Monday, March 22, 2010

Things you don't want to hear from a potential babysitter....

Since Tim won't take me to Hawaii, I've decided to bring Hawaii to ME! I'll fill you all in on the details tomorrow...let's just say it involves palm trees, earthworms and very sore knees.

So I'm leaving you with a repeat from way back when...an oldie but goodie.

With summer approaching quickly when the rugrats will be sprung free from their educational responsiblities, this post may actually come in handy for some of you.

Things you don't want to hear from a potential babysitter...

Can you let me know when it's 5:00? That's the time I need to take my Haldol.

I won't be able to work on Wednesdays from 3:00-5:00 because that's the visitation hours at the prison where my boyfriend is. If I can't have the time off, I could always bring the kids with me.

How often do you expect me to take the kids to the park...I have a fear of grass.

I hope you don't mind if I bring my imaginary friend with me.

It's cool if you need me to cook meals for the kids....I'm fascinated with fire.

I'm an expert at changing diapers....I wear them myself sometimes.

Would you mind if my boyfriend came over and helped me with the kids? He used to be a sexual predator but he's over that now.

Do I know CPR? I think so...wasn't he one of the robots in Star Wars?

I'm sorry, I didn't hear you....the devil was talking to me.

I'm not sure if I can work overtime....let me call my parole officer and ask.

I hope it's not an issue that I don't drive....my license was suspended after my 2nd DUI.

Is it okay if I watch "The Girls Next Door" while babysitting because that's totally my favorite show and I simply CANNOT miss an episode?

Do you mind if I use your computer while I'm babysitting.....I like to check how many hits my "adult site" gets every couple hours.

Would you mind paying me in cash every Friday....that way I can just go directly to my dealer's house when I'm done babyitting.

If there's an emergency, I'd just call 911....it's a really great way to meet hot guys.

I usually ask for $10.00 per hour but for an extra $20.00 I could "take care" of your husband too, if you want.

Feel free to check my references....oh, but please don't call my last employer....we ended on bad terms. She was so paranoid about me drinking beer while I watched her kids.

Well, I don't really have a LOT of experience with children but people who know me say I have the maturity of a 9-yr old so that should count for something, right?

As far as discipline, I think all kids need a good ass-whipping every once in awhile. That's what my dad always did with me and look how wonderful I turned out.


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43 comments:

Creative Junkie said...

I think I remember this one! There's something about a beer guzzling, pill popping, devil worshipping, batshit crazy personality that's ringing a bell here.

The Boob Nazi said...

I don't even know what "Haldol" is.

BigSis said...

Wow. Please tell me that all of these are made up. Seriously, the kids are better off without a sitter than some of these!

Brooke said...

:-O

can't wait to read all about hawaii!

Missy (Two Little Monkeys) said...

Too funny! I saw your FB post so I now know about Hawaii! Can't wait to read about it.

The Mother said...

I can't think of a single one you left out.

I'm past the baby-sitter stage, now, but that list does bring back memories.

Kim said...

Wow, that post makes me want to live by my in-laws forever (and that is saying a lot!).

Excited to hear about "Hawaii!"

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

Hey. I watch "Girls Next Door!" Well I did, now I watch Kendra. What's Haldol? I might need some.

Double Wide Mom said...

yep, that about covers. it!

christy rose said...

LOL I do not think that I would want to hear even one of these! You have my interest peaked about your Hawaii at home adventure! :)

We live in a Zoo! said...

Lol! And that is why I have a very hard time trusting anyone but family to babysit my kids. ;D

Eva Gallant said...

I had to get rid of a sitter once, because I found empty beer bottles in my trash and I'm not a beer drinker.

Kristina P. said...

Such a comprehensive list.

How about if they don't believe in wearing a shirt?

Robin said...

These are great..! ...I loved the one about taking care of husband the best....BwHahahaha...this is a great checklist for those who are new to hiring a sitter...!

Amy said...

Great list I will have to print this out and use it.. I can't wait to see what you are up to.. Have a great day.

yonca said...

