Thursday, October 7, 2010

It was a total Silence of the Lambs moment...

thesilenceofthelambs_releaseposter

Two nights ago, Bella awoke Tim from a deep sleep, muttering something to the effect of, "Big brown thing....on my face....I'm scared...."

Too tired to investigate, he let her sleep on the sofa with him. 

At this point, you may be wondering why Tim sleeps on the sofa.  Short version....he snores and refuses to go to the doctor to resolve it, I booted him from sleeping in our room at night. 

Back to the story, in the morning, Bella runs into my room where I'm getting dressed and begins shouting at me. 

"Mommy, I was so scared last night.  This huge brown thing landed on my face when I was sleeping!"

I asked, "Really?  What did it look like?"

With wide eyes and animated hands moving a mile a minute, she explained, "Well...(clucks tongue), I was sleeping and (takes a deep breath) something tickled my chin (clicks tongue).  So (another deep breath), I looked around and saw this BROWN thing and it was flying (clicks tongue)...."

"Okay, Bella...seriously, I have to finish getting ready.  Can you tell me the story without all the pausing and tongue clucking?" I asked, frantic to get my eyelashes curled without poking my eyeballs out.

She looked at me for a couple seconds, clucked her tongue again and said, "I'll try to keep it simple for you."

Oh, why thank you, your royal highness, for keeping it simple for us dumb folks who lost numerous amounts of brain cells during pregnancy.

Waving her hands in the air, she began, "So like I said, this brown thing was flying and it landed on my face.  I mean, my chin.  Well, my chin is on my face (clucks tongue)."

She paused and raised her eyebrows, as if to say, "You following me??"

I nodded my head, practically pleading with her telepathically to get a move on with the story.

The drama continued...."I woke up and I saw it flying in front of me.  It landed on my chin.  I tried to slap it but it flew away.  It looked like a butterfly but it was brown.  It was HUGE!"

Trying to stifle the laughter which threatened to pour out of my mouth, I said, "It sounds like maybe it was a moth".

"A moth?" she asked, crossing her arms in front of her chest as if she was preparing to debate with me over this unknown flying object.

"Yes, a moth.  Moths are brown AND they're attracted to light.  Since you and Cole insist on sleeping with the light on in your room, it was probably hanging out in there when you went to sleep," I offered, hoping this would be the end of it.

Bella replied, "Well, whatever it was it freaked me out.  Can you look for it and get rid of it?".

"Sure," I promised.

With that, she went off to school and that was the end of it.

Until that night, as I tucked her into bed...she inquired, "Mommy, did you find the brown thing that flew on my face last night?"

"Shit," I muttered to myself.

I fibbed, "You know, I looked all over the place and I didn't see a thing!  So, you see, there's nothing to worry about."

She squinted her eyes at me briefly, while she considered what I had just told her.

"Are you sure?" she challenged back.  I nodded my head and responded, "Absolutely sure".

About an hour later, I heard screaming coming from their room, "Mommy, Mommy....it's back!  The brown thing is back!"

I ran upstairs in time to see.... positively nothing at all.  The "brown thing" was nowhere in sight.

"It was on me...on my mouth!  It flew right in front of me and landed on my mouth!!!!" she bellowed, sitting up straight on the top bunk. 

Because I couldn't help myself, I said, "Okay, Clarice....I don't see anything in here flying around.  No signs of butterflies, moths, whatever.  Maybe you're just imaging things in your sleep...like dreaming."

Not only was she tired, but now Bella was also annoyed. "So you think I was just dreaming that a huge brown thing landed on my mouth?!"

"Uh, yeah," I answered.  "I don't see anything flying around in here or in the hallway.  I honestly think you just dreamed it".

I knew what was coming next as her eyes practically bulged out of her head and she groaned, "Two nights in a row?  That's impossible...and who's Clarice?"

"Never mind," I grumbled.

I tucked her back in to bed and said, "I really don't think there's anything flying around in here...try to go back to sleep now, okay?"

As both she and Cole laid back down, I whispered, "It places the lotion in the basket..."

"WHAT?!" they both asked. 

"It's a movie reference, just couldn't help myself...now, go to sleep!" I responded.

As I walked out of the room, I heard Cole ask Bella, "Why does she want us to put lotion in a basket?"

The next morning as I came down the stairs, Bella was waiting for me...."So, the flying brown thing was just a dream, huh?"

Oh for God's sake...

She pointed to the kitchen garbage and said, "Look at THAT!"

People, I present you with Exhibit A...proof that the "flying brown thing"  truly did exist.

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Tim explained, "Last night, I was watching tv and I kept hearing a fluttering sound and sure enough I turned on the light and there it was....that brown moth flying around so I managed to kill it."

Next thing I knew, I was surrounded by a bunch of tiny angry people staring me down as if I had just committed the crime of the century.

"Well," I stammered.  "I never actually saw it myself.  I honestly thought Bella had imagined it."

Clucking her tongue yet again, it was obvious Bella was infuriated with me. 

"I tried to tell you the truth and you didn't believe me.  AND you called me Clarice!!"

Attempting to throw some humor in to the mix, I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Maybe it was looking for the lotion..."

Tim began to double over with laughter but the kids just continued to stare at us as if we had undoubtedly lost our minds.

Bella said, "I don't know who Clarice is or why you keep talking about lotion but all I know is you guys are CRAZY!"

Patting my sweet daughter on the head, I replied, "You're just now figuring that out?   This is a total Silence of the Lambs moment but you're just too young to appreciate it."

She shook her head and said, "Whatever...

