Am I "sensibly smart", though? Not exactly.
I have a MA in Psychology and I can diagnose a schizophrenic from miles away. However, when it comes to common sense...well, that's my downfall.
Need some proof? No problem...
Here are a couple examples from the past...
I once tried to convince my college roommates that eventually Halloween had to fall on Friday the 13th. Seriously, how cool would that be?!
They kept trying to burst my bubble by telling me it would NEVER happen. But I insisted that it would happen at least once in my lifetime.
Until one of them finally said, "Look, Halloween is always on October 31st, therefore it will never fall on the 13th. The day of the week it falls on will change but the actual DATE will NEVER CHANGE!"
Oh, yeah....I kind of forgot about that minor detail.
Then there was the time I told Tim I wished there were some way I could make Cole just half a sandwich with only using 1 piece of bread. He just stared at me, as if my boobs had suddenly inflated to twice the size of Dolly Parton's boobs.
In total disbelief, he said, "Tell me you're kidding".
I answered, "You know a way to make half of a sandwich with only using one piece of bread? Please enlighten me then, he-who-can't-boil-water".
He took one piece of bread, cut it in half and made "half" of a sandwich.
So it wasn't exactly one of my finer moments but my excuse is that I had been up the night before for 3 hours straight with 6-month old twins who were teething.
Now that you have those fine examples as proof, I'll bring you up to date on the latest...
The other day I was chatting with a friend of mine about taking the kids fishing and she had mentioned buying some worms at the bait shop near the marina.
I told her, "Oh, I probably don't need to buy any. We have plenty of worms in our garden in the backyard."
Then I quickly added, "But wait...I can't use those because they're earthworms."
She asked, "Why not? Worms are worms, aren't they?"
I answered, "Yeah, but these are EARTHworms. They won't be able to breathe under the water."
There was nothing but total silence on her part for a few seconds, and then I could've sworn I heard her trying to stifle back laughter.
When she could finally sputter out words without giggling, she exclaimed, "Are you serious?!"
I responded, "Yeah...what's the problem?"
I imagined her rolling her eyes as she explained, "Well, two things, actually. First of all, who cares if the worms can breathe under water because you'll be using them as FISH BAIT. HELLO....they're gonna die either way.
Second of all, the irony of the situation is too much. You're concerned about the worms not being able to breathe under the water yet you're willing to capture a fish by lodging a metal hook in its mouth, suffocate it once it's on dry land and then grill it and feed it to your family for dinner."
I replied, "Oh yeah...I guess you make a good point."
Then she said what I'm sure many people have been wanting to say to me for years now..."Honestly, Helene, sometimes I wonder how you've gotten this far in life..."
Memorable conversation of the day:
Bella: Mommy, what do you want for Mother's Day?
Me: Peace and quiet.
Bella: You know you're probably not gonna get that though, right?
Me: I know, I know. But I can still dream, can't I?
58 comments:
OH OH OH *wiping tears from my eyes* Thank you for this morning giggle.. I have a nephew a lot like this. Book smarts but not one lick of common sense..like your friends and family when 'those moments' come around, we are all left staring at him dumbfounded.
Great post...I have many moments like this too...except maybe not as bad as the Halloween one...that's pretty bad!
I'm pretty sure I've had moments like those, too, but I choose not to remember... okay? :)
Hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day.
hmmm, sounds very familiar.... lol, very funny!
:o oh wow! ;)
hope you got a little peace this weekend.
Hahaha. Well, common sense is overrated anyway. I'm sure I have plenty of those moments too, but none quite as entertaining as yours. ;) Hope you had a great Mother's Day.
I hate those moments.
I particularly enjoyed the sandwich story! I think I just enjoy thinking of you making a full sandwich, cutting it in half, then wondering what in the world you will do with the other half!
I'm the exact same way. Master's in counseling, but complete airhead at times (though my husband may delete those last two words).
Now that is priceless!!
I have to admit, I've did the "bread thing" once and felt like a complete idiot afterwards!
You still rock! ;-)
My sister is like you. She very book smart, but has no common sense. I wonder how she made it through life sometimes too!!
