Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Compromising is good...giving in is not

Picture it...

Where: Costco
When: last Tuesday morning
Who: Garrett and Landon

Why: We needed a bunch of stuff from Costco that I had been putting off getting, like toilet paper and paper towels. I figured it was time since the kids were complaining about having to wipe their asses with paper bags.

After being confined in the cart for longer than they had anticipated, the boys started screaming, "Out..out! I wanna walk". So, I let them out of the cart, threatening them with, "You need to stay right next to me or else...."

But the excitement of being set free in an open environment such as Costco was too much for the little guys to bear. Before I knew it, one was running off to the next aisle while one was admiring the numerous packages of sodas. I told Landon, "Come on, we need to catch up to Garrett...and we're not buying soda anyway so let's move on".

He Fuh-reaked (yes, with a capital F). And we're talking not just the "I'm gonna throw my body down on the ground right here and shriek as loud as I can" kinda tantrum. We're talking arms swinging left and right trying to hit me, high-pitched screams coming out of his mouth, "No, Mommy....I mad at you!!" THEN he threw himself on the ground and refused to move.

I said, "Alright, well, I'm gonna go catch up to Garrett. Hope you know your way home".

He didn't budge. Now, he was laying on the ground, screaming and crying so loud that I'm sure everyone in Costco could hear...."Mommy, get back here right now! I want soda! I mad at you!!"

The further I moved away from him, the louder he got. I got Garrett back in the cart and continued to glance back at my precious 2-year old, who was obviously having a bad day.

Two ladies passed by me, while staring at Landon. One said, "In this day and age, it's probably not very wise to leave such a young child by himself".

I smiled politely and said, "He's been tantruming like that for the last few minutes. I'm not giving in to him so I walked away. I can still see him from here, just like you can".

One of the ladies frowned and said, "Yes, but anyone can just come by and grab him".

Trying to keep a straight face, I said, "You honestly think someone's gonna try to kidnap a 2-yr old child who's screaming at the top of his lungs, having a tantrum that badly?! If someone's gonna kidnap anybody, I'd be more worried about that child over there, who's calmly and quietly sitting in the cart, while her mother walks away from her to grab a food sample."

They both looked over to the little girl I had mentioned and they nodded their heads, obviously in agreement. Apparently, I had made my point.

I said, "If anyone was gonna try to take my kid while he's acting like that, more power to them. I can guarantee they'd be bringing him right back, begging for his mother to come to the front of the store and claim him".

I grabbed my cart, with Garrett just sitting there watching this whole thing go down and repeatedly asking, "Mommy, you get Veggie Straws for me?", and returned to Landon, who was still laying on the ground with red puffy eyes. He refused to get back in the cart but he did allow me to hold him.

Compromising is good. Giving in is not. Even if two overly nosy and opinionated women thought I was the most horrible mother in the world.

Memorable conversation of the day:

Cole: Mommy, when I get older who will I marry?
Me: You can marry anyone you want.
Cole: Can I marry Bella?
Me: Uh, no...you can't marry family members.
Cole: Well, you married Daddy and he's a family member.

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55 comments:

Shell said...

Ah, you gotta "love" those nosey people who feel like they need to give you parenting advice.

I totally agree- no one is going near my kids when they get like that, so I wouldn't be worried, either.

Your conversation of the day is too cute!

Jen said...

LOL! to the conversation of the day.

And a very similar thing happened to me in church. Claire did not want to leave so she threw herself down. I walked away and a woman picked her up and gave her to me. What kind of lesson is that?

Why can't ppl just mind their own beeswax?

Kristina P. said...

I can't believe strangers still comment like that!

Eva Gallant said...

This brought back memories!

KK said...

Good for you! I can't believe you married daddy! :)

shortmama said...

When the ladies said something about someone taking him I would have said..why do you think I walked away?

Love Coles logic!

Kristen said...

Cole definitely had a point :) haha. And sorry about the Costco episode, don't worry about what the ladies said. I mean you could see him, I cannot count how many times I see people completely leave their children where they cannot even see them.

Missy (Two Little Monkeys) said...

Can I just say that nosy people like that drive me crazy?!?! But you handled them perfectly!

And I love that conversation between you and Cole. Smart little guy!

Buckeroomama said...

Smart Cole! I love his reasoning. :)

Little old ladies here love to "share their opinions," too. They have nothing better to do... I just nod and smile politely and walk away.

Neo said...

i hate it when people think they know all about raising kids, like wats ur business?

lmao at Cole. good one!

Mrsbear said...

Public tantrums are the worst. Someone always has something to say, don't they? Some judgment to make. But you're exactly right, you just can't give in to ease the situation, then they win. It's all about winning and losing in parenting. ;) When we go to BJs the kids always act like wild animals, I don't know why, maybe it's the huge aisles. I dunno.

Nezzy said...

