Monday, June 28, 2010

Things I learned while fishing with my kids...

Let me break it down for with the kids.

I'll start off by explaining that I have no pictures to share from Friday. Not a one.

Why not?

Well, I was too busy trying to prevent the kids from falling into the lake and from poking one another's eyes out with their fishing poles, as they ran around attempting to gouge each other with the poles and screaming, in their best Shrek impression, "I'm gonna eat the jelly from your eyes!"

My stepdad graciously decided to come along with us because he's the more experienced fisher. Plus, he was under the assumption that it would be fun. It was definitely fun...among other things.

We got to the lake around 9:30 am. The weather was cool and cloudy...perfect fishing weather. At least, that's what I kept telling the kids as they shivered in their short-sleeve shirts and shorts.

By 10:00 am, we had found the perfect spot...comfy chairs set up, fishing poles in the water, snacks in hand...

By 10:10 am, it began....the yelling, the screaming, the whining...the drama of it all.

"Where's all the fish?" one anxious child asked.

"I'm bored. When are we gonna catch a fish?" another impatient child complained.

"Good thing I brought my sucks!" yet another frustrated child declared.

Grandpa shook his head and tried his best to explain to his energetic and restless grandchildren that fishing takes patience...and lots of he grabbed a can of light beer from the cooler.

Apparently, you can have the patience of a saint when you have a 6-pack of beer on hand.

So here's what I learned in that entire 5 hours of fishing...

1) I haven't a clue what I'm doing when it comes to fishing.

Every single line I cast out got stuck in the rocks or the weeds in the water. At first, it was I'd try to reel in the line and feel light tugs, I'd bellow, "Hey guys, I think I've got a fish!"

After the 3rd time, the kids just shrugged, rolled their eyes and said, "No, it's not a fish. You're probably stuck in the rocks again".

Little pessimists.

2) Grown men will not give up a good fishing spot for the sake of letting a poor, innocent child catch her first fish.

Even when that child hollers, in the direction of the 3 grown men, "Stop hogging all the fish!"

3) Kids can make friends any where, any time and any place.

There was a father there fishing with his daughter, who at some point lost interest and came over to hang out with my kids. After the girl left, Bella and I had the following conversation:

Me: She seemed like a nice girl. What was her name?
Bella: I dunno.
Me: How old was she?
Bella: I dunno.
Me: Where does she live?
Bella: I dunno.
Me: How could you play with her for most of the day, yet you don't know one thing about her?
Bella: I dunno.

4) 1000 pounds of fish = 100 measly fish

The rumor going around the lake was that at around 2:00 pm, a truck would be coming by to plant 1000 pounds of fish near the boat ramp. So that's where we fished, while waiting for the 1000 pounds of fish.

Grandpa and I kept reassuring the kids that it would be EASY to catch a fish...they'd be hungry and biting. In my best Bubba Gump impression, I rattled off the dozens of ways we could prepare our fish for lunch...."there's fried trout, grilled trout, BBQ'd trout..."

The kids stared at me as if I had suddenly sprouted an arm from my forehead.

"Why are you talking like that?!" they demanded. They must have left their senses of humor at home.

The truck finally arrived and dumped the fish into the lake. Only it wasn't quite 1000 pounds of fish, as rumored to be. More like 100 fish, total. And they weren't exactly large enough to even come near 1000 pounds.

Even the kids were confused by the incorrect math.

Cole said, "I thought you said 1000 pounds...that was only 10 fish. Or maybe 12. I know cuz I counted".

I was left scratching my head as I said to the Fish and Game guy, "That's it? That's all there was? Man, that was SO disappointing".

He just looked at me, all if I had just repeated exactly word for word what his high school girlfriend had said to him behind the bleachers that one night after the football game.

5) If I want my 2 toddlers to finally be completely potty trained, I need to invest in a couple porta-potties.

Seriously, they were obsessed with the smelly out-houses at the lake. Every single time they'd witness someone coming out of one, they'd look at each other, smile and exclaim "that's SO cool".

How silly of me to think that a sparkly, clean-smelling indoor bathroom would seem more enticing.

6) Even though I was out in the middle of nowhere...tired, sunburned and thirsty...and even though we didn't catch ONE crummy little fish in the whole 5 hours we were there...I had the best time creating yet another wonderful memory with my kids.

As we drove back to my stepdad's house, the kids assured us that they did have a good time, though they were disappointed that they didn't catch any fish.

That's okay...we'll hit the trout farm when we're in Tahoe next month, like we did last year...where I know with 100% certainty they will all be able to catch a fish.

Hopefully the kids will bring their sense of humor this time. And I'll remember to pack myself a 6-pack of beer. Registered & Protected


Crossed Fingers said...

haha - thanks for the laugh today! I needed one. Sorry you didn't catch any fish but at least you made a memory!

