Thursday, February 11, 2010

Dear Someone...

Short Mama over at Family of Shorts hosts a weekly meme every Thursday, called "Dear Someone". You got something you want to get off your chest? Write a letter and then come link up with the rest of us over on her blog.

Dear Cole, yesterday at lunch time, you saw me give Landon more ketchup for his hotdog. I asked, "Does anyone else want more ketchup?" You didn't respond so I put the ketchup away. Not 5 seconds later, you're whining, "I want more ketchup".

You do this to me EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Why do you always decide you want seconds on something the minute I put it away?? I'm over it. From now on, I'm making one single announcement..."If anyone wants seconds, speak now or forever hold your peace". If there is silence, I will take that as confirmation that it is finally time for me to sit on my ass and take a break.

Dear kids, thanks to you I have lost about 4 pounds this week. As luck would have it, each of you have pooped right at the same time when I was about to eat a meal. There's something disturbing about being interrupted during a meal to wipe someone's ass and then going back to the meal, which oddly resembles the poop that I just cleaned up.

I don't think I'll ever be able to eat beef stew again for as long as I live
.

Dear Gardeners, I think it's pretty ironic that when I ask you to trim the bushes or the tree in our front yard, you can't speak or understand a word of English....yet, I can hear you all speaking English perfectly while you're arguing about whose turn it is to use the blower versus the lawnmower.

Next time, you come to my door requesting payment, don't be surprised if I've conveniently forgotten how to speak English too.


Dear Cat, can you please refrain from sitting on the neighbor's fence and taunting their dogs? It's just a matter of time until one of the rescue dogs they bring home is big enough to reach you with its powerful jaws. But now that I think about it...maybe that's what you're hoping for. I know the last 5 years with the kids has been tough on you. I can't say I blame you for knocking on heaven's door.

Dear Subconscious, this is 2 nights in a row now that I've had erotic dreams about Simon Cowell. Come on.. why HIM of all people?! Why not Ryan Reynolds? Why not Mark Wahlberg?

Although I do have to say I was pleasantly surprised by how sexy Simon was in my dream...and afterwards, he winked at me and said, "I really REALLY like you".

Dear Tim...sweet, naive Tim...yes, the world does revolve around me. Don't act so surprised.

I've got 2 out of 4 kids at home sick. Sorry I've been lagging in my commenting. Stick with me, though. I'll be back in swing again soon! Plus, I've got AWESOME news to share...

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58 comments:

Mercy said...

Can't wait to hear what the awesome news is.

Merri Ann said...

You're pregnant!!!

Your're right that is awesome news ....

:P

Oh ... sorry .. was I not supposed to tell anyone ??

Sadia said...

I hope the kids feel better!

Yes, my initial response to "awesome news" was also "pregnant", but I suspect that you might not consider that so awesome at the moment.

DysFUNctional Mom said...

ROFL, this is great! I especially like the last one. Oh and "knocking on heaven's door" cracked me up!!

Corrie Howe said...

I was disturbed when I started dreaming about Anthony from the Wiggles. And so was my husband. I thought pregnant too, but also thought you may or may not think this is awesome. Maybe a blogging award?

Buckeroomama said...

LOL! Simon Cowell?! I must say, though, that he suddenly became somewhat likeable when the camera caught him smiling when he was listening to Susan Boyle sing. :)

Hope your kids feel better soon. And your awesome news? I gotta say I'm with the previous ladies who commented. ;p

Tina... said...

Okay number one, I'll never be able to eat beef stew again either, so thanks for that and number two how about dreams with Patrick Dempsey (McDreamy Dempsey not 'Can't buy me love' Dempsey. Big difference.) or Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson.....also Ryan has always been in my top three.

MamaHen Em said...

Ugh. Hopefully little people are better soon and the big people don't get it! News? I also thought pregnant....!

Robin said...

Whats the news..cant stand waiting..Im impatient ya know...!! Ok..so Simon is hot...Im dying to hear more about the dream...LOL...I can picture him saying "I REALLY like you"...very hot..!..Tim didnt know that already..he better catch up..!..

Missy (Two Little Monkeys) said...