Yah, I got lot's of unsolicited advice too. My daughter was born with heart defect and spent a good part of her first year in and out of NCIU. I had to pound her lungs several times a day to help release the fluid her heart wasn't pumping off. I had the door open in the parent care unit when a little lady popped in and said, "oh, Honey that ain't no way to burp a baby!!!" It still cracks me up to this day.

I just love the way little Cole's mind works! :o)

Have a great day and don't let any little old ladies get ya down!!!

Creative Junkie said...

Point well made, Helene. And the visual I'm getting of someone trying to run off with a shrieking child without being noticed is priceless.

Corrie Howe said...

It's amazing how people feel like they need to tell you how to raise your kids.

Love the "you married daddy and he's family" comment.

Mighty M said...

Glad you didn't give in! That comment is soooo funny! :)

Brooke said...

"but you married daddy" too cute! :)

When did I become my Mom said...

You know it's easy to make an observation followed by a hasty judgement. That's part of life. The fact that you took the time to explain the finer points to those ladies is very impressive. :-)

You got some patience there lady! Good for you!

Love the "family" comment

Twins Squared said...

I cannot believe someone said that to you! Are you sure it wasn't MY mom? Though mine wouldn't say it to a stranger - only to me. She always thinks the worst is going to happen, even in the most ridiculous of situations. And you are right - you cannot give in to them when they are acting like that or you will create a monster. I've been there. I've even spanked my kids in public (something I try not to do because of all the judging people). In fact this week I raised my voice and embarrassed them in a crowded doctor's office for not behaving. All eyes were on the poor mom with 4 young and unruly kids!

Heather said...

Good for you! You put them in their place and stood your ground with Landon!

Sadia said...

I hate the nosy people, but then there are the ones like the checkout lady this weekend, who said, "I have to commend you for disciplining your children." No "They're not that bad", "Kids will be kids", "You can't use time out at the GROCERY STORE!" or "If that was my kid I'd give her a good thumpin'". I guess I wouldn't appreciate the compliments as much without all the criticism as my baseline.

MamaHen Em said...

Seriously? People need to mind their own business. . . If you had given in, someone would have commented on THAT, to be sure. You can't win! Someone snarked at me at Target yesterday with the comment, "Well I guess they are entertaining themselves." but in an annoying voice that really meant, "Lord that mom is letting her kids run CRAZY through the store completely disrupting my shopping trip."

Katie said...

Nice to know my kids aren't the only ones who freak-out in public places!! At first, I could have sworn this story was about me and my kid at our last visit to Costco! ;)
(I'm still waiting for someone to invent a safe and discrete tranquilizer for just such an occasion!)

And kudos to you for stickin' to the old nosey women! :D

...visiting from SITS! :)

carol said...

yep kidnappers are really looking for the already screaming kid

rocketgurl said...

The conversation of the day is hilarious!!

Reminds me of the time my son was about 7 and kept sneaking in my bed at night. I told him he couldn't keep coming in my bed because he was getting too big for it. He then looked at my husband and said, 'Well... he sleeps in your bed and he's BIGGER than ME!"

He had a point..

Karen said...

Good for you for shutting those busy bodies up!

Because, seriously, what kidnapper is going to steal a child mid-tantrum? I can't imagine anyone who wants a kid THAT badly!

And btw, Cole's logic at then end there made me giggle. :-)

Stephanie Stearns Dulli said...

I lose my HUSBAND every time we go to Costco, much less my kid! I love what you said to those women. Awesome. That'll learn em!

Stephen, Shanelle, and Sean said...

lol I know "those" women. It is so much easier to parent Other peoples children isn't it?

Tracy said...

You're such a good Mommy. And I'm glad you replied to those nosy women...I would probably have ignored them and later kicked myself for not giving them a smart answer like you gave them. :)

Kim said...

FOR REAL?! I cannot believe that a woman could ever say that to another woman. The nerve! I have to say you were very gracious in your response.

Theta Mom said...

Oh, conversation of the day! You always know how to take things in stride Helene. And could Cole's comment at the end be any cuter???

Amy said...

Man those ladies where a bit strange. They should just keep on walking. Glad you made your point to them. Loved the end of your post with the marrying that is way too cute..

LucidLilith said...

Jeez I am laughing so hard right now. Kudos to you for not giving in.

Six Feet Under Blog said...

I hate nosey people!

Cristina said...

Were those women crotchety? I cannot stand people who think they know better than everyone else. I would have looked at them and said why, you want him? Good luck.

The memorable conversation made me laugh out loud funny! and I spelled it all out because I meant it. I chuckled a little too loudly. My boss asked me what the hell I was laughing at - I just said...kids!

xx

cristina

Confessions From A Working Mom said...

What IS it with people, who think they can say whatever they want about other people's children?? Obviously you were sticking around to keep an eye on your son; and you're soooo right, who would steal a tantrum-throwing two-year-old any way? It wouldn't be worth the effort.