Brooke said...

no pictures? i suppose i survived though ;) hilarious as usual.

Colton's Mommy said...

I remeber going fishing with my dad when I was younger and NEVER catching anything either. Patience was not my strong suite either so our fishing trips didn't last too long!!

Shell said...

Oh yes, I definitely think you need your own 6-pack!

My kids were obsessed with porta-potties, too. So gross.

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

Bo can meet a kid & play for hours, but all he will know about them is their age. He's all about the age!

Jen said...

*shudder* Port-a-potties.

Eva Gallant said...

What a great post! Loved it. so typical of kids. And the six-pack is a definite necessity in this situation!

Twins Squared said...

I'm laughing at the Bubba Gump voice! I can just see them all staring at you like you're from outer space! :) Glad y'all had fun but too bad no fish. I don't think I have the patience for fishing either. I'll let the men in the family teach the kids how to fish. Not that they (the men in my family) have any patience.

The Mother said...

If you came home with the same number of kids you left with, it was a success.

If they enjoyed the outing, to boot, it was an unqualified success.

pengboo said...

My boys are 16 and 18...and still have no patience when it comes to fishing. But at least they prefer a tree to a porta-potty.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you had a lot of fun. I've always thought fishing is just a male excuse for "staring at the water while reminiscing" without looking like a complete dork? Or, was that hunting?

But, what do I know!

Rebecca said...

"as if I had just repeated exactly word for word what his high school girlfriend had said to him behind the bleachers that one night after the football game." That's exactly the look I've been given mane times...hysterical!

We will forgive your lack of pictures for the anecdotes...truly entertaining!

Aging Mommy said...

Thank you for making me laugh - I have to say given your recent track record I was expecting tales of children in the water and more so you did really well to escape the entire day unscathed even if you didn't catch any fish! As you say, no matter, you had a wonderful day and created a wonderful memory of happy times with your kids. What could be better than that?

BigSis said...

So funny. I explained to my little guy this weekend that the fun is in the FISHING and that there's a reason it's not called CATCHING.

The Lane Family said...

This post brought back so many memories of fishing experiences I have had and listening to Aidan say the same things!!!

My favorite has to be abut the porta must be a boy thing. I hated and still hate those things but Aidan also gets excited when he sees one. Maybe the stench calls out to them :)

blueviolet said...

I'm sorry you didn't catch a darn thing, but those memories were totally worth it!

Missy (Two Little Monkeys) said...

Too funny! Fishing is just not for me.

Creative Junkie said...

I am going to give you a medal because no way in sheer hell am I going fishing, let alone with four little ones. I hate things that swim around in their own poo.

I'm talking about the fish, not the children.

Mom of twins! said...

I am laughing so hard as I read this because I can just of the patience it takes to fish, let alone kids fishing!

Wahzat Gayle said...

all I have to say is hats off to you
4 children and fishing is not my kettle of tea!
You are hilarious thank God for humour

Alicia said...

Kids are so funny!! And especially your kids!! LOL

They will remember this when they're older, and appreciate all the "fun" things you've done for them!

Zeemaid said...

waaaaaay too much fun. I think I'd be diving into that beer cooler after about 10 minutes of it. ;)

BTW I voted... for you. ;)

Erin said...

you definitely should've brought your own 6-pack. and I'm sad there aren't any pictures, though I can understand why.

you are so brave, helene. my kids are driving me bananas and i can barely keep my head on straight. i marvel at the things you attempt with FOUR of them.

Debbie said...

I'm so glad you had a good time. I've always struggled with being able to back off and let my kids win or do well at something. I am far too competitive.

Jenna said...

What a trip and no pictures, how could you, lol!! Sounds like fun memories sorry for no fish, but fun still was had, which is a good thing.

I keep remembering a story you shared last year about a fish and one of the boys wanting to whack it in the head, or something like that.

Stefenie said...

Wow!! I for sure needed a laugh and you pulled through for me! Thanks for that one!

This update brought back a lot of old memories for me going fishing with my dad.....and his six pack in tow. LOL!!

Donna said...

As many times as I went fishing with my dad and brothers, I remember it being EXTREMELY boring! But....I do, for some reason, remember those times with fondness! ;-)

Very brave of you to attempt that adventure, at all! [clap, clap]

..behind the bleachers....HILARIOUS!

...porta potties!?! WHO knew!? Dang - if we lived closer we could split the cost of renting one. I've tried replicating the BLUE water at home...just doesn't hold the same, um, er..."appeal" - wtf?

shortmama said...

And I bet it will be a great memory for or no fish!

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr

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