Tuesday, February 23, 2010

What were the odds...

- that when we were at the park playing frisbee and I yelled to Cole "run, Forrest, run", there would be a family behind us having a picnic...whose son just happened to have a noticeable limp.

Talk about "stupid is as stupid does".

- that I would be able to avoid devouring 2 boxes of Girl Scout thin mint cookies in a matter of ONE hour. I know, right? Those cookies were created by the devil himself.

-- that I'm not the only wife in the world whose husband suffers from a horrible case of PMS. Seriously. I think Tim's had his period now for about 10 days.

-- that Garrett will wake up tomorrow and not say, "Toy Story 3 coming out in theatre in June...me wanna see it, okay?" over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

-- that the 2 people who called and said they wanted to buy the strollers I had listed on Craigslist would actually show up at the time they said they would with cash on hand...surely, the most shocking event in Craigslist history

-- that for JUST ONCE Tim could avoid taking an innocent question and turn in to something completely sexual.

Like when I was about to start painting the downstairs bathroom and I asked him, "So do I use an up and down stroke or just a down stroke?"

He could hardly contain himself as he replied, "Well, personally, I prefer the up and down stroke...feel free to practice it on me to make sure you have the technique down...you know, before you actually start painting so you won't make any mistakes".

Yeah, as if he's looking out for MY best interest?

-- that it would take me an entire 6 hours to paint one little bitty bathroom. Now that's one hell of a way to get a serious contact high...and a raging headache

-- that I would think to myself that the luscious deep chocolate brown paint that we loved as a sample looked a little more like purple once it was on the wall...

and that immediately upon seeing the finished wall, Bella would ask, "Mommy, why did you use purple paint?"

-- that after the entire bathroom was painted, Tim took one look at it and said, "Hmmm, I'm not sure I really like the brown, plus it looks like you missed some spots".

It's all good, though. I told him to go change his tampon and not to talk to me again until he has something nice to say...or, at the very least, until his period is gone and his hormones are back in check.

61 comments:

Tracie said...

I think husbands have periods/pms too. But they have completely different symptoms. For example, female pms does not cause excessive horniness.

singedwingangel said...

lmbo@the thought of your hubby wearing a tampon, that MIGHT be akin to a us spitting a baby outta that hole for them.. HA..
OK how does chocolate brown turn purple? I would be calling one paint store and sayin ummm scuse me.. I watched Sesame Street I know brown from purple and this ain't brown..

KimmyD said...

Men definately do get their period. I don't care what anyone says. I also just ordered 7 boxes of girl scout cookies. I don't know what I was thinking!

Merri Ann said...

Sorry to have to be the bearer of bad news but ... maybe the bathroom needs a second coat :) ... I painted a bathroom dark purple once ... it was beautiful ... like purple velvet.

If husbands could make money on all the ways they come up with to insert sex into a conversation, we could all have everything we ever wanted ... at least moneywise.

Still laughing about the hubby PMS ... ha ha

Rebecca said...

I'm so sorry, but I would have said the same thing about the strokes...it's sick...I know it...people like us can't help it!

Love Girl Scout cookies and since I've been at home, I can't find a dealer!

Anything Fits a Naked Man said...

OMG, you're FUNNY!! LOVED this post! P.S. I COMPLETELY understand what you're saying about Thin Mints. Those things are EVIL!!!!!

Robin said...

LMAO....on the first one...what are the chances of that...holy shit...!Yeah they should make tampons for men...for their mouths...we could call them "manpons"...Ive been saying for years that men get CMS..Constant Manstral Syndrome...and ya know what it gets worse with age..so watch out..!...hey you can give Tim the paintbrush and tell him to practice his up/down stroke...!

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

You crack me up. And of course Tim made it sexual. If he didn't, then you know he was a woman on his period!

Missy (Two Little Monkeys) said...

All men have PMS, I think. So glad I am not alone on this one. And my girls are doing a countdown for Toy Story 3 too - Agh! Is it June yet is the forever question here.

varunner said...

Now I'm going to spend the day wondering how I can get my hands on some Girl Scout cookies...
I have a dentist appointment today. What are the odds they'd have some for sell there?
Riiiiiight.

BigSis said...

I'm certain that PMS should stand for Permanent Male Syndrome.

And, I'm with you on the cookies. I don't buy them because I'll eat the whole box in one sitting.

Nobodys Nothings said...

i hate it when paint does that do me. have you tried holding a few pictures, or whatever you're going to use to accessorize up to it yet? i painted my bedroom a beautiful red color once, but when it got on the wall it looked more like a dark fushia. rather than re-paint it i just put all the pictures back on the wall, and it was back to looking red. like magic. hope it works for you too...

Lisa said...

I don't know why, but sometimes brown does give off a purplish(?) look to it if there is not a lot of light and the space is smaller.

Yes, I agree, thin mints are "the Debel!!"