Sigh... I fear my daughter's days of public tantrums are creeping ever closer...

~Elizabeth
http://confessionsfromaworkingmom.blogspot.com

Angela said...

My Day Is Coming! I'm never letting them out of a cart, stroller, ....anything! You just solidified that for me! I'm sure you wanted to smack those ladies into getting a "clue"! Thanks for sharing!

Erin said...

Helene,

I hate going to Costco (or the grocery or Target, etc) for the very same reason. ANd I wish people would keep their mouths shut. It's so rude to try and tell a perfect stranger how to parent. Besides---the grass is always greener. Those stupid people thought they had the answers, but it wasn't THEIR kid throwing the tantrum.

Grrr! Makes me so mad but you handled it so well!

The Mother said...

No, no one is going to take the screaming, tantruming child.

Bother.

Donna said...

Holy crap - how did you contain yourself with those women? Your logic was dead-on and as always, hilarious! ;-) Nice to know someone is living the exact same experience as me - I "leave" my children all the time!

Hah-larry-oush comment about marrying "family!" THanks for sharing the laughs!

Jayme said...

Cole has a very valid point.

At Target recently I saw a little girl around 3 throwing a tantrum and I laughed. I'd had just the babies with me and the mother got all snotty and said 'oh you just wait until they're older'. She shut up when I said they were numbers 6 and 7 LOL

M said...

I usually approach a mom going through this and give her some encouraging words or sympathy of some kind. I started doing this after I was having a particularly bad day with mine that ended with my daughter crying and screaming her way through the grocery store ... a woman approached me and said "I always feel so sorry for the kids..." I said "really? I always feel so sorry for the mom's"

Great post ... as always.

Mayhem and Moxie said...

A most excellent post, my friend! I LOVED this.

Last year, you wrote a post where you mentioned that you wished you could say the things that you want at the right moment in time. I would definitely say that the day has arrived. I am SO proud of you, Helene!!

Oh, and your memorable conversation of the day made me smile. My boy wants to marry me when he grows up.

We're working on it...

Working Mommy said...

Good for you momma!! Don't give in to the tantrum! As for that conversation - kids seem to be getting smarter and smarter...darn them!

~WM

yonca said...

Ohmy...you got married with daddy:) Hehe..Lol.What a cute conversation!

V said...

By Golly...Ur not related to me are you:) This happens to us everytime we're in Sams-No lie...it's so funny! I always wait until the very last minute or until its too late to go buy tp and paper towels...haha and the kids get so frustrated after five minutes they start acting like crazy asses:) while every old person is wondering what the hell is wrong with us....they have no clue...let em stare....

Menopausal New Mom said...

You are absolutely right not to give in. Nothing worse than teaching them that throwing an all out tantrum will get rewarded.

The Lane Family said...

First off I LOVE Bella and Cole's conversation that is too funny. Kids are so smart and they notice everything.

As for the Costco issue. I wonder if 1) they ever had children. 2) If they did have they forgotten how it is with a screaming, tantruming 2 year old and how much worse it becomes if you give in??? 3)Have they ever thought of minding their own buisness???

It is days like that that I am don't think we will miss...but maybe :)

Martinis or Diaper Genies? said...

I'm new here. Hi.
These types of stories make me afraid of my own reproductive organs.
Also the BALLS of those women to comment on your parenting.
following your ass now.

Sharlene said...

Okay first of all those women are morons. Second- I have had those exact same moments many times (minus the opinionated women) and I totally walk away from the tantruming child. yes, people stare and give me looks but screw them. They don't have to go home with my kid. And what good does it teach a child that if they tantrum they get there way. Oh and FYI nosy ladies- the crime rate has gone down steadily since the 1960s. We are just more aware of all the scary stuff in the world thanks to our friends in the media.

2 Toddlers and Me said...

What is it about Costco?! I had a terrible incident there with my kids that is forever burned into my memory.

Good for you for saying what you did to that woman and having a sense of humor at that!

I love the conversation at the end too, made me chuckle.

pk said...

pk @ Room Remix
Glad the women got your point - they shouldn't have interfered in the first place. LOVE the conversation of the day - too funny! :-) Have a good weekend.

Two Normal Moms said...

He gotcha with the family member - at least in his little brain! Too cute!

I always have so much respect for a mom that can hold her ground in those situations. Especially with half of Costco watching and the two nosy ladies butting in. Kudos to you.
***Ally

Frugal Vicki said...

You tell those busy bodies! Good job mama on not giving in. It can be SO hard in stores I know! I love the daily conversations, they crack me up!

sanjeet said...

Why can't ppl just mind their own beeswax?
Work from home India

Christina said...

I'm catching up with all your blog post! Good for you for telling those ladies how it is, love it!

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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