Saturday, December 12, 2009

I never said I wasn't immature....

Yes, it's that time of year for the radio stations to be playing tons of Christmas carols! I love it! Nothing makes you feel more festive than holiday music, am I right?

The kids and I have been attempting to make a gingerbread train this past week. I know, right? Like I'm all crafty and stuff? No, it's more like I'm just trying to see how far I can push myself before I need a hefty supply of wine....or serious medical intervention. Whichever works (and gets me out of going to the in-laws' for Christmas eve....ooops, did I just write that outloud?)

So while we were shaping and frosting burnt gingerbread train pieces and crying (oh, wait that was just me crying, not the kids) I had Christmas music playing in the background and when Deck the Halls came on, I started singing along.

The kids were like, "Whoa, you know this song?" Were they serious? I said, "Uh, yeah, I know this song....it's not like it was just recently written by the Imagination Movers or the Wiggles".

I said, "When I was younger, my friends and I would sing the naughty versions of these songs".

My kids wanted to hear them...of course they did, because they are MY kids, after all.

So I started with Deck the Halls...

Deck the halls with gasoline...fa la la la la la la la la
Light a match and watch it gleam...fa la la la la la la la
Watch the school burn down to ashes... fa la la la la la la la
Aren't you glad you played with matches...fa la la la la la la la la


"More, sing more songs...", they cried. And because I'm a horrible role model for my kids, I continued...

"Okay, what else....oh, there's the funny version of Jingle Bells", I said, feeling encouraged to continue being immature.

Jingle Bells, batman smells
Robin laid an egg
Batmobile lost its wheels
And Joker got away


Laughing hysterically, they urged me to go on...but unfortunately, all the other ones I knew were super naughty and seriously not meant for little children's ears.

You know, like Silver Balls, Your Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire, Do You Smell What I Smell, Grandma Got Bent Over By a Reindeer, Rudolph the Brown-Nosed Reindeer, Little Hummer Boy and Getting Knocked Up Around the Christmas Tree.

What??!! Don't act like you all never sat around with your friends on a dull and boring Saturday afternoon in the middle of December changing up the lyrics to some of the most popular Christmas songs! And don't lie...because Santa is watching and he knows if you've been good or bad.

After refusing to sing any more songs to the kids, I said, "You guys have to PROMISE me that you'll never sing those songs while you're at school or anywhere else, okay?"

Cole asked, "Why, cuz they're bad?" and I said, "Well, some people don't appreciate humor like we do".

Bella said, "I think the songs are funny and you're funny. You're more like us, Mommy".

I asked, "More like you how?" She answered, "You're more like a kid than a mom".

Yeah...I kinda deserved that. I never said I wasn't immature.

I asked, "Is that a good thing?" and Bella said, "Of course, it's a good thing. Who wants a mom who never makes you laugh?"

Excellent point. Okay, so maybe I won't end up on Santa's naughty list, after all.

Yeah, right.

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45 comments:

S Club Mama said...

honestly I've never heard naughty versions of songs except Walking 'Round in Women's Underwear (instead of Winter Wonderland). And that was on the radio so it wasn't too bad.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Don't believe them if they promise they will not sing them at school. They will. And when we ask them where they learn it? They'll rat you out faster than the blink of an eye!

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

Helene! They make a kit for the train too! Get off the crack pipe & run to Target!

Or stay on the crack pipe & record a Christmas album.

Kristina P. said...

You're a cool mom.

Eva Gallant said...

That was cute. All moms need to make their kids laugh sometimes!

Stephanie Stearns Dulli said...

So cute. I fully plan on teaching my kid all of those. I sang em...so should he!

KK said...

How funny, I didn't know there were that many bad versions of those songs! Interestingly enough last month, my Grandma taught me some dirty versions of sayings and songs!!

Amy said...

this is so funny. I did the Jiggle Bell one too.

The Mother said...

The family that laughs together stays together.

shortmama said...

I do that with my oldest too...its so funny to teach them those songs...feels like your passing on tradition lol.

Liz @ Sugarplum Creations said...

Aww, Helene, you're such a cool mom ;)

Myne Whitman said...

These lyrics are super naughty and sooo funny...LOL

M said...

I'm so glad that other mom's are immature around there kids ... my husband is constantly saying "you know you're the mom right?" and I say "do you really want our kids to have to learn this stuff in school?"

I thought the end of "Batman smells..." was "And Robin had to pay..." I like my ending better ... Robin was kind of a weasel :)

Most of your versions I don't know, I fear my education is sadly lacking ... do you know the "Twisted Christmas" songs by Bob Rivers?