I have a feeling someday in the future, we'll be sitting together watching the movie...while sharing a good laugh over this whole brown moth incident.

But then again...maybe not.

35 comments:

Jen said...

It is really crazy to me how much your life is like mine.

Nobodys Nothings said...

i am SO glad to know i'm not the only one who kicks her husband to the couch when he snores. :D

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

I love that Tim sleeps on the couch. But that movie gives me the creeps.

shortmama said...

Well at least its gone now!

Crossed Fingers said...

hahahaha - poor thing. Hopefully she won't be afraid of moths for life now. When they're old enough you'll have to show them the movie and see if Bella remembers this moment.

Joey @ Big Teeth and Clouds said...

I would have gone mothman prophecies on that one. CHAPSTICK.....

Eva Gallant said...

That was funny! About the snoring. My hubby snored LOUDLY for years, and finally went to see a sleep specialist. He was diagnosed with sleep apnea (which can be life threatening!) and was prescribed a C-Pap machine (Constant Positive Air Pressure) and now sleeps like a baby and doesn't make a sound. Tell you hubby to read up about sleep apnea. He may have it.

Shell said...

Quoting Silence of the Lambs to your kids- HILARIOUS!!!

Brooke said...

never seenthe movie but i feel a bit like bella right now.

on the other hand i can totally sympathize with the snoring husband part!

The Mother said...

Sometimes, the paranoid really are being followed.

So, how long does hubby intend to sleep on the couch before he gets his workup done?

Megan said...

OMG, i am laughing really hard at the image now! lol

Mighty M said...

I would have acted like I looked for it too. Of course with my luck it would have found my mouth!! EW!

MiMi said...

Eeeeewww!!! Those things are GROSS!!

McVal said...

LOL! I'm just so glad it wasn't a bat!
I made my 15 year old watch Silence of the Lambs with me when it was on tv a few months ago.
I ate his liver with fava beans. fpht fpht fpht. Up to that point, she was ok. Then she up and left and said I don't want to watch it anymore. It freaks me out.
duh. That's the point!

Kassie said...

So random, and nothing to do with your post... but my son's name is Graham, and I'm irrationally paranoid that my next pregnancy will end in twin boys (completely irrational) but their names are Landon and Garrett (in my irrational imagination)! How random!

RN Mama said...

I am so sad right now because I have never seen that movie!! I still find this situation hilarious, as I probably would have done the exact same thing you did:)

P.S. If your husband snores, then you can kick him to the couch? Sweet! I can't wait to tell mine!

Kimberly said...

HAHA! At first I thought that she was dreaming up the whole thing because I have wicked dreams. I sometimes sleep walk and have been known to have full on conversations with my husband about random things that don't make sense.

Nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said...

So funny! It's hard to tell what's real and what's not with young kids. Love this story!

MommaKiss said...

oh god, clarice and lotion. your poor kids. LMAO!!!

Abbie said...

That movie terrifies me! But this story was hilarious.

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

At least the mystery was solved so there won't be anymore sleep interruptions. What a guy for sleeping on the couch!

Creative Junkie said...

UGH - that line *still* gives me the willies today. I can still see his face as he's saying it. UGH.

And for the record, had that moth landed on either of my kids' faces, they would never sleep again. Your kids are brave.

Zeemaid said...

*LOL* It shouldn't be funny to torture our kids that way but it is.... although it's been so long since I've seen the movie that I don't get the lotion in the basket reference.

Unknown Mami said...

You're hilarious!

I am terrified of moths. If one landed on my mouth I think I might freak out.

Jenny said...

LOL! That movie scared the crud out of me. I was in 7th/8th grade and watched it with a friend at a sleepover. Of course, her Mom was out for the night, so it was just us two and we were so scared!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Fine, I have never seen the movie. For a bit there? I was scared to death that her moth was actually going to be a bat! Thankfully it wasn't!

Gracie and Lukes Mom said...

Hysterical! I had to put my hand over my mouth to keep from waking the 3-year-olds!

"Well, Clarice - have the lambs stopped screaming?"

One of my favorite movies.

Twins Squared said...

That is so funny you called her Clarice. I would have never thought of that movie. Then again, I hate scary movies.

And while you guessed a moth I was thinking a flying cockroach! Do you have those in California? Texas has these monster roaches that fly around. They're disgusting!!

Marcia (123 blog) said...

FANTASTIC post!

I laughed so hard I also had to pray the babies wouldn't wake (it's 11pm here)

Loved that movie when it came out :)

Angie said...

I laughed myself silly at this post. When people annoy me at work they run the risk of hearing me mumble about fava beans and a good chianti . . . but I must comment seriously. Make Tim an appointment for a sleep study. Call a sleep study center and see what's required (usually just a quick visit with a pulmonologist) and they'll schedule him for a sleep study, which is totally painless and non-invasive. A couple of years ago I told my husband that the shoring was going to stop one way or the other, and I was at a point when I didn't have a strong preference for HOW (I was serious. He went, was diagnosed with sleep apnea, treated, and our lives are much improved. If he wants to talk to someone who's been through it email me and I've give you my phone #.

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The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

Just seeing the movie cover creeps me out.

BTW, I totally always tell my daughters that I have caught spiders when I haven't. I wonder how many they have swallowed?

Missy (Two Little Monkeys) said...

Hilarious! yet eww. I hate those things.

Tami of the Twin Factory said...

Oooohhhh, you got BUSTED! Dontcha hate that?!

Ronnie said...

Love the post as it reminds me I'm not the only one who kicks the husband out of bed and lets the kids sleep with the light on. lol

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr



 
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