Monday, November 29, 2010

Me...Blog of the Year?!

Imagine my delight this morning when I went to the Multiples and More blog and saw my little ole blog as one of the nominations for "Blog of the Year"!!!

Let me just tell you how happy this made me, in light of everything that just recently happened to us!!

In brief, I came downstairs Friday morning and noticed that with every step on our beautiful wood flooring, water was squishing out of the seams.  Turns out we had a leaky pipe in our bathroom wall...for days, unbeknownst to us. 

Need I remind you that Tim and my stepdad spent 5 days laying this wood flooring...and then remember when Tim and I put down the tile in the bathroom and the foyer area??  We were so proud of all our hard work.

Well, it's all gone...completely ruined by the leak.  Our insurance company sent contractors over to remove all our flooring and now we have nothing but cold cement floors, covered with huge blowing machines which dry the cement (and create so much noise that my kids yelling actually sounds more like whispers!)

If I want to focus on the silver lining here, we can choose to upgrade our floors...maybe go with dark wood this time?  We're not sure just yet. 

What I was most bummed about was that we had just put up our gorgeous Christmas tree and decorated it....Bella and I had just put together our lovely Christmas Village and we were so excited about how beautiful and festive our living room looked. 

The contractors advised me to put away the Christmas Village, which I did, but I refused to take the Christmas tree down.  We weren't able to put out any other decorations and I wanted our kids to at least be able to enjoy the tree...make it feel more like the holiday season.

So anyway....seeing that my blog had been nominated for Blog of the Year totally made my day, needless to say!!

I would love it if you'd take a minute and go over there and vote for me!!   Click here to go vote!  Thanks!!!! Registered & Protected

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Interview with the Experts: The Thanksgiving Edition

It's been awhile since I've done an "Interview with the Experts". Cole and Bella have been quite busy these last few know, 1st grade isn't exactly a piece of cake like kindergarten was.

However, they were generous enough to sit down with me for a few minutes the other evening and do an interview, provided they be allowed to decide on the topic.

So here is the newest Interview with the Experts: The Thanksgiving Edition...courtesy of Cole and Bella.

1) Where did the idea of Thanksgiving come from?

Cole: The pilgrims caught a turkey and roasted it.

Bella: First, the two groups lived on land. And the first two groups were the Pilgrims and the Indians.

2) What did the Pilgrims look like?

Cole: They looked like Indians. I think.

Bella: They look like persons. They didn’t give food to the Indians. And they weren’t respectful. And it's not "Pilgrims", it's "Pilgrahams".

3) What did the Indians look like?

Cole: I don’t know but I do know they liked feathers.

Bella: They had a vest and they had tan skin.

4) What did the Pilgrims do when they saw the Indians?

Cole: They hided their stuff so it wouldn’t get stolen. All the dinosaurs were there before the people.

Bella: Hided the food so the Indians wouldn’t get it and people came out, a lot of people who weren’t alive.

5) Where did the Pilgrims and Indians live?

Cole: In a little city near Star Wars.

Bella: They lived in a trailer in the city somewhere.
6) Why do we eat turkey on Thanksgiving?

Cole: Because it has chicken in it and it’s good.

Bella: Because it’s healthy for you. And it is has a wishbone in the neck that you can break in half for good luck. It doesn't count though if you get the short part because that means someone cheated. COLE!

Cole:  I don't cheat.  It's not my fault you don't have any luck.

7) Why do families get together on Thanksgiving?

Cole: Because it’s beautiful and you take out a lot of food and forks and spoons and plates, and mashed potatoes.

Bella: Because they want to eat stuffing and chicken. And you get to have peace and quiet when you get together because everyone’s respectful.

8) What should kids be thankful for on Thanksgiving?

Cole: For their aunties and uncles, and moms and their teachers and their dads and grandpa and nannies.

Bella: They should be thankful for their turkey, say thank you to their mom and dad. Mostly to your mom again because your mom invited some people over for Thanksgiving and made a nice dinner.

Cole:  Yeah, our dad can't cook.  He can make macaroni and cheese from a box but that's it.

Bella:  We would starve if our mom didn't cook dinner on Thanksgiving.  And then it wouldn't be a fun holiday.

9) What are YOU most thankful for?

Cole: My mom and dad and for dessert. Oh and my brothers. And Domo and Mario.

Bella: The Thankful tree, my cake that my mom made and my turkey and my stuffing, my family and the city.

10) Describe what a traditional Thanksgiving table looks like.

Cole: Well, first of all, it has to be brown, like our dining room table. It’s decorated with plates, forks, spoons and beer and juice and chocolate milk. There has to be decorations, too.  Like stuff your kids make at school.  Don't throw that stuff away because we worked hard on it.

