Wednesday, February 17, 2010

What does ice cream have to do with sex?

The other night, after the kids were in bed, Tim and I were lounging around, reveling in the peaceful quietness that filled our home.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted him looking at me with a mischievous smile on his face. He said, "So, sweetie, what do you say? Wanna fool around?"

I shot back, "What's the matter? No sci-fi shows on tonight?"

He answered, "Oh, give me a break, will you?"

"You know, honestly, I'm just really tired. Unless you have something spectacular up your sleeve, count me out for tonight," I explained.

Tim look perplexed. "Spectacular?" he repeated.

I hesitated for a few seconds and then said, "Don't you get bored with the same thing ALL. THE. TIME? From start to finish, it's all so....uh...well, predictable. Not that predictable is a bad thing, I'm just saying it'd be nice to mix it up a little bit every once in awhile."

He still seemed confused but then his eyes lit up. "Oh no", I said. "Don't you dare go THERE. I don't swing and I don't share".

"Okay, let me clarify something to you about the whole boredom factor," he began. "I'm a MAN. Sex doesn't always have to be adventurous or unpredictable...it's not about hanging from the chandelier. To a man, sex is sex, no matter how you do it, whether it's exciting or the same old-same old."

My voice consumed with doubt, I asked, "So you're telling me, truthfully, that you're never bored with it?"

"Well, it'd be nice if it were more exciting and spontaneous from time to time but, you know, I'm certainly not going to turn you down when the opportunity presents itself," he explained.

He continued, "Look at it this way...I'm a creature of habit, like most men. Come on...I go back and forth between the same two flavors of ice cream, strawberry and heath bar crunch. Sure, neither flavor excites my taste buds like it used to but, hey, it doesn't mean I don't still love ice cream."

Squinting my eyes at him, I said, "So you're comparing sex to ice cream? You and your lousy metaphors..."

As he moved closer to me, he said, "Well, it's the best way I could think of to convey my thoughts to you." He added, "But, more importantly, did it make you wanna fool around?"

"No," I responded, as I got up from the sofa. "It made me hungry for ice cream, actually..."


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71 comments:

Kimberly said...

That is funny!

Yeah, the same ol same ol...my husband is ready all the time. We have Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I think that is one reason I go to bed later. He will be asleep.

The Sci Fi...He loves watching the same show over and over. It drives me crazy. Even though I am usually writing or reading. I glance up to see the same episode for 102nd time. UGH!

Life Laugh Latte said...

Hmmm. Sounds like someone needs to get an unmarked package in the mail and a new pack of batteries. That will spice things up. Was that TMI? Came by for a peek. Come on over to our place and hang out for a little blog and vlog fun. Holly:)

MrsM said...

I'm glad to hear you guys were talking about it, and the good news is it seems like he's game for whatever you're game for-maybe next time there will be a little LESS talking ;)

Mercy said...

That was funny. My husband never asks. He just waits until we are in bed, then goes for it with his eyes closed. If I want anything different I have to be the one to start it.

And now I want some ice cream.

Buckeroomama said...

That's funny! He actually talks about it, even analyzes why he is that way and makes analogies. Wow. :)

Merri Ann said...

Seriously, our husbands could trade places and neither of us would know the difference. Of course, they wouldn't either ... the smart a@# comments would continue to flow.

Is it wrong to be turned on by ice cream?

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

sounds like a conversation in my house. I swear we are living the same lives in different cities. It's very Twilight Zone...

Jessi said...

I'm actually the boring one in our sex life but we do mix it up here and there ;).

Hilarious post. Now I want some ice cream. Ice cream....*drool*

Mrsbear said...

I think he said it best though. Men are all the same and when an opportunity presents itself, that's the only thing on their mind. Me, I'm all about the ice-cream...and sleep. Ice-cream, then sleep. And I do like to change the flavors up. Not the man, just the ice-cream flavors. My husband could eat turkey sandwiches every day and cookies and cream ice-cream for dessert. I guess that's a good thing.

Missy (Two Little Monkeys) said...

