Monday, August 30, 2010

There are some things I may never fully comprehend...

...and I'm okay with that.

Such as....

1) why whenever I get sick it happens to be during the work week but when Tim gets sick it's ALWAYS on a weekend.

You know, the two days a week he's actually available to help me with the kids. How's that for perfect timing?

2) why the kids continously ask me to help them with things while I'm trying to cook dinner, as Tim snoozes on the sofa in the next room.

3) why when I'm talking to Tim, he never hears a word I say yet when I'm on the phone with a friend and he just happens to be in another room, he'll hear every word I say....and feels compelled to chime in with his opinion, repeatedly.

4) why, at the ripe old age of 41 years old, I laugh like a little child any time my kids fart.

As if that isn't bad enough, Bella was trying to tell me something that the "yard duty" person said to her last week and I couldn't stop giggling.

She said, "What's so funny?"

I answered, "You said 'duty'".

With her hands on her hips, she shook her head in disbelief and said, "Seriously, Mommy?"

5) why Landon has a Boston accent even though he's never visited the east coast.

He's constantly telling me to "pak the cah ovuh they-uh" and asking for a "cuppa watuh".

6) why I still get embarrassed watching sex scenes on tv with Tim (not porn, people...think Weeds and True Blood).

7) how on earth I could possibly miss this growing in my garden...



I check that damn plant every single day and never saw that mother of a zucchini until just yesterday.

8) why my husband is the world's biggest pervert.

Upon showing him the giant zucchini and shrieking, "What the hell am I supposed to do with THAT?", he raised his eyebrows and answered, "Well, I can think of a couple uses for it..."

Good God, how can his brain manage a twisted comeback to that when all the blood in his body is trapped down south in his penis?

9) why I find it kind of creepy that Bella is in love with my friend's 16-year old son but when Landon told me he wanted to marry this same friend's 5-year old son, I exclaimed, "Awwww, that's SO sweet".

Upon informing my friend about this, she, too, thought it was absolutely adorable. Our husbands...not so much.

10) why Bella, at only 5 years old, has way more confidence than I do.

For me to get in a bathing suit and go to the neighborhood pool is downright painful.

But she happily throws on a bikini and some strappy sandals (with heels, mind you) and, at a party, confidently struts herself in front of my friend's 16-year old son...you know, the one she has a crush on.

When I told Bella that Anthony's girlfriend was at the party, too, she shrugged her shoulders and answered non-chalantly, "I don't care".

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50 comments:

Buckeroomama said...

Aha, so that`s the accent that Z has! I just couldn`t place it.! She also says things the way Landon says them!

I absolute heart Bella! :)

beemii said...

Man you always make me laugh...honestly I think all men have that problem with twisted answers. And your daughter too cute....

beemii said...

Man you always make me laugh...honestly I think all men have that problem with twisted answers. And your daughter too cute....

beemii said...
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Eva Gallant said...

My hubby doesn't hear anything until I get on the phone, either. Then he adds his two cents every 2 seconds!

smArtee said...

Oh Helene..these are perfect...I can so relate to each and every one...but the ones about the Hubs really irk me the most...figures..BwHahahahah..!

Jenna said...

I love these and have to absolutely agree with #3, that is my hubs too.

Love Bella, I so have to meet you and the kiddos some day!

Nobodys Nothings said...

boys stop being cute around 10-12 years old. after that, they're just infuriating.... especially if they have anything to do with your little girl. even just indirectly. ;)

men are also impossible. would you believe, one of our household rules is "no farting around daddy"? it's actually rather comical... it's his "thing". you know, that one thing he just can't stand. *sigh* yes, men are impossible.

Nezzy said...

Men are born with sex on the brain and selective hearin', they're just twisted that way. Go figure!

I love Landon's little Bostonian accent...too cute. Now that Bella...I just love that girl!

God bless and have a glorious day! :o)

Heather said...

LOL @ Bella! She is such a character!

The Boob Nazi said...

True Blood's sex scenes make me feel awkward just watching them by myself!

Marianne said...

That's my girl, Bella! You work what your momma gave ya!

God willing, her confidence will remain intact as she gets older and even assholes like BFF can't break her down.

I request video of Landon's Boston accent, please.

Oh, I have a seriously delicious recipe for zucchini bread. Let me know if you want it :)

Shell said...

It drives me insane that my kids ask ME for something when I'm busy and dh is just watching tv.

And my dh can take anything and turn it into something dirty. And I'm so used to his humor that I just laugh.

Creative Junkie said...

Had Nate seen that vegetable, he would have had a very similar reaction but then he would have followed it up with an in depth analysis as to how he compared to it.

Kristina P. said...

Men are the perpetual 12 year-old boys.

purseblogger said...

Okay, first of all, there is NO WAY you are 41.
#'s 2 and 3, I so am with you there. My hubby never listens to me but when he hears me talking to a friend, he's right there chiming in. Ugh!
LOL at your hubby.

MamaHen Em said...

Ah Monday morning and you never disappoint! Starting my day with a laugh, thanks to you (who is not even close to being 41!) and your hilarious wit! Well, and the husband and kids who give you the material! ha ha!

Six Feet Under Blog said...

I can relate to those as well!

McKenzie said...

This post made me laugh! Hilarious post.

Crossed Fingers said...

hahaha - per usual you have me cracking up. Send the zucchini my way - I love to grill it as a side dish! I also did a zucchini cupcake once - it was pretty good! :) I also grate it into omlettes sometimes as well.