Bella: You have to have placemats so everyone knows where to sit but cats aren’t allowed because they aren’t decorations.

Cole:  Huh?  Cats can't come to the table.

Bella:  I know.  I just said that!  HELLO!

11) What should people do the day after Thanksgiving?

Cole: Put their Christmas tree up and decorate it and try not to break any of the ornaments. And make decorations.  We usually watch our dad take all the decorations out of the garage.  It's a big mess in there so it usually takes him awhile.

Bella: They should shop for Christmas presents for their kids because it’s almost Christmas.  Santa usually gets the presents but he lets parents buy presents too because we deserve it.  God is always watching you and so are the elves. Registered & Protected

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

There are far worse traits my kids could've inherited....

If there's anything I dislike, it's when my kids can't make even the simplest of decisions.

I mean, choosing between a PB&J sandwich or a hotdog for lunch really a life and death decision.  I think not. 

Yet, they sit there and hem and haw between the 2 choices and then it never fails....they ask for something that I never even mentioned!

"We want a tortilla with cheese!", they'll demand.  Or chicken nuggets...or ham and cheese. 

As if that was one of the options?!  As if I'm a short-order cook?  Uh, no.

Then I sit there and complain to Tim, "Where on earth do they get this indecisiveness from?!  I can't stand it...waiting for them to make a final decision on something is downright painful for me.  As if world peace depends on this ONE freakin decision?!"

His response?  Nothing, because....well, what can he say?  He's learned when I'm complaining that he should just keep his mouth shut.  His chances for survival depend on it...that, and having sex again.

So picture it...Bella and I went out for dinner the other night.  Just us girls...out for sushi.  Yes, my daughter has expensive taste...that's the one thing she never has any problem deciding on.  The choice between McDonald's or sushi is easy for her. 

After dinner, we went across the street to Trader Joe's to buy our Thanksgiving turkey.    Last year, I got a 15-lb turkey and I was super disappointed that we barely had any leftovers.   So I was gonna make sure to get a bigger one this year.

We spotted the turkeys in the refrigerated section and almost right away I found two that I could work was 17.5 pounds and the other was 18.75 pounds. 

"Hmmmm," I asked outloud.  "Which one should I get?"

Bella examined them both and pointed to the 18-lb turkey.  "Get that one."

"Really?  You don't think it's too big?  I don't know", I said.

She bent down closer to the turkeys.  "Mommy, they're both close in size...just get this one," she responded, pointing to the 18-lb turkey.

Sighing, I said, "Okay, let's get the bigger one".  I placed the turkey in our cart and we continued shopping.

A few minutes later, I eyed the huge turkey and said, "Bella, I think we should just get the 17-lb turkey.  I don't know, I think this one may be too big".

She nodded her head in agreement and we turned around and went back to the refrigerated section to swap turkeys.

I grabbed the 17-lb turkey and put it in our cart.  "There", I said.  "I think that'll be the perfect size.  Don't you?"

Bella smiled and said, "Yeah.  It's perfect".

We were almost to the check-out counter when I began to have second thoughts. 

"Okay, I think maybe the 18-lb turkey would be better.  This one looks kinda wimpy compared to the bigger one", I announced to my daughter, who was obviously tired and wishing we could go home. 

"Let's just go grab the 18-lb turkey again and we'll get out of here, I promise," I pleaded with her.

We got over to the turkey section and I stood there for a few seconds, visually comparing the two turkeys.   I hadn't realized how long we had been standing there until Bella yawned. 

"I just can't decide between the two," I explained.

Right then, one of the TJ's staff came over to me and asked, "Can I help you find something?"

With the hopes of returning home quickly, Bella answered, "My mom can't decide between the 17-lb turkey and the 18-lb turkey."

The guy looked at me and said, "Well, there's only a 1-lb difference between them.  I think you'll be fine with either one, honestly".

"Actually," I said.  "There's a 1.25 lb difference between them.  That's like one and a half portions right there!"

He looked perplexed and I saw him shoot Bella a look of sympathy.  He didn't think I noticed but I did.  What kind of crappy customer service is that, people?

"Uh, how many people are you having over for dinner?" he asked.  Seems like a normal question to ask when considering how big of a turkey to buy, right?

I squinted my eyes at him and answered, "Okay, well, technically, there will be 11 of us.  BUT, 4 of those are little they really only count as 2 people.  You know, cuz they won't eat a lot.  Then there's my mom and stepdad who have both had gastric bypass surgery so they can't eat much so they really only count as ONE person.  But sometimes my mom has difficulty stopping when she's full so she may eat more than her portion.  I don't know.  It's a toss up, really."

