Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Another day at the pediatricians…

Landon: Hi there, I’m Dr. Landon. Nice to meet you, son. What brings you in today?


Cole: Well, I was at the park, running around, and I lost my balance and fell backwards...a stick punctured my hand.

Thank God it wasn’t my booger-picking, I mean, my writing hand.

My mom wanted me to come in and have you look at it because I woke her up last night at 4:00 am crying about how badly it hurt.

She can't afford to lose another night's sleep...although she'll tell you the reason is because she's concerned about my well-being.


Landon: Well, I'm certainly glad to hear this hasn't affected your ability to pick your nose. That would be devastating.

Now, tell me...where was your mother when this unfortunate incident occurred?

Cole: Uh, let me think for a minute. More than likely, she was talking to another parent, moaning and groaning about how ungrateful me and my siblings are.

Landon: So she's not what you would call a helicopter parent then? She's the just-walk-it-off type of mother?

Cole: Yeah, pretty much. Unless there's blood or broken bones involved, she really doesn't want to be bothered. My hand was gushing blood so she had no choice but to get involved.

Landon: Okay, I'm gonna get my nurse in here because I don't do blood or gore. If poop or boogers are involved, then by all means, I'm your guy. But blood...gonna call the nurse, little buddy. Just hang tight...


Landon: Yo, Nurse Hottie…finish updating your Facebook page and then get in here. I got a patient who needs his hand irrigated and then wrapped. We gotta do a culture, too.

Oh, and when you get a chance, can you call my mom and ask her to bring me some extra diapers?

I know I'm supposed to be potty training but you forgot to take me to the potty and I had a huge handful of cherries and I might have...well, I...uh...just ask her to bring me some clean diapers, k?


Landon: Alright...Nurse Hottie should be in here in just a few minutes. Sorry about the bad. This potty training stuff is for the birds, know what I'm sayin.


Cole: Dr. Ladon, wanna see something super cool? Look how well I can balance this granola bar between my teeth...all while I'm laying on my back.

For my next trick, I'll perform the Heimlich manuever on myself...


Cole: Or maybe not (cough, cough)

Landon: How many times have I told that freakin nurse to MOVE this darn head rest? This is like the 5th time today I've smacked my head into it.

I feel a good cry comin' on.

Where the heck is Nurse Hottie with my clean diaper?!

Oh good Lord, I need a nap.


Landon: Oh, Nurse Hottie, I didn't hear you come in. You didn't see me crying, did you? I mean, it wasn't ME crying. It was my patient here.

Landon: Okay, Cole. Nurse Hottie here is going to do a quick culture on your hand and then she'll clean and wrap it for you.

Try to steer clear of the sticks next time you fall.

What is it with the people in your family...falling on foreign objects and concrete pavement?! You couldn't have landed on a bed of soft leaves, for crying outloud?

After receiving the results of the culture, it was determined that Cole's wound was indeed infected. He was ordered to take 10 days of antibiotics, as well as have a topical ointment applied to the area each day until it was well healed.

When it rains, it pours...what can I say?


Menopausal New Mom said...

Oh dear, I know when I was a kid my mom would have forced that hand of mine right into a bucket of warm salted water to soak every night til it either healed or fell off. Works like a charm and now I reach for the warm salted water any time I have a wound. Bet I'll end up doing that to my own kid Lol!

And of course I signed up so I could vote for you hon!!

Michelle @ Flying Giggles said...

Ha! You crack me up!

It is a good thing you took him in. Hopefully he is feeling better!

"Cottage By The Sea" said...

Life with kids. Never a dull moment. That salt water thing is true. We just take all our scrapes and tares down for a swim in the ocean. The salt water cleans and heals them twice as fast. Luckily our water was just tested as one of the cleanest in So. Cal. But, I really think it's the salt.

This Daddy said...

Good lord Helene, you guys and your visits to the doctors. Ok and the HOTTIE NURSE? Pic's of the HOTTIE NURSE?

Amy W said...

Great commentary! I was riveted right up to the end! Too bad it was about going back to the dr., but it sounds like it's a good thing you went! Praying for a speedy recovery!

LucidLilith said...

Oh my..the kids are picking really strange times to have bodily harm.

Aging Mommy said...

Oh my! I was laughing ALL the way through reading this, absolutely hilariously written account.

On a serious note I'm sorry your son's hand is infected and hope he recovers quickly. Your accounts of your days make me feel I have a positive breeze of a life with just one three year old to deal with :-)

Holly at Tropic of Mom said...

Darn! Summer sure is getting off to a bang in your house. If that's really the booger-picking hand, does that mean you still have to kiss the owie? said...

Poor kid...that does look painful...glad he will be on the mend with the help of an antibiotic!!!!!

L.Michel said...

That was cute. Poor Cole. All better now! ~Landon is a better Dr. than the one I have! LOL

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr

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