Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Dear Kids (commonly referred to as "spawn" but I'm trying to be nice here)...

Now that I've banished myself to the sofa on a voluntary time-out, I've had some time to think and I owe you all a huge apology for my behavior the other day. I acted like a huge jerk...a mother out of control, if you will.

While the morning went well, the afternoon left much to be desired.

As I was trying to get you all ready to to go the park, you were fighting with one another...yelling, screaming and flat out ignoring my requests. I was losing my patience quickly and I knew it.

Instead of taking a deep breath and counting to 10, I chose to open my mouth and say outloud whatever came to mind.

And once I started, it was hard to stop...

"I'm trying to get you ready to go to the park and I'm practically having to beg you to get your shoes on and whatnot. Trust me, you're not doing me any favors by LETTING me take you. Why do I always have to nag you guys to get ready to go somewhere..."

As if my words fell on deaf ears, you all continued to fight with one another...sometimes getting to the point of a physical brawl.

That angered me even more. And though my brain was screaming at me to quit while I was ahead, I continued to carry on.

"You know, sometimes I just want to run away...just pack my bags and leave. You all probably wouldn't care...or even notice, for that matter."

Still, the arguing continued to the point where I threw myself down on the sofa...physically and mentally giving up.

Then it became quiet...that must have been when you all noticed I wasn't chasing you around the house anymore, begging you to put on your shoes.
"Mommy," Bella had asked, "Aren't we leaving?"

I had answered, "What do you think I've been trying to do these last 10 minutes? I'm practically BEGGING you all to LET me take you to the park. Do you even realize how pathetic that is?? Why does it always come down to this?"

Now that I had your complete attention, I went in for the kill...

"What was God thinking when He made me a mother?! I'm obviously not cut out for this! Do you all think He realizes now what a huge mistake He made?" I screamed, completely out of control.

Oh yes, I went there. Once the words left my mouth, I knew the damage had been done.

Those are words you say to a girlfriend when you're venting about a tough day with the kids....or a play-by-play you give your husband when he comes home from a day at work and makes the mistake of asking how your day went.

Those are not the words one should ever say to her kids...never.

However, I am only human and I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that there are times when I wonder what God saw in me, as far as strength and patience, when He thought I'd make a great candidate to raise two sets of twins.

During my struggle with infertility, I had envisioned having a beautiful family, all of us holding hands and sprinting through the lovely green grass on rolling hills, singing songs as if we were straight out of The Sound of Music...

...and I dreamed you all would thank God every night in your prayers for choosing me as your mother.

That's not reality, though.

For me, reality is having to repeat myself over and over again until I finally have your full attention, cleaning up the same messes continuously, cooking for little people who scream "eeewww" at the very sight of something green on their plate, wiping snotty noses and kissing owies.

By that same token, reality is also having my cheeks smothered with wet, sloppy kisses numerous times a day, hearing whispered "I love you's" each night before bedtime and the sound of true belly laughs which fill our home with nothing but pure joy and happiness.

Reality is this...

DSCN0750

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G & L waterfront

...spending my days and nights with four precious children.

It's clear that God knew what He was doing when He chose me to be your mother. Yes, He definitely did.

All my life one of my biggest challenges has been lack of patience. And what better way for me to learn about restraint and composure than delivering four of His most energetic and spirited little angels directly into my arms.

So, I messed up....I had a bad day. I'm sorry. I was frustrated with your behavior and the manner in which I chose to deal with it was not only embarrassing but it was uncalled for.

You all have to meet my halfway, though. When I ask you to do something, please just do it...don't ignore me or make me chase after you repeatedly.

I know we can't erase what's happened already but we can officially declare it as a "do over".

Love you guys so much!

Signed,

Your very tired, but loving mother...who's never too proud to admit when she's made a big mistake

* Thank you to everyone who showed their support and encouragement in reference to Tuesday's blog post! You all are nothing short of AMAZING!!!!

