About a week ago, I was driving Garrett and Landon to school and became distracted by all the noise in the car. As I was attempting to pull alongside the curb to park, I underestimated how much space I would need and ended up hitting a parked Jeep.
No one saw me do it....well, except for the kids. At first, they were convinced I had hit a garbage can, which was nowhere to be seen and left me wondering what Tim had mixed into their milk that morning, besides raspberry Quik.
As calmly as possible, I explained to them, "Mommy hit that car right there so I need to leave the owner of the car a note with my contact information".
Right as they were about to enter the classroom, I gently yanked them back and said, "Alright, guys...there's no need to repeat anything I said to your teacher or your friends, okay? Especially those....uh, colorful words I used back there when I hit the car".
Garrett asked, "You mean when you said 'oh shit'?"
"Yes, exactly...just pretend I didn't say that word," I pleaded with my 3-year old, who apparently is wise beyond his years.
He argued, "But you DID say it."
So, wait...let me get this straight. The kids thought I had hit an imaginary garbage can but they were absolutely positive they had heard me say the word shit.
Of course they did. They'll just store it in their little brains to be used at an inopportune time...like at Thanksgiving dinner when we're going around the table reciting what we're each thankful for or when someone tosses a candy bar they don't like into their bag on Halloween.
I sighed. "Okay, remember how I'm always telling you guys to do as I say, not as I do?"
The spawn nodded their small heads.
"Well," I continued. "Now, I'm asking you to do as I DO,NOT as I say. Remember that even though I hit that car out there, I'm doing the right thing by taking responsibility for it. Got it?"
Continuing to nod their heads, they spoke up in unison, "Yep".
As they both walked into the classroom, I feared the worst.
"Good morning, boys. How are you today?" I imagined their teacher asking.
"Our mom said shit!" Garrett would announce proudly.
"Yeah, she said it THREE times too," Landon would add, gleefully.
I held my breath as their teacher strolled towards us, with a smile on her face.
She greeted them, "Good morning, boys! Make sure to go wash your hands before you start an activity!"
Oh thank God! She didn't ask how they were...for as luck would have it, if she had, they surely would've thrown me under the bus.
Trust me, I don't refer to them as "spawn" just because I'm entirely evil.
After kissing them both goodbye and pleading with them one last time to forget all about Mommy's wildly expressive language and to recall how Mommy is doing the right thing, I walked out to where my mini-van was parked, still in front of the side-swiped Jeep, and surveyed the damage.
There was more damage to the Jeep than there was to ours, which I was thankful for. Our mini-van is covered in scratches and minor dings, while this Jeep was in perfect shape....well, until I hit it.
I jotted down my profuse apologies on a piece of paper along with my contact information and left it under the windshield.
Upon returning home and telling Tim what had happened, he said, "But no one saw you...so why did you leave a note?"
I stammered, "Because it was the right thing to do. Plus, I had the kids with me so it was good for them to see me take responsibility".
He shook his head and said, "Well, I wouldn't have left a note".
Becoming upset, I responded, "You know, every time you see a ding on one of our cars, you become outraged. Wouldn't it have been nice any of those times for someone to leave us a note with an apology? Just because someone does something shitty to you, doesn't mean you have to continue the cycle. Do the right thing for once...it's karma. It'll either be good to you or it'll bite you in the ass."
You think he sat there, nodding his head in complete agreement with me?
Well, you'd be wrong. He had already put his earphones back in his ears and was intently staring at the computer screen in front of him, having tuned me out probably a good 4.7 seconds prior.
It's all good, though. Next time he whines to me about how rude other people are, I'll gently remind him that karma's a bitch.
There's that and the fact that a few minutes later, I asked him if he was in the mood for a quickie. The sly grin on his face, as well as the horny gleam in his eyes, spoke volumes.
He turned his chair towards me and asked, "Here or in the bedroom?"
"I was just simply ASKING if you were in the mood. I wasn't offering. Sorry for the confusion," I teased.
A few hours later, a woman called my cell phone and explained that she was the owner of the Jeep. She's a librarian at Garrett and Landon's school and she had parked on the street that day in a hurry when the staff parking lot was full.
"I'm so sorry...you have no idea. And then you come out of school after a long day with the kids and see what I've done to your car...I'm just so sorry", I whined.
Then this sweet lady, whose car I hit, thanked me. Yes, she thanked me...for leaving a note.
She said, "Not many people would have done that. I really appreciate that you took the time to do that. So thank you..."
I gave her my insurance information, all the while imagining Tim lecturing me about how much more our insurance is going to cost us. I'll get back at him by reminding him that I'm not the one who gets speeding tickets.
Later that day, Garrett and Landon were all too eager to fill Cole and Bella in on all the excitement which had happened earlier in the day.
Bella asked, "Really, Mommy? You hit a car?!"
Cole added, "Oh man. That totally bites!"
I declared, "Yes, it's true...but what I want you all to take away from this is that as hard as it is to admit when you've done something wrong, it takes a bigger person to stand up and take responsibility for her actions. If there's anything I want you to learn from this experience, it would be THAT".
In a perfect world, this would be the end of the story. But, alas, we all know the world is an imperfect place....or, at the very least, my home is.
Garrett said, "We're not supposed to tell anyone that Mommy said shit."
Not to be outdone, Landon pointed out, "And she said it more than once!"
With his arms crossed over his chest, Cole asked, "Are you going to take responsiblity for THAT?"
Geez, who died and made him Phil McGraw?
OM and Ohms
1 day ago