The other night, after the kids were in bed, Tim and I were lounging around, reveling in the peaceful quietness that filled our home.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted him looking at me with a mischievous smile on his face. He said, "So, sweetie, what do you say? Wanna fool around?"
I shot back, "What's the matter? No sci-fi shows on tonight?"
He answered, "Oh, give me a break, will you?"
"You know, honestly, I'm just really tired. Unless you have something spectacular up your sleeve, count me out for tonight," I explained.
Tim look perplexed. "Spectacular?" he repeated.
I hesitated for a few seconds and then said, "Don't you get bored with the same thing ALL. THE. TIME? From start to finish, it's all so....uh...well, predictable. Not that predictable is a bad thing, I'm just saying it'd be nice to mix it up a little bit every once in awhile."
He still seemed confused but then his eyes lit up. "Oh no", I said. "Don't you dare go THERE. I don't swing and I don't share".
"Okay, let me clarify something to you about the whole boredom factor," he began. "I'm a MAN. Sex doesn't always have to be adventurous or unpredictable...it's not about hanging from the chandelier. To a man, sex is sex, no matter how you do it, whether it's exciting or the same old-same old."
My voice consumed with doubt, I asked, "So you're telling me, truthfully, that you're never bored with it?"
"Well, it'd be nice if it were more exciting and spontaneous from time to time but, you know, I'm certainly not going to turn you down when the opportunity presents itself," he explained.
He continued, "Look at it this way...I'm a creature of habit, like most men. Come on...I go back and forth between the same two flavors of ice cream, strawberry and heath bar crunch. Sure, neither flavor excites my taste buds like it used to but, hey, it doesn't mean I don't still love ice cream."
Squinting my eyes at him, I said, "So you're comparing sex to ice cream? You and your lousy metaphors..."
As he moved closer to me, he said, "Well, it's the best way I could think of to convey my thoughts to you." He added, "But, more importantly, did it make you wanna fool around?"
"No," I responded, as I got up from the sofa. "It made me hungry for ice cream, actually..."
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