Friday, November 6, 2009

My germs, your germs - our germs

I know when you're married, you're supposed to share things with your spouse. I like to think I'm a thoughtful and generous person...I have no problems sharing my things with Tim.

But I draw the line at some things, like.....sharing toothbrushes. Oh, yes he did.

We have those electric Sonic toothbrushes and he accidentally left his at a hotel awhile back when he was on a business trip. I got a new toothbrush for him to use until we could replace his Sonic. It was just a plain, old-fashioned toothbrush - nothing fancy but it gets the job done.

Yesterday, I noticed my toothbrush wasn't in its charger. I knew I had used it that morning and I knew I put it back in its proper place. I looked all over for it....I found it in Tim's charger. WTF?

I barged into his office and asked, "Did you use my toothbrush?"

He immediately replied, "What?"....you know, the way a man always does when he's thinking "oh, crap...I've been busted....quick, come up with a good excuse". But men can't think that fast because there brains and their penises work in tandem and blood can't rush down and then back up again as quickly as they'd like.

I shoved my toothbrush in his face and repeated, "Did you use my toothbrush?" He finally answered, "Yeah".

I asked, "Have you been using it all this time since yours was lost?" He nodded his head and said "Yeah", as if this wasn't a big deal.

Apparently, this was the day he had forgotten to put MY Sonic back in MY charger. Huge slip-up, wasn't it?

I let loose on him...."That is the most disgusting thing you could ever do....toothbrushes are not something ever to be shared!! I got you a toothbrush until we could replace your Sonic. Why couldn't you just use that?"

He said, "What's the big deal? I prefer an electric toothbrush and we still haven't replaced mine".

I could NOT believe that he didn't find this as disturbing as I did. HIS bacteria all over MY toothbrush....all this time....eeeewwww.

Then he said, "We share bacteria when we kiss. Is that really any different?"

I rolled my eyes and responded, "No, I guess not".

He asked, "So can I just keep using your toothbrush until I get another one?"

I said, "Uh, no....I still don't want you using mine". He asked, "And what about kissing?"

I said, "Well, I haven't figured out THAT one just yet. But, in the meantime, just stay the hell away from my toothbrush!! "

He couldn't just stop there, of course. Why? Because he's a man.

The smart-ass said, "So are you saying that your mouth is off limits....you know, for EVERYTHING?"

I stared him down and said, "YOU are SUCH a PIG!" and then I went into our bathroom and hid my toothbrush.

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52 comments:

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

LOL! After that I would have had to get myself a new toothbrush as well. And, I would have said...yup, mouth is off limits to you!

Erin M. said...

We have shared toothbrushes only in dire/extreme circumstances. I find it just as disturbing/disgusting and good for you for calling him out!

;-)

Erin M. said...

We have shared toothbrushes only in dire/extreme circumstances. I find it just as disturbing/disgusting and good for you for calling him out!

;-)

yonca said...

Great post as usual Helen! Hiding your toothbrush might be a temporary solution :) Hehe..
Have a great weekend! Hugs!

Mighty M said...

Tell your husband he is SO FUNNY. Hysterical. My husband never tries smart comments like that with me! ;-)

And toothbrush sharing. EW!!! Kissing is okay though. :)

Lolli said...

I find it totally disgusting, too. I hate sharing toothbrushes. Such a hilarious story!

The Mother said...

Men have got to learn boundaries.

The germs on your teeth, BTW, are different from the germs in your spit. Just cause you kiss does NOT mean that you are sharing dental flora.

So science is on your side on this one.

Corrie Howe said...

You're good, because I could never use it again. I'd just give it to him. I can do a lot of "mom" and "wife" things, but sharing mouth spit is not one of them. If someone drinks out of my cup, bottle, eats off my fork, uses my toothbrush...well it's not theirs.

Amy said...

I have to agree.. That is gross.. Yes, Alyce is still sleeping in her crib. Is that bad? She does not climb out so we just leave it be for now...

The Crazy Baby Mama said...

HILARIOUS :) by the way, you can tell him that toothbrush-using and kissing ARE NOT the same thing -- the tooth brush picks up bacterial flora dwelling in the mouth, and in so sharing, you are increasing your chance of ... GINGIVITIS! (eew!)

Kelly said...

That is horrible. My hubby thinks this is ok as well, but I would have completely freaked out! I definitely would have made my mouth off limits for everything...for at least 5 years as punishment!

Stacey said...

LOL I've shared toothbrushes with people before. I don't find it that gross when you kiss and put your mouth other places on them. LOL.

Karen said...

Gross!

No sharing toothbrushes!

I mean, sure you share a lot when you kiss someone, but I don't know many people that would dig the plaque out of someone's gums with their tongue.

Nezzy said...

We have been married almost 37 years and share almost everything except for the disgusting food particles in our toothbrushes. Eeewwwww!

Have a great weekend with your NEW toothbrushes!!!

God bless

ParentingPink said...

Hi Helene! It's been a while! I'm back in the blogosphere and have launched my new Parenting Pink - thankfully! LOL

I can soooo relate to this post. At least certainly the last comment your husband made to you! LOL. Hope you and your family are doing well!

Jenny said...

I'm with you on this. I think it's disgusting to share a toothbrush. Keep your plaque to yourself!

AngieB said...

OK, at the point in this post where you called your husband at work and got the "What?" response I died laughing and had to call my husband in to read it. HOW MANY TIMES have I heard that particular "What?" - oh, too many to count!

Kaleena said...

Seriously, I'm rolling on the floor laughing right now! You, my friend, are too funny!

Christina said...

Yea gross. I don't share my toothbrush either!