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43 comments:

The Boob Nazi said...

Kids sound so fun. haha

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

That's what being a mommy is really all about. I don't know a mom that hasn't had a moment. I bet even Carol Brady wanted to scream, "You little brats, if it weren't for Alice, this house would be a pig sty!" You're blessed to have 4 babies to love.

Twins Squared said...

We all have those moments. I screamed at all my kids today too. I told them I was so tired of having to sit underneath sick children for two weeks straight. And yes, we built up to that. I think the great thing here is that you are humble enough to go back to your children and like you said, admit when you are wrong. They will respect that and recognize that you have a real relationship, not just one of blind authority. I'm like you - not very patient and neither is my husband. I guess we just keep trying and growing on our personal journeys.

singedwingangel said...

Sweetie I have said that.. wait I have actually done it. I grabbed my purse, my keys and I got in the cat and drove off. Without my kids.Granted they are much older and were not in any danger, Daddy was home and asleep on the chair, oblivious to my mental breakdown. He awakened to find 3 very upset boys tellinghim I had run away..He called my cell phone and said" hun are you okay"
I said ' does it LOOK like I am ok.. I just need 20 minutes where I don't hear screaming and back talk and fighting. I need some time to breathe is that too much to ask. I don't recall making these kids myself ya know.."
I came home about 30 minutes later and they were much calmer.. and very sorry. But I felt like a heel for walking out.. I totally get it..

Buckeroomama said...

You are so right that God gives us kids to teach us about patience! :)

Dysfunctional Mom said...

We all need do-overs sometimes.
But I have to ask, did you really imagine you all skipping around holding hands??
HA HA HAH! SUCKAH!! LOL

Acting Balanced Mom said...

Hugs hun! I'm totally all for the mom do over... and the mom time out...

hopefully after the time out, they were more willing to head where you wanted them to...

Missy (Two Little Monkeys) said...

We have all been there. I have apologized too when I said something mean and luckily, kids are sweethearts who take the apology and move on like nothing ever happened

varunner said...

Sometimes it's just so hard to hit the mute button on all the frustrated thoughts in the head. You definitely aren't alone! So sorry you had a rough day.

Annie @ astonesthrowfrominsanity said...

Are you sure that you didn't tape record that same rant coming from me on Monday afternoon? Seriously, don't be too hard on youself. We have all been there! :)

Evonne said...

I've had many crazy days where what I saw goes in one ear and out the other. I've also said things I wish I could take back.

A few weeks ago I did grab my purse and just leave. My husband was home and I wasn't gone long, but I just had to get out!

Shell said...

Oh, I so have those days- like almost every day.

Brooke said...

they are cute little things aren't they? but i'm too much of a realist and can see past their sweet little smiles ;) i don't know how you do it. i think you're allowed a mistake or two.

Menopausal New Mom said...

We all have moments like that, even with just one child. How you manage 4 at once, I'll never know.

Just keep blogging, what a great place to vent!

Deb

The Ninja said...

I have so been there done that! And, the funny thing is...if you ask my kids if I scream at them or say inappropriate things to them, they will say no!

Heather said...

It's so odd how our picture of how it should be is totally not what it is! I'm such an impatient person too, and there will inevitably be times that we all mess up. Thankfully, we can apologize. Isn't it amazing the pictures we had during those infertility times???

Life is Like a Box of Chocolates said...

We all have moments we are not so proud of.

The other day my one daughter, after brushing her teeth, decided to spit the toothpaste out on the vanity top instead of in the sink after I asked her not to do that. I really lost my cool with her!

I don't like screaming at my children. I avoid doing it at all cost. But her timing was terrible. They've been difficult all morning and uncooperative all the time. And I am a neat freak on top of everything else.

I think the most important thing though is that you do apologize to your kids when your behavior was unacceptable. I think kids understand that you are just human and do make mistakes, but they need to know that you can acknowledge that and apologize for it. After all we do expect that of them. And we are setting the example they all follow at the end of the day.

blueviolet said...