I paused long enough to take a breath and continued.

"Okay, and then I have my mother-in-law who doesn't really eat.  She drinks beer and smokes cigarettes, that's her thing.  But she may want to take some turkey home to eat later...and then sometimes my father-in-law will want to take some home for leftovers.  So, you see my dilemna...."

The guy interrupted and said, "Just get the 18-lb turkey.  You can never have too much turkey left over, right?"

"Hmmmm, " I replied, mulling this over.  But he had already scurried away...probably to go in the break room and bang his head against a wall.

I traded the 17-lb turkey for the 18-lb one.  He was right.  No such thing as too much turkey left over.

While we waited in the check-out line, I must have had a look of confusion on my face because Bella inquired, "Mommy, do you want to go back and get the other turkey?"

"Yeah, you know what...I do.  I just don't feel good about the 18-lb it's giving me bad vibes or something.  I think the 17-lb turkey would be a better choice."

We walked back to the turkeys and, once again, traded them out.   I might have been paranoid but I noticed that most of the TJ staff was avoiding eye contact with me. 

Heck, the guy who rang up our order didn't even bother to ask if I found everything okay or whatever they're supposed to ask so they appear to be interested in you.  I'm sure they just wanted me the hell out of their store.  Whatever.

Clearly, they lack the understanding of how important turkey size is.  Unlike me, however, who truly gets this essential part of the Thanksgiving meal.

Bella and I strolled our lovely 17-lb gobbler out to the car and drove home.  I showed Tim the turkey and explained how difficult it was for me to decide on which turkey to get.

He made the mistake of saying, "Sweetie, it's only a 1 pound difference..."

"Oh no, don't even go there with me right now....", I whined.

Under his breath, I could've sworn I heard him mutter, "And you wonder why the kids are so indecisive...."

Yeah, okay.  I'll give him that.  Maybe they do get it from me. 

But, when you think about it, that's not necessarily a bad trait to have, right? 

I mean, when you consider some of the traits they could've inherited from him...annoyingly clearing their throats every 20 seconds, chewing with their mouths open, suffering from chronic forgetfulness... could be so much worse. Registered & Protected

Monday, November 15, 2010

I'm someone's favorite lady this week!!

Guess who the Favorite Lady of the Week is over at The Purse Blogger?!

Me!!  That's who!  
So run over there and check me out!! 
And while you're over there, click on that follow button!
You'll love The Purse Blogger as much as I do! Registered & Protected


Sunday, November 7, 2010

What NOT to do when you're invited to be on a talk show...

I know I've been lacking in presence within the blogosphere but starting Macaroni Kid in our area has taken up way more time than I expected. 

However, aside from it being very time consuming, it's been a lot of fun!  My two MK partners, Ann and Wendy, and I have basically hit the ground running!   We are all go-getters on a mission and so far it has paid off! 

For instance, last Wednesday, Wendy sent an e-mail to one of the local news stations which hosts a morning talk show.  We thought, if anything, they may get back to us in a few weeks...if they were even interested in us coming on the show.

That very afternoon, I got a text from Wendy..."OMG, they want us on the show on FRIDAY!"  

"Uh, this Friday!?" I yelled into the phone when she called me.

"Uh, yeah, this Friday!" she screamed back at me.

Holy crap, this was happening so much faster than we expected. 

We were totally not prepared...I mean, none of us had a chance to have our hair touched up, our nails were far from nicely manicured...for God's sake, I didn't even have a chance to whiten my freakin' teeth!

Nonetheless, we all agreed that we could do this.  Well, Wendy never hesitated about that was me and Ann who were totally freaking out about going on the air live.  Yes,'s a live show. 

In other words, if I happened to let a curse word fly out of my mouth, it would be in front of thousands of viewers.  And then what parent is going to want to sign up for Macaroni Kid when one of the mothers who publishes it curses like a damn sailor?  See what I mean?  Nerve-wracking.

Plus, I may seem like a total bad-ass here on my blog but that's because I'm hiding behind my computer screen.  There's a reason I don't attend those big blogger conferences....I get tongue-tied and nervous and, before I know it, I'm sticking my foot in my mouth and offending someone. 

However, let me assure you that I am not a 60-year old bald man covered in unattractive age spots posing as a middle-aged mother of two sets of twins.  No one would make up shit like that.  Seriously.

Moving on....the producer of the show let one of us off the hook, though, by saying that only two people could go on the show.  Something about their sofa being small and how it would look uneven because they only have two show hosts...whatever. 