Menopausal New Mom said...

That made me laugh out loud! Looks like you will both be getting a new toothbrush!

Eva Gallant said...

I'm with stacy on this one, We have individual toothbrushes, but in an emergency--I wouldn't freak.

blueviolet said...

Absolutely no sharing of toothbrushes! I would have given him that one and went to a manual one myself from that point. Ewwwwww.

Jen said...

I totally have to agree with you. Tooth brushes are off limits. Yuck!

Jen said...

Give him your toothbrush & go get yourself a new one. You've earned it. Thumbs down 100% on sharing toothbrushes!!

kys said...

I won't even share a bathroom with my husband. A toothbrush? Forget it!

Sadia said...

Hee hee. I'm in the minority. On occasion, I don't mind sharing ... but ONLY with my husband.

What about different brush-heads on one electric base?

Liz @ Sugarplum Creations said...

Yep, that's just gross! I agree, I think he deserves your old one and *you* deserve the new one!

F.T.M. said...

Hilarious! That's happened to me too. Fun blog! Just popped over from MBC (the FM group) and am now following you. :-) I just started my blog, and I'd love for you to stop by my page.

http://adventuresofa1sttimemommy.blogspot.com/

shortmama said...

I dont care what germs are swapped with kisses and such...ya dont share a toothbrush.

D said...

If I were you I'd replace MY toothbrush. Yeah, let him have your's once you buy the replacement. What he do if you had strep or something? He'd still use your toothbrush? I mean what the hell? That's like drinking out of someone elses cup. EWWW! That's just disgusting. As far as the kissing thing goes permit me to inform: You spew 37 different kinds of bacteria when you spit. Imagine kissing someone. 37+37=74! That's 74 different types of bacteria in your mouth when he has been using your toothbrush and he didn't tell you. GROOOSSS!

Joy said...

I totally agree with you! It's just gross! And my husband made the exact same points...even the last comment! they so don't get it.

Twincerely,Olga said...

I have shared once but would not now!!! Funny post!! you should get the new one!!

Elizabeth Mahlou said...

I concur with Corrie. I would just give it to him and buy myself a new one -- and then I would hide THAT one!

(Fortunately, I am married to a scientist -- he would find sharing even yuckier than I would.)

Buckeroomama said...

I find it amusing how they try to buy time by asking "What?" and trying to look innocent as if they don't know what we're talking about.

Kissing and sharing toothbrushes --so NOT the same thing!

Mrsbear said...

Gah! It's totally different! It's not like when you kiss you're sucking the food particles out of the recesses of his mouth like some kind of vacuum. It's just gross. I'd let him keep it then buy myself the new toothbrush.

Also, the theory about the tandem penis/brain thinking, that's got to be true. ;)

Amy said...

I have something for you on my blog...

Emily said...

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW now im not against sharing either but thats gross! and kissing isnt really the same unless he picks ur teeth with tongue (ew) lol

and thank you so much for the nice comment! I hope the kids have fun with my ideas

LazyCrazyMama said...

Hahahahaha!!!!! LOVE IT!! Sounds like something my husband would say ;)

Queenie Jeannie said...

I know I'm not supposed to be giggling....but I'm sorry, I am! This conversation could SO happen at my house.

Gosh, I better hide mine too!!!!

Sherri @ Luv a Bargain said...

Oh no he did not! That is something I don't have to worry about. My husband is more of a germ-a-phob than me:)

MamaHen Em said...

Oh. Wow. I think I may have thrown up in my mouth a little bit. Sharing toothbrushes is NOT okay. Ever. Bleh. :)

Frugal Vicki said...

He is lucky you are nice. My comment would have been more to the effect of "well, now that you mention it YES IT IS ASS-TO YOU UNTIL I SOMEHOW MANAGE TO FORGET WHAT YOU JUST SAID!"
and p.s. that could take a month and a lot of butt kissing, why don't you use your mouth for THAT!

wife.mom.nurse said...

ewww, I am a total germaphobe.

double eewwwwwww!

Michelle said...

LOL

Carly said...

I do not like to share a toothbrush ever, Too funny! Thanks for the kind coment on my blog! Carly

Mamatoosi said...

I accidentally used my husband's toothbrush the other night because I was brushing my teeth by nightlight and couldn't tell the colors apart. When I realized my mistake, I dry heaved, cleaned his brush, and started over with my own. When I told my husband about it (yes, I felt guilty), he thought it was no big deal and seemed quite confused as to why I would bother starting over with my own brush. Men!

Gracey said...

Although I loved your husbands witty comments, I am with you on this one. Kissing is one thing, sharing bacteria that reside inside gums, under tongue, etc is another. Ewwwww...

Also, I agree with what was recommended earlier - just give him this toothbrush, and buy yourself a new one!

Karen, author of "My Funny Dad, Harry" said...

I wouldn't like sharing tooth brushes either--yuck! Hope you found a good hiding place for yours!

Haddock said...

enjoyed that one.
(still curious about the kissing one.....who wins?)

2 Toddlers and Me said...

Aaah, I can't stand thinking about shared toothbrushes either. Yuck, I don't know why it's different then kissing or using the same utensils but it just is. Men are so weird, that they don't get that!

WeaselMomma said...

There is a sharing line and sharing a toothbrush crosses it. I don't know why guys don't get this.

Tabbatha Rose said...

Too funny Helene! I just love your family.
BTW I want to make chicken wings this weekend, could you direct me to your recipe? I made them your way once before but for the life of me cant find the directions.
I lose things a lot when I clean up the clutter and my papers, I rather just sift thru it to find what I need. *grins*

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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