Monday, November 16, 2009

Stupid childhood stunts....

A few weeks ago, Bella finally figured out how to use the jump rope. She was so excited about it and called out to me, "Mommy, come see what I can do....". I squealed with delight as I watched her practice her newfound skill.

I said, "I used to love to jump rope too when I was your age. I'd play jump rope games for hours with my friends in the middle of our street". Her eyes got huge and she said, "You used to play jump rope too? Mommy, I'm just like you....I'm gonna do the same things you did when you were little".

Now, I suppose that should've been a proud moment for me and it was...don't get me wrong. But I quickly had flashbacks to all the STUPID things I did when I was younger that I pray to God she never repeats.

At the time, of course, I thought I was pretty darn cool....until I got busted by my parents. And I ALWAYS got busted, due to my stupidity.

Stupid Childhood Stunt #1: "Borrowing" my dad's car with my best friend when we were 14. My parents were out with friends and it seemed like a great opportunity. My BFF even traced the car keys exactly how they were laying on the counter so we could put them back the same way.

We went to a party, had a great time and then drove back to my house. Parked the car exactly where it was supposed to be and even put the keys back in the same place, same position.

Too bad we forgot to turn off the headlights and make sure that the wipers weren't laying smack across the windshield. Seriously....we were THAT stupid.

I acted all innocent in the morning when my dad asked me if I knew why his car was dead. Then he said, "I'd almost believe you, except you left the windshield wipers up".

Needless to say, I was grounded.

Stupid Childhood Stunt #2: The time I changed one of the grades on my report card from an F to a B. I erased the F very lightly and then typed over it, replacing it with a B.

I thought it looked pretty authentic but apparently my mom didn't. Instead of confronting me right away, she waited until she could get a hold of my teacher by phone. Of course, he told her I had gotten an F and they were both appalled that I had changed my grade.

At home, I was grounded and at school, I received detention. Not to mention, the teacher moved my seat to the front of the room, where he announced to the entire class what I had done and that I obviously needed closer supervision. So not cool.

Stupid Childhood Stunt #3: My mom worked full time at a hair salon and usually didn't get home until the evening. She expected my sister and I to go straight home after school. Once we were home, we were to call and let her know we had arrived there safely.

One day, I went home with my best friend, who lived a few houses away, without permission. I called my mom and told her I was home (that was before caller ID had been invented....WTF, I sound like I'm ancient).

She said, "Make sure you take the dog outside to go to the bathroom". I answered, "Okay, I'll do it as soon as I get home". STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!!!

She asked, "I thought you said you WERE home already". I stumbled as I said, "Uh.... I am home. I don't know why I said that. It's been a really long day". But my mom's not as stupid as I am. She slowly said, "You're going to hang up this phone. And I'm going to call you back AT HOME and you better damn well answer the phone".

I busted out the door and ran home as fast as I could, thinking I could beat the clock. When I got home, I sat and waited for her to call (this was before most people had answering machines...WTF, I guess I am ancient).

When she didn't call, I called her at work and asked, "Why didn't you call back? I've been sitting here waiting". She said, "I DID call. You didn't answer. That's all the proof I need to know you were lying about where you were."

I said, "Oh, well, you must have called when I took the dog out...." and she interrupted me with, "Helene, you're only making it worse....I suggest you stop while you're ahead".

Needless to say, I was grounded.

Stupid Childhood Stunt #4: My parents didn't allow us to have boys in the house, under any circumstance, unless they were home. You think that was gonna deter me? Yeah, right.

When I was a freshman in high school, I had a HUGE crush on this guy, who was a senior and played on the football team. I didn't think he even knew I existed until one day when we were in the library together, he walked over to where I was standing and kissed me. He said, "I've been wanting to do that for awhile now". Such a Cassenova, right?

Then he asked me if he could give me a ride home from school that day. Like I'm really gonna say, "Oh, I'm not allowed to have boys in the house when my parents aren't home"? That would've been SO uncool. He told me where to meet him in the parking lot later that day.

After school,he drove me home. Fortunately, FOR ME, I had somehow forgotten my house key that day. I say "fortunately for me" because obviously this guy had other reasons why he wanted to go to my house.... and it wasn't to do homework. Yeah, I was THAT naive.

I invited him onto the back porch, which, in case you didn't know, isn't technically "IN the house", according to me. However, according to my parents, the back porch IS considered IN the house. Who knew?

