Thursday, February 4, 2010

Dear Someone....

Short Mama over at Family of Shorts hosts a weekly meme called "Dear Someone" and since I have some things I need to get off my chest, I thought it would be fun to participate. If you have something you need to tell someone, write your letter and link up with the rest of us on her site!

Dear Landon, I know it's horrible of me to pretend to cry when you misbehave. Your big brother and sister have ruined me and it's come down to this...I've had to be creative to get through to you all. It's so sweet, though, how you run over to me, all concerned, to give me a big hug and say, "Don't cry, Mommy. I love you." I almost feel bad about being so manipulative (key word here being "almost"). Stop misbehaving and I won't have to sob shamelessly anymore.

Dear Garrett, you're adorable and I love spending time with you. But you seriously need to stop walking into my bedroom in the middle of the night and standing next to my bed, staring me down as I sleep. What are you thinking in your little head as you watch me sleep peacefully? Never mind, I don't want to know. Just please stop doing it...it's creeping me out.

Dear Pharmacy Tech guy at Kaiser, I seriously wanted to die right there on the spot today when you handed me my refill of Wellbutrin and my son said, "Those are my mom's happy pills. She has to take them so she doesn't kill us with her bare hands". Thank goodness, you have a sense of humor. I wouldn't blame you, though, if you called Child Protective Services on me the minute I walked out the door.

Dear Pediatric Therapist, I appreciate you coming to my home to do an OT assessment on Garrett. You were cool and you seemed to know your stuff quite well. However, what you seem to lack knowledge about is that it's unprofessional and inappropriate to smack your gum noisily while meeting with a client. To make it worse, your heavy breathing reminded me of a 13-year old boy I made out with once at sleep-away camp. Let me suggest that you discontinue this bad habit, especially since it's obvious you don't know how to breathe and chew gum at the same time.

Dear Bella, thank you for always knowing when I need a good laugh. You cracked me up today when you asked, "Mommy, do you remember when we were singing Happy Birthday to Landon and he stuck his hand in the cake before we were done with the song?" I said, "Bella, how can you possibly remember that?! It was TWO years ago!" and you responded, "Because there was cake involved. That's the only reason I remember it." PS - You might want to work on clenching your butt cheeks when you sneeze. The fact that you fart almost every time you sneeze is actually quite adorable...however, it won't be so adorable in a few more years. Consider yourself informed.

Dear Cole, our cat will never have kittens. You just need to accept it already. When we adopted her 10 years ago, we got her fixed. No, I will not take her back to the vet to have her "unfixed". We are not getting any more animals...no kittens, no puppies, no goldfish, no turtles, no dinosaurs...end of discussion.

Dear Tim, when I bend over to empty the dishwasher, it is NOT a written invitation to come over and grope me. I mean, where's the respect? Geez, at least wait until the kids are out of the room. I know the experts say it's healthy for kids to see their parents being affectionate with one another but I have a sneaking suspicion that this is NOT exactly what they were referring to. Plus, I don't need the added headache of trying to explain to them why they need to respect other people's personal space but Daddy doesn't.


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82 comments:

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I think crying when they misbehave is hilarious.
Bella is my kinda girl!
And really...not even ONE little tiny goldfish??

Buckeroomama said...

LOL!!! When Z was around 18months, she used to do that to me --come to our room in the middle of the night and just stand next to my side of the bed, waiting for me to scoop her up and bring her to bed with us. She would not make a peep; she'd just stand there. One time, I pretended to continue sleeping in the hopes that she would go back to her own room/bed. I actually fell asleep and when I woke again, there she was a small heap lying on the floor next to our bed, asleep! Poor thing. :(

Hahaha, I've done the pretending to cry thing, too, among other, er, manipulative (I choose to think creative!) stuff to get my kids to do things.

Neo said...

i dont have kids but i might as well have with my army of nieces and nephews and ive used every trick in the book, including pretend crying.

my niece used to creep into my room at night and watch me sleep, it scared the crap out of me cos i'd just open my eyes and she'd be there smiling at me. when i asked her she'd say "its bcos ur so cute when u sleep i didnt want to wake u" if u didnt want to wake me and give me a heart attack in one go, stay in ur bed! lol

Merri Ann said...

As much as I love reading your blog, you really need to be working on a book instead.

This funny stuff happens to all us moms ... the difference is that you have an amazing way of putting it in to words ... you could make a fortune writing books.

