One of my buddies, Robin at Insights and Belly Laughs, wrote a fun blog post a couple weeks ago revealing 10 things about herself. I loved it and asked if she'd mind if I "borrowed" the idea. So here goes...
1) I have been married once before. It's what I refer to as my "trial run at marriage".
I met the ex at a dance club/bar. He proposed on the spur of the moment one night after we had been dating only a few months and he actually gave me an "engagement ring" he had made out of a dollar bill...
...which he took from me later so he could buy nachos from Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure that was the wake-up call God was trying to send me...the ONE call I obviously missed.
2) Here's something that really irks me...when I swallow a pill and it gets stuck in my throat where it begins to disinigrate.
3) When it comes to my kids, I tend to panic over every little thing.
Like the time when Cole was a toddler and he ate a purple crayon, unbeknownst to me of course. As soon as I saw purple poop in his diaper, I called Poison Control and started screaming something like, "Oh My God...my kid's poop is purple! Should I take him to the emergency room? Oh My God, I don't even think I remember how to do CPR!"
Or the time when I gave Cole a dose of Benadryl and then Tim gave him another dose 10 minutes later, thinking it was Bella who I had given the medicine to.
I called Poison Control, sobbing something to the effect of, "My husband and I just overdosed our son on Benadryl. Is he gonna be okay? I'm so frazzled and sleep-deprived all the time. I probably just killed him, didn't I? I totally suck at this parenting stuff".
I wouldn't be surprised if Poison Control greeted me by name the next time I phone in. I can hear them now, "Oh man...who wants to handle this call? Wonder who she killed this time?"
4) It absolutely kills me when my kids mispronounce words. Take, for instance, the word stick. Sounds innocent enough, right?
But then add the fact that Garrett and Landon tend to replace the "st" sound in most words with a "d". It changes the whole context now, doesn't it?
So imagine the hysterics that nearly keeled me over on Monday when I took the kiddos for a walk. Garrett happened to see a big "dick" on the sidewalk and he wanted to hold it. Then of course Landon wanted the "dick" too and he and Garrett fought over who was going to get to hold the "dick".
Garrett screamed, "That's my dick...get your own!" Landon frowned and said, "Mommy, I want a dick, too."
After I helped Landon find a "dick"...a bigger "dick" than Garrett, mind you...they pretended to have a sword fight with their "dicks". And they gleefully laughed while they said things like, "I hit with you my dick...haahaa!" and "Hey, get your dick out of my face!"
Cole and Bella were in a state of confusion...Garrett and Landon continued to wave their "dicks" in each other's faces...and I could barely contain myself, as I had to keep reminding them to keep their "dicks" away from each other's faces before someone lost an eye.
Oh Lordy....good times.
5) I absolutely hated the way my hair looked on my wedding day.
I had been to the stylist earlier that week for a "practice run" and my hair looked amazing...exactly how I wanted it to look!
But the morning of my wedding, something went haywire and it didn't turn out as I expected.
It kind of made me wonder if God was trying to send me another "quick...run...NOW" message but turns out it was just me being vain.
6) I love music, especially songs with a good beat. But I can't dance to save my life. Absolutely no rhythm whatsoever.
7) I was the girl who dreaded changing her clothes in front of other girls while in the locker room during P.E. I would go out of my way to find a private area where no one could see me.
Then infertility slapped me hard in the face...after that, it invited me to check my pride and humility at the door.
At that point, I thought nothing of wearing a paper gown, spreading my legs in front of various medical staff and saying, "Let's get me knocked up, people....game on!"
8) I have an extremely low tolerance for pain. Seriously, I'm a total wimp.
I practically had a meltdown after I was pregnant with Cole and Bella when I realized that they were going to have to come out at some point and it was, more than likely, going to be VERY painful.
And then there was Tim with his ever-constant words of encouragement..."Well, sweetie, it's a little late to consider that NOW, after the fact".
Sure...whatever. Easy for him to say...he wasn't the one who was going to be gutted like a fish as two small human beings were being ripped from his loins.
9) I'm the oldest of 4 siblings. Growing up, my family was so dysfunctional that I often fantasized that Roseanne Barr was my mother and Bea Arthur (Dorothy on Golden Girls) was my grandmother.
10) In a perfect world, I'd spend my days eating asparagus, cherries and crab legs while watching old re-runs of 90210, Roseanne, Golden Girls and Seinfeld.
And my kids would be equipped with a mute button, which I could click on and off with a simple touch of the remote.
I was interviewed today at Say Anything...I'd love it if you'd go check it out!
OM and Ohms
1 day ago