I took the first roll of self-stick stamps back to the post office, because they didn't have glue on them.
Please don't tell anyone.
That worm one? THE BEST. BEST>
Oo I would also love some peace and quiet.
It seems when the kids are actually quiet, then the cat starts acting up.
And this is why I love you. Haven't we all had these moments?
Totally sounds like something I'd say! My family makes fun of me all the time for doing the same type things! One time I dog sat my mom's dog. She told me to put him in his cage and cover him up when he went to bed. Which is what I tried to do but he wouldn't let me. The next day I was telling my mom what happened, and she just looked at me and said "I meant cover the cage, not the dog!" I'll never live that one down!
LOL! You are so funny. I just love your sense of humor! Have a great week lovely! XOXO Jessica
hahaha - priceless! I've had those moments too....what can I say, sometimes my brain just likes to embarrass me by shutting off.
Don't worry you have a good excuse :)
Your posts always make me laugh!
One of my daughters friends went into O' Reilly's one time after her headlight went out for headlight fluid and she was an honor student. Heeehehehe, it happens to the best of us sweetie! Somehow Bella was probably right huh? I bet your Mother's Day was anything but quite but I hope it was a blast anyway.
God bless ya and have a marvelous Monday!!!
Wow, that is all I can say wow.
I would so have a hay day with you. Love it. :)
LOL!! you made my day!!! I am cracking up.. I am the exact same way.. I always have.."issues" My mother's favorite line is.. You have a Master's degree?/ In what idiocy..LOL!!! read my story worst cook on my blog..Lol.. maybe we are sisters from another mother...lol hugs
Oh, girl, my husband is forever shaking his head at me and saying "Thank God you have book smarts."
Common sense? No.
Oh you are just too much!!!! I love that we all have these moments. I just can't remember mine, so I am more than happy to laugh at yours!
Yup, I know this feeling all too well . . . I've had an entire room go silent with all eyes on me after I've said something dumb and not even realized it.
You have a gorgeous family.
This post sounds exactly like my Ph.D. husband. =)
Following from MBC.
http://talesofthewife.blogspot.com
Ooh I have totally had those moments. Usually it is to be blamed on being up all night with a sick child. Little sleep makes you say crazy things. However there are some well rested times when something completely ridiculous comes out of my mouth. Happens to the best of us. Must be the mommy brain! LOL!!!
www.whenlifehandsyouabrokenheart.blogspot.com
DO NOT FEEL BAD! When other moms tell you they never have moments like this, they are lying. Stand back cuz one of these days the Holy lightning of God is gonna strike them down. We all have our moments Helene.
Helene - hysterical! Thanks for the laughs, mah-lady!!
Peace and quiet is over-rated! ;-) Keep the laughs coming!
You are so funny, Helene. This post is priceless and I feel less alone now that I know I'm not the only one who's one sandwich short of a picnic sometimes! I blame exhaustion, mommy brain, pregnancy brain, and sheer stupidity. LOL
great...love them all...especially the halloween one...Ok once I made a comment ...well 2... to my kids..."that bones are made of wood".(well arent they)...Lolol....and that no one ever landed on the moon...well I meant Mars... but they will never let me forget it....and Im sure neither will your hubs and friends...hahahaha..!
I love Natalies..that would have been me too...so funny..!
Oh sweet Helene...as they say in the South...bless your heart
tears are streaming down my face from laughter! I needed a pick me up today and boy did I get it! Thanks for letting me get a giggle at your expense:)
Oh, my dear Lord, Helene, I think we may have been separated at birth! I do this kind of thing all the time. Of course, now that I try to think of an example, I'm coming up blank.
Personally, I blame it on twins. Twice the hormones = twice the number of brain cells lost.
I asked a lady if her twins were identical or fraternal. Her twins were a boy/girl set.
Did you get your peace and quiet? Me either.
Oh my gosh, thank you so much for the laughs...I needed them! My sister is like you, but you keep us all entertained :)
Happy Belated Mother's Day!