Haha, you know you'd be heartbroken if you're husband didn't turn the questions around like that:) You'd think something was wrong. Maybe that's just me, lol! I would definitely think something was not right with David.

Yea for you on the Craigslist luck!! Very shocking indeed!

Brooke said...

you said "stroke" around a man and didn't expect that kind of response? you poor naive little thing ;)

Brooke said...

you said "stroke" around a man and didn't expect that kind of response? you poor naive little thing ;)

Creative Junkie said...

My husband now has a habit of saying "that's what she said" after pretty much everything I say. It is unbelievably annoying.

If you don't watch The Office, then you will have no idea what that even means. Consider yourself lucky.

The Mother said...

Since I don't believe in pms for females, I can't blame male behavior on it. Don't need to, either, since there are lots of other male traits that are easy to blame.

The cookies though? That I get.

HT said...

Oh no he did not!

If I painted a whole bathroom by myself, hubby better having nothing but praise and admiration for a job well done.

Nezzy said...

Oh my dear young impressionable friends. PMS or not a man thinks about SEX every few seconds,('can't help it...part of his nature) of course the subjects gonna come out every chance he gets! FYI, my sweet babies.....and they NEVER grow out of it!!! Heeeheeehe! Once again dear Helene ya cracked this old chick up again. I think I spit on the computer screen!

God bless and enjoy your day :o)

Eva Gallant said...

No girl scouts showed up at our house this year! I will miss those thin mints--but I could eat them all at one sitting, so may that's a good thing.

I'm not going to ask where your hubby wears the tampon!!

Jenna said...

Oh I think my hubby and yours must be twins, PMS-y and always horny! Ha Ha Ha, what a combination.

Jen said...

I completely laughed out loud at your first statement. I do that all the time, open mouth insert foot. Sometimes, I just open my mouth and put my foot in there without speaking.

Kristina P. said...

I literally laughed out loud at the Run, Forrest, Run. Hahaha.

And I am just waiting for my Girl Scout cookies to arrive!

eight helping hands said...

That was funny! Also true about men having PMS cuz mines on his right now too!
I had a similar problem with a paint color. I wanted to paint my basement gray, and when I put it up on the wall...of course the biggest one....it looked blue. I hate blue walls!! Everyone I asked agreed with me that it looked more blue than gray.
Crap! I have yet to re-paint it and that was a month ago. It took me a couple of hourse to paint mine also, because I'm painting over 1970's paneling! Yuck!
Hope the color turns out the way you want it, or good luck re-painting!

Morgan said...

Well, that makes me feel a little better about how many cookies I've been eating lately. Seriously, who only eats the 2 cookies as a serving?!? I was seriously appalled when I saw on the package of the PB & Chocolate ones that 6 cookies was like 75% of a person's daily saturated fat. Oops!

Too funny on the Forest event.

Morgan said...

BTW- it looks like you're going to hit 1000 followers today! You're just 1 away! Congrats!

Wendy said...

OMG! That is hilarious! I completely feel your pain with your husband. I think they DO go through their own menstrual cycle! (And it lasts waaaaaay longer than ours! haha)Your husband sounds like mine, he'd have said the same thing about the paint job. Your posts crack me up! Thanks for the laugh!!

cindi said...

Hahahaha...is it Girl Scout cooke time already? Those thin mints hve my head spinning around like Linda Blair in the Exorcist.

Twins Squared said...

Too funny about the tampon! They say that a man's reproductive cycle actually cycles daily as opposed to monthly like us. That explains why they can be one way one minute and then snap for no reason! As for the paint, sorry the shade didn't turn out right. That sucks. We had some work done last year and had to repaint about 3 walls because it didn't look right once it was up. On the one hand at least I wasn't the one doing it, but we did have to PAY to repaint. Argghh...

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

My husband would do it 24/7 if I let him. And his PMS is worst than mine EVER was.

This Daddy said...

I swear Tim and I must be long lost brothers from other mothers. Oh and by the way, shame on you for putting naughty thougts into Tracys head.

Mayhem and Moxie said...

Ah, true love, isn't it? There are certain nights when I give my husband what we call "the death look". He knows not to speak any further afterward. :)

Oh, and as for Toy Story 3, I think I might have to call Pixiar personally and ask them to refrain from advertising a movie that won't be released for FIVE months. Toddlers don't understand how to wait that long.

shortmama said...

it is just NOT possible for men to not turn everything into something sexual...thats why us women are professional eye rollers

Heather said...

Of course everything has to be turned into a sexual conversation with men! I hope you like the bathroom after all that work!

Alicia said...

Oh my gosh, Helene, I painted the kitchen red, and now I hate it!!!! I don't even know what to do! It's not even how I envisioned it to be!

Momma Fargo said...

I feel your pain...and a solution to the first...next time...take Cole over to the family and say, "Hi, this is my son, Forrest. Hope our frisbee playing didn't bother you." HAHA

K. said...

That tampon comment was hilarious... completely made my day!

