Tuesday, December 22, 2009

The Santa Fiasco of 2009

The kids have been asking to see Santa for weeks now, ever since the Del Osso Farm debacle. We finally took them last Saturday, after listening to them whine all day long "We wanna see Santa". Whatever...I just want peace and quiet in the house again. So off we went....

Upon greeting Santa, Bella was the only one willing to sit on his lap, as seen in the picture below. Probably because she noticed the elves were giving candy canes and cookies to the children who were brave enough to get within 5 feet of Santa.


The other kids refused to get near Santa...not even a candy cane could coax them near him. But he followed us outside....because he's creepy like that.

Santa: Ho, ho, ho...I'm gonna get you!
Garrett: I'll spit on you before you can get your sleazy hands on me.
Cole: Maybe if I hold real still, Santa won't be able to see me.
Me: Uh, Cole...only dinosaurs can't see you if you don't move, not Santa.

Santa: Ho, Ho, Ho! What?! No one's got love for good old St. Nick? Is it the way my eyes seem to be boaring into your soul that's got you all freaked out?
Tim: Hey, sweetie, Santa just called you a ho.


Finally, 2 of the 4 kids agreed to sit with Santa. Tim looks like he's trying his best to hold in the nastiest of farts.


Bella: Hey Santa, my parents sometimes say bad words. They should probably be on your naughty list.
Santa: Oh, they do? In front of you kids? That's totally f'cked up.
Tim: One of you kids better come over here and sit on my lap so I don't look like a total loser sitting next to Santa.


Bella: The whole Santa thing is losing its appeal. I just want a freakin' candy cane already.
Santa: Mom, move closer to me. I won't bite...well, not in front of the children, anyway. Heh, heh, heh...
Landon: You're traumatizing me for life, do you realize that? This is so not worth a candy cane. Now, if you promised me my very own room I might be willing to smile.


Balloon guy: Hey lil dude, do you want a candy cane?
Garrett: Heck, yeah!!


Garrett: NOOOOO!!! I want a real candy cane, not a balloon candy cane. You won't be laughing when I come over there and kick you in the shin. I may be little but I can kick your ass.



Garrett: Daddy, why did you give my balloon to Landon?
Daddy: Because you were freaking out saying you didn't want a balloon candy cane.
Garrett: But I want it now that you gave it away. You should know that. I'm 2 years old! It's my sole purpose in life to want things only after I've turned them away.

Me: Landon, close your mouth. You'll catch flies in there if you leave it open too long. Bella, what's up with the courtesy smile? Look happy, for crying outloud. It's freakin' Christmas time, dammit.
Bella: Psssst, Santa....my mom just said another bad word.


Bella: Look, Mommy, I made a friend.
Me: You do know that's a mannequin, right?
Bella: No, she's real. Her name is Karen and she lives at my new house with my sister and my cat.
Me: Hey Tim, remind me to schedule an appointment with the therapist for Bella. She's creating an imaginary family for herself....again.
Tim: Can you blame her?
Me: No, not really.


Thank goodness, the Santa Fiasco of 2009 is over. I wonder what the Santa Fiasco of 2010 has in store for us. Peace out.

* I can assure you that the kids and Santa did NOT actually say any bad words. On the other hand, I can assure you that Tim and I did.


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52 comments:

KK said...

So funny! Of course, I will do anything for a candy cane!

Kim said...

HELENE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I canNOT believe I just stumbled onto this blog. I don't know if you remember me but we were on the TTC board together!! EONS ago, gosh I think before you got pregnant with Garrett and Landon. (it's me Kian, hope you remember or I sound like a stalker)

Anyway I did literally just find this blog and I'm reading and going "gosh those names sound SO FAMILIAR. I know someone with those names" so I scrolled back up to the "about me" and BAM there you were! Wow.

So um, this sounds stupid now, but boy is it good to see you! The kids are so big now! (well I guess Ian and Connor are too LOL).

Anyway, Merry Christmas!! I'll be bookmarking your blog for sure!

BoufMom9 said...

LOL! It's good you can find the humor in it all (I am sure at the time you wanted to rip your own head off.) I'm all too familiar with those kindsof "fun" outings.

Hope you have a wonderful Christmas!

ps That santa did have some creepy eyes!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Hilarious! That Santa really is creepy looking.

The Crazy Baby Mama said...

that is one santa i don't want to meet down a dark alley.

your post made me laugh out loud. :)

Buckeroomama said...

LOL!!! I'm so loving those "conversations" that you added to the pics!

Z initially wouldn't sit on Santa's lap yesterday either; in fact, she wouldn't even go near him. I did fianlly manage to convince her to sit on my lap for the requisite mommy+kids pic with Santa.

Karen & Gerard Zemek said...

This is hilarious, I love it! That is one creepy Santa though, don't blame your kids one bit for not wanting to sit on his lap! Can't believe Santa actually followed you outside! Thanks for starting off my day with a laugh!

Neo said...

Ur family is adorable.

the Santa's i see here look so skinny, maybe its the recession , at least u had a nicely sized santa.

Happy Holidays!

Amy said...

LOL! aww, thanks for the laughs so early in the morning! Hope you have a Merry Christmas and even happier New Year!

Nezzy said...

Oh for the love of a candy cane...a REAL candy cane....not one of those balloon candy canes! Heeeheehe!!!

God bless and ya'll have the best day!!!

Laura said...

A follow-me-out-the-door-Santa? Hmm...must have been a slow day in his neck of the woods. Hilarious post! Are you disappointed that you didn't get a pic of all the kids with Santa? I would be just because that's the way I am. However, I'd probably be saying a few choice words myself! Ha! Helene, I hope you and yours have a VERY Merry Christmas!

Working Mommy said...

