Tuesday, January 26, 2010

What’s grosser than gross?

Well, that’s an easy answer….my kids! Just when I think they couldn’t possibly get any grosser than they already are, they prove me wrong. Apparently, there is no end to what they will do to cause me to want to hurl the contents of stomach all over the kitchen floor.

On one of the days when I was lucky enough to convince Landon and Garrett to take a nap, Cole and Bella were sitting with me at the kitchen table coloring. The cat came up to the glass sliding door and wanted to come in. As I let her in, I saw what looked like a dead, stiff lizard on the ground.

Instinctively, I let out a gagging sound and immediately the kids came running over to see.

Cole yelled, “Cool…a lizard!” And Bella surprised me when she said, “Can we bring it inside and look at it?”

“No!! No way is that disgusting creature coming inside this house!” I said, with my arms firmly crossed in front of my chest.

“Aw, come on, Mommy! It’s dead so it’s okay”, they said, trying to convince me. “Dead or not, it’s loaded with germs and diseases….you’ll get warts if you touch it…your skin will get all shriveled up and crack…”, I responded.

They stood there, shaking their heads in disbelief. “We’ll be really careful…come on, we just want to look at it”.

Surrenduring, I said, “Fine…but you have to put on latex gloves first! And let’s be clear…I am not coming within 5 feet of it”.

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After Cole and Bella put on the gloves, they examined the lizard with their magnifying glass, intent on studying every little crack and crevice on him. I tried not to puke every time they touched it.

Cole said, “I’m gonna bring him with me tomorrow for share day”. I said, “I don’t think your teacher would like that.” He responded, “Yeah, she will…she said we could bring anything we want and I want to bring this lizard”. Fine…whatever. Bring the stinkin’ lizard to class.

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After a few minutes of watching them handle it (which included smelling it….don’t even ask because I don’t get it either), I finally said, “Okay, seriously….put that lizard somewhere where I don’t have to see him. It’s creeping me out.”

Soon enough, Garrett and Landon woke up. We had plans to go to a friend’s house for a playdate so I began packing up the diaper bag.

That’s when I noticed it. The lizard was gone. I asked Cole, “Did you put him in your backpack for share day?” He shook his head no.

The very thought of that THING suddenly springing back to life and hiding somewhere, like in my bed, made me want to run out of the house screaming.

I yelled, “WHERE. IS. THE. LIZARD?” But they all just stared at one another, completely clueless. “Well?” I asked, with my hands on my hips, as if that would make me seem like I had more authority.

No one would fess up so I grabbed the camera and said, “I’m getting this on video and showing it to Daddy so he’ll see what I have to put up with day after day while he’s off at work having the time of his life!”

Then Landon, never one to turn down an opportunity to take the heat off of himself, pointed to Garrett. And that’s when things got a little more dicey, as always when MY kids are involved.



We never did find the lizard so all I can do is assume Garrett was telling the truth. What did I tell you….grosser than gross.

87 comments:

Sidnie said...

Ewww!
Now I'm really grossed out! Not really sure what to say on that one, other than I get to add another rule to our list... "No eating lizards...especially dead ones."
I like to learn from others mistakes and add rules before our house really needs them... :)

Kimberly@PrettyPinkMomma said...

OMG! That is so gross! I wouldn't let him kiss me goodnight either! I love how you get video camera out to prove what you have to go through while Dad is having the time of his life at work, lol! I was LMAO cause I think that all the time!

My dad has an identical twin and when they were little my grandma left them out in the front yard to play and much to her dismay when she returned she found them both eating slugs. Complete with slime all over themselves and their clothes. Boy, I feel for you. Twins do some jacked up stuff!

ShellyInOz said...

Ugh, dead lizard for afternoon snack. No thank you!

Karen & Gerard Zemek said...

Oh my, your kids are so wild! As I read this, I just kept thinking that's not so gross, it's just a little thing and thought it was cute how curious they were to study it. Then I watched the video--YUCK! Your kids would make great Survivor contestants!

Yaya said...

