what you should do. If you don't want my advice or opinion, just say that up front.....so I can be sure to tune you out while you complain.

5) On the other hand, don't ask for my opinion if you're just going to argue with me ABOUT my opinion. Does this sound familiar:

Helene: How do I look in this outfit?
Me: You look fine.
Helene: Fine? I look like a lard-ass.
Me: If you think you look like a lard-ass, then why did you bother to ask me?
Helene: Oh, so you DO think I look like a lard-ass?
Me: (silence)

5) Let's address the "invisible to-do list". When you ask, "Can you take out the garbage please?", we both know you expect more than that. You expect me to empty every single waste-basket in the entire house and then walk it all outside to the trash can. And then somewhere in there, I'm supposed to remember to run the dishwasher and feed the cat, make sure the kids brush their teeth before bed, figure out ways to reduce my carbon footprint and ensure that Siberian tigers never go extinct.

6) If you put as much effort into our sex life as you do into your blog, we would both be much happier. Or at least, I would be.

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83 comments:

DysFUNctional Mom said...

ROFL! That last one caught me off-guard and made me laugh! Great post, he should start a blog.

knit1kids4 said...

That was hilarious! He should guest blog more often. I know you could have Ask my dh day!

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

I love number 5!! I have been trying to get my hubby to do one as well, but he is too chicken!!

kys said...

LMAO!!! I love it! We should all have our husbands do this and do a Mr. Linky.

PS I'm pretty sure we're married to the same man.

Creative Junkie said...

If I didn't know better, I'd say my husband was busy typing on your computer. Especially after I read #4. And the last one.

Mighty M said...

So funny!! Love reading his perspective. Even if it's wrong. ;-)

S Club Mama said...

Yeah...did my husband put you up to this? lol Especially the last one and the one about the ice cream. lol This is an excellent list.

Christina said...

Haha, I can't wait for Wes to read this!! Thank's a lot Tim!!!! ;))

Nobody said...

creepy. are you sure we aren't married to the same man?

Samantha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Samantha said...

Oh my this was hilarious...I think we must be married to the same man. That last one about the sex life, I'm pretty sure my hubby thinks the same about me.

Men could never handle a Mommy's job though, if they can't take out the garbage, remember to run the dishwasher, and feed the cat all at one time. Puh-leese, that's the simple stuff :)

This is by far one of my favorite posts I've read by anyone :)

Amy said...

I am laughing so hard number 1 is so true in my house plus most of the whole list. This is just so funny. I love the last comment by the way. Great job to your husband. I think he needs to do this more often...

Have a fun and safe weekend with all of your children.

LazyCrazyMama said...

LOL!!! Too Hilarious!!

Mrs Cooper said...

What a wonderful Post. Has he become a blogger now. And #6 had me in stitches. Goes to show that all men truly are created equal. That's all they every think about.

Eva Gallant said...

he's awesome!

Sherri @ Luv a Bargain said...

Are you sure my husband didn't write this? Especially #6. Uh-oh, I think you're going to have to have a weekly Husband Guest Post now.

Carly said...

Love #5 and #6 the best ,but they are so funny. Since starting my blog my husband has maybe read it 3 times. He once said how come their are no pictures of him on my blog....When their actually was 3 Way to be supportave. LOL

yonca said...

Love this post! I agree with Sherri.A weekly husband guest post is a very good idea.
I'm still laughing at number 3 :)

Jenny said...

LMAO! Love it!

wife.mom.nurse said...

oh yeah, me too laughing "it" off!

You two...two peas in a pod.

Thanks Tim, you are awesome!

(ehem, that is except those naught things you said...bad! bad!)

Liz @ Sugarplum Creations said...

Yep, I'm pretty sure those would be my husbands answers to the T! Too funny!

Kim Betts said...

Absolutely loved it. Can't wait to read more. I agree with all the previous comments Tim should do guest posts way more often. And I'm pretty sure my husband would agree with every statement on the list. :) Too funny! Love your blog...I read every post you make. Have a safe Halloween.

Nezzy said...

You are one brave woman to turn the keyboard over to your Hubby. It just goes to show you Mama was right when she told ya'll all men think alike. This could be written by any of our sex crazed hunky hubbies.

Take care sweetie and have a great weekend with the kiddos. I'm looking forward to the Halloween pic and stories! God bless your precious family!!!!