So my dream guy and I hung out on the back porch, where we proceeded to have a heavy make-out session. I thought I was the luckiest girl on earth...he thought he was just plain gonna get lucky.

When my mom hadn't heard from me, upon returning home from school, she got worried and came home....just in time to see us both sit up suddenly from the lounge chair we were sharing, with me scrambling to button my shirt up.

I said, "Uh, Mom....this is Darryl", hoping she hadn't noticed my buttons weren't lined up properly. She said, "Hi Darryl...Helene isn't supposed to have boys in the house without adult supervision. I suggest you leave now". OMG, I wanted the earth to split open and swallow me whole.

Needless to say, I was grounded. And Darryl never spoke to me again...

I wish I could say that there were no more stupid childhood stunts after that but there were, of course. I won't continue to bore you with the time my friend and I got into my parent's liquor cabinet one night while they were out....

So you can kinda see why I hope my daughter doesn't do exactly the same things I did when I was younger.

But then again, there was a reason my parents always seemed to know I was up to no good. Once I became an adult, I learned my dad once stole his parent's car and drove to the airport, where he and his friends hung out drinking. I also learned that my mom had snuck around plenty with a boy that my grandparents didn't like.

I suppose if Bella tries to repeat the same stunts as I did, I'll be one step ahead of her just like my parents were with me. Hopefully, she'll just stick to innocent games, such as jump rope and hopscotch, until she turns 18.

A mom can dream, right?

56 comments:

Buckeroomama said...

One of the most stupid stunts I pulled was standing on the rail of the fire exit and walking all the way around it --4 storeys up, with no safety net whatsoever, only the hard concrete below. I still shudder at what might have happened it I had a misstep. No, my parents never found out.

On the one hand, I would be very proud if my children would want to be "just like Mom," but I will offer up a prayer saying, "Not too much." :)

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Oh yeah. She's gonna be an 18 year old World Championship Jump Roper, for sure.
I literally snorted when I read that you told your mom you'd take the dog out when you got home. That was a classic!

Karen, author of "My Funny Dad, Harry" said...

Your mom was on the ball, just like you will be, I'm sure. Really enjoyed reading about your stupid stunts--that borrowing the car one was scary. Glad you got home safely. So funny about going right home from school. It will be interesting to see what Bella gets into as she grows up. Good luck with that!

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

You have the best ideas for posts!! As I was reading this all these visions of stupid things I did flashed in my head that would be great blog fodder. I changed...or tried to change...many a grade growing up!!

newlyweds said...

I had my fair share of stunts, so like you said you will always be one step ahead of them, that and never leave the house, ha ha.

Eva Gallant said...

We all did those stupid things, didn't we?

But you are so right...it later helps to keep us ahead of our own kids!

Nezzy said...

Dream on sista' sounds like you came up with your stupid childhood stunts quite naturally. Ya think Miss Bella is gonna have her jump-rope trophys lined up on the family-room shelf when she eighteen? Heeeheehe!

I enjoyed the post immensely. Have a wonderful week sweet gal enjoying the creativity of your children. God bless!!!

Menopausal New Mom said...

What a trip down memory lane! You were a handful girl by the sounds of things! My mother always used to tell me that when I grew up and had my own kids, that was gonna be payback for all my stupid stunts. I sure hope she was wrong!

Creative Junkie said...

Sigh. I pray to God my kids don't do what I did. Because if I get a phonecall from a club stating that they caught my daughter using a fake ID to get in and drink, I'm not sure whether I'll be able to handle it.

Shelby at DoubleUpBooks.com - The Twins and Multiples Bookstore said...

So funny to read about your childhood stunts! And even funnier, what goes around comes around - your parents did it, and then you did similar things. Just waiting for the day that one of my twins decides that soaping up the entire front yard with dish soap just to slide down it happens. It's gonna be payback for my parents. My childhood friend and I still laugh about that one, but I have no idea what I was thinking - what a mess to clean up.

Amy said...

Good luck with that. I know that we both will have stories to write about some day..

The Mother said...

My mother was a master at cursing her children.

She cursed my sister to have a daughter who drove her crazy, just like she did mom.

After years of infertility, they just adopted a little girl. And she is sure turning out to be a hellion.

Who knew that mom's curses could make it all the way to Moldova?

