So last night I was sitting at the kitchen table playing around on the computer, while watching a re-run of Oprah. Happy as a clam....yes, I was. The kids were asleep....Tim was upstairs watching his favorite show. All was good in my world.
All of a sudden, the electricity began to flicker....on, off, on, off, on, off....it stayed off for a few seconds. Then it went back on again. Hmmmm, I had no idea what was going on. Then it happened again...it just kept flickering on and off as if someone was messing with the wires outside.
OMG, some psycho killer is outside of our home messing with our wires, trying to cut off our electricity and our phone lines. I sat still for a minute, with the tv muted, waiting to see if I could hear anything outside. I didn't hear anything so I went back to playing around on the computer. Then the lights flickered on and off again, as well as the tv. And then something hit the back porch sliding door.
I ran up the stairs and burst into our bedroom where Tim was laying watching tv. I said, "Did you notice the lights flickering on and off?" and he said, "Yeah....". I just stared at him and then said, "Well....what are you gonna do? I also heard something bang against the back sliding door!" He said, "What do you want me to do?". In total disbelief, I said, "There's probably some psycho killer outside messing with our electric box...he's probably already cut the phone lines. And I bet that thud I heard against the sliding door was our cat. I bet he's killed our cat and he threw her at the back door to taunt us! Aren't you gonna do anything?!"
He laughed. He found this amusing. He said, "Are you serious?" then he quickly dismissed that question when he realized I was damn serious. He said, "Did the neighbor's electricity go out too?" and I said, "I don't know....if it had, I'm sure it's not a coincidence. Maybe the psycho killer has already shut off their electricity, murdered them and now he's moving on to our home....". He shook his head...but he continued to lay there.
I handed him the flashlight (which also doubles as a weapon, in case you weren't aware of that little fact) and said, "Please go check it out...". He rolled his eyes but before going down the stairs, he went into his office and grabbed one of his swords from his sword collection (no, I'm not joking...yes, he's a grown man with a sword collection).
I tiptoed behind him as he walked to the front door. He opened the door and screamed, which made me scream. He turned around and started laughing.....jerk. I said, "Come on...knock it off. This is serious". He said, "Okay, I'm getting serious...". He walked to the side of the house where our electricity box was and then all I heard was silence. I said in a loud whispered voice, "Tim....is everything okay?" No answer. "Tim.....are you okay?". Again, no answer. I said it again a little louder but he still didn't answer. Geez, great....the psycho killer had probably grabbed the flashlight from him and knocked him unconscious so it was gonna be up to me to protect our family. What was I gonna do....give him a vicious titty slap? Oh well, maybe if I seemed confident in my fighting skills, I'd scare him off.
I walked around the side of the house and Tim was nowhere in sight. And it was pitch black outside. I said, "Okay, Tim....stop screwing with me. I'm going back into the house and I'm locking the door!!". As I was heading to the front door, I saw him come out from the backyard rolling the garbage can down to the sidewalk. "I figured I might as well take the trash out to the front, in the meantime....", he said. Yeah, whatever. He said, "There's no one back there...I made sure the electricity box is closed tightly, okay?"
We both went back inside the house. I got back on the computer and he retreated to the bedroom to watch his show. About an hour later, the lights flickered on and off again a couple times. Then I heard Tim scurrying about upstairs and as I ran up the stairs, he came running downstairs. He said, "Okay, now I'm convinced that something is going on....I'm gonna go outside and check again".
As he opened the front door, we saw a car turn around in our court and drive off. I stood on the porch, while he went around to the electricity box to examine things. He quickly came back and said, "Someone was messing with our breakers". I said, "Stop messing with me....you're freaking me out". He said, "I'm not trying to freak you out, sweetie, but I KNOW I closed that box tightly and now it's wide open. It's not like it could open up by itself...someone had to have opened it up". I still thought he was messing with me and I said, "You're totally messing with me". He grabbed my hand and walked me around to the side of the house where he demonstrated how the box looked when he had shut it tightly earlier and then how he had found it wide open. Okay, now I was officially flying off the handle....
"OMG, we need to call the police...." I yelled and he said, "Well, at the very least, at least call security and ask them to patrol around our court and see if they notice anyone suspicious. Honestly, I think it's just some smart-ass kids playing their version of doorbell ditching". I said, "What ever happened to throwing a flaming bag of dog crap on someone's front porch and then running off? I mean, that's how we did things back in my day...". Man, I felt like I was 75 years old at that moment. Back in my day?? 40-yr olds aren't supposed to use that terminology.
I called security and yelled into the phone "Someone was screwing with our electricity box and it's the 2nd time now within a 2-hour period. Can you please check it out?" and the security guy said, "It's probably just some kids fooling around but I'll come check it out". Before I hung up I said, "You know, my husband said the same thing but you all can't convince me that it's not some psycho killer escapee from the mental ward trying to harm my family". Tim started rummaging through every drawer he could find trying to look for a padlock so he could lock the electricity box. Yeah, that thought never occurred to him earlier than tonight, I guess.
The security guy came by but apparently he didn't see anyone so whoever it was probably decided we were too boring to kill. Finally, after an hour of searching, Tim found the padlock and put it on the electricity box. He walked back in the house, all proud, and said, "Yeah, if they come back, they'll be in for a big surprise".
I stared at him in disbelief...."What is wrong with you?? People who do things like this have their ways...they know this stuff. You don't think he's gonna come back and notice the lock and then run to his car to get his padlock clipper thingies??", I said. "And next time, I'll bet he's gonna cut off our phone line FIRST so we can't even call security or the police....you think he's done with us but I bet he's just begun his reign of terror on our family...we're gonna be THAT FAMILY whose story ends up on 48 Hours Mystery. You know, the show that's hosted by that freaky blonde guy who always has just the slightest edge of insanity in his voice?? He'll be like, 'So what happened on that fateful night as this family of 6 slept in their home? Was it someone they knew or was it the mental ward escapee who had been wreaking havoc in their neighborhood, which they never knew about because their kids insisted on having the tv on the Disney channel all the time so they NEVER saw the news reports??' I'm telling you, that's gonna be US".
Tim shook his head and said, "Goodnight, sweetie....go to bed. Your mind is working on overtime now...". I said, "You may think that but I'm the one who insisted someone was messing with the breakers and I was RIGHT....that'll teach you to not believe me again, won't it? You should be THANKING me right now!!"
Did I get a thank you? Nope! Two days ago, I learned the hard way that motherhood is a thankless job. Last night, I learned that being an alert and informative wife is also a thankless job. What do I gotta do around here to earn some recognition and appreciation??!!
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