Ann and I decided that we would both be camera ready and just figure out at the last minute which one of us would go on with Wendy.

So Friday arrived and, as we drove up to Sacramento, we chatted about what a great opportunity this was...yadda, yadda, yadda.  I felt like puking the whole time.  The thought of going on live air and completely losing composure (and possibly bladder functioning) scared the living crap out of me.

I secretly hoped that Ann would let me off the hook....but she didn't.  I'm pretty sure she was secretly hoping I would do the same for her.  

We arrived at the studio much earlier than expected and asked the receptionist if we could use the restroom.  As we walked in, the weather girl, Monica Woods, was walking out.

I was totally star struck.  "OMG, did you see who that was??!!  Monica Woods!!  She peed in this very bathroom!!"

And then Ann and I were reduced to the maturity of a couple of 14-year old girls who were just invited to the school dance by their secret crushes. 

As Wendy entered the same stall that Monica Woods had probably used, Ann and I could not stop gushing, "Monica Woods sat on that SAME toilet.  OMG, Wendy, you're peeing where she peed!!" 

Of course, I had to snap a picture of the bathroom know, for sentimental reasons.

From there, it all just went downhill...for me, anyway. 

Besides acting like an insane weathergirl groupie, here are some other things I've learned that you shouldn't do when invited on a talk show...

1)  Don't act like a blithering idiot when the newsman walks into the studio, even if he is way hotter in person than he is on television.  And he's only waving hello to you because it's the polite thing to do...not because he noticed you across the crowded room and is seriously considering leaving his wife so he can whisk you away on a romantic excursion to a deserted island.

2)  Don't place your purse by your feet the minute you sit down.  It may seem like a sensible place to put it but you'll soon realize it's pretty much not when you trip over it as you go to shake hands with the producer of the show.

3)  When the producer offers you a glass of water, politely decline.  Just because you were asked to come on the talk show does not make you Oprah.  The producer is not your assistant...if you want water, drink out of the water fountain like the other scared guests do.

4)  If you are rude enough to accept the offer of a glass of water, at least make sure it all ends up in your mouth...not all over your clothes, as you sit 5 feet away from the hot news reporter.

5)  Don't drink so much water that you're pretty sure your bladder is going to explode all over the studio...and you'll end up being the next breaking news story.  That's no way to make the hot news reporter fall in love with you.

6)  Don't ignore any instructions given to you, especially as you're about to step foot in front of the camera when the producer is about to put the hot news reporter on air for a breaking story.  You would hate for that to be your one defining moment..."Yeah, remember when Dan Elliot was doing that breaking story and some idiot walked in front of the camera....that was ME!"

7)  Don't ignore the other show guests...there could be a celebrity among you and you'd never know it.  Like, say....Deana Martin, Dean Martin's daughter!  She stood nearby us the entire time before she went on the air and then when they announced who she was, we were all dumbfounded.  We did manage to get a picture with her after her segment...and she asked us to e-mail it to her.  Because we're important now. 

8)  Don't be fooled into thinking the celebrity will have the foggiest idea who the hell you are if you e-mail her the picture with a personal note..."Dear Deana, so nice to meet you!  Let's keep in touch!", as if you're old friends from elementary school or something.

9)  Don't go out to the front room and drool all over the delicious array of donuts and muffins spread out in front of you.  You'll feel pretty damn stupid when the executive producer practically smacks a cinammon roll out of your greedy hands and says, "Uh, those are for a meeting we're having in a little while."

10)  And, lastly, don't gloat about the fact that you and your camera-shy partner decided to flip a coin to see who would end up going on the air.  Because when she loses and has to do the interview, don't even think for a second that she'll forget it's your ass doing the next interview.

Here are some pictures....

This one below demonstrates how close I was sitting to the hot news reporter can see part of his chair there on the right.  I could've pinched his ass, I was so close to him.  Trust me, I thought about doing it, too.

Here's Monica Woods (in the pink) chatting with the other weather girl (in the yellow).  I have no idea who the other weather girl is.  Nice, huh?  I'm a loyal and dedicated weathergirl groupie, if nothing else.

Here we are with our new best friend, Deana Martin.  And just for the record, Ann, Wendy and I are not fat.  Deana is just abnormally super skinny. 

Here are Ann and Wendy sitting on the sofa, chatting like old pros with Melissa and Scott, the show's hosts, before going on the air live.

Here we are posing with the hosts of the show.  I totally look like I don't belong in the picture....because I was the loser who didn't want to be in the interview.

Here's the three of us after the show, all relaxed at a restaurant where we inhaled a delicious breakfast...while Ann and Wendy's cell phones blew up constantly with texts and phone calls from family and friends raving about their interview while my phone just had one text from my extremely loving, supportive husband calling me a complete wimp. 

