You know how some people are what they call "book smart"? Well, that would describe me perfectly.
Am I "sensibly smart", though? Not exactly.
I have a MA in Psychology and I can diagnose a schizophrenic from miles away. However, when it comes to common sense...well, that's my downfall.
Need some proof? No problem...
Here are a couple examples from the past...
I once tried to convince my college roommates that eventually Halloween had to fall on Friday the 13th. Seriously, how cool would that be?!
They kept trying to burst my bubble by telling me it would NEVER happen. But I insisted that it would happen at least once in my lifetime.
Until one of them finally said, "Look, Halloween is always on October 31st, therefore it will never fall on the 13th. The day of the week it falls on will change but the actual DATE will NEVER CHANGE!"
Oh, yeah....I kind of forgot about that minor detail.
Then there was the time I told Tim I wished there were some way I could make Cole just half a sandwich with only using 1 piece of bread. He just stared at me, as if my boobs had suddenly inflated to twice the size of Dolly Parton's boobs.
In total disbelief, he said, "Tell me you're kidding".
I answered, "You know a way to make half of a sandwich with only using one piece of bread? Please enlighten me then, he-who-can't-boil-water".
He took one piece of bread, cut it in half and made "half" of a sandwich.
So it wasn't exactly one of my finer moments but my excuse is that I had been up the night before for 3 hours straight with 6-month old twins who were teething.
Now that you have those fine examples as proof, I'll bring you up to date on the latest...
The other day I was chatting with a friend of mine about taking the kids fishing and she had mentioned buying some worms at the bait shop near the marina.
I told her, "Oh, I probably don't need to buy any. We have plenty of worms in our garden in the backyard."
Then I quickly added, "But wait...I can't use those because they're earthworms."
She asked, "Why not? Worms are worms, aren't they?"
I answered, "Yeah, but these are EARTHworms. They won't be able to breathe under the water."
There was nothing but total silence on her part for a few seconds, and then I could've sworn I heard her trying to stifle back laughter.
When she could finally sputter out words without giggling, she exclaimed, "Are you serious?!"
I responded, "Yeah...what's the problem?"
I imagined her rolling her eyes as she explained, "Well, two things, actually. First of all, who cares if the worms can breathe under water because you'll be using them as FISH BAIT. HELLO....they're gonna die either way.
Second of all, the irony of the situation is too much. You're concerned about the worms not being able to breathe under the water yet you're willing to capture a fish by lodging a metal hook in its mouth, suffocate it once it's on dry land and then grill it and feed it to your family for dinner."
I replied, "Oh yeah...I guess you make a good point."
Then she said what I'm sure many people have been wanting to say to me for years now..."Honestly, Helene, sometimes I wonder how you've gotten this far in life..."
Memorable conversation of the day:
Bella: Mommy, what do you want for Mother's Day?
Me: Peace and quiet.
Bella: You know you're probably not gonna get that though, right?
Me: I know, I know. But I can still dream, can't I?
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