Really ... just think of it ... you making the money ... Husband at home dealing with kids ... you on a book tour ... Husband at home dealing with kids ... you in a 5 star hotel ... Husband at home dealing with the kids ...

I'm running out of new ways to say .. "This was so funny ... thanks for starting my day with a laugh".

singedwingangel said...

roflmbo. I thinki what is funniest is my bff and her hubby were talking about the watching them sleep thing just the other night. One of their daughters is a sleep talker and walker and the other comes int he bedroom and just stares at her father. HEr eyes wide open staringhim down only she is not awake herself and never remembers it.

LMJ said...

LOL! LOL! LOL!
I spit my coffee, but it's all worth it!! I've been reading nothing but funny posts today. YAY! I'm starting my day right!

yonca said...

I'm glad I read your post early.Lol, that is funny! Still laughing the last one:)Same here! Have a wonderful day Helen!

Sadia said...

Hysterical! I think that the only reason that Jessica's stick figures of me and Lucas show us holding hands is that she doesn't know how to draw a hand on my (lack of) behind.

blueviolet said...

What is with men and their incessant need to invade our space? Would they really like us to come behind them and grab their packages? Never mind...

Monkeys Mommy ♥ said...

Thanks for the laughs!!!

Eva Gallant said...

Those were such funny letters. I love reading your blog, but the commenter above is right..you need to write a book!

Ginny Marie said...

People who chew gum like a cow chewing cud need to go live on a farm. Seriously. And remember...no lizards, either!

The Mother said...

Your pharmacy guy? I like him.

Heather Kephart said...

Helene, I don't even know where to begin! You are such a delight. From Garrett staring you down, to pretending to cry when Landon misbehaves to Tim's butt-grabbing. Tears!

Carly said...

Helene, All I can say is as always you have me cracking up... Maybe you should consider being a stand up comedian . Have a Great day!

Amy said...

I have done the crying thing also. too funny. Not sure it works. Love your children and there thoughts. Happy Pills don't we all need them. OH the husband must have a club my husband does the same thing. Someday I will fall into the dishwasher and have to explain the weird marks on my face... ...

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

...when we were singing Happy Birthday to Landon and...!!!
OMG!!! How I love your adorarable kids!!
Thanks Helene, you made my day!
Betty xx

cindi said...

You always make me laugh. The happy pills? Yeah, I totally get that one.

Lisa said...

Love this post!!

I tell my 9 yr old daughter she needs to clench too. Hasn't sunk in yet.

It seems like a lot of us have that problem with the hubbys. But I guess I'd rather have that problem than the opposite. Lord knows they have no happy medium:)

Thanks for the laugh this morning!!

Brooke said...

is a smack on the rear really affection? cause growing up that's not what it meant, but jay can't keep his hands to himself.

Nezzy said...

Helene, I always leave your posts holdin' my sides. Funny stuff girl. Yep, these men take any "pose" as an invitation, even if ya got your head in the dishwasher. Heeeheehe!

Enjoy your day and may it be blessed!!!

Rhaven said...

Thanks for the laugh! I get the same thing with my husband whenever Im unloading the dishwasher. And if you can really convince your son that he can not have a dinosaur I may ask to pay you to convince my own son ha!

Rebecca said...

The sneezing farter is awesome...can you cc my husband on the last one?

shortmama said...

I tried that crying thing with my youngest and she just laughs at me...damn stubborn child.

My husband does the same thing...just doesnt seem to get it when I say could you not do that when the kids are around?!

This Daddy said...

This is so weird. Helene you and my wife must have the same dishwasher.

The more and more I read your stuff, the more I see that your husband and I are alot alike.

What kind if washing machine and dryer do you have? I am beginning to think I might have a problem.

Erin said...

Helene,

Can I ask--do you really take Wellbutrin, or was that a joke? Because I just started taking it this week and would love to hear about your experience with it, side effects, etc...if you have a chance.

;-)

Twins Squared said...

Hilarious!! Helene I identified with about half of these...too funny! My husband does the same thing but my step-dad was always the worst - he would always grab my mom's boob in front of me! Nice.

Cascia said...

That is funny! My husband is very affectionate with me around the kids too, but I don't think he is that affectionate.

Shell said...

I was practically crying with laughter at the happy pills part!

Tiffany said...

Oh my gosh that was amazing, I am laughing hysterically. I am going to send a link to this to my husband.