Edited to add the video of the segment!  Click HERE to watch it! Registered & Protected

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

There are some unique privileges to being a parent...

As a parent, I'm entitled to basic privileges...or rights, if you will. 

You know, like, disciplining my kids how I see fit, determining a reasonable bedtime...that kind of stuff. 

However, besides those standard rights, there are certain unique privileges as well.

Oh, didn't realize that?  Well, my friends, allow me to enlighten you.

1)  When I let two of my spawn convince me to buy them each a $15 thermos for their lunch boxes, I reserve the right to bitch and moan about it endlessly each time they misplace it somewhere.

I reserve the right to remind them constantly that the thermos cost $15 and they better locate it ASAP before I have a complete meltdown.

And I reserve the right to laugh hysterically when I overhear one of them say to the other, "You better find your $15 thermos before Mommy finds out you lost it!"

2)  I reserve the right to eat as much of their damn Halloween candy as I want.  From what I recall, I bought their costumes, dressed them up and walked right along with them as they collected their candy from the neighbors. 

As they scowl at me, I reserve the right to boast to them, "You guys know the deal around here.  What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine"....while I happily gobble down yet another one of their snickers bars.

3)  I reserve the right to kick their asses if I ever see them pulling stunts like these two dimwits on the levy behind our backyard.

Dimwit 1:  "Hey, me surf down the levy.  This is gonna be so cool"

Dimwit 2:  "Yeah, dude, way cool"


Dimwit 2:  "Dude, should stand up on the surfboard instead.  More
dangerous that way.  Chicks love that shit" 

Uh, excuse me...people, do you see any chicks observing these dimwits surfing down the levy?  Yeah, me neither. 

What did I tell you?  Total dimwits.


Dimwit 1:  Uh, okay, dude.  I'll try it but if I bust my junk, there'll be hell to pay.

Dimwit 2:  (laughing hysterically)

As if Dimwit 2 will still be friends with Dimwit 1 ten years from now when Dimwit 1 finds out he's infertile due to a severe blow to his nuts from pulling this brilliant stunt?

The only one who will be paying for it is Dimwit 1's mother whose dreams of becoming a grandmother will have just faded to black.


All goes well for Dimwit 1 so of course Dimwit 2 has to try it. 

Dimwit 1:  That was so awesome, dude.  You gotta try it.

Dimwit 2:  Hell, yeah, dude.  Gimme the board.  I'm gonna rock this.


Dimwit 2 rocks it alright....on his face, that is. 

I totally wish I could've gotten a picture of him falling off the board and down the levy but he was crouched behind my fence....trying hard not to cry, while Dimwit 1 stood at the top of the levy laughing and asking, "Dude, are you alright?  Want me to call your mommy?"

Everyone needs a friend like Dimwit 1, don't you agree?


Dimwit 1 decides that surfing down the levy is for wusses.  He's gonna go for broke and sit backwards on a chair with wheels.

Dimwit 1:  Dude, watch this!
Dimwit 2:  Man, you're playing with fire, dude.

Last time I checked, taunting a hungry pit bull by eating a hamburger in front of him was considered playing with fire....not rolling down a levy backwards on a chair. 

I'm just sayin.


Dimwit 1: do I slow down?

Dimwit 2:  You're gonna crack your friggin head open, dude.  Just hop off the chair.

Huh?  WTF?  Hop off the chair?  Quick...someone call the producers of Jack Ass and tell them I've discovered two new stars for their next movie. 


Dimwit 1 survived with no obvious skull fractures.  After he picked the chair up and walked back up the levy, he and Dimwit 2 took off. 

But not before saying, "Dude, I thought I was gonna die, man". 


He should have to spend an entire day (a rainy one, at that) with my spawn after they've eating handfuls of Halloween candy.  That whole rolling-backwards-on-a-chair-down-a-levy stunt would suddenly seem like a cakewalk, in comparison.  

In closing, no one ever tells you how difficult parenting is and they most certainly "forget" to tell you about all the rights you have as a parent.  It's up to you to discover them on your own.

So people....go forth and exercise your rights as a parent. 

Believe it or not, your children will thank you for it.  Perhaps not today or tomorrow, though.

More than likely, it'll be when they have children of their own, who drive them to the brink of insanity after losing a $15 thermos, scowl at them for scarfing down their hard-earned Halloween candy or attempt a stupid-ass stunt that could result in "busting their junk".

I figure that if the children are alive when my husband gets home at the end of the day, I've done my job.

----Roseanne Barr

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