I think kids have this sensor that says Mom is eating, gotta poop!
And you are so right, why not Ryan Reynolds - he is heavenly!
So, what is your news??? That was a mean tease ; )

BigSis said...

I only have one kid and pregnant doesn't sound like awesome news to me, but maybe after two sets of twins a singleton would be awesome? Or not...

Carly said...

I hope everyone feels better soon:) I have 1 sick right now and kinda have nothing to blog about:(

Erin said...

My kids do that to me w/ the seconds. DRIVES ME INSANE.

Oh, and what is it w/ the pooping at meals? Do yours poop in tandem at mealtime, too? I wish I could lose 4 pounds that way.

;-)

Nancy said...

Those were hilarious! I literally LOL'd!

Samantha said...

Erotic Simon Cowell dreams...that's funny. I always have them about the strangest people too...a Ryan Reynolds dream would be nice.

Brooke said...

lol@ simon cowell.

and i was going to guess that you've got another set of twins on the way :P

Brooke said...

lol@ simon cowell.

and i was going to guess that you've got another set of twins on the way :P

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

I love this meme that you do - you do it fabulously too!!!

I hear you about the eating - that is how I lose the weight too.

I am guessing you got a paying writing gig!!!!! I hope that is it because you deserve it!

Sharyn said...

Kids and their timing. My kids manage to simultaneously need to go to the bathroom the minute I ask them to load the dishwasher.

Open ID hates me lately. Would you consider replacing it?

freckletree. said...

um, helene, maybe you should do this everyday.

i'm just sayin, sounds like you have some things to let go of . . .

Marianne said...

HAHA love the letter to the gardeners! And Simon Cowell isn't that bad... but I'm a sucker for accents.


I'm guessing your awesome news is that you got the DREAM HOUSE!!! Oh, I so hope you guys did!

AND... I just noticed you added my blog to your list of "awesome blogs" THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!

Eva Gallant said...

Erotic dreams about Simon Cowell? Perfectly understandable!

Rhaven said...

first off, my sympathies to you and your sick kids. We're dealing with sick kids here too and I am about to go insane.... or go back, I've lost track.
Second I laughed so hard with your comment on Simon. Thank you!!! Why is it we dream about people like Simon and not the ones we want to? I keep waiting for my subconscious to catch up and give me some good dreams with Orlando Bloom, but it's ignoring my please =( Instead I get Joe from Blues Clues :p

cindi said...

Why is it erotic dreams ae always with someone that in my waking world kinda turns my stomach? I just don't get it. A johnny Depp dream would be really nice.

Nezzy said...

Now ya'll can just leave us hangin' on a thread here. Come on let's let the cat out of the bag. Please don't tell us your havin' Simon Cowell's twins. Heeehee! Sorry couldn't resist that one.

I sure hope your kiddos are feelin' better and you stay well. OMGosh girl ya can't go down. Someone need to guard the fort!!!

Have a terrific day and I'll keep those little ones in my prayers.

The Mother said...

At least Cole isn't old enough to not load the dishwasher while whining that he never gets enough to eat.

shortmama said...

Why do kids do that with the seconds? Every freaking time!!!

Cant wait to hear the news!

Living It, Loving It said...

Now, isn't it good that you got that off your chest?

There is something sexy about a man berating after sex in British accent. That was really, REALLY, awful. :)

Nobodys Nothings said...

ugh, it seems like every time i sit down for dinner, my daughter presents me with a very smelly load in her diaper.

i LOVE Ryan Reynolds.

Twins Squared said...

I am so with you on the poop and eating thing! I think there is a small club of us that has 4 or more young children that we have to tend to. Someone is always needing their dirty bottom attended to. I think so often how gross it is that I stop eating or making dinner, go clean up someone's poop, and then wash my hands and go right back to it. Washing hands just does not seem enough when you're going straight to food next. Ick!

And you are brave to admit you had a dream about Simon Cowell! LOL! But hey, there are plenty of WORSE people you could have dreamed about!

The Lane Family said...

First off sorry about sick kids. that makes for long days and long nights :) But I am excited to hear your awesome news...maybe a new house???