Tracie said...

O.M.G. The happy pills bit is high-larious! Classic.

Karen said...

Cute!

That Happy Pills is just too much! It's a good thing the Pharm Tech had a sense of humor and wasn't one of those freak-out people.

Xazmin said...

Ahhh...you ALWAYS crack me up, and I always say to myself, "why the heck has it been so long since you visited?" I love your blog...and now I've grabbed your button so I can get over here more often!

Stephanie said...

You crack me up!!
I love your "dear" to your husband lmao! my husband does the same thing - except he waits till my chopping up something or taking something out of the oven, you know those situations that could be dangerous- forget the kids- I dont want to lose a finger LOL!

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

My 10 year old still asks if our dogs can have puppies, or if we can have more pets. So, good luck!!

This was fantastic BTW!! You are awesome.

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

I had a foster kid that used to do that...wake up in the middle of the night and stand over me. I decided to make sure the knives were way up out of reach. Call it watching too many scary movies but she looked like she wanted to kill me. LOL

The fake crying works for only a certain amount of time and then they realize that you are faking so enjoy while you still have the attention.

Holly said...

I am dying over the Wellbutrin comment.

I am going to print out the "Dear Tim" one and put it on the frig..we have the same problem with the Dad and with the ids respecting personal space.

Tired Mom Tesa said...

Hilarious, as usual! Sometimes I wake up to one of my kids standing by my bed. You're right it is very freaky! I can't believe your son said that while you were at the pharmacy! What a moment that had to be!

Flory said...

Once again, a great laugh, and a reminder of how important the little things are. Bella sounds a lot like my Ella - cake and farts. :)

Jen said...

I totally need to have this same conversation with Jeff. What is it with me? I just don't get it.

Karla said...

This was great, I found your site through the featured blog on multiples and more.. Really made me laugh!! Thanks. Karla

Robin said...

I was laughing so hard at Blueviolet comment...cuz..yesss they love it if we grope them........I know never mind...Hey your son is perceptive wellbutrin is the happy pill without all the side ffects..nothin wrong with that..I think it made hubby clench his teeth..Love the advice to Bella..my hubs still needs to practice that cuz he dont have it down pat yet..hes 52..!

Karen, author of "My Funny Dad, Harry" said...

At least I don't need "happy pills" yet.

Joy said...

omg...freakin' hilarious! i love the comment to Bella about her butt cheeks. and the one to the pharmacy guy...so funny and so sorry for you at the same time!

Jenny said...

I'm LOL at Bella's comment about the cake! I am always amazed at the things Abby can remember from so long ago.

I'll have to try the pretending to cry thing and see if it works!

Jenna said...

Oh girl you crack me up!! I love them all.. But the thing that made me lol was at bella who farts when she sneezes, how funny!!! FOr some reason when ever that happens I laugh for days about it. Must be because one time in church and elder man sneezed and farted at the same time, I thought my head would explode I was laughing so hard.

D said...

Very funny. You know I had to steal this from you!

Alexis AKA MOM said...

Daddy's just never learn, Rick is the same way. Really some body parts aren't always meant to be grabbed at everyone moment ... LOL

Love your dear someone letters! Thanks for stopping by and saying hi.

Ms Bibi said...

You kill me....mommy's happy pills? That is priceless.

I used to pretend cry to, it worked like a charm till they caught on.

Dianna@KennedyAdventures said...

why is it that the visual of Tim slapping you on the a**, while you have your head buried in the dishwasher, makes me pee in my pants laughing??

Probably because my husband does the same thing .......

WhisperingWriter said...

I think men have silent alarms that go off when women bend over. Whenever I do it, Tom is at my backside, humping it.

Missy (Two Little Monkeys) said...

I love your letters especially to Bella and your husband. What is up with men? My husband does the same thing.

Creative Junkie said...

My youngest has caught my husband copping a feel a couple of times and she just stood there, horrified.

WTF is wrong with them? Husbands, I mean. What possesses them to grope uncontrollably?

Tiffany said...

LOL! Love the letters. Prayse will also just sneak on into our room at night lately - it's a nightly thing... how do you stop it?

And the groping thing - yes! it's always when we're inthe most awkward of positions too. It's like "Really? Cleaning dishes turns you on? You clean them and we'll see if it works for me too! :)"

Jeslyn said...