Wow...that Santa is kinda creepy, but not in an I'm-going-to-stalk-you kind of way...more in an I'm-going-to-kidnap-you-in-daylight-and-leave-you-in-a-basement kind of way. Yikes!

~WM

yonca said...

OhMy,that Santa looks really creepy.
What lovely pics! Have a wonderful holiday Helen!

BigSis said...

OMG, that was SO FUNNY. Thanks for a well needed laugh this morning. I hope your Christmas is wonderful and that the real Santa comes to your house, but not that creepy one!

Brooke said...

i have to agree with the kids on this one...that santa is a little creepy!!

LauraC said...

My fave part of this entire post is Tim trying to hold in a nasty fart. Love it! Would hate for Tim to be on Santa's naughty list for ripping a SBD!

Mighty M said...

Haha! Christmas just isn't the same without some sort of fiasco to talk about! :)

Eva Gallant said...

What a fun post! I love your coments! And that Santa/Stalker is a little creepy!

Tiffany said...

This is hilarious!!! I love the picture with Tim looking like he's trying to hold it in - made me laugh out loud.

Have a Merry Christmas!

Carly said...

Tim was holding a in a fart & Bella made a new friend. How Nice! LOL Merry Christmas Helene.

Beverly said...

Very cute...we have had a Santa fiasco or 2 ourselves

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

That was so hilarious!!! Thank you for a fab post!!!

sanjeet said...

I'm-going-to-kidnap-you-in-daylight-and-leave-you-in-a-basement kind of way. Yikes!
Work from home India

Liz @ Sugarplum Creations said...

And see, that's why we didn't visit Santa this year. You are a brave, brave woman.

Kristina P. said...

Well, to be fair, that Santa is kind of creepy.

Amy said...

this is so funny...

Wishing you and your family a very merry christmas..

The Lane Family said...

Helene thanks for a great laugh!!! I loved some of the commetns especially the one from Garrett. I will spit in your face!!

The picture of Tim is priceless he does look like he is holding something in!!

The picture of you holding onto one of the boys and they are trying to escape is too funny!!

We did not even attempt Santa this year because all of my children think he is the "spawn of Satan" where did my 4 year old come up with that????

Jessica Jones, ATL Mom of 3 said...

so cute!
But in there defense that santa wa a little creepy

Jen said...

Only you could have a Santa visit this funny!

Love you.

Merry Christmas!

MoonNStarMommy said...

ROFLMBO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am cracking up so much over here I have tears! That Santa is creepy - at least ours looks real. I have been waiting and waiting and waiting to take the kids but Dennis has been working so much we never got around to it, and THEN we don't REALLY want to go to the mall on the weekends... now it's Christmas Eve Eve and I think it's to late. I donno why I want to anyway, it'll just be a screaming picture and tech I did get their pics done with A santa ... just not our uber cool mall Santa... Humph.....

BTW - Thanks for the notes and following - YAY!! We don't know each other from a board somewhere do we??? I seem to remember a Helene from somewhere.

cindi said...

You totally crack me up! And the ornament thing? There is always next year. In my opinion, one can never have to many initials/monograms hanging around.
Merry Christmas!

Karen said...

It did look super creepy when Santa followed the kids outside.

You crack me up, my friend! I actually have tears from laughing so hard!

Amy W said...

Dressed up Santas usually are pretty creepy, unless I know who they are. I can't believe he followed you guys outside!!

kys said...

I can't believe you said bad words around your kids. I am so ashamed of you.

(Just kidding!)

PS Merry Christmas!

Frugal Vicki said...

This is hilarious! I had to stop saying bad words. My son know says. "we are not allowed to say ASS mommy!"

Twincerely,Olga said...

so funny! You ahd me going there!! Your kids are so cute!!Creepy Santa?

MamaHen Em said...

Thanks for another great laugh! Have a Merry Christmas!!

mudmama said...

LOVE it!!!

Veronica Lee said...

That santa does look kinda creepy!!

Have a very Merry Christmas, my wonderful blogger pally!!

Heather Kephart said...

Ahahaaa! Too funny! Santa followed you outside? Creepy indeed! He sure is persistent! lol

Funny pictures. Your kids, as always, are too freaking cute for words. You're right, Tim does look like he's holding in a fart. LOL!!

Living It, Loving It said...

Do you blame them? That Santa looks like a hippee Santa!

Merry Chistmas Helen to you and your family!

Creative Junkie said...

omg - this was funny! Just what I needed as I take a break from cooking.

Merry Christmas, Helene!

wife.mom.nurse said...

Sooo funny.

Great series of photos.

~Merry Christmas Helene~

Sadia said...

HYS-TER-I-CAL.

Of course, we forgo Santa altogether. :)

Corrie Howe said...

No. Way. I'm thinking you took some creative license with these. Of course, to make it even funny than it actually was.

Merry Christmas to you and yours.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Seriously funny!!

Wishing you a Very Merry Christmas! :)

allycupe said...

I assume that most of this conversation went on in your head cause it's eeriely similar to the conversations I have when wine is still a few hours away! Happy New Year!

Kaleena said...

Funny! Hope you all had a great Christmas!

MommyAmy said...

Ugh! I'm so not looking forward to taking the girls to see Santa. The whole thing creeps me out. Maybe not as creepy as Belle with the mannequin but, you get the idea.

Tee hee!

Crystal said...

My God, this is my life...well, without so many kids. :)

shortmama said...

That Santa used a flat iron on his hair or something...hes a little off looking

Mrsbear said...

I LOVE this. That creepy stalking Santa is so NOT worth the candy cane, much less a balloon one, yeesh. He's obviously an impostor. We never do the whole Santa's lap thing, mostly because of the lines and the creepiness, I might have to brave them next year though. Ought to make for an interesting post. ;) Hope you and your family had a wonderful holiday.

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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