Mayhem and Moxie said...

We really were this dumb, weren't we? Maybe it is the time of year, but I have definitely been reminiscing about my childhood stunts as well.

As one of your other commenters said though, what goes around, comes around. We are definitely in for some trouble ahead with our kids! :)

Liz @ Sugarplum Creations said...

Oh yeah, you'll be one step ahead. That's what happens when you've lived it yourself! :) I would be so embarassed if the girls ever found out some of the stupid, stupid things I did! There'd be lots of explaining to do.

Brooke said...

sounds like you had a fun childhood...when you weren't grounded! :P

i just followed my sister in whatever she suggested, so my punishment wasn't usually as severe (meaning only 3 lashings with the belt instead of 5)

Kristina P. said...

Man, I wish I had lived this life! I was such a goodie two shoes, I never did anything.

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

My parents always told me "I hope your children give you the same grief you gave us". The ol: what goes around comes around.

Funny though, you'd probably be happy if she only did the same things you did. Kids have way more things to get into than us ancient people did.

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

My parents always told me "I hope your children give you the same grief you gave us". The ol: what goes around comes around.

Funny though, you'd probably be happy if she only did the same things you did. Kids have way more things to get into than us ancient people did.

Kimberly@PrettyPinkMomma said...

Your not ancient! I think anyone older than fifteen didn't have caller id or voicemail when we were younger. Don't you remember we all did *69 to see who had called, lol!

I took my parents car countless times, I only got caught once but smooth talked my way out of it. The first time I ever took it I didn't even know how to drive- scary way to learn about how to take curve! I only fessed up to my mom about my shenanigans just a few months ago, she asked me to please stop talking.

Laura said...

I SO loved this post! You had me laughing so hard!!

Jen said...

I am going to be dreaming right along with you!

Frugal Vicki said...

The phone one reminded me of my prom night. No caller ID yet, but *69 was already around. Called my mom from the hotel room. OOPS!

MrsM said...

Do you know that I never pulled a single solitary stupid stunt? True story-even my Dad will tell you that I was the perfect kid until I was 14, and after that it wasn't so much what I DID do as what I DIDN'T do (the laundry, my dishes, chores, etc). Still, I've lived on my own since I was 16 and as such have seen it all. My kids won't get away with ANYTHING. LOL!

Emily said...

Hahahaha good times helene! I have done some stupid crazy stuff that my mom found out but shes pretty much in the dark with most things. Like back in april when she left me at home ALONE with my bf of two weeks. Like we werent going to to do anything....

kys said...

I knew you were a kindred spirit. I pulled a bunch of stunts like that, too. That's why my mom can never know that I have a blog. I couldn't confess to the Blogosphere if she was reading.

PS I changed that grades and everything. More than once. And forged signatures.

shortmama said...

Now Im scared for what my girls will try doing!! Oh good gravy what was I thinking in those days?!

Savvy Little Women - Kate said...

Oh the good ole days :)! I always wonder if I will be one step ahead of my own girls...I can only hope, right!?

T. Anne said...

Oh my gosh you are hysterical. And did I mention naughty? ;)

Tracy said...

This brought back some fun memories of my own. I pray that my own children don't try some of the same stunts...but like you, my parents laid the way for me, so I'm sure my own children will try a few stunts of their own.

Sharlene said...

Holy crap girl you were naughty! I wsa actually quite good until I left for college. Then I made up for it, and then some. Loved these stories. Now I know what to look for...

Jennifer said...

Man, if my kid(s) ever end up like me and my hubs when we were kids, we would literally have to chain them up and place them in a glass box. Ugh. Headaches!!!

Alicia said...

Oh my gosh...that is hilarious! My BFF took my sisters boyfriends car out for a joyride, but we didn't quite make it back to school because she crashed on someones lawn!! LOL

Cascia said...

Great stories! I don't think I did anything like that. But I do remember the time when there was no such thing as caller id. I also remember when we did not have an answering machine too. Boy times have really changed!

Megan said...

Yikes, you were a wild one! Wish I would've known you way back when (I am also from the pre-caller ID era, so know how you feel). :-)

Missy (Two Little Monkeys) said...

I love your honesty - one of the reasons I love your blog!!!
Oh, if I listed all my stupid things I have done - the post would never end! Ha!

KrysTros said...