Jayme said...

I am so glad I'm not the only one who has the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy!

MiMi said...

I'm with Jayme!! :) LOL
3,4, and 6 are all me too. I think we're separated at birth!

Rebecca said...

Seriously...are our husbands related!?! He would have been so quick with a phallic comment with that zucchini it would make my head spin...then he'd have a good use for a spinning head too!

I laugh at farts too...hysterically. I will have THOSE children!

shortmama said...

I will never ever evah understand my hubs perverted brain...Im scared to honestly

Rhiannon said...

:-) haha luv it! and i tottaly feel you on every one of them, except the boston accent, my son things he's chinese!
Great laugh on a monday! thanks for sharing

Megella said...

Oh my God that's an awesome phallus of a veggie. Nice gardening.

And I thought, "Ha. She said "'duty'." right before you then said, "You said duty".

Nice.

blueviolet said...

What is it with men and their need to chime in like that? We should just tell them to pick up an extension already or heck, just take the call themselves.

ashley said...

I LOVE your kids! Seriously- I laugh out loud almost every single day as I read your posts. They're a riot!

Jen said...

I don't care how old I get, farting is always going to be funny.

brotherlyloveejkp said...

My son sports and English accent from time to time... Perhaps he lived there in a past life??
I love that Bella called you out on the "duty" thing. It's great when we can imbarass the kids on purpose!!

Donna said...

I'll give ya an "Amen, sista!" on #3! Right with ya on the farting. It's always a show stopper for us!

Too weird - Austin's got a big ol northern accent, too - quite comical. Is Landon your cross-dresser, too? Austin is mine.
;-)

LOVE Bella's confidence!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Ah yeah! I hear you on several of those myself! Except the growing thingie. I don't garden!!

Elizabeth said...

Bella you go girlfriend!
Helen I too wonder at the male brian. It is actually amazing that they acheive so much when so little blood flow actually goes to the thinking organ.
Great Post.

hangeng said...
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The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

Landon and Sarah do the same thing with the accent! It is SO funny! I keep trying to push my scandanavian accent on her and I say stuff like "Ufda" and "dontchaknow" but it doesn't work.

I am sorry I haven't been around. This summer was not as good as I hoped not to mention I have been having epic technical trouble with my blog that I finally fixed last night!

I have missed reading you.

The Mother said...

Most of those things can be explained in one simple mathematical formula:

Murphy's Law.

(BTW: the sex scenes on True Blood may be as close to porn as you can get away with on tv. Never seen a show that revels so deliciously in sex and gore, often in the same scene.)

Erin said...

I need Bella's confidence, too!

ANd you're right about True Blood. Those sex scenes are HAWT!

Kaci said...

HAHA!! I love your blog! I haven't laughed this hard in a long time!

Thanks for stopping by ImPossible!

Cascia said...

You make me laugh all the time too and your blog is the first one that I've visited this morning so I'm off to a good start!

My kids do silly things like you mentioned too and I love the stories about your husband. Some of them sound familiar.

Karen Peterson said...

I told someone recently that I'm part 12-year-old boy. I swear the dumbest, most idiotic things make me giggle like you wouldn't believe.

Bella has that much confidence because you've taught her to believe in herself, and because she hasn't learned differently from the world. Keep that going! She's too beautiful and amazing not to know it.

Kim said...

Giggling at "duty" reminds me of a time years, before kids, when my husband and I were visiting his sister's family. They took us to their church, which was this very grand and somber CATHEDRAL (literally, a cathedral!) and the pastor's entire sermon was about doing your duty.

Of course, my husband had to lean over and whisper to me, "Just don't do your duty on the sidewalk," which led to me trying not to laugh . . . and the harder I tried to control myself, the worse it got, and then my husband started laughing. We were both trying not to crack up, but our shoulders were shaking and little snorts were escaping. It was just so embarrassing, and yet hilarious.

Marie said...

Hi there...came by from The Things I Can't Say Wednesday meme...I'm your newest follower.

Two sets of twins...wow. God really does have a sense of humour. I think it's fascinating though...would love to read more about your busy lifestyle.

Marie
The Things We Find Inside

Missie said...

Have a good rest of your week!

Nanny said...

LOL! Stop by I have an award for you
http://naughtymommyreviews.blogspot.com/2010/09/i-was-awarded.html

LucidLilith said...

Your kids are just so smart and funny. I say hoorah for confidence. she got it from her momma.

Missy (Two Little Monkeys) said...

I know...
Men and their minds. My husband is the same way.
Love Bella strutting - where is the pic? She is such a cutie!
You are so funny - I know I say that like every comment but you are!

Holly at Tropic of Mom said...

I think your husband and mine were separated at birth.

Also? Sometimes I burp to make my kids laugh. But you didn't hear it from me.

Bella is quite a character!

WarriorTherapyMom said...

I hear ya on the sick thing. That always happens with us as well. I am sick and still taking care of the kids, but he is sick and I am taking care of him and the kids......

♥Georgie♥ said...

LOL...oh Helene you always make me giggle! I think our hubbys might be related... =)

Kristen @ ladybug-blessings.com said...

so I have tried to comment for the last 5 minutes and it won't let me, hopefully this goes through! Anyway, can Bella get anymore adorable? Honestly, how cute is that she has a crush on a 16 yr old! I mean, wouldn't be that cute if she was 12 but it is now :)

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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