How funny! After seeing the title - I had to come and read your post. So funny, Helene! I love how he compared it to ice cream. Ya know, now I want some ice cream too.

S Club Mama said...

sounds like us :)

Anything Fits a Naked Man said...

Ha! Poor hubby! He was trying so hard! That reminds me of the time I came up to my husband one evening and asked, "Hey, wanna fool around?" He dropped EVERYTHING and ran up to the bedroom in a full sprint! When I met him there he said, "By the way, you NEVER have to ask me that question, EVER!!"

Boys!!

Great story! Thanks for the laugh!

BigSis said...

Ice cream and sex are both on my list of not getting any - it's a perfect correlation for me :)

Jen said...

Sometimes I feel sorry for men. Their life must be so boring. ;)

Creative Junkie said...

Ice cream vs. sex.

Hmmmmmmmmmm.

I'd say I'd choose the one that goes best with hot fudge, but that doesn't really clarify it now, does it?

Eva Gallant said...

That was too funny! Great post!

Heather said...

LOL...yeah, thanks for making me want ice cream! I guess I may have to leave work and walk to McDonald's. Maybe men are waaaay less complicated than we think?

Shell said...

LMAO So sounds like something my Hubs would say.

I would want the ice cream then, too.

This Daddy said...

Tim is ALL MAN. HELL YEAH. Tim speaks the truth. Amen TIM. Should I go on.

Ice Cream, Dishwashers. Tim is the man!!

Gotta give it to him Helene, well you dont have to, oh wrong thing to say.

I meant give him credit.....I bet Tim is gonna get crazy now

Brooke said...

i think your hubby needs to chat with mine - i set up the perfect "ice cream" buffet at the new house. and he turned it down! guess the house is still too much of a stressor to enjoy. we took a nap snuggling instead.

singedwingangel said...

lmbo alrighty then.. did he not get that that was not exactly the best analogy to use?? I mean why not say well hun I can't get anything else so I will settle for the comfort of the same thing cause ya know it's guaranteed lol..

Nezzy said...

Hummmm, sex and ice cream. I'll take mine with hot fudge, please!!!

God bless ya'll!!!

Kristina P. said...

Did you have this conversation with my husband?

We live in a Zoo! said...

Lol!
Too funny!
:D

Chrissy said...

I think your husband is sweet! :o)

I gave you a blog award today on my page!

texasholly said...

Super cute. I think I am in the mood for some icecream now...

Missie said...

All men are the same! Now, let's see what kind of ice cream i have in my freezer! LOL
www.what-comes-next.net

Neo said...

lol!

Marianne said...

HAHAHA Helene, I love you. "What's the matter, no sci-fi shows on tonight??" Totally something I would say.

Tsquared417 said...

Hilarious and so true!! P.S. My hubby always gets the same flavor---ha ha!!

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

LOL!

It is the same over here. I think they are just happy to have sex anything else would be a bonus!

Erin said...

I'm too tired a lot of the time, too. But it's true that men are just always at the ready. It's a frustrating part of our relationship.

And besides, ice cream can be much better than sex.

This Daddy said...

Why is it that the wives say "Im too tired"? Us husbands only need minutes of your time.

Remember the saying "Have your ICE CREAM AND EAT IT TOO"

Us husbands can have the Ice Cream and you wives can eat it too.

Dr. Oz says cuddling gets you in the door so I have been working on Dr. Oz words to the wise.

Angela said...

We CAN'T mention a can of whipping cream around our house w/o some assumptions. At least he's talking! Not that that helped you any! Too funny!

The Mother said...

That doesn't change. Ever. After 26 yrs, it's still the same.

Mighty M said...

Ice cream! Pick the ice cream!! :)

Nezzy said...

Oh sweetie, you would not believe how many BIG projects we've lived through over the past 37 years. We play well together.

Have a great evening!!!

When did I become my Mom said...

LOL so funny. Men will always be boys...

shortmama said...

You know what my husband told me the other day? That I should initiate more. Yeah. Um are we 16? Because if you make a move for it and I dont huff and puff and say not tonight then we are pretty much good to go

Jenna said...