Lol 'I'm not letting him kiss me goodnight'!
That is soooooo gross!!!!

Merri Ann said...

Uuuggghhh ... I'm so grossed out. Just when I think that after all the pee, poop, boogers, vomit, and rivers of mucus, I can no longer be grossed out, along comes this ... and just yesterday I read that the average person eats 8 spiders while they are sleeping, over their lifetime ... again ... uuggghhh ...

I hope you don't see body parts in his diaper ....

Sadia said...

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew! I know that Bella participates in the grossness, but I am actually glad I have prissy girls now. :)

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I was SO MAD because I am on a work computer that has no speakers....but upon reading the previous comments, I'm thinking maybe that's actually a good thing.
*Ick*

Buckeroomama said...

OMG!! I was so freaked out just having accidentally touched a lizard... *shudders*

On the bright side...maybe Garrett might have super powers from having eaten it!

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

That is hysterical. Did you find it in the diaper?? LMAO!!

BigSis said...

EWWWW!!! I should have known aftter reading the title that I shouldn't have read until after I ate my breakfast. Good for the diet though.

singedwingangel said...

welll bleeeech and boogety to bot.. only a boy lol

Ginny Marie said...

At first, I thought your post was so cute--Bella and Cole were just like little scientists...then came the eating part...YUCK! (but I'm laughing inside, just a little!)

Robin said...

Wow..kids will eat lizards but not veggies or the "yukky" things us moms make...WTF...I hope he is kidding with you...please let us know if it pops up anywhere...and I love your new video thingy..!

Nezzy said...

Your gonna have to watch those two in bio class or they'll be smearing their projects on crackers and serving them up as horderves. I'm thinkin', how much protein does one small reptile provide??? Funny, no wonder ya'll video tape this stuff, who would believe it?

Have a super day, I'm sure it will be exciting! God bless you girl!

KimmyD said...

OMG!!! I just threw up in my mouth a little. That's so gross but your kids are so cute.

Eva Gallant said...

If I were you, I would sleep with one eye open tonight, just in case Garrett didn't eat it!

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

Sign that kid up for Survivor!! You totally kept your cool, I would have been screaming at the thought that he ate it! Did you ever find it? Please say yes :-)

Twins Squared said...

Ditto - was just thinking he'd make a great Survivor contestant! This completely beats my lizard story of last week - had to fish one out of the bottom of the washing machine. It was all bloated and limp - death by drowning I guess. I want to throw up just thinking about it, and yet, your story is way worse! Eeeww! And I like Cole's answer about how the teacher said they could bring whatever they want. That is exactly the type thing Mackenzie would say to me! She's going to do what she wants, no matter what!

Mellisa Rock said...

YUKKKK!! But I am so glad to see that my kids are not the only gross ones!! :)

Brooke said...

wow. that's bad. :|

Krissi said...

OMG!!! Is all I have to say! I think I watched that whole video with my mouth dropped open! ~mymiracles77

HT said...

My one daughter, ET, really do some things that totally grosses me out. I will rather not get into the details. My husband and I will regularly debate who she takes after and we both agree it cannot be either one of us!

I cannot stand creepy-crawlies either!

MamaHen Em said...

Okay, first? I would have to take him to have his stomach pumped and someone else would have to clean up MY vomit! :) Second, I was JUST getting ready to write a post on nose picking and booger eating, but now I feel like it just won't measure up! You make me laugh and want to throw up all at the same time! Well done!!

Amy said...

that is just crazy.. did you find it ever or anything interesting in the diaper? love the little clip that is so neat..

Jo said...

Hi, Helene, Jo here thanking you so much for the comment love on my blog.

Now, anyone who knows me in my blog world and in my life outside of blog, knows that I am over the whole litle kids thing. I tend to not graviate towards the mommy blogs. It's nothing personal, I've just been there, done that having two grown children.

My house isn't kid friendly and until I have grandchildren one day (which I look forward to), I'd like to keep it that way.

With that said, that was hysterical. I mean, an absolute SCREAM!