The very fact that you can write this post and be so honest is wonderful. We've all had those moments when we wonder if we're cut out for it or if the kids even deserve us. It's part of life and the moments do pass and all is balanced again. I've been reading long enough to know you and your heart and your love for those children is infinite. :)

The Mother said...

Eh.

Don't worry, they will not be sitting on a psychiatrist's couch in 15 years complaining about the day their mom lost it and yelled at them. Promise. Kids don't remember this stuff in a week, let alone 15 years.

I lost it fairly often with my crew. Now I have great relationships with all of them. Now that they are FAR LESS ANNOYING.

Eva Gallant said...

Don't be too hard on yourself! I had only half as many kids as you and lost it more than once, believe me! But my boys survived, grew up to be awesome men and Dads, and your kids will be awesome, too. Because you love them as much as you do. That always comes through in the end.

♥Georgie♥ said...

I completely appreciate your honesty! and boy could I relate on so many levels...

Your a Great mom!

Megan said...

Oh, I have SOOOOO been there. You're doing a fabulous job and your kids are lucky to have you. I hope they go easier on you today.

We live in a Zoo! said...

Yep, sounds like a day at my house.
The nice thing about kids is they are very forgiving, even though us Mommy's lose it once in a while they still love us. And even though they make us lose it once in a while we still love our children.
Yep, God definitely knew what he was doing... ;D

Crossed Fingers said...

Ah a peek into the future! We're the last to have kids in our group of friends so I've watched all of the parents struggle with the same fights, have the same complaints. It's good to have "role models" and know that it's totally normal!

Amy W said...

Oh dear. Well, there's nothing to do but apologize and move on. Probably scarred you more than them anyway. :) I meant to comment on Tuesday's post too. I had NO IDEA that a hemangioma could get that large or be that destructive. My older daughter had one at the top of her forehead (about the size of a lima bean) as a baby and the dr. said it would go away by the time she was in kindergarten and it did.

shortmama said...

I have certainly had my moments, as Im sure all moms have, where I said horrible things that I later regretted. You are human and we make mistakes!

MiMi said...

Awww, this is a beautiful post.
God does know what He is doing, even when we don't. I guess we can always trust that.
I'm sure those moments we are frustrated with our kids are the exact times that He is testing us.
Sadly, I think a lot of times, we fail.
However, He still loves us.
And your kids do too. They do. :)

Mighty M said...

Next time give them 2 or 3 warnings, then after that either don't go or just yank them to the park without shoes. They will quickly learn to cooperate.

Sounds good in theory, right? I plan to try that out too.....just as soon as I get done nagging and begging with them. :)

lilscorpiosweetie79 said...

I can feel your pain. It takes someone really special to be a mom and for that I am grateful that God chose me. I totally understand the bad day. I had one the other day and I felt so trampled. It also takes someone special to admit when they are wrong. I have to swallow my tongue most days because I do like to say the first thing that pops into my head.

Yes we are all human and make mistakes and I am glad to know that our kids get to see us be human instead of robots.I think it grounds them to reality knowing that mom isn't a superhero no matter how many boo boos we kiss or hearts we mend together because someone broke them. As mothers we shouldn't be the ones to hurt our loves but its a sad truth when we are the ones to hurt those we love.

Apologizing is the glue that binds us back together. Thankfully it heals as well as binds and I bet you felt better after having calmed down to make amends.

Hugs.

Jen said...

Been there, done that. Said I was sorry. Then ice cream made it all better for the kids, not so much for mommy.

Aging Mommy said...

We have all been there and honestly, from time to time I think there is something actually good about it as it shows our children we are human, we have our moments just as everyone they will meet in life does and if we acknowledge we did wrong and say sorry then they see how important that is too and learn from it.

MandyE (Twin Trials and Triumphs) said...