Great post ... really funny :)

allycupe said...

I've always said funny trumps inappropriate in our house.

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

Helene, that is so cute!!!
I love Xmas carols too!
Have a great Sunday!
hugs hugs

Twins Squared said...

Yea for immaturity! I taught mine the Jingle Bells Batman Smells one this year too! But I don't think I've ever heard the others. I guess I wasn't cool enough - maybe the Rudolph car had been in me all along. :)

Laura said...

What a huge compliment from Bella! "A mom that makes us laugh." That right there is icing on the cake. Ahem. I mean gingerbread train!

Heather Kephart said...

Helene, you are so awesome! "More like a kid than a Mom." Sounds like you've got a secret for the rest of us about happiness. :)

My mouth dropped to the floor, then I died laughing after reading about "Silver Balls" - LOL!

shortmama said...

I have an award for ya!

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

I remember some of those songs! And what i don't remember...my son remembers for me...though he has no clue what the dirty versions really mean. (yet)

blueviolet said...

Too funny! That was quite a compliment they gave you!

Jenn Erickson said...

Tee, hee, hee! Your kids will treasure this memory forever! Geez, you are like the archival historian of fractured Christmas Carols. I'm so impressed with your repetoire! I only know a few of the aforementioned childhood classics.

Corrie Howe said...

It's funny what the kids like, huh? My husband and I sing the old TV jingles and the kids always say, "Again!"

yonca said...

Lyrics are so funny! Beautiful moments to remember when they grow up!

kys said...

"More like a kid than a mom" would be an excellent tag line. And it's a very high compliment, too.

Morgan said...

"some people don't appreciate humor like we do"

Ha!

Flory said...

I know the "jingle bells" version, but never heard the "deck the halls". Good memories. :)

Mama Michie (aka Michaela) said...

I've sang the jingle bells version, but never any of the others... I won't lie, I'm a little curious now =)

lorimcktia.blogspot.com "Cottage By The Sea" said...

Thank you for the comment Helene! I popped over to your blog too and LOVE it. Already became a follower. When two of my kids were ages 2 and 4 years and I also had an 11 year old, I opted to foster two kids also ages 2 and 4. Yep! There are others out there as crazy as you and don't ya just LOVE it. Oh, and I'm here to tell you that it will all be worth it. Blessings, Tia

Sharlene said...

Bella is totally right. Who wants a mom who is always mature and never makes them laugh? At least I hope she's right or else my kids are screwed...

Sadia said...

What high praise!

Melody heard "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" for the first time (that she remembers) tonight. When she got all excited about it, I told her that her Daddy loves it too. She got on Skype and made him promise to dance with her to it when he gets home.

Six Feet Under Blog said...

We all need some humor!

Mary K Brennan said...

Wow, now I don't feel so guilty singing the Batman song with my Hubby to the kids last week. Glad to know there's more parents out there with a sense of humor!

Mighty M said...

The ONLY one of those I know is the Batman ones! But how fun to give your kids the gift of song - won't it be so great when they teach their friends? :)

Veronica Lee said...

Aw, Helene. You rock!!!

Kristen said...

I love how you sung those to your kids! sadly, jingle bells, batman smells... was the only one I knew.

Alicia said...

My kids always want to hear about the funny things I did with my best friend when we were teenagers. Some of them were hilarious, and yes, some of them pretty rude too!

BigSis said...

LOVE IT! Although, my 9 year old told the teacher on Friday that is was "a freaking accident, OKAY?" Wonder where he heard that...

Missy (Two Little Monkeys) said...

You Rock! And that is so cool that your kids agree too!

Nezzy said...

I'm right there with ya, girl. I know them all and every now and again (every Christmas) I get the urge to share some of them with the grandkiddos but I chew on my tongue until the moment passes 'cause I know MY children would not appreciate the humor. This old gal knows someday, just someday I'm gonna fall off the hay wagon!!!

You have a wonderful day enjoying the season with your youngens!!! God bless ya'll......

Karen said...

We had to learn all those versions at school. Mom wouldn't allow them. She's a purist.

Working Mommy said...

Being like the kids is more fun that way though!!!

~WM

When did I become my Mom said...

Coming out of bloggy-reader-lurkyland to say that is the SWEETEST THING EVER!

Awwww.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Nothing wrong with a little fun! I agree with Bella.
I taught my kids the "beans, beans, good for your heart" song. At the dinner table, no less.

Two Normal Moms said...

ha! You'd get along great with my husband who is notorious for 'alternative' lyrics to well known songs.
***Ally

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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