With kids like that, count me in!

You have a new follower in me.

Wishing you peace, serenity and a lizard-less diaper!

~Jo
'The End Of The Rainbow: Life After Bankruptcy'

Heather said...

Ok, your kids ARE pretty gross! LOL You have to have a strong stomach to be a mom!!! Is Bella's hair naturally wavy? It's so pretty.

♥ Katinka said...

Stopping by from SITS and wishing you a Happy Tuesday!!!! :) Very cute blog!!!!!!!!!

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

All I'm picturing is you changing his diaper & that lizard showing back up!!!

Carly said...

Look at you Helene, Science ,Bizarre Foods, all in your own home. Who needs School? Sounds to me like you can handel homeschooling. LOL

♥Georgie♥ said...

omgomgomgomg LMAO!!!!!
first your chilrens are precious 100%
next i so wish we lived closer b/c i so wanna be there with you through the tween/teens years!!!!

I died when you said 'i'm not letting you kiss me' omgosh helene girllll you.complete.me!

Corrie Howe said...

First, I love the TV outline of the video. Second, this is too funny. I'm with you. I don't know if he's telling the truth or not. I'm surprised that the others don't know what happened to it.

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

OMG Helene he ate the lizard?!No!, definitely no.
So what happened.?
Aww what cute and adorable children you have!
xx

LMJ said...

LMAO!!
eewwwww!! I wouldn't let him kiss me, either.

JoeyRes said...

Well, I bet your glad you insisted on the gloves before they touched it!

I once saw a dead frog and nearly jumped out of my skin. The stuff is way disgusting (dry heave disgusting) for me when it's dead. You're a trooper watching them smell it!

Kellene Maynard said...

See this really makes me wonder if i want more than one kidoo!! LOL! SO GROSS! Visiting via SITS!

Amy W said...

Sounds like something my girls would do. They aren't afraid of nature! (Only we don't have lizards in Kansas. Just frogs.)

Gracey said...

Examining the lizard doesn't seem gross to me at all (but what do I know, I wanna be a pathologist after all!) But eating it... yeah, this one DOES gross me out.

Megan said...

EWWWWW!!! LOL at Cole's face in the background right after Garrett said he ate it. Ha! And totally laughing at you saying you wouldn't let him kiss you goodnight. Me either!!

Shannon said...

One skill I learned while watching CSI: Crime Scene Investigation is that when you start gagging, give a big smile. Somehow it eliminates the gag reflex.

I'm happy to say, it works. I found this out by the end of your entry.

Kaleena said...

oh my! That's disgusting! I had to laugh at the last part though, "I'm not letting you kiss me goodnight!" Seriously. LMAO!
Did you find the lizard parts in his diaper yet?! Let us know:) But please, leave out the photographic evidence!!!!!

Alicia said...

Oh my gosh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did you ever find it????

Around the house or in his diaper? LOL

Pamela said...

Never a dull moment when kids are involved?

My son smells everything. When we moved from CO to FL, the way he remembers the hotels we stayed at along the way was by the smell. Weirdo.

Working Mommy said...

It was just a little leeezard mama!!! I'm sure there are worse things they could play with!

~WM

The Mother said...

Budding scientists, I'm telling you.

Stephanie said...

Ewwwww!!!!
wow. wonder what he was thinking when he ate it? did he assume it would be good? or was it his way of taking it to show and tell?

Missy (Two Little Monkeys) said...

OMG! I am laughing but disgusted too! And this is why I love your blog! ; )

Tesa said...

Oh that is disgusting! Your diaper comment cracked me up. Ugh - where do kids come up with these things and why do they find them interesting and edible?

I love the one true media video too. It loaded up right away, no wait for buffering, and looks great too.

Shell said...

Don't hate me for laughing- my boys would so do something like this.

LMAO @ I'm not letting you kiss me goodnight!

Neo said...

did u find it???

shortmama said...

You are right...that is grosser than gross!!

Marianne said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA "Guess we'll find out when we change his diaper." Priceless, Helene, absolutely priceless.