Thank you for brightening my day with your lovely sense of humor. What a great post. I identified with the fake crying and the husband groping... just found myself laughing while I read along. I'm looking forward to reading more.

Coupon Teacher said...

I am a new Friday Follower! Great blog!

Missie said...

Just found your blog and love it. When you have some free time, check out my blog. www.what-comes-next.net
Missie

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

Too funny!

Buttons and Bows said...

You are one of the funniest writers I have read.

I enjoyed this today.

Rebecca

Kathleen said...

I'm SO glad to have found you through Follow Me Friday. You are such a funny and talented writer. I'm looking forward to adding my name as a "follower."
Have a great weekend,
Kathleen
http://www.firefliesandfamily.blogspot.com

christy rose said...

Stopping by from friday follow! You have a beautiful family!

LucidLilith said...

Oh my goodness...so cute that your hubby wants to grope you when you bend over. It means he thinks you ass is sexy! Enjoy!

Lol @happy pills. I would be so embarrassed. Hmmm...I never did well on Wellbutrin and Lexapro sucked.

Corrie Howe said...

I'm the one who grabs my husband's butt. I have similar pills that my kids don't know about, so they can't blab. Bella...she remembers because there was cake involved. Love it.

The Lane Family said...

These were so funny!! I especially enjoyed the one to Cole about why there will never be kittens and NO, you are not having her "unfixed".

As for mommy's "happy pills"...have them and love them as well. I sometimes find it weird that when you have infertility issues you work so hard and pay so much to have your kids and then end up with post pardum depression and having to be on happy pills...is something wrong with this picture????

Busymom3 said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'm following from FF. I love the letters they are great!

Simply Stacie said...

Following you from the Friday Follow!

http://stacievaughansblog.blogspot.com

Jessica said...

Kids; my son drew a picture of his dad with his fist to his face in Kindergarten and had his teacher write "my dad is a coke addict"
I quit teasing my husband about his Diet Coke habit after a call from CPS.

New Friday Follower!

HarryJack's Mom said...

I love that feature, so glad you jumped into it :-) We have a Landon-esque stalker, too - hope he's getting past it, but it IS freaky. Now, I have fewer hopes of getting my DH to stop already with the random groping....hope your letters reach their mark!

tammy said...

Ok...that was so stinkin' funny. I can't even begin to think of little notes to put on my blog. Mine will never compare...you've ruined it for me!ROFL!!

Queen Beth said...

Hello! I'm here from Friday Follow!

My husband is an identical twin and he's sitting here telling me how very sorry he is for you! Ha! Twins are awesome.

Hope you'll pop over and follow me too!

Theta Mom said...

I have a strange feeling that my 16month old will be a lot like Bella!!!

Robyn Campbell said...

Found you from Friday follow. Love your blog. =)

"Cottage By The Sea" said...

Wellbutrin. Ah yes, my theory on life is, "there's a pill for that".

singedwingangel said...

I left you an award on my blog hun

Lauren said...

I didn't grow up seeing my parents being all that affectionate with each other, so whenever they do something slightly affectionate towards each other - and it's usually always my dad who initiates it, gee I wonder why? - it really weirds me out. Lol.

KK said...

So funny!

LiFE BEyOND WORDS. said...

Hey helene! Thanks for the blogger welcome!
Those notes are too cute! Sounds like you have a handful with 2 sets of twins! I don't even know what I'm gonna do with 2 that aren't twins! YIKES! lol
Hope to keep hearing from you!

"Cottage By The Sea" said...

Helene, you crack me up. Every time you post it makes my day. You've probably won lots of awards but I'm passing the SUNSHINE AWARD on to you today because, you gotta love somebody that makes you smile.

Michelle said...

I literally laughed out loud at the Wellbutrin part.

Your comment about your husband sounds just like my hubby.

Sarah said...

It sort of sounds like you've been visiting our house lately, lol. My hubby and I have 4 littles 8, 5, 2, and 1, 3 girls and a boy. I can identify with them all ( our 2 year old had PT/OT/SLP)...well maybe not the fart and laugh deal, but it's okay, I'm sure she'll outgrow it and you'll have something that always makes you laugh when you think of it......Great Post.

Sharlene said...

The pharmacy tech story is one of the funniest things you have ever posted (and thats saying something).

I am a fake crying champ as well. Those those tears last night were not fake! Every once in a while, they break me.

debi9kids said...

DYING reading your letter to Tim! I might have to photocopy it and give it to Russ ;)

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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