Melanie said...

Too funny!!!

#2 was not news, we all know that's what you are doing.

I love the to-do list. My husband doesn't understand that washing the dishes includes wiping down the counter tops and stove.

And I think every man has the last one on his list!

MamaOtwins+1 said...

I love the to do list - because forget the dishes, when I ask for the trash to be taken out, I mean all the trash and replace the trash bags - such a hard concept.

Love the last one! My hubby would agree.

Tracy said...

Too hilarious, as usual. I forwarded to my hubby, because he truly could have written this.

Megan said...

Haha!! Love it! I'm sure my husband would say the same things, but especially the last one! LOL

Kacey R. said...

This is hilarious! I laughed all the way through and I'm forwarding it to my hubby. ;D

Alicia said...

Oh my gosh..you two are too much!!

Tell Tim to come back and do another post! LOL

Adie said...

That was hilarious! ty!

The Lane Family said...

I am going to make sure my husband reads this because it sounds so "familiar".

The last one was to funny!! Tim should do a blog post every now and then!!

Missy (Two Little Monkeys) said...

My husband claims to be too busy to read my blog too! Whatever!
Ha! I loved reading your husband's post!

shortmama said...

Our hubs must be related...oh thats right its international code of man to think this way.

Except my hubs is the one who does number 1. He will say something and I dont respond and he is all were you going to say something back? Hello do you need to be reminded of the differences between a statement and a question?

Jen said...

I pretty much knew this but I don't know how I feel about reading it. I am not sure that I like it. LOL!

McVal said...

Too funny! I think my husband would agree with this posting entirely! Well - your husbands entries anyway...

Corrie Howe said...

Hahahah. My husband could've wrote every line of this too.

Megan said...

so i really do believe our husbands are related somewhere down the road. Seriously...... lol

Twincerely,Olga said...

thats hysterical!!! My husband would agree,I'm sure!!!!

Brooke said...

excellent. :P

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

Hilarious! My fav #3.
Have a great week-end!!!
hugs hugs

The Mother said...

You're lucky your hubby doesn't read your blog.

Mine does, and I have to watch what I say. No more rants about husbands. Really.

Karen & Gerard Zemek said...

Number one was interesting because I'll say something and my husband will just sit there. So I'll say something else and the same thing. Finally, I'll say, well it was nice chatting with myself and he'll finally say something. Guess this is definitely a guy thing.

This was a great post! My husband would especially agree with #6 too!

Sharlene said...

He He he... I bet there could be an entire club of men who feel strongly about number 6.

Kaleena said...

I'm pretty sure that we are married to the same man! My husband said to thank your husband for reading his mind:)

Pam said...

I think my husband wrote #6.

Joy said...

hilarious!!!

Shelby at DoubleUpBooks.com - The Twins and Multiples Bookstore said...

Very funny that #2 was actually about #2! I don't know what's wrong with me, but I have lost all control over my mouth whenever my husband goes into the bathroom. I can't believe what comes out half the time about his bathroom habits. I think I'm just jealous that he gets to go in there alone. For some reason, the kids NEVER follow him in there like they follow me.

Jessica said...

I LOVED it! props to the hubby mine would never! oh and I LOVE #6 my hubby must think the same thing because he hid my internet card today...

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Oh men. My husband is the EXACT same as yours. he never reads my blog and that is a good thing. Or twitter. That is a really good thing.
oh and #6- don't go there men!

Shelle said...

too, too funny. btw, I saw the words in little type...and I can't figure why #6 when it should've been #1, come one you know it's the truth.

leigh said...

I don't like knowing men's thoughts. It just make me wish that they could be more like a woman.

Jeff Foxworthy has a funny skit about what men are thinking about. He says that all they are thinking is "I want a beer and I want to see something naked."

So true!

XO
Leigh

SSG's Wife said...

ROFL! Great blog, made me laugh!

2 Toddlers and Me said...

Too funny! I think some of his points go both ways in our house specifically number 5!

By the way, you have an award waiting for you on my blog. Congrats!

Heather Kephart said...

ROFL!!!!!!!! You are so flipping funny, Helene. Even if you are a lard-ass. ;-)

Corrie Howe said...

Helene, I'm sending you an award for this post and your "Tricks of the Trade" post. Please come to my blog today and pick it up. (Or not.)