Karen said...

Don't worry. You'll find it in a day or two. :-)

Lani said...

Oooohhh no. no no no no no... I am dying here. We have lizards everywhere down here and I HATE when they get in the house.. bleah! But that... I'm going to have to go distract myself for a while and try not to think about it:)

cindi said...

I couldn't get the link to work...but from reading the other comments, I'm guessing he ate it. Ok...having the lizard in my house might not have bothered me. The eating of a dead lizard...um...did you call poison control? haha

Erin said...

Well my kids are proving to be pretty good liars lately (this is a new habit), so perhaps he didn't really eat it and it just walked away....it was just playing dead during the exam out of fear?!?!?!

Donna said...

Noooooooooooooooooooooo!!! NO way!?

I really did NOT see THAT coming! That is GROSS!! Although Austin and Logan watched with me and thought it was AWESOME.

Okay, so now you're kids are a bad influence on my kids....from opposite coasts! lol!

Hope you don't have nightmares...and PLEASE (like I need to remind you) share with us if you find it in a few days...

tattytiara said...

Hahahaha ick!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Ewww! Yet? Cool at the same time..i like his style. I think i'd look at the thing too.

Mrsbear said...

At least you don't have to worry about it scurrying up your arm. Although finding it in his diaper would really freak me out.

I love that you can't get a straight answer from him. Did you eat it? Yes. You really ate it? No.

Aha! It's The Obnoxious SAHM said...

TOOooo funny Helene. Love it.

Kimberly said...

Holy Cow!

Okay, I have to tell you. If I have gloves on...I am a different person. Like Superman taking off his glasses. I have Super Mom Powers with gloves. I have picked up salamanders,and lizards.

Paula @ Organizing Tips For Moms said...

um, yuck! but funny.

Creative Junkie said...

That's why we have a rule in our house: no reptiles whatsoever. Lizards are reptiles, right? Whatever. No slithery things. Dead or alive. That works really well when Nate is feeling frisky as well.

Loved your last line!

Debbie said...

No way! I just won't even let myself believe that one!

Just One Week said...

Loved this story!! It is adorable that your children used a magnifying glass to inspect it - oh how I miss being a kid when simply EVERYTHING was exciting. And I can't believe he ate it?! Really?! Too much!

Fruitful Vine2 said...

Ewwwww! The stuff children do!

Karen Zemek shared the link to your blog so I came over to visit and enjoyed it. Have a great day.

Dalia (Generation X Mom) said...

Eww! I pass on anything reptile! Found you on Big Teeth!

The Lane Family said...

I HAVE TO SAY I LAUGHED ABOUT THIS POST AND THE LITTLE VIDEO, BECAUSE AIDAN MUST BRING EVERY LIZARD HE FINDS INTO THE HOUSE AND KAYLEE IS CONSTANTLY TRYING TO USE IT AS A SNACK....I MUST ASSUME THAT THESE KIDS ( MINE AND YOURS ) ENJOY A FAR DIFFERENT DIET THAN THE REST OF US!!

AS FOR ILLNESS...HERE COMES THAT EPIDEMIOLOGIST IN ME OUT AGAIN. JUST WATCH FOR SIGNS OF SALMONELLA BECAUSE THEY CAN CARRY IT ON THEIR SKIN. SO IF YOU SEE EXTREME DIARRHEA OR MAJOR STOMACH ACHES THEN GET HIM SEEN :)

The Lane Family said...

I HAVE TO SAY I LAUGHED ABOUT THIS POST AND THE LITTLE VIDEO, BECAUSE AIDAN MUST BRING EVERY LIZARD HE FINDS INTO THE HOUSE AND KAYLEE IS CONSTANTLY TRYING TO USE IT AS A SNACK....I MUST ASSUME THAT THESE KIDS ( MINE AND YOURS ) ENJOY A FAR DIFFERENT DIET THAN THE REST OF US!!