LOL too funny! I used to work as a drill instructor at a juvie bootcamp for several years. Now I am raising my husband's nephew and he always asks "Aunt Kristie, how do you always know when I am lying?" Heh!

Sherri @ Luv a Bargain said...

Oh, the things we used to do. I tell my mother now and she just shakes her head and says "I really trusted you". I am so scared about having a teenager....but can he outsmart me? Hmmmmm. I guess I'll have to wait and see.

yonca said...

Lol. of course a mom can dream. Another honest post! Love it:)
I don't want my son to do the same mistakes i made. Sometimes, small things i tell him, what i did wrong and what result i got.And hope this helps him in the future.

blueviolet said...

If I can help to allay your fears, I was the worst teenager ever and both of my kids were golden children. I didn't deserve that. I expected payback. There's a chance for you.

Nikki B. said...

wow! what a dreadful child you were! i NEVER did anything like that when i was a kid. NEVER. EVER. EVER. EVER. uh-uh. no way! not me. nope! i was a good girl. still am. always have been, always will. yes-sir-ee!

you believe me?

i didn't think so...

when my parents left me at home alone when i was a teenager, they said they would place a pebble on one of the tires of my car. if it was gone when they got home, they knew i had taken the car. they would also put scotch tape across the crack of the door and the frame. if the tape was loose, or broken, they knew i had let someone in, or left myself!

Carly said...

The only stupied thing that I did when I was in High school was get drunk with my now Husband at a school dance and threw up in my room in the middle of the night. I had to wash my bed sheets at 2 am and sleep with my window open to get rid of the smell. I still know that she never cought that. LOL

Shelli (wishes she was) Mrs. Burchett;) said...

My jaw...on the floor!!! lol

My dad used to tell us stories about the things he did was he was a kid, but we still got our asses beat for doing stupid crap!

When I was in 4th grade, some of the kids were bringing in their pets for science class (hamsters and gerbils) Well, I decided I wanted to tak an animal to school too, so I caught one of our barn cats and stuck it under my sweatshirt and proceded to GET ON THE BUS and take said barn cat to school.

Not only did I get grounded, but I also got the shit scratched out of me the whole way to school!!!

KK said...

Sounds like you kept your parents hopping!

Corrie Howe said...

Yep. I remember doing a few of these things and getting caught. And I've caught my oldest son doing a few things too. I guess that's why we were kids once, so we know what our kids are up to.

Tabbatha Rose said...

Shhhh... You're not suppose to reveal those stunts!! LOL Sounds like you were as good as I was.

Clueless_Mama said...

Oh my gosh. I LOVE this post. You and I so would have been friends and boy would we have been getting in trouble. I was grounded ALL the time. This was a great flashback of some of my past stupid mistakes.

Sadia said...

On the flip side, you'll know what to watch for with your own kids, and what rules and consequences to impose. The worst thing I ever did was take the job of yearbook editor even after my mother forbade me to do so. (She didn't like that the teacher who served as yearbook adviser was recommending I attend college in the US.) I don't have a CLUE about dealing with teenage rebellion. I have ten years. Right? Rebellion doesn't start until 13? Right?

Amy W said...

That's why I've been praying for my kids daily to make good decisions! :)

Karen said...

Yeah, I've got a few of those myself!

I'm still laughing about the windshield wipers on the car!

Joy said...

Aaron and I talk about this all the time! Just hope we are always one-up on her cuz we sure have some sneaky stories!

Queenie Jeannie said...

Yes hun, a Mom can dream....

Wonderful post! You brought back A LOT of great memories, lol!!!!

Kaleena said...

I did some seriously stupid things as a teen! I think I'll try that denial thing that you're trying and just hope that my girls stick to jumping rope like Bella...lol!

J said...

OMG... i enjoyed reading your post. Thanks for the follow that led me here.

i love this... lol


J

2 Toddlers and Me said...

Your stories cracked me up!

Good luck! I can't bear to think of the things my kids will do when they get older. I wasn't as adventurous as you, but my husband was, so I think I'm in for it!

wife.mom.nurse said...

Okay, now you've done it...

you kids can't read your blog until they are 18! :)

Erin said...

Love the one where you said, "Okay, I'll do it as soon as I get home," while you were at your friend's house. Cracked me up!
And making out on the back porch--I shudder to think of my kids doing that. What will I do?!!?!?

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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