Erin M. said...

this is a great idea and maybe we should all allow our hubbies to do a guest post? lol!

loved that last one about the sex. i'm sure my hubby would say the very same thing to/about me!

Mrs. Fish aka Two Fish said...

ROFL, your banter is so much like mine with my husband! Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!

Cynthia@RunningWithLetters said...

SO funny and true! Thanks for stopping by for the SITS Sharefest...I thought I'd scoot on over here and see what you had going on here at your place. Funny stuff.

T. Anne said...

You are so sweet and funny! You're like me expect my four kids came one by one ;) Plus I love the Lord and live in Cali. I'm thrilled to follow you.

Mrs. Call Me Crazy said...

That's great! I read it to my husband, he agrees all the way.

Mrs. Call Me Crazy said...

That's great! I read it to my husband, he agrees all the way.

Mommy24cs said...

Hilarious!! Tim sounds so much like Charles it's scary!!

Amy W said...

Oh dear. I'm pretty sure my hubby agrees with #6. Ok, and the rest of them too! LOL!

Elizabeth Mahlou said...

Really funny -- and really typical!

Jennifer said...

#5! Why is this my liiiiiiife!?!?!? LOL!

Mama B said...

Ha ha ha! Must keep this post out of sight from the hubby, lest he get any ideas!

I also featured you in my Sunday Funnies post: http://tinyurl.com/yzrdjf7

!!The Obnoxious SAHM!! said...

BBAAWW hhaaww! i love it. great post!

MrsM said...

My husband would definitely agree with number five LOL!

Still, my husband does read my blog-his only problem with it is that I have decided not to share it with our family. He wants to brag/talk about it, but I don't want them reading my stuff...still, that's a pretty small disagreement and otherwise my husband loves my blog almost as much as I do.

Mrsbear said...

Why am I not surprised by the sex life addendum...Men, jeez.

K a b l o o e y said...

Thanks for finding my blog; I'm happy to repay the visit nd discover yours. Either I picked a good day, or this is one funny blog. Nice to meet the hubby who pinch hits and knocks it out of the park. I look forward to coming back, although you will make it hard to complain about how busy I am since you have two sets of twins and manage to blog so well. You have more hours in your day than I do in mine??

Michelle said...

LOL, my husband agrees with #6!

Xazmin said...

Best thing I've read in a long time! I love it!

Maricris Zen Mama said...

This is like reading my own husbands testimony of his wife! LOL. I guess we all live in the same twilight zone :)

4 Twin Boys and a Princess said...

OMG! HE should start a blog! Or write a humor column! I felt like he knew EXACTLY how things are at MY house! Glad to know that we are, by some standards, "normal"...
Thank you for the belly laugh tonight!

mudmama said...

LOVE IT! Creative of you to ask him to chime in, and he did a great job!
The "do I look fat" conversation is something they can never win on! I love his last comment too about putting as much time into your sex life as your blog, hahahahahahaha, good one! :)

Kristen said...

haha this is hilarious!!!

HeartsMakeFamilies said...

OMG this was hilarious. So much so that I'm having a hard time typing this from laughing.

Elle said...

Ummm...did my husband write number 6?

Are You There Mom? said...

You guys make the greatest couple! I can see why you work! ;-) I love how he made that line about tuning you out little....hehehe

Zeemaid said...

ROFL... that is too priceless. I love the last one.. that was perfect. No man thinks we put enough effort into that....

Tim obviously has your witty sense of humour.

Frugal Vicki said...

ROFL!! That is absolutely hilarious, he should write more guest posts! There were only one or two that I went "well then don't freaking lie to us and tell us that you ARE pooping for an hour"

K. M. Berry said...

I just found your blog, so I'm quite late to the game.

Funny...I'm the husband, the blogger and the primary domestic chores doer. Of course, I'm also a bit of a "girly man" who has no problem being the domestic one and knows way more about cooking and decorating than about sports. The only ones on his list that I agree with are #1 (strongly), the first two sentences of #4 and, on occasion, #5. I think we BOTH think about #6 like that, however!

It would be especially interesting to see what the stay-at-home daddy bloggers would say to your hubbies, ladies!

Helene, I hope you had a nice list to offer him as well! ;-)

Tisha said...

I want twins...
just one set of boys and a gal

say a word of prayer for me that God gives em to me.
When i am married that is!

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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