AS FOR ILLNESS...HERE COMES THAT EPIDEMIOLOGIST IN ME OUT AGAIN. JUST WATCH FOR SIGNS OF SALMONELLA BECAUSE THEY CAN CARRY IT ON THEIR SKIN. SO IF YOU SEE EXTREME DIARRHEA OR MAJOR STOMACH ACHES THEN GET HIM SEEN :)

The Lane Family said...

I HAVE TO SAY I LAUGHED ABOUT THIS POST AND THE LITTLE VIDEO, BECAUSE AIDAN MUST BRING EVERY LIZARD HE FINDS INTO THE HOUSE AND KAYLEE IS CONSTANTLY TRYING TO USE IT AS A SNACK....I MUST ASSUME THAT THESE KIDS ( MINE AND YOURS ) ENJOY A FAR DIFFERENT DIET THAN THE REST OF US!!

AS FOR ILLNESS...HERE COMES THAT EPIDEMIOLOGIST IN ME OUT AGAIN. JUST WATCH FOR SIGNS OF SALMONELLA BECAUSE THEY CAN CARRY IT ON THEIR SKIN. SO IF YOU SEE EXTREME DIARRHEA OR MAJOR STOMACH ACHES THEN GET HIM SEEN :)

The Lane Family said...

I HAVE TO SAY I LAUGHED ABOUT THIS POST AND THE LITTLE VIDEO, BECAUSE AIDAN MUST BRING EVERY LIZARD HE FINDS INTO THE HOUSE AND KAYLEE IS CONSTANTLY TRYING TO USE IT AS A SNACK....I MUST ASSUME THAT THESE KIDS ( MINE AND YOURS ) ENJOY A FAR DIFFERENT DIET THAN THE REST OF US!!

AS FOR ILLNESS...HERE COMES THAT EPIDEMIOLOGIST IN ME OUT AGAIN. JUST WATCH FOR SIGNS OF SALMONELLA BECAUSE THEY CAN CARRY IT ON THEIR SKIN. SO IF YOU SEE EXTREME DIARRHEA OR MAJOR STOMACH ACHES THEN GET HIM SEEN :)

Melissa: Mother to 3 Little Sprouts said...

Kids are so gross! Very cute blog!

Together We Save said...

Oh yeah.... grosser than gross.

The Royal Family said...

LMBO
thakns for sharing i'm so your newest follower!

Deb said...

O-k, you win mom of the year. I would never let that thing in my house, dead or alive. I am a weenie when it comes to those things.

Birk actually won't go in the kid's bathtub in our house because I screamed once when I saw a spider in there. She is 8. Now she screams when she sees spiders, too. Bad mom. Bad mom.

I'm NOT a VOLCANO! said...

Hey! I nominated you for an award! Come on over to my blog and see!

mudmama said...

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!! a true mommy gross out moment! :)

KK said...

I found the skeleton of a lizard of a child I was babysitting for in high school. I nearly freaked out!

BoufMom9 said...

OMG! NO NO NO NO! That is DISGUSTING! OMG! OMG! OMG! I am freaking out and it's not even my kids. HOLY!

Mama Michie (aka Michaela) said...

Oh ewwww!!! EWWWWWWW Did you wash his mouth out with soap and then again with toothpaste before you let him kiss you? ick I just got the shivers just thinking about it!!

thesurpriselily said...

Oh my....we found a little dried up tree frog in the back of Dally's closet...I resisted the urge to rewash all of her clothes....I can't even imagine!

Kids are truly amazing little creatures!

Lisa said...

I love it! I love lizards too so Bella's not a strange girl!
I'm from Shell's blog popping in to say hello.

Cole said...

Stopping over from Shell's blog :)

Ugh, dead lizard. Sounds like something my kids would pull.

Sherri said...

I love the story..you have an adorable family!

Sharlene said...

I bet he ate it. I have kids around the same age. I know what they are capable of! So gross...

frugalmommieof2 said...

I'm stopping by from the Thursday Friends Cafe Hop. I'd love if you stopped by my blog. I'm following you by GFC. Have a great day.

Lisa W
http://frugalmommieof2.blogspot.com/

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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