I loved the post..especially the one about the "non-english" speaking gardeners. I used to inspect resturants and it was always funny to me how all of the sudden certain ethnic groups immediately forgot how to speak or understand English when I started talking to them about things such as..why we do not eat cats...why have cockroaches doing the back stroke in rice is disgusting and not okay, or why doing all of the salad prep on the floor was absolutely a bad idea. Gosh it still brings back nightmares :)

Tiffany said...

Sorry the kiddos are sick, mine are too! What's the news? Don't keep us waiting too long. Thanks so much for the coupons!

April said...

Great letters! So funny!

RainSplats said...

lol - fantastic :)

2Wired2Tired said...

I've always hated diaper changes during dinner too. Ugh. The worst!

Heather Kephart said...

I love it when you do this meme! It is so freaking funny! Simon Cowell? LOL! Maybe it has something to do with being judged? Aww, and the cat... lol

Menopausal New Mom said...

Oh I loved your post today. Yes, that wiping asses can put you right off your food, I've only got on kid to take care of but you have to see the bright side if you're losing weight Lol!

If I could find a way to dream about Johnny Depp, I'd be all over it and probably spend more time in bed.

Dimes2Vines said...

Sorry about the children being sick - that's tough on us as moms. Can't wait to hear the news!

Stopping by from Fri Follows - I'm a new follower whether late or early, I am here!. Love to have you stop by:
http://dimes2vines.com

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

Simon Cowell? Girl you need a vacation!

Tracie said...

You finished your book???

Your letters are hilarious! My youngest still poops during dinner and wants me to wipe him. He's 7. I hope his wife doesn't mind doing him that small favor every day.

Miss Dot said...

My favorite is the little blip to your gardener. Haha!

I can't wait to hear your awesome news and I'm sorry 'bout your kids. Hope they feel better soon and I especially hope that the sick two don't spread to the healthy two!!

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

OK, this morning I figured out your secret!!

You got the dream house didn't you!

Yay!!

Creative Junkie said...

OMG. Simon? Helene, Helene, Helene ... I'm just assuming you're delusional from a stomach bug or something, right?

♥Georgie♥ said...

I LOVE these dear so n so letters...
I hope everyone that is sick gets better soon and can not wait to hear the exciting news!

The Improbable Housewife said...

You always make me laugh.

You have an award over at my blog. :)

"Cottage By The Sea" said...

Funny stuff. Knocking on heaven's door, that's a perfect description. Thanks for starting my day off with a laugh!

Joy said...

funny post! I'm anxious to hear the news too.

christy rose said...

This is a cute way to vent your frustrations and add some sarcasm. I laughed through quite a bit of this post. :) I am excited to hear your news. :)

Mrsbear said...

I always find wiping someone else's dirty bottom, curbs my appetite somewhat.

I know an unexpected pregnancy would not be described as "awesome" in the early stages. That could take some getting used to.

Sharlene said...

Ha Ha! Love the gardener one! Its so damn true!

PS- Simon Cowell is totally hot!

Word Designer said...

I truly enjoyed your post. I may have to adopt your style for getting points across to my loved ones. haha. Maybe this would work for me, ya' s'pose?

Wordy
Word Designer

KK said...

Too funny. I really worry that Carly will get a hold of my new neighbors cat!

Six Feet Under Blog said...

Love this meme. I'm doing it next week! Hope the kids get better. Something always happening to us moms!

LucidLilith said...

Ryan Reynolds.
Mark Wahlberg.
You have excellent taste.

Simon + $ millions = aint bad either.

Morgan said...

Kids always have to use the bathroom during meal time. That can cause me to loose my appetite too!

I hope your kiddos feel better soon!

Alicia said...

LOL, oh my gosh, about the gardeners!!!!

And I know what you mean about wiping butts during a meal. The worst!!

Hope the kids that are sick get well soon, and that it doesn't go around to anyone else.

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

Can't wait to hear what te great news is, Helene!Hope your kids get well really soon!
Bxx

Dianna@KennedyAdventures said...

mmmm .... Ryan Reynolds --- yet another reason I love you!

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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