I'd say the same thing. Men Men Men, I think were lucky to have found the kind that aren't bored!

Jenny said...

My hubby knows that if he brings me ice cream, it might score him some points for later! LOL!

Mrs Montoya said...

Ha Ha Ha - I'd take a bowl of Heath Bar Crunch over him any night of the week. Those poor guys!!

Clueless_Mama said...

OUCH! Ice cream over sex. I am sure he was thrilled:) My husband would be happy to just entertain the thought of sex these days. Boy do kids change a person's sex life. LOL I hope you enjoyed the ice cream at least.

Dorothy said...

This is so funny my first visit and I shall be back.

Dorothy from grammology
grammology.com

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I'll take some butter pecan....

Twins Squared said...

Yep - I sure like ice cream too!

The Lucky Mrs. T said...

Sex and Ice Cream..... two great things, all in one post!

Stopping in from SITS! :)

Amy said...

that is just too funny.. Thanks for all of your kind thoughts the other day.

christy rose said...

Oh my goodness! This was too funny! Ice cream is sounding pretty good about now for me too! :)

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

I love it! Now? I have got some books/ideas I can pass onto him if he needs it. I am a big fan of change!

Karen said...

Mmm..now I want ice cream, too!

Although that was a pretty pathetic analogy. I mean, would it really have been so hard for him to just say some crap like, "I'm never bored because I just love you sooooo much."

Tracie said...

If sex is like ice cream then I'm lactose intolerant.

LucidLilith said...

Damn Helene...you is harsh...lol. Poor Tim. Maybe if he offered you ice cream first...hmmm?

Tina... said...

Men are retarded...

The Lane Family said...

OMG!! I was laughing so hard through this post.

My husband works with computers as well and I think he would come up with the ice cream analogy as well...guys!! What do we do with them!!!

The Blue Zoo said...

I think my husband and I have had this EXACT conversation!

LOL

And it always just makes me want ice cream..... =)

blueviolet said...

Seriously, make me a bowl while you're at!

Adie said...

haha funny!

Now I want ice cream!

Flory said...

I've had this conversation too!

I've got some interesting strawberry ice cream in the freezer that I'm going to have to eat now.

Catrisha T said...

LOL! Sounds like a line right out of my sex life. I totally feel you on the redundant. I like to mix things up, but he could care less. I hate it. But if it gets the job done and he's happy... I'm happy. Oh and you could of included the ice cream in the fooling around if you wanted to spice things up... LOL!

I also wanted to let you know that I nominated you for a blogging award, b/c I LOVE your blog. Here is the post with the nomination:

http://itty-bitty-baby-dreams.blogspot.com/2010/02/i-won-blogging-award.html

A Lil Story said...

Wow. i seriously think me and my husband have had the exact same conversation.... he even uses the phrase... so you wanna fool around?

hilarious!!

Lily

Holly at Tropic of Mom said...

What does it mean that my husband has ice cream every night? Hmm.

Seizing My Day said...

SO funny! ;) hope you enjoyed your ice cream!! ha ha!
Just Jenn~ www.seizingmyday.com

Corrie Howe said...

Sounds similar to conversations we have in my home. I have to believe your husband because he sounds just like my husband.

LazyCrazyMama said...

LMAO!!!! Hilarious! I'd rather have the ice cream ;)

Karen & Gerard Zemek said...

So funny, poor Tim. Hope he at least enjoyed some ice cream with you!

HeartsMakeFamilies said...

LOL Oh I so needed that laugh. I feel sorry for Tim but I can see my husband using the same analogy thinking it will go straight to my heart like ice creams does lol

Nancy said...

HAHAHA Too funny. :)

I think my hubby is just fine with the "same ol, same ol" since it means he's actually getting SOME ;)

...isn't that an episode of Friends? Sex and ice cream?

KK said...

I knew you were going to say, it makes me hungry for ice cream! I would have said the same thing!

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

The other night I really wanted to pick up the magazine on my bedside table...

RainSplats said...

I don't mean to make waves....but if my husband told me he liked 2 flavors of ice cream, I'd ask him which one was me and then chew him out. ;)

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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