What also made my day... feasting on girl scout cookies for breakfast (with this post to blame/thank).

LMJ said...

LMAO!!!

Sometimes I feel like Hubby is on his period for long periods of time!! Grouchy!

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

Run Forrest Run wow that made me laugh out loud!
Love your sense of humour, H elene.
Betty xx

S Club Mama said...

you always keep me laughing, girl

Erin said...

It's comforting to know my Hubs isn't the only one with sex on his mind 24/7. And I will never paint a room in my house ever again for that reason---the color never looks like it's supposed to or like you think it will once it's already ON THE WALL.

it's murphy's law.

Rhaven said...

LOL! I have used the Run Forrest run comment. Reading you blog will make me rethink that next time. As for men and PMS, yes they get it. At least mine does. We both know he gets it once every 4 months and I stay the hell away from him then =D

LucidLilith said...

*sputter*
LOL. "up and down stroke"
yeeesh...your hubby is hilarious.
I am deathly afraid of picking paint colors. Cus stuff like this happens to me too.

Angela said...

Hahaha! I'm wearing jeans that are now too tight, because of my DD's Girl Scout cookies! And then in front of the family, she has the nerve to ask if we had any thin mint boxes left because she didn't get one, because I ate them all! I can't wait for her troop meeting tomorrow when she announces that to all the other moms! Going to go purge now!

Life Laugh Latte said...

Yeah...we could be sisters for sure. I put my foot in my mouth all the time. Like the time I trashed talked about how horrible our Walmart was to someone I barely knew. Just to find out her dad is the CEO. Yeah...I suck. Holly:)

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

LOL to to Forrest Gump reference - that is so me!

My husband is PMSing as well. We are on day 5 and I hope it is over soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One more follower and you have hit 1000 how cool is that?!!!!

Mighty M said...

My husband doesn't get PMS too much, thankfully! But he does like to go "that's what she said" anytime I say anything that seems to fit with it (or not).

Amy said...

This is just a wonderful post to read and laugh as you say okay I have done that or said that. I hope you are having a great day. Thanks for your kind words yesterday. I have awards today I hope you come by and grab them.

Screwed Up Texan said...

Men almost always think with the wrong head.

This Daddy said...

Come on Screwed Up Texan, give us men the credit we deserve, we not almost but we ALWAYS think with the wrong head

Simply Complex said...

Are you saying men think about sex all of the time? Huh? Really? Gosh, I learn something new every day.

KK said...

You crack me up. And paint never looks the same to me once it is on the wall. I am horrible at picking colors!

Charlene said...

LMAO....Love your sense of humor! Your husband sounds alot like mine.

And my mother is the queen of foot in mouth syndrome. Once when we were visiting a church with our choir group, my mother said "here comes the Blacks." (meaning the choir director and family), when we turned around there were several African Americans walking up the steps of the church. LOL! We laughed about that one all the way home.

Michelle @ Flying Giggles said...

Thin Mints most definitely were made by the devil. They are evil and I want to know where they heck my boxes are at! Come on girl scout...start delivering them!

Kimberly@PrettyPinkMomma said...

Ha ha! I always ask Oscar if he's on his period! I love how it pisses him off and makes my point all at the same time!

I think ultimately I beat you out on the girl scout cookies, I downed an entire box of Samoas yesterday. Only 11 more boxes of cookies to go!!! I think Oscar would shit bricks if he knew I spent a total of $54 on girl scout cookies!

Amy W said...

Sorry you're having bathroom painting issues - mine actually turned out the way I wanted it to! I picked out the paint while I had PMS, so of course I immediately second guessed myself. It's all good now. :) I almost went balistic though when my husband decided to put the toilet paper holder on the opposite wall - right where I was planning to put my special surprise. I think it will still work though.

The Lane Family said...

Husbands are just so helpful...NOT really!!! I love how he commented after all your hard work about not really liking the color and you missed some spots..well thank you!!

The craigs list thing is SOOO funny and hard to believe since usually it never works out that way!!!

zorindha said...

Very nice post, really funny! And yes, men can definately have PMS!

RainSplats said...

LOL - We have similar taste in men, I see.....

Corrie Howe said...

Jonathan has been having meltdowns, which he hasn't had in awhile so I'm trying to diagnose the source so that I might be able to stop them.

Then I talked to his counselor who said, "You know he's almost ten. It could just be hormones."

Noooooo. Isn't Asperger's, ADHD and Anxiety enough? Do we have to add hormones into the mix?

Karen & Gerard Zemek said...

It's hard to tell sometimes how the paint will look once it goes on the wall, but I think purple would look better than brown anyway for a bathroom. Did you try putting 1/4 onion in each corner of the bathroom to get rid of the paint smell? Just wondering if it works.

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
Blog Design by Likely Lola