Three weeks ago, Tim had to go out of town on business for a few days.
In the past, that would send me into total panic mode.
The conversation would usually go down like this...
Tim: Oh, by the way....I need to go out of town next week for a few days.
Me: Well, crappity crap crap....I absolutely HATE when you have to travel. I feel like I'm going to hyperventilate....or puke....or hyperventilate and then puke.
Tim: I know you hate it and I'm sorry but you know I don't have a choice.
Me: I guess I better make sure I have enough Wellbutrin to get me through the next few days, huh?
Tim: Maybe even have a refill on standby, if necessary. And let me know if you want me to pick you up a bottle of wine before I leave.
Me: I feel like I'm going to cry. You're sure you HAVE to go? Wait...are you SMILING? Is that a glimpse of happiness I see on your face?!
Tim: Sweetie, come on now. I'm only smiling because you're being silly about this. Besides, it's only for a few days.
Me: Easy for you to say. I'm sure it only feels like a few days for you but for me....dude, it feels like a freakin lifetime until you walk back in through that front door.
Tim: I know.
Me: Oh, and this time...please don't call me from the restaurant where you're just about to sit down to eat a juicy piece of prime rib, a baked potato smothered in butter and sour cream and an iced-cold beer to wash it all down with, k? That's really nothing other than just being plain cruel.
Tim: How many times am I going to have to apologize for that?
Me: Probably for the rest of your life or at least until I get to experience it myself.
Tim traveled on business quite often right after Garrett and Landon were born.
Wait....let me rephrase that so you can better understand the reason for the serious meltdown.
When Garrett and Landon were newborns (you know, not sleeping through the night yet) and Cole and Bella were 2 years old (you know, not fully potty trained yet), Tim would travel often on business.
Awww, see, now you're feeling it. Yes, FOUR children...2 years old and under...all completely dependent on little ole' ME for their every little need, 24 hours round the clock for at least a few days.
I knew leaving us for even just a few days couldn't be easy on Tim, though...what with a quiet hotel room, 8 consecutive hours of uninterrupted sleep, 3 meals a day that he got to taste and enjoy all by himself, a lock on the bathroom door that could actually be used. The list could go on.
Traveling on business is, in fact, a hardship...believe it or not. I knew he missed the kids...sort of. And I'm sure he missed me...not really.
So back to his most recent
The kids are a little bit older now and things aren't as challenging as they were, say, 3 years ago. That's not to say it's EASY....oh no, it's definitely not easy. It's more....well, manageable is probably more like it.
Only, on the morning Tim was scheduled to leave, I woke up feeling achy and congested. I hadn't been sick in months...and of all the times to be sick, I was going to be sick NOW??
In addition to that, I was down to my last 3 Wellbutrin pills (1 days' worth) but I planned to pick up another refill at the pharmacy that day. Little did I know that my doctor was out of town and hadn't received my refill request.
Talk about bad timing on all parts, right?
I should've known something was amiss when the pharmacy tech looked confused and asked me, "So...when did you call this prescription in?"
The kids looked nervous as I shuffled them out of the pharmacy..."Mommy," they asked, "how come you couldn't get your happy pills?"
I walked over to my doctor's office, across the street, with kids in tow and that's when I learned she had been out of town the last few days. She had just returned to the office but was now gone for the day. I guess she was still in vacation mode.
God was laughing at me, for sure.
I left a desperate message with the receptionist for my doctor, which started with "Please refill my scrip" and ended with "my children's lives depend on it".
My doctor didn't fill the scrip until the next afternoon, with many apologies for the delay, but I wasn't able to get to the pharmacy.
Long story short, I winged it. I tried not to think about the fact that I didn't have 450 mg of Wellbutrin coarsing through my veins.
I kept myself extremely busy and kept repeating to myself, "You can do this...it's all about mind over matter".
There were several times where I could feel myself about to become unglued, like when the kids thought throwing baked beans at one another was more entertaining than eating them.
Or when Garrett took off his pull-up, watched as the poop rolled out onto the floor, then stepped in it while making a feeble attempt to let me know ..."Ooops, Mommy, I think there's poop on the floor".
Breathe....mind over matter....just breathe....I can do this.
And you know what? I did do it. I survived. I got through it.
Though I wouldn't recommend that anyone just quit their meds cold turkey. There's an obvious reason why doctors discourage their patients from doing that. In my case, there were FOUR little reasons but I guess God stopped laughing long enough to carry me through.
After all, it was the least He could do, seeing that He was the one who thought sending me my children in pairs within a couple year's time was a fantastic idea...along with a whopping side dish of PPD.
Upon returning home and learning of the "situation", Tim left skid marks in the driveway when he peeled out of the garage to go to the pharmacy to get my scrip for me.
I have yet to open the bottle...the bottle of Wellbutrin, that is. The bottle of wine...yeah, that's already open. I'm keeping the Wellbutrin on standby... but for now I think I might actually have a handle on everything.
And it feels good, for a change.
Now, if I could just get Tim to stop nervously asking me, "Maybe you should consider going back on your meds?" every single time I get angry or show the slightest bit of frustration.
Poor Tim...there's no safety net now. It's no wonder he's been sleeping with one eye open every night.