Bringing Hawaii home? Love the idea! Those are so funny! Lol, that's why I stayed home or got temporary jobs when my hubby home after my son was born.

Nezzy said...

Maybe ya'll are just too picky! Heeehehehe! These are totally rib ticklin'!

I can't wait to see what Hawaiian adventure ya have cooked up but I bet it's gonna be fun.

God bless and have a great week!

shortmama said...

Sounds about right!

Samantha said...

Those made me laugh :)

& I can't wait to hear how you brought Hawaii home!

The Lane Family said...

This is one of my favorite blogs...maybe because I have had some babysitters that would fit a few of these...let alone a nanny that lasted a short time because she fit too many of these :)

I can hardly wait to hear about Hawaii!!

Jen said...

I remember this one. Its still awesome.

bluecottonmemory said...

We've had some wonderful babysitters. babysitters from our youth who were soooo fun and when my oldest son went to college, he got involved in Young Life. When I needed a babysitter, I'd ask him and he would recommend some of the girls. My boys loved them. They played games, made snacks and.....clean up the house. I LOVED them!

Liz @ Sugarplum Creations said...

See, there's something to be said for living next to both sets of grandparents!

Rebecca said...

Seriously? Some days, the $20 would be worth it! Awesome!!!

Erin said...

I dunno, I might pay someone $20 to "take care of" my Hubs! LOL!

Are any of these for real?!!?

Marianne said...

HAHAHA... so glad I can honestly say I've never said any of the above to my families...

Although I did ask one of them how old was old enough to answer the kids whining with "And people in hell want ice water..."

Fortunately, they laughed ;)

Saw the pics on FB of the new and improved backyard... lookin' good! Can you plant a plumeria and name it Marianne? I tried to grow two here, one has already died :( Stupid winter.

AmandaK said...

I have an award for you @: http://bloggertowne.blogspot.com/2010/03/our-first-blog-award_22.html

Mighty M said...

Those are so funny! Anytime someone says "don't check with my last employer.." you know you've got trouble!

Jenny said...

I'm LOL about the extra $20 to "take care of" the husband! LMAO!

Have fun in Hawaii ;)

Kelly said...

Hilarious list! I need to find a sitter badly, but I hope I don't run into anything like this.

2wired2tired.com said...

Hilarious! Those would be quite frightening to hear come out of your sitter's mouth!

Kitty said...

lol, too funny
I'm about to start babysitting (once I get someone to babysit) so thanks for the pointers. ;)

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

This is why we don't have a babysitter.

Seriously. We have had 1 date in 3 years. We did have a girl who I loved. Then we got Jack our puppy and then I was afraid he was going to bite her.... it just goes on and on.

My dad volunteers but then my mom vetos it cause most of my scrapes came from when my dad was watching me as a child!!!

Ohhhh Hawaii. Can't wait to hear!

Alicia said...

LOL, Helene!! You should be a stand up comedian!

Annie said...

Haha, I like it.

Have a wonderful week.

Missie said...

Have a good week. I can't wait to find out how you're bringing Hawaii to you. Let us know the details so we can do the same thing! LOL

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Damn. Guess you won't be hiring me now.

Tropical Mum said...

We have a lovely babysitter, that we only get to use on occasion, 'cause that is how *rarely* we get to go out without the kids. She is a grandmother and does craft whilst the kids sleep, and you will never guess what her name is! Helene.

It must be that only nice people are named Helene :-)

Shelly

Lluvia said...

I babysat a lot, and the first thing I told parents was: "I don't like cooking, so stock up on bread and ham."

Kristi said...

Too funny!!! This totally cracked me up, and scared me at the same time ;)

melonbelly said...

I thought 2 kids in 1 year was tough...you must be go go gadget mom!

LOVIN IT! Found you on TMC! Happy to be a follower!

www.melonbelly.blogspot.com

kanishk said...

Too funny! I saw your FB post so I now know about Hawaii! Can't wait to read about it.
free internet jobs

KK said...

Definitely bad signs.

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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