The kids have been asking to see Santa for weeks now, ever since the Del Osso Farm debacle. We finally took them last Saturday, after listening to them whine all day long "We wanna see Santa". Whatever...I just want peace and quiet in the house again. So off we went....
Upon greeting Santa, Bella was the only one willing to sit on his lap, as seen in the picture below. Probably because she noticed the elves were giving candy canes and cookies to the children who were brave enough to get within 5 feet of Santa.
The other kids refused to get near Santa...not even a candy cane could coax them near him. But he followed us outside....because he's creepy like that.
Santa: Ho, ho, ho...I'm gonna get you!
Garrett: I'll spit on you before you can get your sleazy hands on me.
Cole: Maybe if I hold real still, Santa won't be able to see me.
Me: Uh, Cole...only dinosaurs can't see you if you don't move, not Santa.
Santa: Ho, Ho, Ho! What?! No one's got love for good old St. Nick? Is it the way my eyes seem to be boaring into your soul that's got you all freaked out?
Tim: Hey, sweetie, Santa just called you a ho.
Finally, 2 of the 4 kids agreed to sit with Santa. Tim looks like he's trying his best to hold in the nastiest of farts.
Bella: Hey Santa, my parents sometimes say bad words. They should probably be on your naughty list.
Santa: Oh, they do? In front of you kids? That's totally f'cked up.
Tim: One of you kids better come over here and sit on my lap so I don't look like a total loser sitting next to Santa.
Bella: The whole Santa thing is losing its appeal. I just want a freakin' candy cane already.
Santa: Mom, move closer to me. I won't bite...well, not in front of the children, anyway. Heh, heh, heh...
Landon: You're traumatizing me for life, do you realize that? This is so not worth a candy cane. Now, if you promised me my very own room I might be willing to smile.
Balloon guy: Hey lil dude, do you want a candy cane?
Garrett: Heck, yeah!!
Garrett: NOOOOO!!! I want a real candy cane, not a balloon candy cane. You won't be laughing when I come over there and kick you in the shin. I may be little but I can kick your ass.
Garrett: Daddy, why did you give my balloon to Landon?
Daddy: Because you were freaking out saying you didn't want a balloon candy cane.
Garrett: But I want it now that you gave it away. You should know that. I'm 2 years old! It's my sole purpose in life to want things only after I've turned them away.
Me: Landon, close your mouth. You'll catch flies in there if you leave it open too long. Bella, what's up with the courtesy smile? Look happy, for crying outloud. It's freakin' Christmas time, dammit.
Bella: Psssst, Santa....my mom just said another bad word.
Bella: Look, Mommy, I made a friend.
Me: You do know that's a mannequin, right?
Bella: No, she's real. Her name is Karen and she lives at my new house with my sister and my cat.
Me: Hey Tim, remind me to schedule an appointment with the therapist for Bella. She's creating an imaginary family for herself....again.
Tim: Can you blame her?
Me: No, not really.
Thank goodness, the Santa Fiasco of 2009 is over. I wonder what the Santa Fiasco of 2010 has in store for us. Peace out.
* I can assure you that the kids and Santa did NOT actually say any bad words. On the other hand, I can assure you that Tim and I did.
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