Don't worry, I know how you feel. I am the same way and my husband has tons of stories to prove it. I too majored in Psychology...so much in common, but the earthworm story, that is hilarious!
LOL! We call those pyllis-isms in my house, after my aunt. Most recently: it was POURING rain out and she was in the car and said "my goodness, it must be really clear out! look how bright the moon is!"
It wasn't the damn moon, it was the light at the top of a water tower! BAHAHA
she also thought when the maximum security federal prison in southern indiana was being built that it was a holiday inn. Because holiday inn's have barbwired fences around them and all...
You crack me up, girl!
Another wake to make a half a sandwich? Fold it in half. The dad I work for was blown away when I did that one day making lunch. I thought everyone knew that trick!
funny! funny! funny! I hate to admit it, but I lack common sense & street smarts. A LOT.
You crack me up. I'm just like that. I have 3 degrees and yet I have to look at my hands to tell my left from my right, every time!
ROTF! My sister is just like you! She is book smart as well, but says the dumbest things sometimes.
Several years back, there was an ongoing argument between her and my Dad. He hated when he'd go to drive his car and the steering wheel was slimy or sticky with lotion. She would seriously swear up and down that she only put the lotion on her legs, not her hands! It took her years to get that one. Um, you have to put the lotion on your hands to get it onto your legs! LOL!
Another time, she was just learning to drive and she had a great idea. She was going to draw a picture on how to get to where she needed to be and include directions. My Mom said, "Heather, it's called a map! They've been around for years!"
Now I like to think of myself as book smart and common sense smart. LOL!
OMG! thanks SO much for the giggles at your expense :)
I have a 15 yr old that could be your intelluctual twin. LOL She is very book smart but says the same types of things... a recent comment from Gabi....
While looking at the Wii remotes, Gabi looked at the battery compartment and said: The battery shape looks strange.
My son, Alex: Isn't it meant to be double A?
Gabi: No, it's not double A. It's TWO A.
We often wonder how Gabi manages to walk down the stairs some mornings. LOL
ps In reality, I think you're brillant!
My step mom once told me that you are either smart or have common sense, but you can't have both. I now see that she is right. LOL, just kidding!!!
WOOHOO, so glad it's not just me!
I love that Bella!
Another reason why we should live closer - we could help each other out. My husband is completely amazed at some of the things I say. : ) Funny post.
We all have those moments. Mine lasted 5 years! When I first got married (young bride), every time I found something I was looking for my husband would say "it's always in the last place you look." Five years later it finally dawned on me as I said, "Of course, because once you find it you Stop Looking!" He laughed himself silly.
Hi Helene,
I left you a little somethin on my blog :)
I love this post and I can so relate. My favorite was the Earthworm and the idea of it not being able to breath underwater...
Bella's conversation with you was just too cute and made me smile!! I agree with you we must be able to wish!!
So darn funny and I can so relate. My favorites were the Earthworm breathing under water issue and the how to make half a sandwhich..so funny!!
Your conversation with Bella was so funny and I am with you we must be able to wish!!!
Oh that was just the best! I am laughing so hard you have no idea!
Thank you!
omg, that's hysterical....kenny once told me to stop wasting film in the digital camera...i mean he really doesn't get it.
OMG!!! This is the funniest blog I have read in a long time!!! I had an epiphany about surround sound not too long ago.
I was arguing with my husband about the center speaker. He wanted to put it in the center of the entertainment center. It didn't quite fit right, so I asked him to move it over some. He said "but it goes in the center". Then it all hit me.
In my defense, I am deaf in one ear... I just thought surround sound made everything louder! :o)
Oh Helen I wish you could fully understand how much this has made my day. You are so blessed, I am sure its a blast being the other person in these moments.
Such a great post, Helene.
Bella is such a witty cutie!
Hope your day is a great one!
Betty xx
*gigggle*
I guess I should not have read this at work.
I ran to the doctor for thinking I had a routine little infection and I got handed Diabetes for Mother's Day....I will never forget this one.
Priceless! Here, we call those "blonde" moments. *LOL*
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