My heart hurts for you, reading the first part of this post. Just know we all get to that boiling point at times. We put so much pressure on ourselves to do everything just right...to shape and mold and challenge and engage and discipline and reward our children the best way we know how. That is a tremendous amount of pressure, and sometimes one.more.whine makes us just want to throw our hands up and run away. :)

I know you've already taken your deep breaths and regained your composure. When I have these such moments, I just try to grow from them...and move on. It's crystal clear just from your blog how deeply you love your children...you're an awesome mommy... :)

Hope you have a great weekend, and maybe get a little time for yourself...it does us all good!

Creative Junkie said...

Helene, I've had more of those moments than I care to remember. It happens to the best of us and it's a natural byproduct of being a mom. Don't sweat it. You're a great mom and one day, your kids are going to appreciate it!

Live.Love.Eat said...

Hi there! I sure hope I replied to your sweet comment to me back in June! I was on hiatus for awhile there.

Anyway, don't be so hard on yourself. You are allowed to make mistakes and say the wrong thing sometimes. I do too, and I only have 1 child! So kudos to you!!!!

Nezzy said...

Honey, there hasn't been a 'perfect mother' that has every walked the face of the earth that hasn't had their share of meltdowns and uncensored words flow forth. You have more pressure than most with two doubles. Flip side of that is double the love and double the fun. You are blessed and your children are blessed to call you mom.

Ya'll have a delightfully blessed weekend!!!

debi9kids said...

Helene... you are only human and can't expect yourself to be perfect. We all say things we regret at some point in time to our kids. It's just what we do after we realize it's done.... well done seeing it and knowing it wasn't your best moment.

Zeemaid said...

been there done that. I don't know how many times I've sat down and cried because I didn't handle something the way I should have. I guess it's all part of parenting...

Thank goodness tomorrow is always a new day and they really do love us!

Mrsbear said...

We all have our good days and our bad days. Cliche, I know. But after a day of relentless sibling wars, I know, it has taken all of my restraint at times to keep from walking out of the house with just the clothes I have on and just continue walking until I hit the ocean. You're amazing and they know that, and the fact that they're so boisterous and happy means you're doing a good job. ;)

"Cottage By The Sea" said...

We've all 'gone' there, believe me. Just remember when you're overwhelmed that, love is a verb. You are doing the most important job on earth and it will go by very fast. It doesn't seem like they even notice you're there but later on, even during the teen years they start to recall things (usually the good things) you did and were there for. For example, my 19 year old told me recently when some trashy thing came of TV and he changed the channel without me saying a word. "Don't worry mom, your words are always in my head. You're my conscience. And by the way, thanks for that.) It really does all turn out good in the end. All that work pays off and on the days you think it won't, just tell them what I did all their lives, "if I didn't act this way what would you have to bitch about to your therapist when you grow up!" Amen to that.

Monkeys Mommy ♥ said...

Been there too! And like you I have the infertility background...but it doesn't mean we aren't entitled to some bad moments. We still love them like crazy, even when they drive us to the brink of crazy! You are a great Mommy!

Two Normal Moms said...

You know that you've made lots of other moms feel less guilty knowing others have been there, too, right? Myself included. :-)

Ally

The Lane Family said...

I have not been to your blog for awhile....sickness, summer busy...I know just excuses :) But I have missed it and this blog is just what I needed to read.

I am so glad to know I am not the only one who loses it and says not nice things and then feels bad afterwards. I too spend time in mommy time out someday's. I also wonder....why must you fight constantly..there is plenty of room for everyone and TONS of toys..really!!

I also liked the part about patience. I tell people that I honestly used to pray for more patience as a mom when I just had Aidan...so then I got twins the next time...got the message loud and clear!!!

WDIBMM said...

Wow. I admire your honesty. It gets really tough sometimes with little ones, and girl I don't know how you do it with 4...

You may have had a rough day together, but those kids know you love them.

:-)

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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